Abomination
by akirahiguchi
Summary: After 9 years of being trapped in an illusion, she awakens to a a drastically different world. The Black Order believes her dead, so she assumes a new identity to be able to start over. It was a blessing to be forgotten, so she thought, until a pair of silver eyes turned her carefully built world upside down. Rating will go up over time as things heat up. Slow(ish)burn. Enjoy!
1. Awakening

**Welcome! I am glad you clicked on my story, I hope you will enjoy it.**  
 **The story is based around an original main character that I created because I do not want to play with the personalities already created by the authors of D. Gray Man too much. Creating my own character gives me full creativity over her and I like that. Don't be alarmed, she shall not be little Miss Perfect, no one likes that. The story will follow the the anime's timeline more or less but mostly regarding the big events. I will try to make it historically accurate as much it is possible but I am not very familiar with the 19th century (yet), so bear with me.**

 **All in all, I hope you will enjoy it and return for more chapters! Let me know your thoughts :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man, only my own character.**

Chapter 1: Awakening 

Pain. So much pain. Is the fight already over? I must've lost, how pathetic. I tried to open my eyes but they were so stubborn, they just wouldn't open. I needed to look at that bastard and yell at him for not letting me go. Why did he have to fight me? He didn't understand, none of them did. I just needed to get away from that place, that cruel, poisonous place that I had to call home my whole life.

"I think she's awake now." The voice next to me was strange to me, but I could tell that he was young. Did I manage to get away? Someone must've found me. I prepared myself for the pain as I tried to move my hand in front of my eyes but there was nothing. No pain, no tingling, no nothing. I almost hit myself in the face from the excitement.

"Where the hell am I?" I asked with all the confusion in my voice that I could gather. And anger of course, for I was enraged.

"In your house," said a different, also young voice. He clearly did not understand why I would ask such an obvious question, except that there was absolutely no way that I could be in my house, because I did not own a goddamn house. No one would be that stupid to call the Dark Order my house either, it is a little bigger than that.

"Are you okay?" Asked the first voice and I could hear myself snort. My eyes finally started getting used to the brightness, so I could look at my surroundings. Yes, I was definitely at a house but I had no recollection of it. I was sure that I had never set foot in there, yet here I was. I sat up to take a better look and I realized that I had just been laying on a couch with a stranger sitting next to me.

"And who are you?" I asked rather rudely but he didn't seem to care, he just smiled at me calmly. It was one of those contagious smiles that I hated. I already decided that I was not going like him very much. He was young but his hair was white for some reason, which made him look very strange. Although it was not any stranger than the cut on the left side of his face that ended in a pentagram above his eye. Now, that made me even more curious about who he was. Somehow, I didn't mind his look at all.

"I'm Allen and that is Lavi but you already knew that," he said and he did not just pretend confusion, I could tell that he really believed we had met before. Usually, I am pretty good with faces and he definitely had one that I could never forget. The other guy was less unique looking but still, I would have remembered him too. His hair was so red it was almost burning my eyes and he too, had that smile. Looking at his clothes I could immediately tell that he was an Exorcist, and I had no doubt that the Order sent them to "collect" me. I had to get away.

"What are you two doing here anyways?" I did not care if I was rude, there was no reason I would be nice to people who wanted to take me back to that hellhole. And I wasn't a nice person anyways.

"You invited us in yesterday, Serena," said Lavi like he was talking to a child. A child whose name was apparently Serena, and as far as I knew that was not me. However, if they thought I was Serena, who had a house, then they were not after me.

"Oh, yes, I am sorry, I am still a little groggy," I lied. "What happened?"

"You were gardening when two Akumas appeared. I went outside to help but by the time I got there they were gone. I ran to you to see if you were okay but you said you never saw them," said Allen. Of course I didn't see them, the last thing I remembered was fighting not gardening. It was obvious that someone had me under some very nasty illusion and even bothered to create a new persona for me. How nice. "When I touched you, you passed out. It is very likely that there is an Innocence nearby."

"And that's why you're here?" I asked. I knew that there was no Innocence here, the Akumas were probably attracted to the barrier that the illusion created, but they did not know that. Fortunately, this gave me a way to escape: I just needed to send them away with some made up lead. Allen was about to answer me but suddenly Lavi reached for his pocket and a second later I could feel something cold pushing against my sternum. It was his anti-Akuma weapon, which took the shape of an enormous hammer. I was busted.

"See, we have been doing this for a while. No civilian ever knew what Akuma or Innocence were. You, on the other hand, didn't even flinch when Allen mentioned it." His voice was angry and the tip of his weapon dug further into my skin. "Who are you?"

"You're right, I am an Exorcist." There was no way I could pretend that I was just a normal girl anymore, but fortunately there were so many other things I could lie about. "I have been trapped in here, I don't know how long."

"I have never heard of you. What branch do you belong to?" Allen finally caught up and joined in the questioning. The niceness disappeared from his silver eyes and suspicion took over.

"North America," I said finally. It was the most logical choice since I knew that there was very little chance that I was in America. Last I remembered, I had made it all the way to Belgium before they found me. It was very unlikely that someone dragged my body all the way across the ocean. On top of that, the North American branch was extremely secretive, it would make sense if they never heard of me. "Where are we right now?"

"We are in Bulgaria. So you're saying you were under some very intense illusion?" Asked Lavi and I knew he didn't believe me. Understandably. Although he did lower his weapon. They meet some girl living alone in the middle of nowhere and then she passes out and wakes up as an Exorcist. I would've probably killed me if I were them.

"Yes, I believe so." I nodded but I didn't seem to convince them. "You must be wondering why. My blood is an Innocence." Their expression on their face quickly turned from distrust to surprise, and they stared at me for a while before they could say anything. Innocence come in every shape and form but blood was definitely something they had never heard of.

"What makes your blood an Innocence?" Asked Allen, confused.

"It can heal," I said simply but the two Exorcist seemed fascinated. "I am probably the only Exorcist without real combat power." Well, that was not exactly true but I could not let them know the full extent of my power; that would most likely unveil the truth about my real identity.

"Your blood is probably the reason why you were locked in here. Is it possible that you were kidnapped?" Asked Allen and I shrugged my shoulders. This was good, they were putting things into my mouth, things they wanted to hear.

"What year is it?" I just realized that I didn't even know how long it had been. Judging by the fact that I didn't know these two, I had to be a few years. What a shame, losing the years of my youth. Not that it would've been any better than my childhood was, maybe it is best this way.

"1968," said Allen, which almost made me choke on the air. I could feel my whole body go completely numb and suddenly I felt cold. It had been 9 years… Nine years of my life were just gone and they were never coming back. A few years wouldn't have mattered, but I had been gone for almost a decade. No matter how much I hated my life, I was still alive.

"It's been a while, I guess," I said with pretense calmness. However, I could not tell them how long it actually been, I am sure there were not many other people that disappeared around the time I did. I finally collected myself and got off the couch to look for a mirror; I needed to see the years on my face. I found a small mirror hanging on the back of the door and I approached it slowly. I took a big breath and braced myself to see the new, old me, but she wasn't there. The same face looked back at me that I remembered, only my hair was longer. It used to barely go below my ears but now it was all the way down to my lower back even though it was slightly wavy. For a 24-year-old, I looked a lot like 15. At least I didn't actually lose those years. Someone made sure that I was well hidden and even if I get discovered, I wouldn't be recognized. Why would someone make all this effort to hide me?

"How long?" Asked Lavi, no, he demanded. He was clearly very confused about why I had to look at myself so urgently. I almost told him off, but then I realized that the more I lied, the less they had to find out themselves and I could minimize the chances that they would uncover the truth about me.

"About a year," I said finally. "I need to find Marian." He was the last person I saw, so I have a feeling he knows exactly what happened. That brat, he always annoyed me.

"Who? You mean General Cross?" Asked Allen, surprised. I couldn't resist, I chuckled. There was no way that idiot Marian was a General. He was always very strong, but I never thought he had what it took. I guess calling him by his first name was not the right choice by me.

"Yes, sorry, he was the one who found me when I was a little girl. In North America. We go way back." That sounded really bad, crap. Why do these people talk so much? Lying is hard.

"What a coincidence, we are looking for him too," said Allen but I could hear a little sarcasm in his voice. I didn't know if he was lying, his silver eyes showed no emotion. However, there was no way they would let me go on my own, especially because I could sense their distrust.

"For what?" I snorted. There was no sane person who would want to be around that man. He was nothing but trouble, everyone knew that.

"The Noah Clan is targeting all the Generals." The explanation came from Lavi, who was still gripping his anti-Akuma weapon. Who the hell is the Noah Clan? I must've looked very confused because Lavi continued. "They claim to have the Noah gene that grants them superhuman powers. They are looking for the Heart of Innocence; if they destroy it, all Innocence will perish. They work for the Millennium Earl."

"And they assume the Heart is with one of the Generals?" I asked the obvious. I hated to admit but as an Exorcist it was absolutely my duty to help them to find and protect Marian, regardless of my own selfish reasons. The utmost importance was on protecting the Innocence in the world, so it didn't matter how much I didn't want to spend one more minute with these two, I had to go with them. "Well, seems like we don't have much time to waste."

"You're going to come with us?" Allen sounded surprised and I could feel my right eyebrow rise automatically. I also rolled my eyes, just to make sure he gets the message of my displeasure.

"Aren't we looking for the same person?" I tried to sound as mean as I could. The white haired boy was too nice, well, they were both too nice, and I never trusted people like that too much. It's too easy to hide true evil behind a smile.

I didn't feel the need to wait for their answer, I quickly went into my room to pack up. Weirdly, I knew exactly which one it was, even though there were two doors opening from the living room. I guess some stuff did get stuck in my unconscious about the past nine years after all. As I expected, there was not much in there, I threw everything into the one backpack I found. Just to be sure, I added a pillow and a blanket too; as an Exorcist, you could never know where the night would catch you. I also found some money, thank God, the creator of Serena had an awful taste in clothing, I desperately needed a redo. There were also no healing supplies, which was an even bigger problem since I was posing as a medical Exorcist. I swung the backpack on and went back to the living room; Allen and Lavi were ready to leave, the former was wearing his uniform too.

"Let me grab a knife, then we can go," I said quickly, but before I could reach the kitchen Allen stopped me. Although he was not older than (current) me, he was taller and stronger than me. There was also this strange aura around him that was both dangerous and fascinating. I got the feeling that he was no ordinary Exorcist despite his lack of experience.

"What do you need it for?" He asked, looking down on me. I didn't like being shorter than him.

"I don't trust you," I said calmly. At first I thought he was going to be angry but he just laughed straight into my face. What a brat. Not that they have any reason to trust me. As of now, they didn't even have proof that I was in fact an Exorcist. "Besides, I need it in case I have to use my blood."

He thought about my reasoning for a few second but then he stepped out of my way. Finally, I was able to retrieve my knife, which I put in the side pocket of my backpack; easy to reach but not dangerous. I left the house without looking back, there was nothing binding me to this place. My only memories of it were made today and those weren't even that special. It was hard to believe that I spent nine years there, never aging a second. Whoever made the illusion and the barrier had to be extremely powerful. I wondered if Allen and Lavi were the first Exorcists that came through there, and if not, why I was awakened by them. There were so many questions but I was sure that Marian had a great role in all of it, after all he always did. That bastard was everywhere, even when he wasn't.

"I bet you miss the Order but unfortunately, we won't be going back any time soon," said Allen, cutting my peaceful thinking session short. He must be insane if he thinks I would ever want to go back to the Order.

"I've never heard better news," I said with clear anger. To my surprise, they were confused by my feelings. I had to clarify. "I loathe that place."

"What could they ever do to you?" Lavi's was detractive which only made me angrier. These newbies knew nothing about the darkness that resides in the Order.

"What do you think they might do to someone like me?" If I could kill with my eyes, they would be dead. I was always told that I had a great death stare, and Lavi truly deserved it in that moment.

"That might be how they do things in America but I am sure headquarters would never subject you to such things." How cute of you Allen, being so utterly blind and naïve. The Order was always good at putting up a nice front. "How can you be an Exorcist if you hate the Dark Order that much?"

"We were chosen by God, not the Order. He is someone I cannot turn my back on, for he gave me my purpose. I might despise the Dark Order but it is my duty to destroy the Akuma and carry out God's will. If that's what he wants, that is what I will do." My answer surprised them, imbeciles, but I understood. It took me a while to realize that God and the Order were completely separate entities and it was not God who put me through all the misery. One isn't an Exorcist for love for the Order, it is our purpose on Earth. "Being an Exorcist is not the same as being a member of the Order."

They didn't answer, nor did they argue with me further, for which I was thankful. I didn't expect them to understand, no one could, unless they went through the same thing as I did. Maybe things changed, maybe they were finally able to look at us and see the human not just the Accommodator. When I was there they never realized I was a person; I was just flesh that housed the healing Innocence. I had always been jealous of the equipment types; they were way less fascinating for the science department. It was clear that my time with these two Exorcists was not going to be easy, I could tell that their view of the world was very different than mine. Remembering back to my time at the Dark Order, all I feel is emptiness, pain, and deep darkness. Even the other Exorcists that I met were mean and cruel with no respect for humans, they all thought they were above them because they were graced by God. They never realized that God chose us to protect humans even if it costs us our lives, not exactly placing us above them. Lavi and Allen were different, they were warm and naïve, and completely unscratched by the cruelty of this world. I hadn't known them for long, but that much I gathered. They were pure and I was broken, and for that I hated them.


	2. Cuts and stiches

Hey everyone! In this chapter you can discover more about Serena's ability and she gets a little closer to one of our beloved Exorcists, nothing crazy (yet). I want the story and characters to go through a logical evolution, so the story might en up pretty long.

I try to make the chapters pretty long for you guys, but let me know if it gets too dense to read (mostly the paragraphs), then I'll break it up to better fit your reading.

Hope you enjoy it, lemme know what you think! :)

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Chapter 2: Cuts and stiches

I always hated small talk. It was strange to me how people felt such an intense need to discuss the weather, something they have no control over. I saw no purpose behind it, for it was just a way to break the silence. I liked silence though, it was peaceful and I got to listen to the sounds of nature, which were a lot more beautiful than the noise painful small talk made. Lavi and Allen were friends, so I knew that the awkwardness in their conversation was because of me. They did not want to discuss anything meaningful in front of me, so they resorted to debating about trivial things.

"If you have nothing important to discuss, then just stop making noise." I butted into their conversation which made it even more rude. I never had a filter on my mouth.

"What a joy it is to be around you," said Lavi, amused. "You were way nicer under that illusion."

"Whoever put me under it clearly had a sick sense of humor," I said and rolled my eyes, which made the two of them laugh even more. That illusionist bastard didn't just change my clothing style (for the worse), they had to play with my personality too, of course. It made me nauseous when I thought of the girl who lived in my skin for nine years; I would most definitely hate her.

"You really have no idea who it might've been?" Asked Allen, changing the subject to a more serious issue. I pretended to think about his question, but in reality I needed to find a way to set my story straight.

"All I know is that I came to Europe to meet with General Cross but I never got the chance," I explained. Of course, the truth was that I was doing everything to avoid meeting him. That bastard was clever though, he found me and I had no other option but to try to get away with force. Clearly, that didn't happen.

"Why did you need to meet him?" Asked Lavi curiously. If I got a shilling for every question they asked, by the end of this trip I would have enough money to bribe the Earl to just disappear.

"I wanted to meet him," I corrected. "The Order didn't let me leave the branch much because they needed my blood, but they let me go on missions once in a while. Mostly to high risk ones, where it was likely that the combat Exorcists would need medical attention. After we completed the mission, I decided to slip away and look for Cross." It wasn't all a lie; I did slip away after a mission but not to look for him. I was fleeing from the Order so I could live like a normal Exorcist not a blood bag.

"You were hoping that he would do what for you? Protect you?" Allen was sarcastic and he was right to be so. Marian wasn't exactly the protective type but he did know the difference between right and wrong.

"He can be very persuasive," I shrugged, which made Lavi laugh again but Allen seemed rather uncomfortable. I had a feeling he had had the 'pleasure' to meet Marian before. That man was a piece of work for sure.

"He was my master…" he said quietly, which made me laugh for a change. I realized that was the first time I laughed ever since I woke up in that house. At least my sense of humor was back.

There was nothing I wanted to hear more than the torturous training techniques of Marian but suddenly a group of men appeared from the woods. They looked like lumberjacks, except that real lumberjacks would have no reason to surround us. These ones, on the other hand, seemed to have found one.

"They are all Akumas," yelled Allen, and suddenly a strange lens looking thing appeared on his left eye. If that was his Innocence, we were in big trouble. Well, unless he could shoot with it, which was very unlikely. The demons didn't waste their time, they quickly transformed into their real forms. It was bad news: they were mostly Level 2 and there was at least five of them. It wasn't looking good. Before I could voice my concerns, however, Allen grabbed my arm and swung me behind him while Lavi was blocking me from the other side. Good news, they weren't going to sacrifice me.

"We will get an opening for you, go hide," Said Lavi looking back at me and I nodded agreeably. "Little hammer, big hammer, grow, grow, grow!"

The redhead swung his hammer powerfully which left a small opening for me to slip away. I ran into the woods, hoping that none of them would follow. It hurt my pride that I had to be protected from these miserable Akumas but I still obeyed. Unfortunately, I had to get used to the fact that Serena was not as powerful as I used to be, but I had no other choice. I hid behind a big old tree, close enough that I could see the fight but avoid being spotted. Similarly to me, Allen was also a parasite type Accommodator, but contrary to my belief the Innocence was not his eye, it was his left arm. To my greatest surprise, he could change the shape of his weapon quickly and smoothly to suit the situation. To be completely honest, I didn't expect him to be that strong for his age, but at the same time, I did have a feeling from the first moment I met him that he was special. There was something about him that caught my attention, I could not shake the feeling that he was going to play a major role in how the war would unfold. Lavi's strength was undeniable as well, he was quite skilled with his hammer.

Despite their clear potency, dealing with that many higher level Akumas was not a small task, and such it did start to take a toll on them. They were getting more and more tired and the number of cuts and bruises on their bodies were increasing simultaneously. They were down to two Akumas, when suddenly both of them decided to team up against Lavi, who was not able to deter their attacks. His body flew backwards helplessly and was caught by a tree a few meters from me. I didn't need to check, I immediately knew that his hammer wielding arm was broken and he was quickly losing consciousness due to the strength of the impact. I searched for Allen but he was out of reach, and the Akumas were already preparing their next attack. I only had a split second to decide but it was clear that I had no choice, I had to interfere. My only hope was that Allen would reach us fast enough to destroy the Akumas before they could kill us both. I took a big breath and ran to Lavi, putting my body between him and the demons. Luckily, he was still holding his hammer, so I grabbed his broken arm quickly to block the poisonous shots. His body writhed from the pain but he was alive, and that is what mattered at the moment. I was not fast enough though, one of the bullets scraped my thigh and I fell on my knees. Although my Innocence granted my immunity against the poison, it did paralyze me for a few seconds, rendering us completely vulnerable. I waited for the pain as I watched the black pentagons appear on my body, but it never came. When I looked up I only saw Allen's body emerging from the smoke.

"Are you okay?" He kneeled next to me, panting so hard I was surprised he could even speak. He was an absolute mess, his clothes were ripped, dirty, and covered with blood, both human and demon.

"We need to get out of here," I said impatiently while ripping the bottom of my skirt off so I can tie it around my leg. "We have to carry him."

The redhead was a lot heavier than I expected, there was no way we could carry him far. According to the map, the next village was a few hours away, which was way too far in our current condition. Lavi's body became heavier and heavier every second and I knew Allen was near collapsing for the pain and the fatigue. I almost gave up when suddenly I noticed a small path going into the woods off of the main road. Praying that it would lead to some sort of shelter, I pulled Allen on to the small trail. After a few minutes the trees started thinning and a small house appeared in front of us. We busted through the door without knocking but it didn't matter, it was completely empty. The house probably belonged to those lumberjacks that were turned into Akumas, serving as a place for rest during the workday. We put Lavi on the only bed, and as soon as his weight shifted off Allen's shoulders, he collapsed on the floor.

"Allen!" I yelled, shaking his body to pull him back to consciousness. He reached out to stop my hands and I could finally see the culprit: there was a huge wound starting from his side going all the way to his back. It was a miracle he even made it all the way here with Lavi on his shoulder. Ignoring the pain in my leg, I shot up to grab my knife and with a quick move I sliced his coat and shirt open to get a better view on the gash.

"What…are you…doing?" His voice was tired, and he could barely keep his eyes open.

"What do you think, idiot? I am saving your life." I was angry on the other hand, I hated when people interfered with my work, especially when I was helping them. Asking questions don't heal wounds, I do.

After removing the clothes from the injury, I turned him to his side to make the area more approachable. Clenching my teeth hard, I slid the knife across my palm deep enough to get sufficient amount of blood flowing from it.

"This will sting," I said as I pressed my hand on his wound and traced it carefully, making sure that my blood covered all of it. The boy screamed loudly from the pain but I held his shoulder tight, pinning him to the bedframe, in order to prevent the cut from opening again before it could heal. "Allen, you need to stop moving or it won't work. It will be over soon."

He didn't answer but he stopped moving, so I was able loosen my grip on his shoulder. The cut needed a few minutes to close, which allowed me some time to look at Lavi's injuries. Despite the fact that he lost consciousness on the scene, he was not in bad shape. His arm was broken and he definitely got a concussion, but besides that he was fine. I decided to take care of his broken limb once he wakes up since Allen needed more immediate attention. I kneeled back down to the white haired boy who was panting from the effort it took to endure the pain. The wound on his back closed properly but that was just the beginning of his injuries.

"You really suck at warning, it hurt like hell," he said quietly which automatically made me smile. He was beaten up but his sense of humor was still intact. Closing the cut definitely had a positive effect on his state.

"You survived, didn't you?" I asked as I reached for the buttons on his coat. He complied freely to removing his uniform, but his hands latched onto mine when I reached to unbutton his shirt. "Don't tell me you're going to be shy right now," I said reproachfully and I saw a faint smile appear on his lips. He really had the strangest reactions considering the situation.

"You should help Lavi," he said. I realized that he wasn't being shy, he was putting his friend first. I snorted angrily, I hated when people told me what to do. Especially when it came to my area of expertise.

"You should shut up, he's fine" I hissed at him but it just made him smile again. He was one strange boy but he reminded me of a saying that Tiedoll used to tell me: 'Truly strong people are the ones who can smile when most would scream from the pain.' I hated to admit, but at that moment I finally understood what he meant.

Allen eventually let go of my hands, so I was finally able to unbutton his shirt. I helped him free both of his arms from the sleeves, then reached behind his neck to pull him towards me, letting the shirt fall off his shoulders. I ran my fingers over his collarbone and then I proceeded to feel each rib to make sure nothing is broken. Goosebumps appeared on his pale skin as traced his bones and I could feel his eyes on me. Even though I wasn't the one being touched, I suddenly felt violated. I couldn't help but feel like those silver eyes were looking into my soul.

"I need some water," I said quickly and pulled my backpack closer. My flask still had some water in it, enough to clean the gash on Allen's head and let him get hydrated a little. I ripped another piece off of my skirt and wetted it. His hair was stuck in the wound, so I had to be extra careful removing it. I didn't even realize how close I was to him until I felt his warm breath on my skin and now it was my turn to become riddled with goose bumps. I had treated a thousand warriors before but none of them had this effect on me. Did I lose too much blood? I looked at my leg quickly and although the cloth was bloody, it did not explain my reaction. It is probably the fatigue.

"Are you okay?" Asked Allen, clearly noticing my startled look. "How bad is your leg?"

"It's nothing, the bullet just scratched it. It'll heal fast." He didn't argue with me but his eyes were still analyzing me. I pressed the wet cloth a little too hard to his forehead to deter his attention, he winced from the pain. A stray water drop ran down on his face to his lips and I couldn't help myself from gently tracing its path with the cloth. Dammit, what got into me? I quickly pulled my hand back but he caught it and took the wet cloth out of it. He softly opened up my hand to examine my palm.

"You really are impressive," he whispered as he tracked the cut that was almost completely healed. Yes, I was a fascinating lab-rat for sure. Everyone who ever sees my healing ability immediately ceases to see me as a person, I just become a tool. I ripped my hand out of his grip angrily not caring about his confused look. Of course he was nice to me when I proved so useful to him. I let myself lose focus once, but I swore that I wouldn't be tricked by his niceness. I couldn't let myself fall for it again. What was I even thinking before? Did I not learn from my past mistakes? I jumped to my feet a little too fast, the world became dark for a couple seconds, and I helplessly fell back onto my knees. I could feel Allen holding me up, so I once again pushed his hands aside.

"I am fine." My voice was sharp, he pulled his hands back meekly. It seemed like my injury was going to give me a lot more trouble than I expected, but I didn't have time to deal with it. I stood up again (slower this time) and started to search the little cabin for things that could be useful. Luckily, I found a rather big first aid kit under the sink and a gas lamp in the cabinet. The sun was already setting, so I needed the extra light desperately. I kneeled back in front of Allen again, ignoring his glare. I took out a piece of gauze and tape before I returned to take care of his head injury. Swiftly, I brushed his hair out of his face and placed the gauze with the tape over the cut. The first aid kit had plenty of roll bandages, so I decided it was best to wrap his body since he had multiple quite significant bruises. Doing so, however, forced me to reach around him multiple times, placing me dangerously close to him yet again. I didn't know why but his closeness bothered me immensely. I let out a relieved sigh when I was done. The only part left to be examined was his Innocence.

"What are you doing?" He asked indignantly when I touched his left arm.

"I need to examine your Innocence." I could tell that he didn't like other people looking at his arm, let alone touching it. Maybe it was because of my medical training, but I found his arm more fascinating than repugnant. The skin was rather harsh as I moved my hand along it but it was not a lot different than human skin. His muscles were twitching, however. "Your arm is exhausted. It is no good in this condition."

"I don't chose when the Akuma attack." His voice was sharp but I just rolled my eyes.

"You don't say." I said insolently. "I wouldn't stretch an Innocent too far that hasn't even reached its final form."

"What do you mean?" Of course, he seemed interested now.

"The particles of your arm are not as dense as other parasitic Innocence I've encountered. It is my guess that your arm will evolve as you become stronger. Therefore, I would take it easy if I were you." He really seemed surprised by my words, I guess the Dark Order forgot to mention this to him. I took my flask in my hand again and put it in his hand. "You need to drink; I will make the beds."

I could feel his eyes on me as I searched the little cabin one more time. I was able to gather a big blanket that I laid down so we wouldn't have to sleep on the hardwood. We both had a small pillow and a blanket each, so it really wasn't such a bad arrangement. I helped him to his spot, then I laid down next to him. For a few seconds we both just stared at the ceiling, but then he broke the silence.

"Thank you, Serena. You saved our lives." He really sounded thankful which phased me. I always thought taking care of the wounded was a requirement not a favor. I had only gotten scolded for my medical shortcomings before, and never thanked or praised for my successes. So even though he sounded honest, I couldn't believe him.

"It is my job," I said finally and turned my back to him. It was a mistake: the pain was so sharp in my thigh that I let out a painful moan. Allen didn't hesitate, he sat up immediately and grabbed my shoulder to turn my body back towards him.

"It is your leg, isn't it?" He asked but I didn't answer, so he reached for my leg forcefully and pulled my skirt up. I tried to pull away but he was holding it tight.

"This is so inappropriate!" I yelled at him angrily but he just laughed. How dare he?! This is outrageous. His hands were holding me tight, I could not escape his grip. I had no choice but to surrender my leg to him. Bastard.

"What kind of healer doesn't take care of herself?" He scolded me. _He scolded me._ "The Akuma's poison is still in there, you won't heal like this." Allen reached for the flask and his ragged shirt, then turned back towards me. Imitating my previous moves, he ripped a small piece off of it and wetted it.

"Ouch." I said painfully. "Taste of my own medicine, huh?" I asked sarcastically and he laughed again. I had to admit it was quite a comical situation. Watching him clean my wound I realized that no one has ever taken care of my injuries, I always had to solve it on my own. I suddenly felt warmth spreading in my chest but I pushed the feeling away. Him taking care of that wound didn't mean I was any less on my own.

"Done. It isn't even bleeding anymore," he said victoriously with a satisfied smile on his face. "You're welcome."

"You're annoying," I sighed but I let a small smile appear on my lips. He laughed as he laid back on his pillow. I closed my eyes and pulled the blanket up to my chin. As I fell asleep, I could still feel Allen's touch on my thigh even though his hand was long gone. I hated the fact that I didn't mind it at all.

* * *

Thank you for reading it!


	3. Strangetown

Hi everyone! This chapter is a little longer since there is a little more talking and fillers in it, but we are coming up on an exciting Innocence (at least I think so) that I made up. You also get a hint to what Serena's Innocence can really do. I hope you enjoy it! :)

Warning: mild swearing and limited amount of clothing comes off.

Chapter 3: Strange town

When I woke up, Allen and Lavi were still sleeping quietly. Looking at their faces, I realized how young they really were, it was that dim, painful light in their eyes that made them look older. I realized how easy it would be to just leave, run away, and start anew. At the same time, I was an Exorcist and it was my duty to fight against the Millennium Earl, I couldn't just leave now. Not yet. I knew that with these two around me I would somehow end up in the middle of it; they were trouble makers, and so was I. Even though I hated the thought of it, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I was pulled back from musing by the loud rumbling of my stomach, and I realized that I hadn't eaten in a long time. Luckily, we were in a forest which meant that there were plenty of animals to hunt. I slipped out of the cabin quietly and made my way into the forest. It didn't take long to find a small creek and I immediately spotted a deer drinking from it. I snuck closer to get a better view at it and to decide what course of action to take. Since I was on the other side of the water, I couldn't simply just attack it with my hands and I didn't exactly trust my knife throwing skills. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to use the true power of my Innocence but I was afraid. After all, I hadn't used it in nine years and I wasn't exactly able to completely control it even before. My stomach rumbled again and I let out a small sigh.

"I am sorry, your sacrifice is appreciated," I whispered and reached my arm out towards the animal. As I clenched my fist, a ray of light appeared and slit the animal's throat. I wanted to go to my prey, but suddenly my body felt like it was a thousand tons heavy and I couldn't move. The use of my Innocence was too much for me, I felt as weak as I did when I first discovered my power as a child. It wasn't surprising, I hadn't trained in almost a decade and it took a lot of strength to control an Innocence in raw form. I needed a few minutes to collect myself and finally be able to approach my future lunch. The animal was a lot bigger than I thought it would be from far away, it was quite hard to lift over my shoulder and hold it there. Thank God that I wasn't far from the cabin, although I was sweating profusely by the time I finally made it back.

"I thought you left," said Allen as he noticed me approaching from the woods.

"I thought about it." The honestly in my answer clearly surprised him because that very annoying little smile that he always had disappeared from his face. I put the deer down, then pulled out my knife so I can make it into edible form. Since I had never had to prepare my lunch from the wild, I couldn't really decide where to start.

"Did you catch this?" He asked, surprised, and kneeled down next to me. It was probably very unbelievable that I could hunt when I was struggling so hard to skin this damn animal. He just laughed and took the knife away from me. "I'll do it."

"Fine." I surrendered angrily, then stood up. "I'm going to check on Lavi."

The redhead was sitting on the bed, staring out of the window, watching Allen make our lunch. He didn't look at me when I entered the room, which made me wonder if his hearing was intact; it wasn't rare to lose some hearing after such a big hit on the head. I slowly approached him and sat down on the bed, but he still didn't look at me. His eyes were fixated on his white-haired comrade.

"There is a prophecy," he said suddenly. "He is supposed to be 'the Destroyer of Time'." At that moment I understood that there was so much more than just friendship that connected these two. Lavi truly believed in the other one, he trusted that he might be the one who brings change to this world. Prophecies were rare and always so vague, yet they still carried so much meaning. It meant that Allen was worth saving.

"Is that why you follow him?" I needed to take care of his arm and I learned from experience that it was always easier to treat patients when I kept them distracted. Lavi seemed distracted enough by his thoughts that he wouldn't interfere.

"My master seems to believe it. But that's not the only reason why I'm here," he explained. I took his arm out of his shirt, which had to be painful, even though he showed no sign of it. His mind was somewhere else. "I used to think only pure good can conquer pure evil. Now, I see it different: if you cannot see in the dark, you have no chance defeating it."

"I don't see darkness inside him." A pair of warm, silver eyes appeared in my head that had never showed a flicker of evil. Allen did have a strange aura but it wasn't evil. In the absence of my knife, I had to bit my wrist to be able to take care of his broken arm. The redhead never took his eyes of Allen, however, not even when I dripped my blood on his injury.

"He would never let anyone see that, but it is there. His light is bright and inextinguishable, yet there is darkness lurking deep, deep down in his soul." It surprised me, how wise he was. His cheerful attitude was a cover, he was observing every little thing around him. He hid his genius behind a mask of averageness, but he was no ordinary man.

"You seem to notice a lot," I noted as I wiped my blood of his newly healed arm. Although he wasn't facing me, I could see a little smile hiding in the corner of his mouth.

"It is my job, I am Bookman Junior after all." Crap. It all made sense now, a Bookman would follow the boy from a prophecy. Similarly, they would know the history of the Black Order which gave him all the tools to bust my cover. Was he just playing me or has it been too long to connect the dots? I was praying for the latter.

"Your arms should be good now," I said while I wrapped it tightly with a bandage. "How is your head? You have a concussion."

"I will live," he responded quietly. There was no way he was fine, by now he was most definitely experiencing a pretty intense headache and nausea. Allen was almost done skinning the deer, but there was no fire yet. Since Lavi definitely needed more rest and water, I decided that I would go gather the fire wood and fill up our flasks with water as well.

When I left the cabin again, Allen didn't ask me where I was going; he trusted that I would return. Luckily, it hadn't rained in a while, so gathering firewood was rather easy. The small creek wasn't enough to bath in but it was clear enough to drink from it. After I replenished our water bottles, I splashed some on my face too and let the drops slide down my neck. It had been quite an eventful three days since these two came into my life, and I was certain that it was only the start. By the time I got back, Allen had already cut up the meat and created a small circle with rocks for the fire. I threw the wood sticks in there and handed him his flask.

"How's Lavi?" He asked and he was trying to light the fire. I wondered where he learned all the ways of nomad living, although I was suspecting the answer.

"He has a concussion; he needs a little more rest. Even if he says he doesn't," I said which made him laugh. I didn't see the joke in that sentence, so I decided to go back to Lavi and give him his water too. He was laying down now, holding one hand to his forehead, and he seemed rather pale.

"Drink some water, it'll help with the nausea." I helped him sit up and touched the bottle to his lips. He must've been extremely thirsty, he didn't stop my hand until he cleared half of the bottle. "We need to reach the town by nightfall. I'll bring you some meet, you should rest now."

"Serena," he called after me before I opened the door. I still wasn't used to my new name, so it took me a few seconds to realize that he was talking to me. "You can trust us, you know that, right?"

I wanted to say yes, because I wanted to trust them, to trust someone, but I couldn't. Betrayal has its way to one's heart, it breaks it on the first impact and continues to pulverize its pieces until there is nothing left. There was no place in my heart for trust anymore, there hadn't been in a long time. I rested my hand on the doorknob for a couple seconds, then I left without saying a word. After the fight, I had no doubt that they would protect me, so my life, I would put in their hands. But for my secrets, I couldn't do that. I couldn't feel attached to them because they relied on me, I couldn't let myself wonder what will happen in the future. I knew, one day, they would realize the truth about me. I couldn't hide in Serena's skin for long, the time when I would have to join the fight as my true self was nearing. Being Serena gave me the element of surprise, which was one of the most valuable things in war.

The deer was almost fully cooked, it only needed a few more minutes. I sat across from Allen who was watching the flame's dance in the fire pit. I heard Lavi's voice in my head as I was examining his face. It was hard to believe that this boy, with such an innocent and pure look, would lead us to victory. It was only that cut on his face that signaled that he had encountered evil before.

"I was cursed by Mana, my foster father," he said when he noticed that I was looking at him. "I turned him into an Akuma."

"How are you alive?" I had never heard of anyone who survived that. Maybe, after figuring out what they had really done, no one wanted to live anymore. There is no bigger sin against your loved one than turning them into a demon.

"My Innocence took over and killed him, but he left me with this," he pointed to his left eye. "I can see Akumas and the souls trapped inside."

"They are in pain, aren't they?" I asked quietly, which surprised him.

"They are crying because they are forced to hurt the one they love, and many more. Do you see them too?" There was a light of hope in his eyes, for no one could possibly understand what he was experiencing. Every time he looked at an Akuma, he had to witness that pain; it was a burden that no one was supposed to carry. At that moment, I was finally able to see the tip of the darkness inside him.

"I don't, but because of my Innocence I am drawn to their pain, I know they are suffering. When I was at the Order no one believed me, they said I was weak for feeling that way." Feeling sorry for a demon was not something they allowed, and after a while I stopped saying it too. I pushed this dark knowledge to the farthest end of my consciousness, for I thought it was wrong. Allen was loyal to the Order, he was one of them, yet he was so different from the Order I grew up in.

"I am sorry for what they did to you, if that made you hate being an Exorcist," said Allen quietly but I shook my head.

"I never hated being one, because at the end of the day, after all they've done to me, that is all I had left. That was the only thing they could never take from me." I knew he understood me, there was nothing he loved more than being an Exorcist, I could tell. But he was so extremely naïve that it would've been stupid not to use it for my benefit. "I need to ask you a favor, Allen. When we get to the next town, and you call your supervisor, I need you to keep my existence in secret from the Order."

"Why?" He asked, confused. No matter how many terrible truths I had told him about his beloved Order, his faith in them was unscratched.

"They will want me to go back, and if so, I will have to fight them. Don't be the one who forces my hand." I was determined, I knew he felt it. Even though he probably didn't believe that I could hurt anyone due to my passive Innocence, all I needed to do was to awaken his empathy.

"I won't, until we find Master. You will be safe with him." That warm, kind smile appeared on his lips again, and suddenly I felt remorse. I played him, using his sympathy for me to get what I wanted. I didn't just lie, I also manipulated him, which made me no different than the people I hated so much at the Order. They would be so proud of me, knowing that their cruel, distorted legacy lived on.

The deer was gone very fast, as I expected, since both Allen and I needed extreme amounts of food to satisfy the hunger caused by our parasite type Innocence. Lavi, on the other hand, took his time to finish his small portion, but it gave us time to pack up. I burned all of the clothes that were ruined during the battle, and we each changed into civilian attire. Without the two boys in their uniforms, we looked like a bunch of kids, but it was a great way to blend in until we reached the next town. The thought of an actual bed and a warm bath excited me, even I was surprised by my own desire to enjoy such luxury. Maybe it was Serena surfacing, who had been enjoying these amenities in my body for the past nine years.

"What the hell…" Allen's voice was weak as he took in the first view of the village. It was the most rundown, impoverished village I had ever seen. The people were wearing filthy rags, they were dirty and sick. Instead of houses, there were only hand-built shacks, and the smell of urine and feces covered everything. Considering the natural resources around the village, it made no sense why its people had to endure such circumstances. There were forests, mines, plenty of water, and the soil was fertile; it was everything but unlivable.

"Excuse me, sir? What happened to your village?" The old man Lavi stopped was carrying a heavy bucket of water, which he almost dropped when he saw our small group. His clothes hadn't been washed in a long time, his skin was dark and scarred from being on the sun too much, and I could feel his body breaking down. He was pitiful.

"Our prosperity is thanks to our Lord, whom we serve and love with all of our hearts," he said with a trembling voice and tried to pass by us. Despite what I expected, his words lacked even a hint of sarcasm, like he truly believed that this was prosperous.

"Why does your Lord make you live under these circumstances?" Demanded Allen, which made the old man even more scared and confused.

"Our prosperity is thanks to our Lord, whom we serve and love with all of our hearts," he said again, and this time Lavi let him go on his way. Something was very wrong in this town, and I had a feeling that I had to say goodbye to the comfortable bed and hot bath. How typical…

"Something is not right; it is like he was under some sort of mind control," said Lavi pensively. Could it be an illusion like mine was? Possible, but the old man was repeating the same thing, whereas I became a completely new person. This was something more simple and brute.

"Let's ask around and see what this Lord is doing to its people." Allen's voice was sharp, like he already decided that the Lord was the culprit. Although it was very likely, without proof of an Innocence being involved, we could not get involved.

"Our mission is to look for Cross," I reminded them but he whisked me off. I should've known that these two were suckers for charity cases like this.

"Let's split up to cover more ground. We will meet here in two hours, sharp." Lavi seemed to think it was a good idea to go out on our own and I didn't feel like arguing with him. The place gave me the chills, so I decided to go to the outskirts of the village rather than the center.

Following the tall walls that surrounded the town, I soon reached the West Gate. Past the entrance, the houses were less dense, it was clear that it was the farming area. Similar to the center, however, the people seemed tired and sick. When I asked around, even for basic things such as overnight accommodation, the answer was always the same. I was starting to be certain that the entire village was indeed brainwashed. If so, there had to be an Innocence around with an extremely nasty accommodator.

"Excuse me, Miss," I heard a faint sound behind me as I was starting to head back to our meeting point. I turned around, and behind me stood a little girl, couldn't be older than 10 years.

"Yes?" I asked impatiently, I didn't have time to converse with children, that's for sure. "What do you want?"

"I…I…heard you were… asking about the Lord." I could tell that the little girl was scared of me but it sounded like she might not be as useless as I had first thought. She was the only one so far who wasn't repeating that nonsense.

"Is he doing this to the village?" I asked, kneeling in front of the girl. The little girl nodded, and I could see tears accumulating in her faint, brown eyes.

"He comes to us and tells mommy and daddy to give him everything. He forces them! Everyone does what he says. Some people talk back to him but then these ugly creatures come and turn them into sand." The little girl was shaking but I could see the determination in her eyes. "I always hide when he come, so he wouldn't make me do things."

"I understand," I said and I tried to send an encouraging smile towards her. Children were not my strength, neither was emotional support. "I need to you to go home now and hide again. I am an Exorcist, and I promise I will take care of this. I will come for you when it is over."

The little girl stared at my face for a little bit, like she was trying to decide whether I was telling the truth. For a change, it wasn't a lie but she couldn't know that. After all, I looked like an average girl from another town. The little girl eventually nodded and ran back down on the street. I let out a deep sigh, somehow trouble found us again. When I reached our meeting point Lavi and Allen were already there, and judging from their expression they didn't find anything positive either.

"It has to be an Innocence," said Lavi when I finally reached them. "The whole town is brainwashed, everyone just kept repeating the same thing."

"That's not the worst part," I added. "I met this little girl, she said that the Lord comes to see them and tells the parents to surrender everything. When his charm doesn't work on people, she said he uses creatures that turn people into sand. Sound familiar?"

"He commands Akuma?" Asked Allen a little louder than he was supposed to, but the town people were too out of it to notice. "Then he must be a Noah."

"I am not so sure about that," answered Lavi, shaking his head. "Obviously, that is the most logical explanation, except that a Noah would have no interest in a town like this. Of course, nothing is impossible."

"We should see this Lord tomorrow, take a good look at him." A big yawn escaped from the white-haired Exorcist at the end of his sentence, which made me realize that we had no place to sleep. The sun had already gone down and slowly, all people disappeared from the streets.

"Let's just hope this town has an inn," said Lavi frowning.

After an hour of searching, we finally found a small inn that was in no better condition than the other buildings in the village. The innkeeper was just as disoriented as others, so we just took the only room key that was hanging behind the counter. There was no point trying to leave money for the man, we knew it would just go back to the Lord. The room was small, but it did have a couch and two beds which was more than what we had hoped. There was even water in the bathroom, and although it was not the cleanest, I couldn't care anymore. At that point, I couldn't even care that there were no towels, nor that the door wasn't attached to its frame. I had to ask Lavi to lift the door in its place so I could take a bath. I put the new clothes on without drying myself and let Allen into the room.

"There is no hot water, as expected. It is not very clean either, so I need to look at your wounds," I said but he didn't move. "Today."

He sighed and finally started to take his shirt off. Looking at his face and how much he avoided looking at me while unbuttoning his shirt made me realize the situation we were in. He was a man, undressing in front of me. As a medical professional I was used to people undressing in front of me, the human anatomy never bothered me too much, I just viewed it as a scientific object. The realization that he didn't, opened my mind up to a completely new situation, something I was not familiar with. I inhaled sharply as I watched his shirt fall to the ground. I tried to recall the Latin names of all muscles groups as I stepped closer, averting my attention from the reality in front of me. I was enraged with him that he made this situation into something it wasn't supposed to be. I did not want these thoughts in my head.

"You better not have opened that cut on your back," I said to him sharply as I unwrapped him from the bandages. Luckily, the wound was closed and the skin around it was normal. My blood did its job well, only a thin pink line indicated that once there was an injury there. As I slid my finger across the healed cut, goosebumps appeared on his skin again. "Are you cold?"

"I'm just not used to people touching me; you do that a lot," he said with an embarrassed smile. Oh, excuse me that I didn't let him die. What a brat.

"Try to not get beaten up that much then, weakling," I hissed at him, which made that annoying smile disappear from his face. He really needed to learn his place.

"How do you go from caring to bitch that fast?" He countered, which made my blood boil even more. Oh, he didn't just say that. I was surprised he had it in him, really. He seemed like such a pushover.

"Doing my job isn't caring," I said angrily and reached for the bandage on his head and ripped it off a little too fast. He didn't move or flinch; he just let me do my job. He was taller than me, so I had to reach behind his neck to pull him down, bringing him closer to me than I would've preferred. As I slid my hand up on his face to hold it in place while I examined the injury, I felt his hand grab my waist. My body stiffened to his touch, it wasn't a gentle one, I realized he lost his balance as I pulled his head forward. I sighed annoyed and brushed his hair out of his face. That cut was healing nicely as well, so I decided to let it breath.

"Don't put your head underwater," I said finally and pushed him away. Before he could've said anything, I had already left the room, waving to Lavi to put the door back in the frame. I threw myself on the couch and I heard Lavi chuckle next to me.

"You remind me of someone," he said still giggling. "He gets just as annoyed by Allen."

"Really? Seemed to me being an idiot makes you pretty popular at the Order," I answered sharply but he remained in his amused state.

"Idiots can grow on you," he said with a mysterious smile on his face.

I really, honestly disagreed with that statement.

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Thank you for reading!


	4. Not all Exorcists are good

Hello! Thank you everyone for the kind reviews and for reading my story, it makes me very happy that you guys like it.  
Little note: It is _not_ Lenalee's point of view, it is my OC Serena, I am sorry if it wasn't clear. Although do plan to have some chapters from Lenalee's POV too, just to make it more interesting since her personality is so different from my OC's.

In this chapter they struggle a little more against the evil Lord with the Innocence and Serena has a dream that will be important later. I will try to upload chapters fast, I have 7 chapters ready so they will be up soon. Stay tuned!

Warnings: mild sexual suggestions, some bad words, little violence

Enjoy! Lemme know what you think :)

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Chapter 4: Not all Exorcists are good

I was standing in the dark, there was nothing around me. I was surrounded by complete emptiness; I couldn't feel a soul or an object around me. _Drip_. Water? No, can't be. I'd been here before. My footsteps made no sound, no echo, as I stepped forward. I was cold, so cold. _Drop._ Why do I hear water? Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I didn't flinch, I knew that hand. I reached back to touch it, it was wet. _Drip._ It was blood. Blood drops. I screamed in horror.

My lungs were on fire and I felt like I swallowed something hot. I was sitting on the couch, my hands gripping the cushion so firm my fingertips turned white. The realization hit me hard as I noticed that I was being stared at: I screamed. Very loudly.

"Is everything alright?" Asked Lavi as he slowly approached me. I didn't answer and he proceeded to sit on the couch next to me. "Bad dream?"

"It's fine. I was wondering when my nightmares would return," I said angrily. "What are you doing on my couch?"

"You have recurring nightmares?" The redhead asked, ignoring my displeasure with his closeness. Nosey Bookman wants to know everything, always.

"I'm no prophet," I briefly answered and threw myself back down on the couch.

"Your dreams could be telling you something but you're too stubborn to listen," I heard Allen's voice from across the room and it made me shoot back up again.

"All my dreams are telling me is that you are annoying" I hissed but then I let out a weak sigh. He was annoying because he was right. My dreams could be telling me something, but I had never been able to make sense of them and that was what really frustrated me. "They are always dark and cold. There is a person… I don't see his face but I know who he is. He dies every time."

"Maybe someone from your old branch?" Asked Lavi curiously but I shook my head.

"No. This man means something to me, so I know he's not real." My voice was as indifferent as I was towards my dreams. Allen and Lavi really wanted to see a meaning behind them, but for me they were just warnings. Warnings that caring about another person will only end in blood. I knew that very well, that is why I didn't understand why I had to relive these dreams so often. Why haunt me with something I already know? I laid back down and we all went back to sleep in silence.

When I woke up, I was in an unusually bad mood. Not because of last night, no, that didn't mean anything. I couldn't shake this bad feeling that I got as soon as we entered this damn village. It was so deep that I could feel it in my bones; something bad is hiding among these walls. As we packed up or stuff in silence, I could tell that I wasn't the only one being uneasy, they both seemed overly twitchy. With my back pack on, I waited for them to get ready. Lavi was taking the longest, since he was too lazy to take a bath last night, so he was still looking for his boots.

"Are we going to just barge in?" I broke the silence suddenly which made both of them wince.

"Of course not," Lavi replied with a big smile and I let out a relieved sigh. Too soon. "We will knock first."

"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people," I snapped at him which made both of them laugh; that was not my intention. "If this person really has mind-control powers, we cannot just walk in there."

"Don't worry, Serena," he said still smiling, even though it was a tenser smile than usual. "If he really is an Accommodator, his powers won't affect us. All we have to worry about is the Akumas that he might have under his control."

"Have you thought about what you were going to do if he's a parasite type?" I asked and for a few moments silence fell onto the room. I didn't know them very well, but I had a feeling they would have a problem neutralizing an Accommodator even if he was evil.

"Let's worry about that when the time comes," said Allen finally and exited the room. Lave let out a deep sigh but then Lavi waved to me, and we both followed the white-haired Exorcist to the busy street.

The Lord lived in a huge mansion in the center of the village, and contrary to the other buildings under his rule, this one was in an impeccable condition. From afar we could already see the Akumas guarding the place, a very unnatural sight with all the people running around them. Allen's left eye immediately became activated, which was a big problem that we should've foreseen. I let out a deep sigh and opened my backpack to dig out a scarf that he could tie over his eye.

"This is a lot of eye-covering for one group," said Allen jokingly as he fastened the knot behind his head. "Shall we say we are pirates?"

"We are too far inland for that, beanprout," laughed Lavi until Allen punched him in the arm. I had to admit, beansprout was a pretty fitting name for him, it even made me smile. "Ay, ay, let's just go."

My blood was boiling and my whole body began to tremble as we passed the Akumas, even though they showed no sign of interest. My Innocence, however, was very interested in destroying them, and mine wasn't the only one; Allen had to grab onto his left arm hard to make it stop twitching. The guards asked us why we were there, but made no fuss about it when we said we wanted to see the Lord. We were led into a huge throne room with a pedestal, on which a large but surprisingly young man sat. The amount of cologne and jewelry he was wearing made me want to barf, his eyes narrowed as he looked at our small group.

"And who are you?" He asked blandly, his voice was surprisingly high for his stature.

"We are travelers, Lord Skarjevec," said Lavi and politely bowed down, Allen followed. As much as I hated it, I forced myself to curtsy as well. The Lord seem to like our gesture; his lips grew into a big smile. "We came to pay our respect to the Lord of this land."

"Oh, I see. Isn't she too pretty for a gypsy girl?" It was a rhetorical question and I knew it meant nothing good. "Come here, darling."

Hell no, I was not about to go any closer to this pig, however, Lavi didn't agree with that. His face was serious as he looked back at me and I immediately understood: if I don't obey, we will be busted, since he could be using his Innocence right now. I tried to make the disgust disappear from my face as I stepped closer to the man. When I was within his reach, he grabbed my arm and yanked it so hard that I fell onto his lap, just as he wanted it. I tried to jump up but his hands locked tight on my shoulder. He giggled as his fat fingers ran through my hair and traced the arc of my face. I suddenly felt extremely nauseous, angry, and helpless. For the mission, it was a good thing that he took a liking in me, although I really wished he would like boys instead. Being close to him meant that I might be able to figure out what his Innocence was, hopefully before he gets any bad ideas about what to do with me.

"My Lord, please, don't frighten our sister," said Lavi calmly. Frighten? More like absolute fury. If I could kill with my eyes, he would surely be dead by now.

"Don't worry, young man, I would never hurt such a precious thing," he said then waved at his servants to come closer. "Make her the way I like it; we are having lunch. Are you hungry boys?"

I couldn't hear what Lavi and Allen said, the servants quickly dragged me out of the room. They led me through a long hallway to reach a door at the end. I had a thousand morbid ideas about what might be behind the door, but what I saw I knew would never leave my memory. There were at least ten girls in there, some older, but mostly all younger than me. They seemed dazed, none of them looked up as we entered the room. I ripped my arm out of the two servants' grip and I ran to the girl closest to me.

"Can you hear me?" I yelled in her face as I shook her small body aggressively. She didn't budge. "Come on, wake up!"

"Miss, the Lord Skarjevec will be very angry if you don't obey," said one of the servants and I felt her hands pulling me back from the girl.

"Is anyone fucking awake in here?" I yelled again. "Sick bastard." I almost gave up, but then suddenly I heard a faint voice coming from the corner.

"Who are you?" Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear it. She probably didn't trust me. Fortunately, the servants didn't care that the girl spoke, all they were concerned with was getting me undressed.

"That's not important, I am here to help. Can you tell me what's going on here?" I asked impatiently. I could care less about what the servants were doing to me, the more information I got out of this girl, the faster I could put an end to this. There were a couple moments of silence before the girl spoke again.

"He can control most people and those demons. Some people like me can resist him, I don't know why, but he can force us to be obedient with those creatures anyways." She slowly approached me as she spoke and stopped in front of me. She was slightly taller than me, her hair was straight and dark brown, her eyes hazel; she was beautiful. "The Lord will be nice to you first, he will make you feel like a queen. He won't touch you until the third night, but then…"

"It's okay," I said gently, placing my hand on the girl's shoulder. "I don't plan on staying that long. Can you tell me how he controls people?" I prayed that she would know but she shook her head. "We will figure it out."

"We?" She asked suddenly with horror in her eyes.

"Yes, I have two people with me," I said and she grabbed my hand. She really was frightened.

"If they don't leave you here, he will kill them. That's what he did to my family." She was crying now, her tears were rolling down her beautiful face profusely. I squeezed her hand encouragingly as she wiped the tears off of her face.

"Don't worry about us, I promise we will take care of everything, okay?" I never liked to promise things because those tended to get broken too often, even when one tried their hardest. There was no way I was going to let this pig win, so I didn't mind getting the girl's hopes up; I would never let this promise to be broken.

I let out a painful sigh when I looked at myself in the mirror and my nausea suddenly returned. I was wearing a blue corset without even a blouse under it, paired with an ivory skirt that only went down to the middle of my thigh. The corset was extremely uncomfortable and it made me itch under my boobs that were pushed up so hard I was surprised there was even an under part to them. The high heels on my feet were already hurting, the blue thigh high socks didn't make it more comfortable. My wavy hear was pinned to one side and they even put makeup on me once I stopped talking to the girl.

"You look beautiful, Miss," said the girl with a smile but I just snorted. I felt hideous and ridiculous, beautiful was a very far from how I looked. No, let's just say it, I looked like a whore. Goddamn Lavi and Allen, it was all their fault, they just attracted trouble like a magnet. Although it wasn't like my luck was any different.

Once the servants deemed that I was 'to the Lord's liking', they dragged me to a different room. It was also huge but instead of a throne, there was a long table in the middle. The Lord was already sitting at one end, Lavi and Allen were on the other side. I could feel my face burn with embarrassment as I was led into the room and I tried very hard to ignore the two Exorcist's shocked but gloating faces. Fucking great, at least they enjoyed this.

"See, way better," said the Lord and I could not ignore the lustful smile on his face. I thought it couldn't get any worse, but of course I was wrong, the Lord grabbed my ass so hard I let out a surprised squeak.

"Lord," heard Allen's voice from the other side of the table; he was angry. Good to know they were not big enough scums to let me get raped by this pig in front of their eyes.

"Come on, boy, she is not as innocent as you think," he said, laughing arrogantly. I just realized how much self-control it was taking for me to not slice his throat, my nails were digging into my palm painfully I was clenching my fist so hard. "Alright, sit down, girl. Let's eat."

As always, I was very hungry but I didn't want to give him the pleasure that I would eat his food. He didn't seem to care, he was stuffing his face as fast as he could, although he was not eating nearly enough for a parasite type. I looked at Lavi, who just nodded signaling that he saw it too. We were still nowhere close to finding out his Innocence and time (and my patience) was running out: he was not going to be hospitable for long.

"Excuse me, my Lord, I couldn't help but notice how much your people love and obey you," spoke Lavi, finally breaking the silence. The Lord glared at him for a few seconds but then he just laughed again.

"Sit on my lap, girl," he said turning to me and I slowly rose from my seat. I wanted to scream again when I felt his fat hand on my back and his body pressing to my side. "What can I say, I am quite charming."

"What about those monsters outside?" Asked Allen a little too curiously because the Lord's smile disappeared.

"They are here to protect me of course," he replied, while twisting one of the rings on his finger nervously. Touchy subject, it seemed.

"I am sorry my Lord, he didn't mean to be rude. My brother can be quite brute sometimes," I said quickly, forcing a smile on my face. In the corner of my eye, I could see Allen glaring at me angrily. It wasn't my fault that he couldn't act even slightly polite.

"Oh, the young, untamed ones," the Lord laughed again. "Let us have some fun, shall we? Follow me."

The Lord led us out of the dining room and through long corridors we finally arrived to his backyard. In the middle, there was a small clearing with a fence around it. On the far side, across from us, there was another throne with numerous high chairs next to it. First, I was confused about the purpose of it, but it soon became very clear when two men in ragged clothes were pushed in there. It was a fighting ring. We followed the Lord all the way to the seating area, where he made us sit on his side. As a punishment, I supposed, he places Allen on his left side, while Lavi and I were on his right. The redhead tried to squeeze my hand as encouragement but I pushed him away, I had no need for his pity. When the Lord gave the sign, the two men started fighting and it was clear that the loser would pay with his life. Lavi winced next to me as the winner smashed the other man's head with a rock then rose victoriously.

"Isn't it fun?" The Lord turned to me and I wasn't sure how to act. He was a cruel man, just because if I acted terrified, it didn't mean he would stop. Acting uninterested could also just worsen his imagination, not deter him from continuing. Then, I realized that it might be a rhetorical question, and I was supposed to just agree.

"Yes, my Lord," I said obediently, which seemed to satisfy the Lord. He was again playing with the ring on his finger and then waved to one of his men to come closer. After he whispered something in his ear, the man ran away just to return a few moments later with two more 'fighters'. I was expecting to watch the exact same fight, when that pig lifted his hand again and suddenly a Level 1 Akuma appeared. I knew that it was not going end well.

"You can't do that!" Yelled Allen angrily.

"You don't tell me what I can and cannot do, boy." His voice was like thunder. "Sit down and watch, if you don't want to be next. I have plenty of these demons in store."

It was as much a warning as it was an order, Allen knew he had to sit down.

The two fighters had no chance against the demon, everyone knew that. It was painful to watch them trying to survive, just to be turned to sand in a few moments later. For the first time then, I witnessed an Akuma level up; I felt like I was betraying my Innocence. I looked to Lavi but his face showed no emotion, it was only his clenched fist that gave his anger away. The new Akuma bowed down to the Lord who clapped his hands happily, like he created something magnificent. It wasn't new to me that Accommodators could be evil but he was beyond everything I'd ever seen. It would've been so easy to just slice his throat but I couldn't risk it, one cannot just take the life of another Exorcist that easy. Fortunately, he didn't try to entertain us with any more fights, it seemed like he got bored of our company.

"You can go now," he said yawning. We all stood up but his hands latched onto my wrist when I tried to leave. "You stay, girl. I couldn't let someone as pretty as you sleep anywhere else."

"Sir, we would very much prefer if our sister could come with us for the night," said Lavi peremptorily but the man didn't seem to care.

"She's staying, you're going." There was no kindness left in his voice, it was an order that they had to follow. They left me there. "Take her to a room."

Two servants grabbed my arms again and took me back inside the mansion. After a few minutes they stopped in front of a door and tossed me inside ruthlessly. I fell onto the floor and by the time I got up, the door was locked. The room I was in was nice: the wallpaper on the was olive green with a flowery pattern on it, the chandelier that lit up the room was a beautiful piece of art. The bed that stood in the middle of the room was big, the green canopy matched the color of the walls. There wasn't a window but a big glass door opened up to a balcony. The luxury this man was enjoying pissed me off, he deserved none of it. All he deserved was death. I threw myself onto the bed angrily and ripped those awful shoes off of my foot. I threw the high heels to the other side of the room then laid back on the bed. I was tired, mentally and emotionally as well.

I must have dozed off because when I woke up it was already dark outside. Desperately needing some fresh air, I went to the glass door that lead to the balcony. The night air hit my body so suddenly it sent a cold shiver down my spine but I didn't mind it. Even though I was not affected by Lord Skarjavec's Innocence, I still felt like my mind was foggy. I closed my eyes and took a big breath from the air but suddenly I felt a hand over my mouth and I was pulled back into the room. The person, who was behind me, quickly tuned me around and I felt my body press against the walls. I hated to admit but I was relieved when I finally realized that those silver eyes belonged to Allen.

"I'm going to take my hand off, don't scream, okay?" He whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear. I gasped for air as he removed his hand but he was still pressing me to the wall with his body. His clothes were cold on my skin but his body was radiating warmly. We were by the wall adjacent to the balcony, perfectly hidden behind the big closet if someone were to enter the room. Allen chose this spot tactically.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him angrily. "You should go."

"I came to get you before that bastard does, I had no idea you wanted to stay." He said sarcastically which made my blood boil. I would rather die a thousand deaths than be touched by that pig.

"He doesn't come until the third night," I explained. I wasn't going to tell him but deep down I did appreciate the fact that he was here. Despite the mission, he wouldn't let that man rape me. It should've been a normal thing, I knew that, but it was not the way the Order worked. Not as I experienced it. "What was your plan anyways? If I'm gone, he knows we are onto him."

"We would just take him head on," he shrugged. "You're still wearing this?" The cold air hit my body again as he slightly pushed himself away from me to look down on me. His voice seemed faint suddenly, like he lost his confidence. Despite the chill in the air, my body became warm when I realized that he was a man, standing over me, while I am dressed like a whore. This is what men like. He was enjoying my misery. I was furious.

"You want me to take it off?" I asked shamelessly as I pulled him back by his shirt. Not going to lie, I found it amusing how his silver eyes widened with surprise. I lean close this his ear, my cheeks touching his. I breathed out slowly before I spoke. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I whispered in his ear and I felt his body tense up. For a couple moments he didn't move, even his breathing stopped, but then I felt his arms wrap around my body and pull me closer. _He hugged me._

"I know you're angry, Serena," he said quietly. My arms were hanging next to my body but he held me up tight, I absolutely couldn't move from the surprise. He didn't care about me lashing out, he understood. He hugged me to ease my pain. "He won't get away with it."

"Not all Exorcists are good, do you understand that now, Allen?" I whispered and he released me from his hug to look me in the eye. Those silver orbs were filled with sadness, so deep that I felt like I was drowning in it.

"He doesn't know what it means to be us, what our true purpose is," he said so naively that it made me snort. I wanted to push him away but he didn't let me, he was determined to convince me of his ways. "He was chosen for a reason."

"Maybe this reason wasn't to be one of us," I replied. It was admirable how much he wanted to believe in this Accommodator despite everything that we had seen. There was so much darkness in him, yet he didn't understand it.

"You cannot see the good in anyone, can you?" He hissed at me angrily. For some reason, I liked him more when he was angry because his anger was so real and tangible.

"There is none in this man, you idiot. Were your eyes closed all day?" I countered. He was enraged now, his fist loudly collided with the wall next to my face. The boy who just hugged me a few minutes ago was gone.

"I remember every second of it," he said, his voice shaking from the suppressed anger. "I remember sitting there, watching them die, not being able to do anything. But you…you didn't seem to care."

"I see. You believe that there is good in that sadist pig but you're so ready to declare me a monster?" I didn't care anymore that I raised my voice, he crossed a line. I might've lost my faith in humanity a long time ago and I might believe that no one could be truly good, but I was human. Watching innocent people die brought me no joy. I sighed painfully and pushed him away. "When you see enough evil, as bad as it sounds, you get desensitized after a while, you learn to hold it in."

"I went too far, I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I hate feeling helpless."

"Then don't be. You came here ready to take him head on, that doesn't sound helpless to me, just plain stupid." I thought he was going to be angry again, but he chuckled. It was insane how one moment we could carve each other's eyes out and the next we were teasing each other. He annoyed and fascinated me at the same time, and he also understood my anger.

"I take you're not coming with me," he said and I shook my head.

"I have an idea about what his Innocence is, I just have to confirm it. Then, we need to act before he calls in his Akumas. Hopefully, once we are done with him, the demons will return to the Earl instead of going berserk." I thought about this for quite some time now, since the Akumas were a big problem. We couldn't just kill a fellow Exorcist but we also couldn't face a large amount of Akumas, which only left us with one strategy. We had to take his Innocence before he could order the demons to attack us, and hope that once they realize their freedom they'd go back home.

"It is a pretty nasty Innocence," he sighed. "I guess anything can be nasty in the wrong hands."

"First time you didn't sound so hopelessly naïve, beansprout," I replied teasingly, which hit a nerve again. I couldn't help it, I had to laugh looking at his defeated expression.

"I'm going to kill Lavi for this when I get back," he said as he approached the balcony. "I don't suppose tomorrow will be easy, get some rest."

"Like I could sleep in this shit." I pointed angrily to the corset. I was not very lady-like, sometimes I didn't even have manners at all, but I didn't care. God didn't chose me to be an Exorcist for my manners. "But even without this stupid outfit, I doubt I could have a goodnight sleep in his house."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said gently, then jumped out of the window. For a moment, I felt like I was in one of those romantic novels, where the lover climbs up to the balcony to see his lady. Except that I was dressed like a whore and he was an Exorcist. And I hated romantic novels anyways.

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Thank you for reading!


	5. Ringleader

Welcome back! Thank you so much for all the reviews, you guys are very kind. They really mean a lot to me. I couldn't believe when I saw that my story was viewed over 300 times, I would have never thought that many people would even click on it.  
Someone asked me what Serena looks like but the reason why I haven't included that in the story is because I felt like it would've been weird if Serena was describing her own looks. However, in the future I will have chapters written from different POVs as an experiment, so there will be a description of her in chapter 7.

In this chapter you will read what happens with the evil Lord and Serena finds herself in a lot of trouble again. No warnings.

I hope you enjoy reading it! :)

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Chapter 5: Ringleader

The night was long and I had nothing to do, as I was not willing to fall asleep. I searched the room, I stared at the stars, I even tried to train a little bit despite the fact that the corset was digging into my skin painfully every time I moved. Time was moving slowly for a change and I was alone in the dark with my thoughts. They pulled me back to a certain individual who ruffled my feathers way too much but I couldn't help thinking that he was the most fascinating person I had ever met. Him and Lavi were the type of Exorcists that would bring my faith back if I didn't try so hard to push it away. It was so easy to be Serena around them, I liked being her because she could choose her past. She had a choice about what to include in her own story, she was free. That girl could have faith in them, but I couldn't. One day, she was supposed to cease to exist and only I would remain. I dreaded that day.

When the sun finally came up I was relieved, until two servants barged in again and took me back to that room. The girls were still there, dazed just like yesterday. That brunette girl was there too, the servants pushed me towards her aggressively.

"Clean her and make her ready for the Lord," they ordered sharply then left. I heard the door lock behind them.

"Come, Miss, the bathroom is this way," she said gently, then started pulling me towards a door.

"What's your name?" I asked her when we were in the bathroom.

"Charlotte." The name really fitted her, it was pretty. She worked quickly, soon I was able to breath freely again. I kicked the corset angrily into the corner of the bathroom which made Charlotte giggle. I somehow felt victorious that I could make this miserable girl laugh.

"Can you tell me about the ring that Lord Skarjavec wears on his right middle finger?" I asked while she was preparing the water. She mused off a little bit but then she nodded.

"He once said that it is the ring that symbolizes his kingdom. I've never seen him without it, now that I think about it. Why?" She asked curiously. Although Charlotte was extremely helpful, I could not completely trust her. After all, considering the man's power, she could be his spy, and I had already asked enough strange questions for him to get suspicious if she talks. I didn't suspect that she had told him anything, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Nothing important, I just noticed it," I said with the kindest smile I could gather on my face.

Charlotte's hands were experienced and quick as she washed my hair. She chose my outfit, so this time it was slightly more proper, although I still had to wear a corset. She promised she wouldn't tie it as tight, for which I was extremely grateful since it was very likely that I would find myself on the battlefield again soon. I was wearing an olive green corset with a matching skirt this time and for a change, I could wear an ivory blouse under the corset. She left my hair down which offered some more coverage as well. It wasn't about me being a prude or ashamed of my body, no, I didn't bother with such things. I just didn't want the Lord to get what he wanted. I said goodbye to Charlotte when I was ready and I followed another servant back to the throne room. Lord Skarjavec was already there, so were Allen and Lavi, kneeling in front of him.

"Oh, here you are, my beauty," he said blandly and reached one of his hands towards me. I stepped closer to him but stopped out of his reach. "Don't be shy, come, sit on my lap." Once again I felt nauseous as I took my place on his thigh.

"My Lord, if you don't mind, we enjoyed our time here tremendously, but it is time we continue our travels," spoke Lavi sharply. His determination must've made the man nervous, he started twisting the ring again on his fat finger. I noticed that he is wearing completely different jewelry than he was yesterday besides that ring, confirming my suspicions about the Innocence.

"I understand. And I gladly accept your sister as your parting gift." My body tensed up as his words reached my brain and my palm started sweating. If it wasn't for the Innocence, I wasn't sure that Lavi and Allen would deny his request. Well, maybe not, since Allen did come to sneak me out yesterday, which meant that they might regard me higher than leaving me in his hands.

"I apologize, my Lord, but she is our only sister. We won't leave her behind," insisted Lavi. Lord Skarjavec's anger sat unconcealed on his face, he clearly didn't like to be talked back to. Then his expression turned from angry to evil and I immediately know that an awful idea was born in his pig-head.

"I see you won't give up, boy. In that case, go darling, kill your brothers. And you two will let her take your precious lives." My eyes widened to his command, not because I was going to do it, but because he gave me the perfect way to them. He had no idea that his own cruelty was going to cause his demise. I slowly rose from his lap and a servant handed a sword to me. I thought about Charlotte and wondered if she had to go through this, if any of those girls had to go through this. My eyes shifted to Lavi who just nodded and I knew what I had to do. I lunged towards the redhead like I was trying to attack him but last second I let go of the sword and tossed it to Allen.

"It is the ring!" I yelled before Lavi caught me gently, then whipped my body behind him in case the Akumas were to appear. Everything happened so fast, the next thing I knew was the Lord screaming in agony and holding his bleeding arm in front of him. Allen put the sword away and kneeled down to the detached hand to remove the ring. We silently waited for a couple minutes in case the Akumas were to attack, but nothing. I let out a relieved sigh, but then I remembered Charlotte. Without a word, I sprinted out of the throne room and I didn't stop until I reached the girls' dressing room. I kicked the door in, which made all the girls inside scream. Well, at least they weren't completely out of it anymore.

"Is he dead?" Ran Charlotte to me and grabbed my hand hopefully.

"He is alive but he is missing his arm. We will let the village decide how to punish him," I said and I watched her smile grew bigger on her face. "Now, I need to find my stuff and take this stupid corset off."

"That's a shame, Miss," said Charlotte playfully. "You really do look great in it."

The two Exorcist reached us too but they quickly turned around as they realized that they were in a room full of very underdressed girls. I couldn't help but laugh at their innocence, but after what we had been through I appreciated their gesture. Charlotte took my backpack out of a closet and also put my old clothes in my hands. Although I hated those dresses too, I was relieved I didn't have to wear this whore-ible outfit anymore. Again, she helped me get the corset off and braided my hair, saying it was way more practical for the journey. I didn't argue with her, it was actually nice that someone took care of me. She was like a sister I never had.

"You're probably going to be busy saving other villages, but if you ever come this way, please stop by. We owe you our lives," she said finally and hugged me. "Goodbye, Miss."

"Call me Serena," I said, smiling. "Take care, Charlotte."

I took a good look at her face before I left the room, I wanted to remember her. Even though I knew I would probably never return to this town, I didn't want her memory to fade. It was strange to me, how connected I felt to her, but I didn't mind it. As twisted as the situation was, she made me feel normal again. With her, I was just a girl who hated corsets, not a liar. When I left the room Lavi was gone, it was only Allen waiting for me outside. The scarf was gone from his head but his left eye remained inactive.

"Lavi?" I asked and I noticed that he was still holding the ring in his hand. "I didn't want to be right." I don't know why, I wanted him to know that losing a potential Exorcist was just as painful to me too. It was really a shame that such a powerful Innocence ended up with this man, he could've been a valuable asset otherwise.

"I wanted to kill him, Serena," he said quietly, and extremely ashamed. I didn't blame him, nor was I surprised. That man was a disgrace to all of us and humanity, he didn't deserve to live after what he'd done. At the same time, we weren't murderers, our job was not to punish criminals and declare judgement over those who broke the law. We were saviors for the Akuma, they were the only beings we were supposed to want to kill.

"He was no better than an Akuma despite being a human. Just because he didn't fail in God's eyes, it doesn't mean that he deserved to be saved. You saved him but remember, mercy can be a dangerous thing," I warned him and he didn't object. Somewhere deep inside he had to know that he was too weak to take a life. I knew I sounded wise and experienced but words were easy, I had never killed a man by choice.

"Is this what they teach at your branch?" He asked and I could sense his disapproval towards this way of teaching. Little did he know that it was his own branch's words. I didn't believe that he had a problem with what I said, he knew I was right. He just didn't believe such things were supposed to be said out loud. I just nodded and he left it like that, however I could tell that his mind was racing. He got like that often, his silver eyes always filled up with sadness to those thoughts. We walked through the halls in silence but thankfully we stumbled upon Lavi soon after.

"I talked to the Finder unit, they will take care of this mess," the redhead informed us. "Why are you two looking so sour?"

"I'm hungry," replied Allen quickly which made me realize how absolutely famished I was too. "I am sure they don't mind if we help ourselves out in the kitchen."

"I am sure they will after they see how much you two can eat," said Lavi cheerfully but didn't oppose the idea.

After some inquiry, we were able to find the kitchen easily and we didn't hesitate to jump on the food that was prepared for lunch. In a matter of fifteen minutes all of it was gone and I suddenly felt extremely exhausted. I realized that the only thing keeping me awake was the adrenalin rush from this morning's events but it was all gone now. However, I knew that we had to keep going so I poured myself a huge mug of coffee.

"You really didn't sleep last night," said Allen when he noticed me downing the coffee like my life was dependent on it. There was a little, playful smile on his face as he said those words.

"Something happened?" Asked Lavi suddenly, his eyes jumping between the two of us. At that moment it became clear: Allen never told Lavi he came to see me. He knew the redhead wouldn't approve. It was a strange feeling to share a secret with him, I couldn't exactly put my finger on it. All I knew what that I didn't mind it and that it scared me.

"Beansprout is probably referring to the bags under my eyes. Rude," I said with pretense anger in my voice. Lavi's laugh was followed by a painful "ouch" when Allen punched him in the arm. The redhead didn't understand why he was the one punished when I was the one calling him names.

"I don't hit women," Allen explained, and hit Lavi again to emphasize his point. Their bickering was very entertaining; I didn't even notice that I was laughing with them.

After robbing the kitchen, it was time for us to head out. To my greatest surprise, the villagers were waiting for us outside the mansion, cheering for us as we made our way through the crowds. The people in the village didn't have much, they still gave us bread, meat, and some wine as a parting gift. Never in my life before I had felt so appreciated and useful, even though we didn't even kill one single Akuma. It felt good to do good, and simultaneously I felt some of the darkness in me retreating to a deeper part of my consciousness.

It was clear that the events in the village had made the two Exorcists more comfortable in my presence, they stopped talking about trivial things. Instead, their conversation would always go back to the Earl and the war ahead of us. Sometimes, they would even ask me for my opinion, which was something other Order members I knew would've never done. Sometimes, they would bring up Lord Skarjavec and analyze the events over and over again, trying to understand why God had chosen such an evil person as an Accommodator.

"I think I know now what you meant, Serena," said Allen, turning his head back towards me, as I was always walking behind them. It was a tactical formation: I had to be in the back in case an Akuma appeared. It had been two days since we left the village and we were a couple hours out from the next town. I was still exhausted since we only slept for a few hours in the woods. My body felt heavy but I looked at the white-haired boy curiously. "God had a reason to give the Innocence to Lord Skarjavec."

"What do you mean?" Asked Lavi, confused. Oh, true, the redhead wasn't there for this conversation.

"I believe God was testing us," he explained. "He wanted to show us that evil can hide among us and not even the Innocence will recognize it. It was a test to see our true colors and to show us the reality of this world." His words fell heavy on us, we remained in silence until we reached the next village. The sun was already setting and my legs were dangerously close to giving up on me.

We went into the first inn that we found but I didn't care, I was barely able to hold my eyelids open. I ripped my key out of Lavi's hand and disappeared to find my room. It didn't matter what the room looked like, I fell onto the bed and immediately sunk into deep sleep.

Since I went to sleep fairly early in the afternoon, I woke up to the sun just rising over the horizon. I didn't expect Allen and Lavi waking up in the next few hours, so I decided to venture out to town and buy some necessities. It was early in the morning but the merchants were already awake selling fresh food and drinks. My first trip took me to the pharmacy since I had absolutely no healing supplies, and it was very likely that we would run into some trouble again soon. I bought scalpels in three different sizes, bandages, ointments, and various herbal treatments. I was even able to find some vials where I could store my blood, so I wouldn't have to keep cutting myself. After that, I decided to buy some new clothes since the ones I currently owned were not only hideous but also very impractical for both travel and combat. Allen and Lavi were supposed to receive new coats from the Order by today but I needed to get one for myself, for we will be heading into the mountains soon. I was very satisfied with my purchases and my speed, I was certain that I would be back before the others woke up. I was wrong.

"Good morning." Lavi greeted me from inside of my room, he seemed rather angry. "Where were you?"

"I went to get supplies," I said and shrugged. "I don't know what the big deal is, Lavi."

"What if you ran into an Akuma?" He asked and his anger sounded a lot like worry now. I sighed and I threw my things on the bed.

"Do you think they didn't teach me how to get away from them? You seem to forget where I grew up." I was angry again, even though my day started out so nice. He didn't need to come here to lecture me.

"You are our comrade now, it matters to me where you go," he said holding his hand up in front of his body. It was new to me that they were worried about me, I didn't know how to react. No one had ever been worried about my well-being before.

"Are you going to go all sentimental on me?" I asked teasingly which made him laugh. I had to admit I liked his laugh, that overly happy, deep, manly laugh. Yes, Lavi was already a man, a rather handsome one, and he knew that very well.

"I bet there is a soft heart behind that thick skin of yours," he said playfully as he walked closer to me. I had to tilt my head high to be able to look at him. "Allen seems to be able to get under it pretty well."

"Che. He just pisses me off," I said turning my head away from him, pouting.

"You really are just like him," he noted, laughing. I was confused.

"Like Allen? No chance." Outrageous, he didn't just compare me to that beansprout.

"No, someone else. You'll meet him one day," he replied, still with a huge smile on his face. I really, desperately wanted to wipe it off his face. Somehow, however, it made me feel like everything was okay as long as he smiled. "It is time for us to head out. Are you ready?"

"I'll meet you downstairs." The things I had just bought were still on the bed, so I needed a couple minutes to stuff everything in my backpack. It felt nice to throw out some of those hideous dresses to make room for the new ones.

The mountains we had to cross weren't too high, so there was no need for us to hire a guide. According to Lavi's calculations, we should be able to cross in two days' time and meet up with the rest of their group. Although the mountains were not supposed to be overly dangerous, the villagers did warn us to be careful. They said that lately there have been multiple occasions that people didn't return. If that was really the case and there were some Akuma in the mountains, we had one more reason to cross it. Our path was steep but manageable, we were able to hold up a good pace. I suspected that Allen and Lavi could've gone faster but I was holding them back. My own weakness was very bothersome, but unfortunately I couldn't do anything about it.

"I guess the villagers were onto something," spoke Lavi when we arrived to a big cleft, created by a fast stream. I imagined it would be painful to fall in it. Once upon a time there was a bridge but it was gone now, its remnants were hanging on the other side. "Good thing you have me." The redhead took out his hammer and placed its now grown head on the ground. He reached his hand to me, but when I took it, he yanked me closer and lifted me up, holding me by my waist.

"Are you serious?" I yelled at him, trying to wiggle my way out of his arms but he was stronger. I could hear Allen's laugh behind me, who contrary to me, was allowed to stand on the handle on his own.

"Hold on," said Lavi looking back at Allen. "Extend!"

To his command we moved away from the ground and swiftly started approaching the other side. We were almost there, when suddenly I heard Allen yell something and the next moment I was falling towards the river helplessly. The water was just as cold as I expected it to be, I felt like someone rolled a thousand-pound rock over me. The stream was extremely fast, it was already hard to keep my head over the water, let alone try to swim to the side. There was nothing to swim to anyways, the water was high, there was no river bank. I let the water take my body down with it, hoping there would be something I could hold on to soon. My prayers were answered, soon there was a huge rock in the middle of the stream, splitting it in half. I closed my eyes and put my arms in front of me to dull the impact. My body hit the hard surface so strongly, for a second everything went dark. My body reacted, however, I held onto the rock tight and pulled myself on top. I was sitting on top, panting, water dripping profusely from my clothing. Allen and Lavi were nowhere to be seen and I had nowhere to go.

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Thanks for reading!


	6. Alcohol

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm back! So it took me a while for this chapter because I wrote it a little while ago but I actually didn't plan the sex scene to happen just yet, but then I went back and decided that I would give you naughty people some good stuff. Since I'm writing it first person POV, it was actually super weird to write it but I hope you guys still like it! With that, I am going to raise the rating also. It is the longest chapter so far, hope you guys don't get too tired reading!

Warnings: There is sexual content, cursing, and underage drinking in this chapter. I do not wish to be responsible for mental deflowering (or something like that), I'd leave that to the sex ed classes. Read at your own risk (there is no kinky stuff though - yet).

I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews, follows, favorites, and reading my story, it really means a lot to me! I hope I won't disappoint you with this chapter either. Let me know what you think :)

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Chapter 6: Alcohol

I was so screwed. During the past couple weeks, I had been in many awful situations but this was definitely somewhere near the top of the list. Compared to the past, of course, it was nothing but I was Serena now. She never had to take care of anything because Allen and Lavi were always there. Right… They were there and I was dependent on them. Suddenly, I was extremely mad at myself for sinking so deep that I expected other people solving my problems. I promised myself that I was going live my life on my own terms, but here I was, waiting to be saved. Again. I stood up to try to dry out my clothes and inspect my own injuries. No surprise, my whole body was aching and I managed to graze my arms and legs pretty deeply. I sighed painfully as I rolled up my clothes to press the water out of it. I looked around to see whether I would die on this goddamn rock, when I noticed a hole in the mountain wall, like a cave, not too far down. The only problem was that I had absolutely no idea how I would get there. There was no way I could swim over there and even if I did, I was most definitely not strong enough to be able to get out of the water.

"Serena!" I winced so hard to the unexpected sound that I almost fell off the rock, last minute I was able to gain my balance back. I knew that voice: Lavi was holding onto the rock on the side (of course he was strong enough) and slowly making his way down towards me. Suddenly, I felt extremely relieved even though it was still frustrating that I would be saved. Again, as always. Once he was close enough, he let the water take him until he smashed into the rock just like I did before. I pulled him up and kneeled down next to him, it came very automatically for me to check for his injuries.

"Where's Allen?" I asked when his panting died down. Besides a few grazes, he was completely fine.

"He stayed back to fight the Akuma. He told me to go look for you," he explained. "I'm sorry I dropped you, but I'm glad you're okay." Of course, that stupid beansprout had to stay back.

"How is he going to find us?" It was a good question; we were stranded in the middle of the river. Looking up, there were no paths leading down here.

"He's going have to jump in the water too," he said simply and even shrugged his shoulders. Apparently, it was only me who didn't enjoy the impact with the freaking river.

"I don't know why you find this funny," I scolded him but he kept on smiling.

"This would happen to us, come on, don't tell me you don't find that even a least bit comical," he laughed and pulled me down to sit next to him. His words echoed in my head as he said 'us'. My conscience was burning again as I was reminded that he considers a fraud his comrade. I was not included in 'us', Serena was.

"Yes, it would happen to us," I repeated it lightly, trying to force a smile on my face. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was glad he was sitting next to me, stranded and wet.

We chatted a little bit, he told me about his pranks back at the Order and about the Exorcists we were supposed to meet up with. The Order, as he knew it, was completely different than I remembered it, and he was completely different than the Exorcists I used to know. I felt like I was in a completely different dimension, where everything I wished life was about was true. I wasn't naïve though, I couldn't be. Everything that happened in the past was real and it had to be still real. Lavi seemed honest, but I also knew he hadn't been with the Order for very long and he was a Bookman. It was logical that they would keep him at arm's length; some things weren't supposed to be recorded.

"Lavi!" The voice belonged to Allen who was in the water, trying to hold onto the rocks with his anti-Akuma weapon. Lavi jumped up in excitement and extended his hammer towards him to pull him onto the rock. Suddenly, the space on top became very tight, we had to hold onto each other.

"Nice to see you, beansprout," laughed Lavi. "Now we just have to figure out how to get..."

"Are you kidding me?" I interrupted suddenly. There was no doubt in my mind that I smelled blood. Allen was trying to hide it, but I knew it was suspicious how he was holding his stomach. And the smell, of course gave him away too. "Do you always have get cut up? I would smell that much blood from a mile away, idiot."

"I'm fine." I never understood why Exorcists always felt the need to pretend that they were okay when they weren't. Especially around me, since I could heal them so easily.

"Lavi, there is a cave over there," I pointed in the direction of my earlier discovery, completely ignoring Allen's claim. "Can we get there?"

"It isn't a straight shot but close enough." Lavi sounded confident but I still remembered, very clearly, last time I was riding that hammer.

"Can we not fall this time?" I teased him. He just gave me thumbs up and then looped Allen's arm around his neck.

This time, I was able (allowed) to hold onto the shaft alone, which at least made me feel like I had control over whether I was going to fall or not. When we reached the entrance of the cave, Lavi simply threw the white-haired boy in there who landed with a rather painful thud. Then, he reached his hand to me and swung me inside as well. Contrary to Allen, I managed to land on my feet. The cave was surprisingly big but it was colder inside. The walls kept the cold in effectively and I soon started to shiver. I ran to Allen, and as I expected, he was also shivering from the cold and the blood loss. I dug out my vials from my backpack that were, to my greatest surprise, not broken. Even though I wanted to take that stupid thing off many times, in hindsight I was glad I wasn't so thoughtless. With a quick move, I ripped Allen's shirt open and examined the wound. It was not too deep but it was bleeding pretty hard, so I quickly poured my blood over it and pressed down on it with my hands.

"The cut will heal soon but it is too cold in here for him with this much blood loss," I said turning to Lavi, who was pacing around in the cave. "Everything is wet and there is no way we can make fire in here."

"I'll figure something out," he promised and I turned my attention back to the white-hair Exorcist.

When I felt that the wound closed, I proceeded to check his entire body for more since he had a tendency to lie. Luckily, there was nothing besides the expected scratched and grazes. I helped him sit up by the wall but there was nothing I could do about his shivering. Nor could I do anything about mine. Lavi stopped pacing in the meantime and he was digging through his backpack. A few seconds later, he pulled out two bottles that were very familiar to me: it was the wine we got from the villagers. I had a bad feeling about this.

"I know you guys are underage but I have no better idea," he said with pretense sadness and sat down across from us. His green bandana was around his neck now, his wet hair seemed quite unruly without it. Somehow, this look made him look more mature with a little bit of danger in it.

"I have a couple bottles in my backpack too," added Allen with his teeth chattering and reached for one of the bottles. Lavi smiled at me victoriously and jumped up to get the remaining bottles from Allen's backpack. I had to laugh when I saw Allen's face after he took a huge swig from the bottle. Soon, however, it was their turn to laugh when I almost spit out the liquid. I had had wine before bit this was very far from it, it was something awful. It did work though, a few minutes later I felt a lot warmer.

"If you told me a month ago that I would be stranded, wet, and drinking with beansprout and sour lady, I would've laughed in your face," joked Lavi and took another big swig from his bottle.

"Sour lady?" I yelled, outraged, which just made him laugh. "Slow down, big boy, are you getting drunk already? Don't call me that."

"I am just trying to have fun, considering our situation. Come on, drink up, sour lady!" Lavi seemed to enjoy the situation very much, he was especially proud of the nickname that he came up with for me. I, on the other hand, was less fond of it.

"You are sour," I heard Allen's voice from besides me. The cut must've completely healed, he scooted closer, so we were sitting in a triangle. "And you have no manners." I suddenly felt like opening up that cut again.

"And you have a death wish," I countered ruthlessly and now they were both laughing. I never understood why they found my insults so entertaining. I took another sip from that good awful liquid, I felt it burn all the way down to my stomach. "I clearly do too for drinking this."

"Yeah, it is a special kind of awful," said Lavi but it didn't stop him from taking another swig. "The old Panda never lets me drink."

"Maybe he fears you'd turn into an even bigger idiot?" I asked with a cheeky smile. Lavi wasn't happy with my question, he started coughing hard. Allen's laugh echoed off of the walls of the cave.

"You sure can hide behind your insults," pointed Allen at me with his bottle. "Don't worry, Lavi, she's going to pass out soon from the booze."

"You really don't understand my Innocence, do you?" I answered, shaking my head with disapproval and took a big sip from the bottle. I just realized that I was almost halfway done with it.

"Have you tested it?" Asked Lavi insolently and I could feel the smile freeze on my face. In theory, the Innocence in my blood should eliminate the alcohol. However, only if it deems it to be a dangerous substance. Either way, parasite types should be able to drink more, but I was small and a woman, which pushed my tolerance lower than Allen's would be. "Sour and cocky, what a lovely combo."

"Come on, you didn't think we would just let you rip us apart without resistance?" Allen asked with an evil smile on his face. "Your bark is bigger than your bite anyways."

"I wish you could win the war with insults, at least that way you'd have a chance," I hissed at them.

"With you on our side, we would've already won," countered Lavi quickly which made me laugh. He was right, I had a special talent for being rude. "Cheers to this."

I didn't know how long it had been, soon we were sitting in the dark, only the moonlight was providing any kind of illumination. My hands were freezing but thanks to the alcohol my body was warm, especially my face. I was sure that I looked like I got a serious sunburn, and the thought of that made me giggle. Oh yeah, my blood proved to be absolutely useless. I was drunk. Allen moved back next to me to put his back to the wall, and he took another sip from the bottle.

"It's your second bottle, isn't it enough?" I asked and took a bottle from him. "You're drunk." He reached after the bottle quickly and took it back from me. I tried to hold onto it but it slipped out of my hand and I fell to my side. Allen's victorious laughed echoed in the cave once again.

"Look, Lavi's beat you to it," he chuckled and pointed to the redhead that was passed out on the ground. At least I wasn't the first one, although Lavi did drink a bottle and a half. "I think it's time for him to get a taste of his own pranks."

The white-hair boy reached for one of the bottles with one hand, and grabbed my wrist with the other one. He yanked me to the entrance of the cave and kneeled down on the ground to be able to put the bottle in the water. I was guessing he wanted to pour the cold water on Lavi.

"You're holding the bottle the wrong way," I laughed. Allen tried to turn the bottle around but the stream was too strong and the bottle slipped out of his hand. "You're so drunk."

"I'll get another one," he said quickly. I didn't expect him to jump up so fast, and as a result we painfully collided. I felt the world spinning, maybe I was spinning, but the next thing I knew I landed on something soft and warm.

Allen fell to the wall of the cave and slid down, pulling me with him. When the spins were gone, I realized that I was sitting on his lap facing him, my legs pressed to his hips. I knew I probably grazed my knees again but I couldn't feel anything in that moment, except for Allen's warm body under mine. Time stopped, and I was just sitting there motionless, staring into those silver eyes. It bothered me that his hair was in the way, so I gently brushed it out of his face. It must've surprised him because his body moved under me, he pulled his legs closer, so I slid further into his lap. I felt his warm hands on my thighs, like they were burning through my skin. My mind was foggy, I knew what was happening but I had no control over it, my mind was taken over by my body. My thoughts were empty but I could sense him with every inch of my being. His smell made my limbs weak, his warm breath on my skin sent chills down my spine, his touch made my body burn ever so much, and his eyes kept me captive in that moment.

"What are you doing to me?" He whispered as he ran his fingers up my legs. My mind was yelling no, but my body reacted way more than I would ever admit, my hands automatically found their way to his chest. I didn't answer his question, I couldn't, for I had no idea what I was doing. My fingers roamed freely on his pecs and I could feel his breathing become heavier. He let out a deep growl and sent my hair flying back off my shoulders. A surprised moan escaped me when I felt his warm lips on my neck, kissing it slowly, torturing me. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the feeling, and dug my fingers deep into his soft locks, pulling him closer. His lips laid burning kisses on my collarbone, then made their way down to my cleavage leaving a trail of sweet saliva on my skin. I threw my head back and wished his lips would never leave my body. I instinctively thrusted with my hips, not realizing the effect it would have on him. His hands latched onto my ass, repeating the motion, and I could feel him get hard under me. The realization left my body trembling with lust and I wanted more, more of his forbidden desire for me. I pulled his head up to me but I didn't kiss him, no, it wasn't like that. Everything was purely physical, every one of my senses were yearning for him. His eyes were cloudy as he looked at me, his voluptuous smile made my face burn again.

"What are you doing to me?" I whispered in his ears and I could feel his body tremble to my words. I licked into his ear, then took his earlobe in my mouth, his moan was like music to my ears as I gently sucked on it. He was begging for more and I knew it, as I felt the same. I kissed his neck slowly, caring for every inch of his soft skin, biting and nibbling on the sensitive flesh. I knew exactly what I was doing to this body, and he rewarded me with his deep growls. I had never seen skin so beautiful, the moonlight illuminated his whole being, making him look so otherworldly. Maybe that was just what I told myself because what was happening could not be part of my world, he couldn't be part of it, not like this.

Lust took over me and I couldn't care anymore that Lavi was nearby, I even found it more thrilling as I ripped his shirt open with one swift move, sending multiple buttons flying. For a second, I thought he would be mad at me for ruining his shirt but he grabbed my arms and yanked me closer to whisper in my ear.

"Aren't we eager?" I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smirking. His hand ran up on my body and he slowly started unbuckling the few buttons on my dress. "This time, you won't be in control."

"So I'm supposed to let you have your way with me?" At some point I lost my voice to my desires, I sounded awfully husky. He flashed a grin towards me and there was so much in it: lust, passion, mischief, erotica. _God, he was sexy_. I wanted him to have his way with me. I couldn't hold back a surprised whimper when he opened up the dress on my chest and the cold night air hit me, making my nipples hard immediately. He smirked again and I knew what was coming, and oh I was excited in every inch of my body to feel his warmth on my breasts. It still felt like forever until he finally locked his lips on my nipple, slowly stimulating it with his tongue while pinched and circled around the other one. Throwing my head back, I bit my lower lip forcefully trying to hold down every sound of pleasure, my pride didn't let me announce my yearning for him no matter how clouded my mind was.

Maybe it was because of my Innocence, how raw it was inside me, how it made me be drawn to others, how physical it was, that I was so utterly shameless in that moment. Maybe I needed someone, something, anything to blame for going so against my common sense. Even when it was just sex, no feelings, it still wasn't as simple in wartime where you could be dead any moment. No matter how plainly physical it was, it was a craving to drown out the loneliness in our hearts and the fear that the next second our entire being would be erased from this Earth. As if his touch was the force still binding us to this world and his kisses promised to keep us alive. It wasn't care or love, no, it was something way more dangerous: it was survival, a force way more powerful, tying us to each other. And I needed it. I needed to survive.

"Let me hear you." His voice was husky but his words sent a shiver down my spine. Not just because of what he said but how he said it; all the politeness was gone, replaced by sheer desire. Allen slipped one of his arms under me and the next moment I felt the hard, cold surface of the cave under me in strong contrast with his warm body pressed on top. When I didn't comply immediately, he started thrusting with is hips creating friction with mine and I yielded to him, I moaned shamelessly under him. Every little touch made me answer to him like nothing before, every breath was full of passion and pleading for him to give me more of this sweet intoxication. I wasn't just the alcohol; I was drunk on him.

His lips found their way to my neck again, finding every little sensitive spot there was to me, and I ran my fingers through his soft snow-white locks to pull him back whenever his burning kisses faded. I wanted to feel that pale skin on mine and a quick rush of frustration ran over me as I realized he was still wearing his shirt. His face became confused when I pushed him away, only to have that smirk return when I pulled his shirt off of him. The moonlight reflected on his skin, giving him an even more otherworldly look than I thought before; he was beautiful.

"Like what you see?" He _purred_ and to emphasize his point he slowly ran his hands down on his body. Oh, God, I loved what I saw and he knew it too well. Maybe it was the alcohol that made him act so lecherous and made me feel such uncontrolled desire for him, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. I felt like I was going melt under his lustful gaze and I desperately needed to unglue my attention from his muscles. Like my life was dependent on it, in that moment it sure felt like it, I grabbed after his pants to unbutton it.

"Just fuck me already," I blurted out hoarsely which made him let out a deep, hungry growl before he basically ripped his own pants off. Despite how I wanted to see him, he immediately launched at me like a predator, pure sexual desire radiating from those silver eyes.

He whipped my skirt up and let his hand wander on my thighs, gabbing into my flesh. I winced when I felt his finger inside me, it was strange and uncomfortable but his soft lips on my nipples made me forget about all of the unpleasant sensations. He was teasing me, playing with more and more fingers inside of me, listening to my pleading moans, enjoying every single heavy breath he drew out of me. It was cold when he pulled away and I felt a rush of disappointment over the empty feeling until he filled me up again, sending my back into an arch. He was big and it hurt but I welcomed that sweet pain for easing my longings for him.

"God, you feel good," he whispered into my neck and slowly started moving. It was hot, passionate and oh so mesmerizing, I was drowning in pleasure. The more he thrusted into me, the more the world disappeared, the rocks under me ceased to exist, the was no air, no light, no reality as I was floating through rapture. The orgasm rushed through my body with such immense power that had to dig my nails deep into his back to hold onto this reality, to know I was still part of this world. I didn't want it to end.

"Serena…" He whispered my name with lust as he came and suddenly, the magic was over. It felt like someone dropped a thousand-pound rock onto my chest and pounded it down until all my bones were crushed.

That word, my name, yanked me back into reality and my mind yelled 'Liar!' at me. My chest hurt as I looked into his silver eyes still filled with lust, wanting this person I created. My lies were so heavy I couldn't bear it in that moment, the alcohol in my veins made reality even more painful. It reminded me all the things that I couldn't have, things I shouldn't do, and thoughts I had to erase from my mind. It didn't hurt that he wanted Serena because he didn't, he wanted my body regardless of what name was attached to it. What hurt was my own stupidity that I let him fuck me so I could feel like it was still me, because only my body was what connected me to my old self. How I whored myself out to him and how I loved every second of it just so I could feel something real. And in that moment, I hated myself more than ever because no matter how pathetic I was, no matter how despicable I was, I knew that I would let him take me a thousand times again just so I can feel real. I had never felt so weak before.

I pushed him off with terror in my eyes, I didn't care what he thought or how confused he had to be. No, I was so deep and drowning in my own self-hatred that I could care less about his ego. Gripping my clothes closed, I ran deep into the cave and I didn't look back. I put my head on my wet backpack and I turned my back towards him, so I wouldn't have to look at him again. The feeling of remorse and self-pity engulfed my brain and I prayed for sleep to come to save me from this state.

Next morning, I woke up with a throbbing headache, so painful that for a second I thought someone stabbed me in the brain. My clothes were still damp but I wasn't cold anymore, or maybe I was just too hungover to feel anything. It took me a couple minutes to get used to the little amount of light in the cave. Lavi was still sleeping on his back, his limbs spread out next to him. Allen was sleeping in the same position as I left him, with his back leaned to the wall by the opening of the cave. Suddenly, the memories came rushing back and I wished the Earth would swallow me whole. I could still feel his touches on my body and remember his moans as he took me. I was so mad, I wanted to blame the alcohol but I remembered all too well how much I wanted him. There was not one single molecule in my body that wanted to stop and that made me feel extremely filthy. With the memories, the thoughts returned as well, and I felt like I was choking on them, I couldn't breathe. When I finally regained my composure, I grabbed an empty bottle from the floor and quietly approached the water so I wouldn't wake Allen. I never wanted to look into those silver eyes again. When the bottle was full, I didn't hesitate, I downed the whole thing hoping that it would ease my headache soon.

"Serena," Allen's voice scared me, not only because I wasn't expecting it but because I was dreading to hear it.

"You're loud," I said quietly but avoided eye contact. I wished that I had drunk enough that I wouldn't remember any of it, despite how hot and intoxicating it was. However, it should've never happened and I knew that, but for some reason it still did happen and there was nothing I could do about it. It was unclear where the attraction came from with such intensity, maybe it was the fact that I had treated him multiple times, which made us comfortable around each other, maybe it was just the alcohol. There was no answer and there didn't need to be one because it was never going to happen again.

"I am sorry about last night." He remembered, despite how much I wished he wouldn't. It just makes it complicated, especially if he feels bad about it. There is no reason to attach feelings to an event with no meaning. That is exactly how you make it matter, and I didn't want that.

"We all said things we didn't mean," I replied, adamant on pretending that I had no idea what he was talking about. "I don't remember much anyways."

"We drank a lot, didn't we?" He asked with a forced smile and kneeled down next to me. Thank the Lord Jesus Christ that he just let it go. "Can I have some of that?"

"Knock yourself out," I said sharply and after tossing the bottle to him, I went back to the back of the cave. Lavi was laying down but I noticed he was looking at me.

"Is everything alright?" He asked suspiciously. Of course, he would notice everything and be nosy about it. Thankfully, it seemed like he was passed out hard enough that he didn't witness what happened.

"I should ask you that, you passed out last night. I'm honestly surprised you're still alive," I scolded him but as usual he just laughed at me.

"I feel awful. Can your blood heal this?" He looked at me with sad puppy eyes but no luck for him there.

"There is no cure for stupidity," I said and sent him a cheeky smile. He sighed painfully and put his arm over his eyes. "Water should help."

"Here, Lavi." Allen walked back to us and gave the redhead a bottle of water. He didn't look at me but I knew he was watching me from the corner of his eyes. I wished he would start acting like he was before, annoying but normal.

"You're a lifesaver, beansprout," said Lavi and downed the entire bottle of water. "We need to figure out how to get through these mountains."

"I have an idea," I said, which made the two Exorcists look at me curiously. Why was it so weird that I could come up with a good idea? Idiots.

We quickly packed up or things and went to the opening of the cave. As we had discussed, Allen activated his arm and held it out over the river. Lavi quickly jumped on it and by extending his hammer, he went all the way up to look around.

"It looks like if we go up here, we can get back to the path. It isn't going to be easy but it is possible," he explained.

Lavi took me to the top first, then he jumped off too. After joking, and me not opposing, to leave Allen down there, he eventually extended his hammer down to him. The white-haired boy clearly didn't enjoy it when we ganged up against him. Lavi didn't lie, the way back to the path was not easy at all, especially with all the bruises and grazes we acquired yesterday. By the time we managed to get back to the path, we were all panting hard. However, we couldn't rest for long, we wanted to reach the town where the rest of Allen and Lavi's group was by nightfall. To do so, we had to keep up a very fast pace but I didn't mind it at all. It helped me take my mind off of what was ahead of me. I wished we would find Marian very soon, for everything seemed to be getting more and more confusing every day. I felt like I was losing myself to Serena.


	7. Worry

Welcome back! I would like to thank everyone for the reviews, follows, and favorites, they make me very happy! Special thank you to those who take the time to write a review after every chapter, you're the bomb. I cannot believe my story has been viewed over 700 times!

This chapter is a little shorter because it serves the purpose of introducing Serena from an other person's point of you. This chapter is LENALEE'S POV, I hope that does not confuse you too much. You also get some mild Lena-Lavi hinting because I do not just wanna focus on Allen and Serena. I want this story to have a real plot with real character development, so I could not neglect them. So, there will be a bunch of chapters written from Lenalee's POV but I will also have some in third person singular. I am really just experimenting and hoping to give you all a good picture of what's in my head regarding this story.

Warnings: Nothing special, it is Lenalee after all, she is just such a sweetheart.

Special note: I apologize if this bothers some of you, but I just need to share something with you all regarding this community. I have been reading many stories and there are so many talented writers that they sometimes really make me feel bad about my shabby writing. However, it is really disappointing when I finish reading a truly wonderful chapter and in the notes (or sometimes even before the story)they turn absolutely vulgar, cursing everyone who follows/favorites the story without a review. In my opinion, if you put your story up on this website, you should be honored that people read your story at all. Review, follows, favorites are cherry on top, the _readers owe the writers nothing_. No one favorites or follows thinking the story is bad, so they are absolutely the biggest compliment. After all, someone could leave a 'pls continue' review and never look back or think about your story ever again. This is only my opinion and obviously I understand if some of you do not agree with it. In that case, I would love to hear what you think as I strive to understand why some might attach those awful words to their amazing chapters.  
That being said, I would like to thank you all for reading my story and I really hope my writing makes your day better!

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Chapter 7: Worry [Lenalee]

It was already dark but Lavi and Allen hadn't arrived yet, even though Lavi promised that they would be here by yesterday. I couldn't help it, it made me so worried whenever they were late, I immediately thought of the worst. Were they still alive? Were they hurt? I was still recovering from my injury, so I needed rest, but otherwise I knew I would be pacing around in the room. Lavi also said that they were bringing someone, he was very secretive about it which made me even more worried, especially because he explicitly told me not to mention it to Komui under any circumstances. I told myself to calm down since it was probably Miranda because Bookman booked a room for me with two beds in it. I let out a deep sigh, and decided to go downstairs to get a bite and see if Bookman or Krory were around. I hoped they would distract me until Allen and Lavi get here. As I suspected, the old man and the vampire were sitting in the dining hall, sipping on tea, and quietly discussing something. These two were so calm compared to Lavi and Allen, it was quite relaxing to be around them, although it did get boring sometimes.

"Is everything okay, Lenalee?" Asked Krory when I sat down next to him. Why did everyone always assume that something was wrong with me? The men in our group made almost an hourly habit of that.

"Of course!" I said and sent him a warm smile. "Any news from Lavi?" I turned to Bookman who just slowly shook his head. But then, the door swung open loudly and a very familiar voice filled the room.

"I think I heard my name," yelled Lavi and I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest I was so happy to see them.

Behind Lavi a girl stood, whom I barely even noticed at first since I was so preoccupied with my joy to see the other two. She was definitely European descent: she had long, blonde hair and piercing green eyes that made you feel like she knew all of your thoughts. Even though she was shorter than both of the boys, she was still probably taller than me. I wondered if she was an Exorcist, she didn't seem very strong, her body looked rather fragile actually. She wasn't a typical beauty but I still found her looks fascinating, there was something about her that made her so mysterious. Maybe it was just the strong contrast between her light and almost angelic features and that mean, calculating expression on her face. Allen introduced her as Serena and said that she was from the Northern American branch which I found pretty strange; during my time in the Order I learnt it pretty well that the American branch liked to keep its distance from us, not only geographically but in every other way too. I was very confused why she was here.

"It is nice to meet you, Serena. I'm Lenalee," I stepped closer and reached my hand out for a handshake.

"You're bleeding," she answered, completely ignoring my gesture and what just I said. Did they not teach manners in America? My anger turned into surprise when I touched my side and felt that the bandage was indeed soaked through. There was no way she could've seen that; how did she know?

"Don't mind her, she tends to get like this when someone is injured. She has a healing Innocence," explained Lavi. It made sense why she didn't seem so strong now, just like Miranda's, her Innocence wasn't fit for active combat. Before I could say anything, she grabbed my arm and looked deeply in my eyes. God, she was scary, those eyes were like thunder.

"Show me your room," she said, no, she demanded, but I didn't object. I heard Lavi giggle as I led her up to the room and once we were in, she just pointed to the bed. I felt very uncomfortable in her presence, she was a complete stranger and she didn't seem very nice. Her looks really were in strong contrast with her personality, just like I had imagined. I just sat down at the edge but she was quickly next to me and pushed me down. Then, she took some vials out of her bag, which were filled with a dark red liquid.

"Is that blood?" I asked and I couldn't hide the terror in my voice. She stared at my face (my shocked expression) for a couple seconds, then she started laughing. She just laughed in my face. What is wrong with this girl?

"You think I have a magic touch?" She asked still laughing. "Healing comes with a price, as it should." I suddenly felt very stupid and I didn't even mind it anymore that she had laughed at me. She was right, being able to heal someone's wounds was a very powerful gift from God, so He had to make sure it was used wisely. I was still a little bothered by the blood though.

She pushed me back down on the bed again and pulled my shirt up to get a better look. Then, she proceeded to take the bandage off of it; the cool air made my wound sting and I felt blood run down on my side. Somehow, I wasn't worried, her hands were experienced and fast, she quickly wiped off my blood just to pour her blood over my wound. The cool air hitting my cut was nothing compared to the next feeling, I couldn't hold my painful scream back. I thought she would look at me worried, but her face remained expressionless. I wasn't sure if it was because she was so focused on what she was doing or because she was so used to people screaming under her hands. The pain didn't last too long, and when I looked down on my cut the next time, it was completely closed. She wiped the blood off of me again and put a new bandage over it, although I wasn't sure that I even needed it anymore. That was one powerful Innocence.

"You must be very cherished by your branch," I said softly when she was done. She remained silent for a few moments and stopped putting her supplies away. Did I say something wrong? I just wanted to be nice.

"No one can know about my location, especially the Order," she said sharply and I could her the anger in her voice. "Understand?" I was confused but I nodded agreeably even though I already knew that.

"Can I ask why?" I had a feeling that she wasn't going to answer. I was wrong, thankfully.

"If I go back, they'll never let me leave," she spoke, the anger was gone from her voice, only sadness remained. I suddenly felt bad for her, I didn't know why exactly, but there was something about the way her shoulders hung that told me she had seen terrible things in her short life. "My Innocence makes me a very valuable asset to keep around."

I could tell that she didn't want to talk to me but she had to so I would keep her secret. She was forced to put her trust in me but I somehow still appreciated that she did. It made sense that the Order would want to keep someone like her around to treat the injured Exorcists. It also meant that she would not be able to leave and that was a miserable way to life. I couldn't even imagine if my life was confined to four walls, the constant sight of injuries, and death. Her Innocence was powerful but I didn't envy it at all.

"So, do you get along with the boys? They can be a handful for sure." I tried to change the subject to something more pleasant, our conversation turned dark very fast and I just met her.

"They're idiots," she replied with a serious voice, without a hint of joking in it. This girl was so guarded I had no idea how to break through to her. I was always very good at befriending people, I even managed to get Kanda to loosen up sometimes. She, too, seemed to be a hard one to crack but I was determined. I wanted her to feel included, especially since she didn't seem to have good feelings about the Black Order.

"They sure can be," I laughed awkwardly. She was standing by the window now, starting at the stars, but I had a feeling she wasn't actually looking at them. She didn't strike me as a romantic at all. "But they are my closest friends."

"You should not form such attachments with the war upon us," she said, frowning. I had heard that many times during my time at the Order and I never once believed that it was true. They thought love for your comrades makes you weak but I know that it is the exact opposite.

"That is the only thing that keeps me going." I smiled at her but she remained emotionless. What a tough cookie. I thought she was going to argue with me but she simply just walked out of the room, I wasn't sure if that was worse than an argument.

In all honesty, I truly felt sorry for her. There was so much rage inside of her, eating her away piece by piece that I could not help myself from pitying her. I wondered at what point was her spirit broken beyond repair, the moment she let her heart fill up with fury. I wondered if I could save her and help her feel whole again. I wondered if I was the right person for the job.

A loud knock pulled me back from my musing and I felt my lips automatically grow into a smile when I saw Lavi standing at the door.

"I knew you would come," I said softly, which made him let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Am I that predictable?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously. I could tell he just took a bath, the smell of soap mixed with his scent lingered in the air. He wasn't wearing his uniform anymore, only a pair of cotton pants and a blue shirt, and even his bandana was missing. I wasn't used to seeing him with his hair down, he really was a beautiful man. He knew that too, how could he not, wherever we went girls would fall in love with him left and right.

"You always seem to think that I am in distress," I laughed and I petted the bed next to me for him to sit down. He came closer and he sat right next to me, our thighs touching.

"A couple minutes with Serena does that to you," he said gloomily. I chucked again, which made the smile on his face grow even bigger. I like his smile, it was warm and it made me feel like everything in the world was okay.

"She is so angry at the world," I sighed. "She is in so much pain."

"I know," he agreed. "Rarely, she lets you in for a second and you get a glimpse of her reality, but then she pushes you away so hard that you feel like you're just as far as before."

"You seem to like her anyways," I said and I suddenly noticed a hint of jealousy in my voice that even surprised me. Lavi was a Bookman, of course he would want to solve her mystery. There was no mystery about me.

"I just know she needs us, even if she feels she doesn't," he shrugged. "I know you already found a place for her in your heart." I was an open book in front of him as always, with all its words memorized.

"She reminds me of Allen, he was alone too. And Kanda, of course, with all that anger." I couldn't deny that I had always been drawn to people who were broken, like it was my job to piece them back together.

"As you can expect, they don't get along well. Allen is still yours." Although his voice was cheerful, he didn't look at me. Allen was important to me but I got the feeling that is not what he meant. I knew very well how I felt for Allen, I knew how much he needed me, and that made me feel useful and valued. Lavi didn't need me, yet he was always there for me. He was my rock but I could do nothing for him as much as I wished I could. I wanted him to need me too.

"I'm sure they just need time," I responded, ignoring is previous statement about Allen. "Are you going to leave after the war is over?" I asked suddenly which surprised him. The last time I asked this question was the first day we met, but back then I didn't care about the answer. However, while they were gone, I noticed myself revisiting this question over and over again, and now that he was sitting next to me I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Lenalee," he said weakly and reached for my hand. His fingers held mine tight and I could feel my face blush, so I had to turn my face away. "I am going to be a Bookman."

I knew that very well, and I couldn't help but to be mad about it. I hated that I wished the end of the war would never come because I didn't want him to leave. What was I going to do without him? Often, when I found myself thinking about him, I forced myself to remember that he was only here to record history. The thought of that made my heart hurt so deeply that I wished I could just rip it out of my chest.

"There is always a lot of history to record around the Order," I insisted even though I felt very silly in that moment. I still didn't look at him; I didn't want him to judge me even more. He didn't allow me to sink into my own pool of embarrassment, I felt his fingers softly touch my chin to turn me back towards him.

"Lenalee, don't. Don't make it harder," he whispered and I felt my heart painfully throb in my chest. I knew what he meant, it was a warning that I should let him go now, so it wouldn't be so hard later. He had no idea how impossible it was for me already. I wasn't clear how I felt about him but it hurt. A lot.

"I am sorry, it was silly," I said and pulled my hand out of his grip. He opened his mouth to say something but the door busted open and Serena walked into the room.

"Did I interrupt something?" She asked but I could tell she wouldn't care even if she did. I turned my head away so she wouldn't see me blush.

"I was just heading out," said Lavi quickly and left the room. For a few moments awkward silence filled the room and I could feel her eyes scanning my face, analyzing my expression.

"Don't be stupid," she spoke finally and got under her blanket.

I pretended to be confused but I knew exactly what she meant. Serena knew immediately how deeply I cared for Lavi, so he must know too. There had never been a single thing that I was able to hide from him but I didn't mind that. I wanted him to see me for me, even if it meant that I had no mystery to be solved. I was already stupid, so stupid for him, for he was a Bookman and I was an Exorcist. However, something already had started inside of me and that scared me breathless.

"I grew up at the Order," I said but she didn't look at me, although I thought I saw her wince a little. "I know what it is like."

"Did they experiment on you?" She asked quietly after a few moments of silence, and I knew it was her trying to relate to me. It was strange how as much as I didn't know anything about her, I still understood so much about her life by looking into those deep, green eyes. There was so much anger, disappointment, and loneliness in them that it was hard to look at her, no matter how much she was trying to hide it behind her constant scowl.

"I am an equipment type, so it was not as bad," I responded finally and for some reason I felt the need to complain about the Order. I think I really wanted her to feel like she was not alone in the world but at the same time, I needed it as well, to relate to someone. Lavi and Allen knew that growing up at headquarters was not easy but I didn't think they ever really understood, they had their own miseries to sort out that were very different from mine. "I did see some awful things though. Things that should never have happened and never be repeated."

"They will." Her voice was leaking with fury even though she spoke rather quietly. Her green, thundery eyes were glaring at me now, and I felt extremely scrutinized. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"I understand that your branch did some horrible things to you, but I can promise you that we will not let them experiment on you or anyone ever again. I can promise you that," I said vehemently but she just snorted amusedly. I had never gone against the Order but I knew that I would not let them use people like they did in the past. Komui would not let that happen…right?

"You work for them, you are just a soldier that is more or less expendable to them. They don't care about us, we are just tools that never even been considered as humans," she retorted angrily and for a few moments I was left speechless, because I could not deny the truth in what she had said. However, I had to believe that she was not right because I could not let any cracks appear in my carefully built world. If I did, I would become like her, someone that is being eaten alive by her own anger.

"Do you see yourself as a human?" I asked curiously, ready to give her a speech about how our own humanity is what makes our Innocence powerful.

Serena let out a deeps sigh and turned her head back towards the ceiling. "Am I? My body is kept alive by my Innocence. I am a living, breathing Innocence."

"It is true that you might not survive without it, but it still doesn't mean you are less human. In fact, you might just be more powerful because you are one with your Innocence. Parasite types have a special connection to their hosts that I find beautiful."

"You are all so delusional," she sighed and turned her back towards me, letting me know that she didn't wish to continue our conversation. Before she completely turned away from me, however, I did notice a small smile sitting on her lips that I am not even sure she was aware of. Certainly, she was not nice and had a lot of issues, but I could not ignore how much I was drawn to her. I really hoped that spending time with us would be able to heal some of her past wounds, no matter how broken and pained we all were. That was the beauty in our friendship: day by day we helped each other patch up the injuries of the past, so one day we would be able to let go of our own demons.

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Thank you for reading!  
I hope that I am successful at describing how Serena truly is, very far from a perfect person but I do want her to be witty and charming in a strange way. There is nothing more annoying than reading stories with OCs that are just so freaking perfect that you wanna puke. I am really trying to avoid that.


	8. Bookman's knowledge

Welcome back, lovely readers! Thank you again for following, favoriting, and reviewing the story again. I am pretty new to the site so I was not sure how to respond to you all but I am assuming that PM is the only way (right?), so I am going to go through them and bother you all with my answers. Sorry, I am slow with figuring this site out. I did not mean to be rude!

In this chapter you get to meet a new accommodator that I made up, I am proud of coming up with the idea of his power, it was not easy. Allen and Serena also get a feel for each other's martial abilities and there's some deep conversation going on too. Bookman is sneaky as expected but reasonable. Next time you get an explanation about Serena's past and I hope that will clear many things up, so stay tuned!

Warnings: swearing, mild sexual themes (super mild) and a cliff hanger.

Special note: can you find my little Game of Thrones surprise? I had to do that, it was just too perfect.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 8: Bookman's knowledge

As always, I woke up very early, the sun barely came up yet. Lenalee was still sleeping, for which I was extremely thankful. I only met her yesterday but I already knew that she was too chatty and nosey for my taste. I decided to use the extra time to take a bath, my body was desperately yearning for the touch of hot water. It felt like having a full bathroom was a privilege compared to most of the places where we had stayed on our way here. I let out a satisfied sigh as I emerged myself in the water, and immediately felt my muscles relax. I pulled my knees up to inspect my grazes but they were mostly completely healed, only little white marks indicated their past existence. Looking at them my brain subconsciously started searching for the reason of these scars and I soon found myself revisiting that night with Allen in the cave. I could almost still feel his lips on my neck, I dug my nails deep into my skin to make the feeling go away but it remained. I felt branded, and instead of decay the memories seemed to become sharper every day, torturing me with their hot intensity. I forced these thoughts out of my head and leaned back in the bathtub. I let the water go cold before I got out which helped me to wake up. It seemed like it was going to be a nice day, so I decided to wear an olive green V-neck dress that went down to the middle of my thigh and had three-quarter sleeves. I liked it since it was easy to move in it and the material didn't itch at all.

"Serena," called Lenalee when I stepped out of the bathroom. "If you want I could have the finders make a uniform for you."

"That would just bring up questions," I said but I did appreciate her gesture, she just wanted me to feel included even though that was the last thing I wanted. "Thank you, I guess."

"Of course," she smiled at me gently. "I'm always here if you need something. We girls have to keep together." I wasn't sure about that but I still nodded agreeably. I knew I could never be part of their group, and I was fine with that. I had never thought that I would find meaning in human connections anyways, and even if I did, it would most definitely not end well. I had a lonely fate, I accepted that a long time ago. It would've been ridiculous to even think that there could be anything since I wasn't even real.

Once we packed up our things, we headed downstairs to meet the rest of the crew. After breakfast, which mostly Allen, the vampire, and I ate, we headed towards the next town. We knew that Marian was somewhere East, so we were hoping to catch a train from a bigger town nearby. As always, I stayed back and was walking behind the group which allowed me to observe their dynamics. They worked together like a well-oiled machine, they seemed to truly enjoy being around one another. Lavi was the loud one, he never seemed to stop talking, for which he often got scolded by the old Bookman. Allen was more quiet and polite, but he did engage in Lavi's conversations and even let him get away with some teasing as well. The white-haired boy even seemed shy at times which was in complete opposite with what I had experienced in that dreaded cave. That Allen was in no way shy, he was hot and shameless, and I had to admit that that side of him fascinated me more. Lenalee was the heart of the group, she held them together like glue; she was the kindness that the world of the Exorcists was missing. Seeing such unity was strange to me, I really believed that all members of the Black Order were selfish and arrogant. Looking at them, I wasn't so sure anymore, and that scared me. It was like my world was turned upside down ever since I broke out of that illusion.

"You're awfully quiet for yourself," said Allen and stopped to wait for me. I was really hoping that I could just stay alone with my thoughts.

"Unlike you, I don't feel the constant need to listen to my own voice," I replied with a cheeky smile that seemed to entertain him.

"I wonder when you're going to run out of your clever comebacks," he said laughing, playfully bumping into my shoulder. He didn't seem to want to give up talking to me.

"I'll keep them coming just for you," I replied with a wink. It was just too much fun teasing him, I couldn't help it. Around him, the devil inside me was always awake.

Suddenly, before he got the chance to respond, Allen's left eye became activated and he instinctively grabbed for my arm to pull me behind him. The Akumas were right in front of us, attacking a chariot that had already suffered some serious hits. The men on it weren't trying to run away, however, they seemed to be protecting it with their own lives. Since our group had a rather large number of Exorcists, the demons were quickly demolished. I was sure the men were shielding some sort of treasure, but when we got closer there was only a man sitting in the chariot. He was tall and thin, his long blonde hair was braided all the way down his back; he was rather feminine looking but maybe that was what made him seem so angelic.

"Thank you for protecting us," he bowed in front of us. His voice was deep and soft, probably the most beautiful one I had ever heard in my life. Each word was music to my heart.

"We are Exorcists, it is our job," answered Lavi proudly. "Are you heading to town?"

"Yes, I will be performing there. My name is Azrael. Please, come, that is the least I could do for you," he said with a grateful smile. The chariot, before it was destroyed, seemed very nice which meant that the man was probably good at what he did. I was never a huge fan of the arts, there was no reason for it as an Exorcist, but somehow I found this man very intriguing.

"That is very kind of you, Sir, thank you," Lenalee smiled at the man gently. "And of course we will accompany you to make sure you get there safe. Do you have any idea why they might have targeted you?"

"No, I am sorry. I had never seen such creatures before." He could have been lying but for some reason I really trusted him which was a very scary and warm feeling at the same time.

"It was probably a coincidence," Allen noted with a gentle smile towards the man. "We better get going before more of them show up."

On the way to the village, we listened to his stories about foreign lands and people, he travelled to many places I could only hope to ever be able to see. His voice kept us mesmerized, I felt like I could listen to it forever. Even though it was strange, I somehow knew that we could trust him and I wasn't the only one, there was this air about him that made you feel warm and comfortable around him, like nothing bad could ever happen. We accompanied him to the house he was staying at, which was provided by the mayor of the town. He really seemed to be important.

"I have a feeling his performance will have a high attendance," said Lavi as we were walking towards our inn. "These large scale events are perfect feeding grounds for Akuma."

"Good thing we have an invitation," noted Allen.

Seemed like we were getting cultured tonight.

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Just like last time, I was sharing a room with Lenalee. She changed into civilian clothing as well, so we could better blend into the crowds, there was no need to attract unwanted attention to ourselves while observing. There were a few hours until the show, so I decided to go meditate to calm my mind. The inn had a small enclosed garden with beautiful flowers and trees in it but most importantly, it was completely empty. I sat under a chestnut tree, put my back against its trunk, and closed my eyes. I tried to empty my mind, and only concentrate on the soil under me and the soft breeze of the afternoon wind on my skin. I barely managed to relax when I heard someone's footsteps approaching me.

"Go away," I called out before they could say anything but the person was relentless, he sat down next to me with a large thud.

"I didn't take you for the meditating type," I heard Allen's voice which made me let out a painful sigh. Of course, it had to be him. I opened my eyes but didn't look at him, I wanted to make sure he was clear that he interrupted a very sacred ritual.

"It helps with calming my thoughts and emptying my mind," I replied with the least bit of enthusiasm. "Not that you have that problem." He definitely was getting used to my insults because again, he just laughed. How annoying.

"Are you thinking about what happens when we find Master Cross?" He asked curiously and scooted closer like we were talking about something forbidden. The white-haired boy also leaned back on the tree, his shoulders touching mine. It would have been very idyllic if I didn't loathe his company that much.

"If we find Cross," I corrected since there was no guarantee that we would, Marian didn't exactly play by the rules. "But yes, that too."

"How do you know he won't take you back to the Order?" His question was legit but he didn't know that I had faced Marian before, and somehow I didn't end up back at the Order. I needed to know why I was hidden for all those years, but I was also hoping that he would somehow free me from the Black Order.

"He never does what you'd expect," I said simply and shrugged. "I just know I can't live the way I used to, not anymore."

"You won't," he said and I felt his hand slide on mine. I wanted to pull it away but my body didn't move, I let his warm hand encompass mine. "It's not right. I can't let that happen." That was Allen, he had this intense need to protect everyone and make things right for them. He held everyone and everything above himself, even his enemies. The ones he cared for he wanted to protect, the ones he hated he wanted to change.

"Why?" It was a simple question but I knew the answer wasn't quite as easy. He had no power against the Black Order and he knew it, and he was a loyal soldier that would never betray his superiors. Just like Lenalee, he still wanted to believe that he had real power in this war, that he was not just an expendable soldier. I didn't understand why they were both so adamant on protecting me when it really was none of their business. All I asked was to keep my identity hidden until we find Marian, that's it. I only told them why I didn't want to be discovered to make sure they kept quiet.

"You're one of us now, like it or not," he said and that was an answer I didn't expect. My heart felt heavy suddenly and I was finally able to take my hand back. No, I wasn't part of his group, Serena was, the fraud. Every day I hated my alter ego more and more, for she got to be an Exorcist without all the pain. That belonged to me, that is all I had.

"I need to meditate. If I can't train my body, at least I should train my mind," I replied, completely ignoring his previous sentence. He didn't seem to care, which made me wonder whether he said that more for me or for himself.

"What holds you back from training your body?" He asked, confused.

"There is no equipment, beansprout," I said sharply, but he just laughed again and stood up. Good, he was leaving.

"Come on." He looked back down to me and extended his arm for me. "I'll be your equipment."

He knew very well that I was not going to refuse an opportunity to hit him, and I knew that he was curious about my fighting skills. After a few seconds of hesitation, I finally took his hand and he pulled me up from the ground. There was a small clearing in the middle of the garden, he led me straight there. We stopped a couple feet from each other and for a minute nothing happened, so I knew I was going to have to make the first move. I swung my fist right to his face but he easily hit my fist away and just pushed me back. That made me very angry.

"You're going to need more than that," he said it with a cheeky smile, which made me even angrier. I went for the same punch again, but before he could've hit my hand away I squatted down and kicked his feet from under him.

"Don't get too cocky," I warned him victoriously. Looking into those silver eyes I knew what he was thinking: it was on.

He shot up from the ground with such speed that I was barely able to block his hit going straight for my sternum. My arm went numb for a second where his hit landed, and I slid back a few feet on the grass. I couldn't hesitate, he was already coming for me again but I grabbed his arm and swung him around to win some time for my next attack. I decided to go for his stomach and to my surprise, I was able to land that hit. Except that he took it on purpose, and my fist painfully clashed with his abdomen. He sent me a cocky smile before he kicked me in the stomach and I fell back.

"You're weak," he said and for once, he was right. I couldn't go for the power hits because I wasn't strong enough to cause any damage like that, I had to aim for his body's naturally weak spots. I had to be smart and quick, rather than relying on raw physical strength.

I launched towards him again and after dodging a punch going for my stomach again, I kicked him in the shin which surprised him so much that I could spin behind him and kick the back of his knees so he would wall forward. When he hit the ground, I wrapped my arm around his neck in a strangle position.

"And you're stupid," I said declaring my victory but he didn't seem to agree. I thought he was going to try to pull my arm off of his neck, but instead he reached all the way back and grabbed the back of my dress. Before I could do anything, he flung my body over his head. I managed to land on my feet but his arms wrapped around me, holding my arms pinned to my body rendering them useless. His body was pressed against my back; I could feel the heat radiating from it.

"What are you going to do now?" I felt his lips brush my ears as he whispered those words and suddenly my legs didn't feel that steady under me. He started to play dirty, he knew exactly what he had to do to get a reaction out of me. Releasing me with one arm, he ran his hand up my thigh, making me shiver under his touch. "You don't seem too eager to get away."

He knew that my body remembered everything that happened in that cave and he was ready to use that against me. What he didn't know was that I knew exactly what he wanted. I didn't answer him, instead I just tilted my head back on his shoulder and slightly arched my back to press my ass to his lower part. That surprised him, so he automatically loosened his grip around my body and I was able to slide down into a squat and kick back right into his stomach. This time, it wasn't flexed, he hunched down from the pain.

I expected a surprised expression but there was none of that, he looked at me with a shameless smile. His innocent, boyish cover was gone, and underneath his mask he revealed a completely different person. He knew exactly what he was doing and he liked it, playing with me like that. He was lewd and hungry, a side of him that was hidden to even his closest friends. However, I wasn't his friend and I had no intention to be one, which made me the perfect little toy for him. That too, I had no intentions to be.

"Just don't let me beat you at your own game," I answered with a cheeky smile and walked closer to him.

I had every intention to wipe that annoying smirk off of his face with my fist but he was quick to react, pushing my hand away again just as I expected him to do. With a quick turn I squatted down again but instead of trying to kick his feet out, I went for his stomach with my elbow. Last second, he managed to push my hand away and I quickly jumped back to distance myself from him. Bracing myself for the next attack, I put my arms in front of me to deter his punch but he launched at me with his entire body, pushing me back until my back hit the trunk of the chestnut tree I meditated under. Allen pinned me to it hard, placing his forearm at my throat to guarantee that I wouldn't be able to move.

"This game?" He asked with a smug smirk on his face and pressed one of his legs in between mine. I automatically squirmed which only encouraged him more and pushed himself even closer to me, making my body flush over with excitement despite all my common sense going against it. It was clear that I was not going to get out of this unless I played along, exactly just what he wanted. I let a coy smile appear on my lips and I ran my trembling (from my great acting skills) hand up his torso, all the way up over his chin, and dug my fingers deep into his soft, white locks. With the smirk still on his face, he lowered his arm so he could grab my waist and pull me closer. Again, I fell captive of his silver eyes and let my hands caress his face, his neck, all the way down to his chest, not completely sure if I really wanted to escape anymore.

"Why are you doing this?" I heard myself asking the question that I really should have asked a long time ago. At the same time, I knew that I had no answer it myself, so maybe that is why the question was never born in my head before. "Where is your innocent and goody-good mask right now?"

Allen just stared at me for a second, his face showed absolutely no emotion but I could read anger radiating from his eyes. Whether he was angry at me or at himself, I didn't know and it didn't matter, for I wanted no spot on his emotional roller coaster. I was fascinated though, how complex he was in reality, like a puzzle that needed to be solved. I was very tempted to put these pieces together, although I had a feeling that his puzzle was not complete yet.

"Right…" He said slowly and stepped away from me. His expression was bland and his voice monotonous, he was letting me see a more merciless side of him. So there was a real dark side to him, I was intrigued. "I am tired of everyone always expecting me to do the right thing, always being so good. But you…"

"I am no good," I finished his sentence for him. He lowered his head embarrassedly and I knew he was going to try to explain it. If it was anyone else, someone normal, I was sure that it would've been hurtful. But I didn't care because he was no good for me either, not as an Exorcist, not during the war, probably not ever. We were too broken, it was simple as that. "Allen, I am no good, you are right. It is normal to be drawn to things that are wrong, you are only human."

"You are not as bad as you think you are," he responded with a gentle smile, covering up for his previous slip. Good Allen was back, the darkness in his eyes completely faded like it never existed. "That's not what I m…

"You know nothing, Allen Walker." I chided him lightly and I swiftly brushed by him to head back inside. I had no reason to talk to him, especially if he was going to pretend. That garden was too small for two frauds.

"I won't go easy on you next time," he yelled after me, and I wondered if there was a meaning behind his sentence. The battle was over for now but the game was still on: once you find your secret darkness, it is hard to let it go. I didn't like this game, it wasn't smart, but I couldn't deny that I was already a part of it.

* * *

Before the performance, we all changed into nicer clothes to pay proper respect to Azrael. It was a strange sight, seeing everyone in civilian clothing, we all looked so strangely normal. The stage was set up at the town square and there were guards surrounding it to protect Azrael from the crowds. He seemed very popular, the whole square was filled with people, so we were forced to stand in the back. It didn't matter though, that way, we were able to see everything that was happening. I set my back against the cold wall of the building behind me and watched the people prepare for the show. At exactly 6 o'clock, Azrael appeared and he greeted the cheering masses with a warm smile.

"I have a feeling this is going to be good," said Lavi as he leaned against the wall next to me as well.

"You don't look like much of an art enthusiast," I noted and he just smiled at me as always.

"Art is a part if history, and that is what I do." Right, he was a future Bookman, I always forgot. I wanted to say something clever, but suddenly the orchestra started playing music. I turned my attention back to Azreal, but when he opened his mouth to sing, I suddenly felt the ground disappear from under me and my knees painfully landed on the floor. His voice was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my life, I felt like God himself was singing to us, but it hurt, it was so painful that I could not hold my body up anymore. My blood, my Innocence was rushing in my veins, I felt like it was going to burst any second, it burned my body from the inside like acid. That was not the worst part: my body started glowing as my Innocence started reacting with its true source, the light around me. I was in so much pain but I knew I had to get away before they figure out my secret.

"Lavi, take her somewhere safe!" I heard the old Bookman's voice and I thanked God for sending him to my aid. I felt someone reach under me and lift me up, that was the last thing I remembered before everything went dark.

I woke up in a bed, and when I opened my eyes I realized I was back in the inn. Lavi was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me with a thousand questions on his face.

"What the hell happened back there?" He asked, both upset and worried. I slowly scooted up in the bed and let out a huge sigh.

"That man, Azrael, he is an Accomodator," I explained but his expression changed from worried to extremely confused. He must have left the scene before he could have realized it. "His Innocence reacted with mine."

"Reacted in what way?" He asked. "You were in pain, Serena. Why would an Innocence do that to you?"

"It wasn't his fault, it hurt because my Innocence is in my blood. His voice made it excited and strong to the point that my body couldn't handle it." As I spoke, I could almost hear the gears in his brain spinning he was thinking so hard.

"I am assuming he is a parasite type then, probably his vocal cords. I likely didn't feel it because I am an equip type," he said and I nodded. "Why was your skin glowing though?" Fuck.

"I don't know," I said after a few moments of silence. "It was probably a side effect." He seemed to believe it because he just nodded understandingly.

"I have to go back to make sure everyone is fine. It could have had a bad effect on Allen and Krory too. Are you going to be all right here?" He asked and he stood up from the bed.

"It's not that easy to get rid of me," I said with a fait smile. When the door closed, I laid back down on the bed and let out a painful sigh. Azrael had a very powerful Innocence and it almost unveiled me. I was hoping that no one suspected anything, however, it was a good sign that Lavi seemed very confused. Bookman, on the other hand, could still be a problem.

It seemed like hours had already passed when the door finally opened and Lenalee walked into the room. Her purple dress was dirty and she had many bruises, but I couldn't smell any blood. I sat up and looked at her waiting for an explanation.

"Are you alright?" She asked instead. "You scared us there."

"What did I miss?" I asked back, ignoring her concerns. It would be devastating if the Akumas were to kill Azrael, his Innocence was extremely powerful and a valuable asset for the war.

"After Lavi left with you, a bunch of Akumas appeared to kill Azrael. He is safe with the finders now, Allen convinced him to join the Order. He is going to the European Branch's base tomorrow," she answered after realizing that I wasn't going to leave her alone. Poor man, he had no idea what kind of lab experiments he was subjecting himself to. "I know what you're thinking, Serena. My brother is the Chief Officer there; he would never allow anyone to be tortured."

"Right," I replied sharply but she didn't dwell on it. It was no secret how stubborn I was, so there was no point trying to convince me.

"I am going to go talk to the mayor, we haven't had a chance to explain him what happened, and the town square is devastated," she said finally. After quickly changing back into her uniform, she rushed out of the room. It was almost sundown, she probably had to rush to still be able to talk to the mayor before it was too late.

A few moments later I heard knocking on the door and Bookman came in. Lavi wasn't with him, so I knew this visit was not to check whether I was okay. He knew. I was stupid for even thinking that he wouldn't find out, it was his job to remember everything and to connect the dots. It was my special kind of bad luck that I ended up with a group that he was a part of.

"How did you figure it out?" I asked and pointed to the chair in the room for him to sit down. I had a feeling this was going to be a long conversation.

"I had my suspicions when I first saw you, but everything came together today," he said and he sat own across from my bed.

"When you saw the light," I added and he nodded. "Does Lavi know?"

"No, and I don't intend to tell him if you are willing to give me an explanation, General Aina Agnarsson."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter!

P.S.: What do you think of her name? I guess it is easy to guess where she is from and why I choose her look the way I did.


	9. Poker

Hi everyone, welcome back! First of all I would like to thank everyone for viewing, favoriting, following, and reviewing my story, I am feel honored.

Again, it is Serena's point of view. In this chapter we learn a little more about her and the group discovers a new potential Innocence. I personally really like this chapter, especially towards the end, it is pretty hot, in my opinion. Little naughty Allen does it again!

Warnings: mild cursing and sexiness.

Enjoy, and lemme know what you think :)

* * *

Chapter 9: Poker

We sat in silence for a couple minutes, not because I didn't want to answer him, but because I simply had no idea where to start. He was looking at me, analyzing my face, my gestures, everything. I knew he was a reasonable man, and as a Bookman he had no devotion to the rest of the group. He was simply an observer; it was not his duty to unmask my true identity. He was merely interested in my history, that's all.

"I was trapped in an illusion for nine years after I fled the Black Order. I have no recollection of that time and it seems like I didn't age a day while I was under it. When I woke up, I found it the most logical to keep my real identity hidden. Someone went through all that trouble to hide me, so I felt it was best if I honored that," I explained. It was actually deliberating to finally be able to tell someone the truth.

"Interesting," he nodded and seemed to drift off for a couple seconds. "I presume you believe General Cross had something to do with it."

"Yes, since he was the last person I remember seeing before I woke up from the illusion. Marian might be an ass but this required a lot of effort and careful planning, there has to be a good reason for it. If he really did this, then I cannot be found out before I talk to him," I said, no, rather pleaded to the old man.

"I understand. Even I, the Bookman, wasn't aware of your healing gift," he said with a small smile. "This is quite an elaborate lie, young lady. But it makes sense, since you are a wanted criminal, a traitor to the Order."

"I had a feeling they would declare me a traitor. That is exactly why I had no choice but to keep Serena, I do not want to be locked up again. I understand if you have concerns about my loyalties and you would be right. I loathe the Black Order with every bone in my body but I am an Exorcist, so I will fight for the Innocence until my last breath. I will die to fulfill God's plan for us but I will not follow the Order. Luckily, people don't recognize me anymore, after all, it has been almost a decade. Besides, they kept me well hidden from the world, I was their favorite lab rat so not many know what I looked like anyways," I explained.

"Back then the Order ignored all ethical concerns. It is different now." Bookman probably thought I cared but he was wrong. Just because he didn't know about any experiments, it didn't mean that there were none.

"They'd need a way bigger reason to stop than ethics. In my case, it wasn't until that incident that they became scared of me and stopped experimenting with my blood as much. That's when they made me a General, they though that would give them absolution and I would just forgive them for everything. I do technically have a perfect synchronization rate because I am kept alive by my Innocence but I am nowhere close to the generals in strength. I am a pathetic excuse for it but they thought that would make up for all they'd done to me." I became furious as I remembered back at my childhood, revisiting those memories made my blood boil from the repressed anger inside me.

"I heard about that," he said all-knowingly but I shook my head.

"It wasn't an accident," I said and his eyes widened. "I _wanted_ to kill him for what he did to me."

The old man opened his mouth to say something but he didn't get the chance, Allen and Lavi burst through the door without even knocking. They must've felt the tension because they stared at us confused for a few seconds.

"I was just checking if Serena needed treatment," the old man said eventually, and I let out a relieved sigh. He was going to keep my secret. "Apparently, she is scared of needles."

"They're creepy," I said sulkily but then I smiled at Bookman gratefully. "Thank you." He understood what I meant, how truly thankful I was that he would keep my secret.

"So you're scared of needles, sour lady?" asked Lavi teasingly when the door closed behind the old man. I threw one of my pillows at him angrily but it didn't seem to melt that annoying smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with a painful sigh. "This is the girls' room, you pervert idiots."

"We came to tell you that there is food, but I guess Allen will have to eat your portion. You better hurry," he answered theatrically and slowly walked out of the room. Although the redhead left, Allen remained in the room, closing the door after Lavi. I didn't like being in a room alone with him.

"I need your help," he quickly said it before I could yell at him for still being there. "It's about my Innocence." I waved at him to come closer and he sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. I waited for him to unbutton his shirt but he didn't move.

"You're going to have to take your shirt off, I can't get to it like this," I said, but I soon realized that he couldn't move this left arm when he failed to unbutton his shirt with only one hand. "What happened?"

"Azrael's voice made us all stronger but I didn't realize the toll it was going to take on my Innocence," he explained while I quickly helped his arm out of the shirt. Then I proceeded to feel every bone and muscle in it to make sure everything was intact. As I feared, his arm was exhausted and it seemed like the skin was breaking off of it.

"It seems like your arm is breaking down," I said which made his silver eyes fill with terror. "I can inject you with my blood, that might help."

"Do it," he answered immediately, sounding quite desperate. I rose from the bed and stepped to my backpack to look for the right supplies. When I returned, I sat down next to him and filled a syringe with my blood. After I was done, I dipped the end into a disinfectant to make sure no bacteria from my skin would enter his circulation. The sight of blood was a normal thing to me but I knew how disgusting it was to others. When Allen realized my hesitation, he simply just grabbed my hand and pushed the syringe towards his arm. "It doesn't freak me out."

"It should," I said weakly while I tried to find a spot on his arm for injection. His arm must've gone completely numb because he didn't even flinch when I pierced his skin with the needle and emptied its contents. It felt like it was strangely intimate to give him my blood, knowing that I was a part of him now. "Give it a couple minutes."

"You've done this before?" He asked. He should've asked that question before I injected him, but then I realized he wasn't worried about its effectiveness.

"Not like this, no," I admitted. "Of course, I know what my blood can be used for but I only treated surface wounds before. I personally have never given it to anyone until now." He looked at me surprised but there was a small satisfied smile sitting in the corner of his mouth enjoying the situation.

"It's a strange feeling," he said, musing. "Having your blood inside me," Allen continued, not lifting his gaze off of my face.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable," I said and broke off the eye contact. I didn't blame him, it was weird. I didn't know how I would feel if someone else's blood was inside of me, circulating in my body.

"It doesn't." His voice was gentle and I felt his fingers softy reach for me to turn my head towards him. It was a new side of him again, he was so gentle and caring, it scared me. However, it wasn't right, not towards me. "It makes me feel like everything will be fine now."

That sentence was more for himself than it was for me, like he needed to convince himself that things were going to be okay in the future.

"It won't, Allen," I said sharply but his fingers remained on my chin. "Not for a while, maybe not forever." It was stupid to say things like everything will be fine, considering the war we were fighting. I tried to deny it but his words did make me feel better, even though it was stupid. I felt a need to change the subject. "How's your hand?"

"I can feel it again," he said and let go of my face. As a demonstration, he moved his arm up and down and clenched his fist a couple times. "Let's go eat."

When we went down to the dining hall, everyone was already there. I tried hard to ignore their questioning stares since I suspected Allen didn't want to let them know about his arm. Lavi joked that we must have gotten into a fight about the food and we pretended that he guessed it right. I could feel Lenalee's eyes on me as I sat down, and it made wonder whether she saw more into it than what it was. Maybe she wasn't as stupid to have real feelings for the future Bookman, maybe it was the white-haired idiot she fancied. Either way she was stupid to allow herself to care about anyone in this group; we were Exorcist, which meant that we had a target on our heads and someone could take the killing shot any moment.

* * *

Thankfully, the town had a train station, so we didn't have to continue on foot anymore. The Black Order had a whole cab reserved for us, we had plenty of space. I sat by the window in a cabin with Lenalee and Bookman, but the others were more restless, they decided to go mingle with people. According to Lavi, he was only going to gather information about possible Innocence sightings but Bookman knew better, he warned him to leave the young ladies alone. Although Lenalee tried to hide it, her forced laugh was rather painful to watch. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Lavi knew how to make women do what he wanted, he was handsome and witty, with a hint of danger. As the future Bookman he couldn't have a real relationship, but he was still a man, and there was no reason why he shouldn't seek pleasure.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to Lenalee shaking my shoulders and waving to me to follow her to the next cabin. When we got there, everyone was already crammed inside, so Lenalee and I had to stand at the door.

"So?" I asked impatiently and closed the door behind me. "This better be important."

"Oh, it is," the redhead said excitedly. "I am pretty sure I found a new Innocence."

"On the train?" Krory asked, surprised.

"It is in a town, a couple hours away. These lovely ladies I met told me that there is a spear that no one can touch and sometimes people even explode when they come in contact with it." Lavi sounded very proud of his discovery.

"That could very well be an Innocence," the old Bookman noted. "If it truly exists."

"Doesn't hurt to check it out, right?" Asked Lenalee who seemed convinced right away. I just sighed and shrugged, I already knew that we were going to pursue this alleged Innocence.

"The best part is that since it seems to be so dangerous, its owner decided to make it the main prize for a competition," Lavi continued. "We just have to win his poker tournament."

"Is anyone even good at it?" I snorted sarcastically but everyone just started smiling.

"Oh, yeah," Lavi laughed and pointed to Allen. "We are golden."

Yet another side of Allen that I didn't know about, although this one seemed rather dangerous. I really wasn't sure if enrolling in the competition was even a smart idea, it would make more sense to just steal the damn thing. Bookman agreed with me but Lavi immediately argued that we couldn't possibly steal it without distraction. I was pretty sure that he just wanted to watch Allen play.

"So what do you suppose our plan should be?" Lenalee asked impatiently, breaking up the argument.

"Of course Allen would sign up for the competition but Serena will go with him," he explained and I had to interrupt him right away.

"I don't play poker," came the objection from me. "What's the purpose of me losing?"

"You're not going to play," he said with a devious smile. I immediately knew that it was not going to end well for me. "These tournaments are highly secure, they really don't want the contestants to cheat and well, Allen needs that to win. He will be searched before the start but you wouldn't; that's where the extra deck will be. Moreover, having a woman by his side can only help him during the game."

"Lenalee is a woman," I noted which made the girl start shaking her head desperately.

"We need her Dark Boots breaking in and getting out. Besides, she can fight if we run into guards in the depository." It seemed like Lavi had everything figured out. "Krory and Gramps will be standing guard outside in case the Akuma attack."

"This is actually not a bad plan, Lavi." Krory was impressed but I was rather annoyed. Admittedly, it was a good plan but I still wasn't very satisfied with my role in it. "Except, how are you going to make Allen and Serena look like adults?"

"Leave that to me." Lenalee sounded too confident and that I didn't like whatsoever.

When we finally got off the train, Lenalee immediately took off to buy the appropriate attire for me and Allen. She probably knew that I would never willingly go with her, so she just quickly measured me with her hands and ran off. Lavi chose the inn strategically: it was close enough to the competition that we wouldn't have to walk too much, but far enough if they come looking for the spear. Despite how hungry I was, it was hard to push the food down my throat and I only managed to eat four plates of food.

"Are you nervous?" Lavi asked with a gloating grin on his face when he noticed my lack of appetite.

"Have you thought about what happens if we get caught? Or if we don't even get in because we look too young?" I asked angrily but his grin remained in place.

"Make sure you don't get caught, that's your job. The rest is up to Lenalee, let's just see what she comes up with." Lavi seemed very confident which made me annoyed, he was not the one who had to do the heavy lifting. I prayed we would find Marian soon because I didn't know how much more of this ridiculousness I could take.

When Lenalee finally arrived, she just threw a bag at Allen and grabbed my hand to drag me to our room. Once there, she pushed me into the bathroom and ordered me to take the quickest bath possible. I didn't want to anger her too much but I still didn't rush as much as I could, childishly showing off my feelings towards this mission. When I stepped back in the room, she already prepared everything for me and was waiting for me impatiently.

"Finally, I only have an hour to get you ready now," she scolded me and I let out a painful sigh. I really wished I could tell her about my real Innocence so I wouldn't have to go through this.

"There is no way I am putting that on," I answered harshly but she just grabbed my arm and pulled me to the dress.

"I heard you had worn worse," she replied with a cheeky smile and I cursed Lavi in my head for telling her.

The dress of course had a dreaded corset, although it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as the other ones I had to wear for Lord Skarjavec. It was olive green with a black flowery pattern and was built into the top that had long sleeves but left my shoulders bare. The bottom part was long but simple, had the same color and pattern as the top, and a slit on the right side. Lenalee even found a pair of high heels in my size that were surprisingly comfortable.

"What do you think you're doing with that?" I asked her when she pulled a black, lacy garter out of one of the bags.

"This is where the cards will be," she answered so lightly that I wanted to punch her. It was clear that I wasn't just going be accompanying Allen, I will be his hostess for the night. Once again, I am being made into a whore, only a high class one this time. How wonderful.

I had to admit it, Lenalee knew what she was doing. She put my hair up in a nice bun and only let two wavy locks fall down on each side. When she was done with the makeup and I finally was able to look at myself in the mirror, it was a completely different person staring back at me. It was a woman. She didn't let me stare at my reflection for long, she gave me a small bag and a pack of cards to go in the garter and grabbed my hand again to me downstairs. Allen was already there waiting with Lavi, wearing a black tuxedo and a top hat. His hair was tied back this time which surprisingly did make him appear older. I tried very hard to ignore his whole being, his simper and those striking silver eyes, and just rushed out of the inn.

"You really don't want do this, huh?" asked Allen once he caught up with me.

"It is degrading, I'm not some courtesan," I replied with unconcealed fury. I heard him laugh next to me but then he caught my waist to stop me in front of him. He held me tight until I stopped wiggling and was willing to look in his eyes.

"Of course not, no one is paying you," he said with a smirk on his face which somehow made me smile too. "That's better. After all, you're supposed enjoy my company." He reached for my arm and embraced it with his, tight, so I couldn't escape. I couldn't shake the feeling that he enjoyed his role in this mission very much, something told me that I would witness a very different Allen tonight.

The event was held at a hotel that belonged to the organizer. When we got to the entrance, we were greeted by servers who handed us a glass of champagne. I downed it in one breath, which wasn't very lady-like, but hell with it, I was an (unpaid) courtesan anyways. A volunteer hooker, how wonderful. Surprisingly, many men had a woman with them which made me feel a little better about my situation. We were directed to a gentleman behind a table who wrote Allen's name down and took the 'application fee' from him. As Lavi foresaw, the white-haired Exorcist was then petted down to see if he was carrying any weapons or extra cards, but I was just simply let through. There, we took another glass of champagne and suddenly I didn't hate the place that much.

"What are we supposed to do now?" I asked since it didn't seem like the games were starting anytime soon. When I looked around, all I could see was people drinking and dancing; it looked more like a party than a poker tournament.

"I'm going to teach you," Allen answered with a brash smile on his face. He grabbed my arm again and led me across the room to the roulette table. Before we got too close, however, he pulled me closer and leaned to my ear.

"When the ball slows down, you will accidentally drop your purse," he whispered and pulled me even closer to him, his hands resting on my hips. "I will go down to grab it and if I see you tap with your foot, I'll know that it is not our color. I'll hit the table on the way up."

"It's a stupid cheating method if we can only do it once," I said a little too loudly because he put his finger on my lips.

"Play along, Serena," he whispered in my ear again and laid a small kiss on my earlobe. "Have a little fun." I looked into those silver eyes that promised a completely new experience, something I couldn't go back from, and I knew that we started a dangerous avalanche. Childish Allen was gone again, and this man in front of me was looking at me with such irresistible prurience that made my body burn. I slid my hands up his body to his neck and let out a small sigh. I was game.

"Shall we go win?" I asked coquettishly and I looped my arm around his. "I'm keeping the money."

Allen led me to the table and we greeted all the others around us. We ended up going with black and as we discussed, I pretended to drop my purse as the ball was slowing down. Allen, the gentleman he was, kneeled down to pick it up just to see that I tapped my foot. Coming back up he slightly hit the table and as expected, the ball continued to the black slot. To give a show for the croupier, he picked me up with a fake surprised smile and spun me around while I laughed loudly. It was strange to me how easily I was able to put on a new mask again and pretend I was someone else. I had a great talent for deception and I enjoyed it too, for I got to be someone else.

"We are going with black again," I told the croupier, ignoring Allen's surprised gaze.

"Yes, Mademoiselle," he replied politely. The white-haired boy didn't like my choice since he was out of tricks, I, on the other hand, wasn't.

"Have some fun," I whispered in his ear and laid a kiss on his cheek. When the ball was going to settle in the red slot, all everyone saw was a flicker of light before the ball continued into the black pocket. I jumped up with pretense joy and he theatrically clapped his hands. "See? I'm just that lucky." We collected the ticket for the amount we won and left the table before anyone could get suspicious, especially Allen.

"I see you're getting warmed up," he said and led me towards the bar. "May I treat you to a drink, Mademoiselle?"

"Please do, Monsieur." I had to admit cheating was exciting, I could feel the adrenalin rushing in my veins. For a moment, I was able to forget about the war, the lies, and the uncertainty of the future. Allen ordered a round of whiskey on the rocks (like an adult would), and when the drinks were ready he pulled me towards a darker area where there were small, enclosed booths with a couch and tiny table. It was private and elegant, just where the rich men would want to bring their courtesans for some light pleasure. For us, it was dark and isolated enough that we could formulate a plan since I still had no idea how we were supposed to pull this off. I sat down next to Allen and looked at him, waiting for an explanation. After all, I was only an accessory, he was supposed to be the one who cheats the pants off of everyone.

"Where is the deck?" He asked leaning closer to me in case someone was listening.

"It's in my garter," I replied but he just stared at me with a confused expression. Clearly, he had no idea what a garter was, so I reached for my skirt and pulled it open where the slit, revealing the lacey band around thigh. A small, lascivious smile appeared on his lips and he slid his hand on my leg, causing goosebumps to appear on my skin. "What are you doing?"

"Chose a card," he whispered, leaning so close to me I could feel his breath on my skin. A mischievous light flickered in his eyes as he moved his hands up on my thigh, sliding it under the garter. I didn't answer immediately, just reached for my drink to gain some liquid courage to resist his touch. The whiskey burnt my throat but I enjoyed the pain, it made me forget about his touch, even if it was only for a second.

"The queen of hearts," I chose finally. Allen just simply nodded and to my surprise, his hand let go of my leg and he reached for his drink too. The glass was empty in a few seconds and he turned back towards me after taking his gloves off.

"Don't move," he said and suddenly he leaned closer to my face than he ever had before. My eyes automatically closed when I felt his warm lips on mine, slowly caressing them. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't have moved, my body completely surrendered itself to him. His lips were warm and soft, he tasted like alcohol but something else too, something sweet and delicious. His hand reappeared on my thigh, his fingers digging into my flesh as he slowly moved his hands upwards. I screamed in my head when I felt his hand on my inner thigh but my body again betrayed me, my legs opened up willingly to let him in. I could feel him smiling before his lips called for a more passionate dance that I joined all too willingly, returning every bite and nibble. His tongue broke through my non-existent resistance and explored my mouth with careful strokes, driving me to deepen our kiss even more. He tasted so good, it was intoxicating. He moaned into my mouth when I grabbed his shirt to pull him closer, obeying to all my wants, everything that was him. I wanted his lips, his hungry touch on my body, his warm breath on my skin, his silver gaze, his moans and growls, and every drop of his lust for me. He gave it to me all and he wanted to take more, so much more. His tongue glided over my lips slowly, torturing me and playing with my desires. Then, he pulled away from me but his silver eyes kept me prisoner even though his lips let me go.

"Is this your card?" He asked with a gloating smile, holding up the queen of hearts. I had no idea how and when he was able to take it out of the deck, I was angry at myself for letting him toy with my desires. Nothing was more irritating than knowing how much I wanted him, someone, I wasn't supposed to have. This sense of danger made him so much more desirable to me, he was my poison fruit that I was forbidden from. I still tasted it, his sweet nectar was intoxicating. "You almost made me forget what I was looking for, you taste too good."

"Can't handle me, beansprout?" I asked playfully, clearly angering him. He grabbed the back of my neck and yanked me towards him.

"Don't play with me," he hissed at me and I could feel a cunning smile appear on my lips. Allen leaned to my ear and traced its outline with his tongue. "I know how much you want it."

"Are you going to give it to me?" The devil inside me won again, making me forget all my common sense. His body was a forbidden fruit for me that I wanted to taste over and over again, no matter the consequences. We made this mistake once while drunk but this time we were sober, I didn't seem to want him any less because of that. Being able to finally taste his lips left me with cravings I didn't know I could possibly have, yearning me for more and more.

"Don't challenge me," he whispered hoarsely and slid his hand in-between my thighs again. His fingers wandered higher and higher, drawing circles on my skin, making me gasp for air desperately. A repressed whimper shook my body when I felt his finger through my underwear, slowly caressing me. "I wonder what you taste like."

His words were enough to make my body tremble under his touch, humiliating me with its weakness. "Allen…" I moaned when he pressed his fingers harder onto me and started circling on my sensitive flesh. He moved my underwear aside and dipped into my wetness. I felt like all the air left my lungs as I watched him lick his fingers, slowly, enjoying every drop of my taste. It was the most erotic sight I had ever seen, making my mind cloudy from the desire.

"Tell me to stop, Serena," Allen said leaning close to me again, his lips brushing mines with each word. I wanted to say it, to push him away, and slap him for beings so unbelievably…sexy.

"I'd be lying," I admitted with a fait voice and pressed my mouth on his. Allen merged his lips with mine immediately, pulling me closer by my waist again. I sighed into the kiss passionately when he grabbed my leg and pulled me onto his lap. "This is so wrong."

"It feels damn right to me," he retorted and pulled me back for another kiss as he cupped my ass. I automatically arched my back, pushing onto his lap more fiercely, earning a low growl from him. "I remember how you moaned under me while I fucked you into nirvana."

"Would you like to refresh my memory?" I asked teasingly and laid kisses on his neck all the way to his collar bone while listening to his breathing getting heavy from trying to restrain himself.

"Stop talking or we won't ever make it to the poker table." Allen pushed me away from him and forced me to look into his eyes that were foggy from the desire. "That is the game we have to play tonight."

With a deep sigh I pushed myself off of his lap and for a few moments we were just sitting there in silence. I cursed myself over and over again for losing my mind around him, I couldn't believe those things ever left my mouth. Would it have been so wrong for me to stop fighting my longing for him? I wanted to believe that sleeping with him would not cause unforeseen trouble but I would be lying. Sex is never simple, I would be naïve to think that indulging in it would not affect everything. Even though it was just physical, it was a kind of connection that we shared, and I could not allow myself to enjoy such connections. Soon, Serena was supposed to cease to exist and I, the real me, cold not have desires for something that Serena created. This personality was just a bridge between my past and the point when I finally find Marian, anything that I was now I would have to leave behind. I would have to leave him behind.

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I hope you guys liked it! I honestly know nothing about gambling (it is illegal in my state) and I have no idea if that roulette trick would work, but it is fiction so I guess it can fly this time.

P.S.: I was just wondering but why's there no **TykixKanda** (would that be Yuuki?) stories? If you know of one or if you would try to write one PLEASE let me know. I think I would really really enjoy that. I cannot be the only one!


	10. No future

What's up, everyone? Thank you again for all the views, follows and favorites! I am so happy that my story was viewed over a 1000 times, thank you.

About this chapter: It is again LENALEE'S POV, hope that doesn't confuse you guys too much. This chapter is a little shorter but I think it is important for Lenalee & Lavi. There are no special warnings.

 **Special request (plea?):** Since this is the 10th chapter, I would be extra-super-duper happy if you guys could shoot me some reviews. I am not one who would normally ask such a request but since it is kind of a milestone in the number of chapters, I really wish to know what you guys think. I would really appreciate some feedback, especially about how to improve the story  & my writing. Thank you so much in advance 3

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Chapter 10: No future [Lenalee]

It was a cold night but I didn't mind it, I needed it to clear my head. Allen was with Serena at that competition and I couldn't help it, I felt so jealous. When she walked down the stairs, I saw their looks, their desire for her, and I wished someone would look at me like that. I understood Lavi though, she was perfect for the job. She was shamelessly confident and knew how to push people's buttons the right way, exactly what was needed tonight. To press Allen's buttons too, to make him better because only she could do that. She could bring out a completely new side of him: the dangerous and manipulative in him, the perfect gambler. Serena might not be able to fight physically but that didn't make her any less threatening, she got her own devious ways. But I was no better than her tonight; we exploited her for our goal and expected her to comply without question. She knew that, and she still did it.

"We are using her," I said to Lavi who was standing next to me on the roof. The night was dark, the moon was hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. Instead of our uniforms, we wore all black that allowed us to blend into the darkness completely.

"She is perfect for it." His voice was emotionless, like he didn't care about it at all. Sometimes I really hated how calculating he could be, it always reminded me of who he really was. A Bookman who wasn't supposed to have connections; his caring side was just a mask to make it easier for us. I only cared for a creation of his imagination, Lavi wasn't real.

"It isn't right," I replied harshly but he just laughed. It wasn't one of those happy, 'everything-will-be-fine' laughs, it was dry. He left his mask back at the inn tonight.

"Is this how much you'd want to be in her place?" It wasn't a question, he hissed at me cruelly. I turned towards him so fast that my neck hurt, I couldn't believe he just said that. This was not him, he was never mean before, there was something up with him.

"What is your problem?" I asked, and I could feel my nails dig into my palm, I was clenching my fist so hard.

"I'm not stupid, I know you wish you were in her place, so you could be with him," he answered, his emotionless voice was back again. Was he jealous? Allen and I have a special connection, I could not deny how important he was to me despite not knowing him for very long, but I was not in love with him, even though I knew a lot of people thought that. Still, he had no right treating me like that, acting like this. Whom I loved belonged to me and he had no right disrespecting that.

"If you knew that so well, why didn't you send me?" I yelled at him loudly but I didn't care. It only angered him more, he grabbed my arm aggressively and yanked my body towards him. I clashed into him but I didn't complain, no, I wasn't going to be weak. Not now.

"Because you were not right for the mission." His voice was suddenly quiet, even broken. He let go of my arm and turned his back to me. My heart started throbbing so fast I thought it was going to explode in my chest I was so angry at him. Where was all of this coming? He was never this cruel to me.

"You call yourself the future Bookman, but you can be so stupid," I said and wrapped my arm around his waist, pushing my face into his strong back. No matter what his problem was, I was willing to forgive him for treating me bad and offer him comfort, he was stupid for thinking that I would let him hurt me so he could finally feel something. However, Lavi sighed and unwrapped my arms from his body. He turned back towards me but stepped back, creating distance between us. I was confused and scared, because he was so hostile towards me.

"Please, tell me how I am so stupid. Am I supposed to jeopardize the mission because you think it is wrong that Serena is with Allen?" His voice was dripping with anger and disgust so much, I felt tears collecting in my eyes. Thank God, it was dark, I didn't want him to see me cry. "I would be stupid if I didn't notice how in love you are with him. You know what? Go, go to him, play his whore for the night!"

My hand automatically swung towards his face and I slapped him so hard that it echoed in the night. I was absolutely furious; my body was trembling. "How dare you? If you are angry at the world, you can take it out on me, I don't care. However, you don't get to hurt me because you want to cover up how wrong you feel for sending her." I couldn't help it anymore, my tears like rivers started flowing down my face.

"Lenalee…" he started but I interrupted. I didn't even care that my voice became husky from trying to suppress my crying.

"No, you don't even get to talk! Do you even notice how I look at you? You are so self-consumed that you only see what you want to, only look for things that confirm your own stupid theories. It makes me so angry how blind you really are, how all this time you didn't notice me. You are selfish and I…" I couldn't finish my sentence, I suddenly felt his strong arms wrap around me and his body pressed against mine. There was so much I wanted to say, yell, but his lips cut me off, kissing me so passionately that I felt like I was going to melt in his arms. I was holding him so hard that my fingers went numb but I had never felt as happy and complete as I did in that moment. I wished it would never end because I knew it was the first and last kiss I would ever get from him. He was a Bookman after all, what we were doing was completely forbidden.

"Lenalee…" he started again but I silenced him with another kiss. This time it was sour and painful but the sweetness of his lips eased all my pain.

"Don't ruin it," I begged and I leaned against his chest. "Let me have tonight, please. Don't tell me how I can't feel like this."

"I won't, not tonight." He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. His heart was beating fast and in that moment, it was the most beautiful sound to me. I wished I could listen to it forever, to fall asleep and wake up to it beating, to never have to hear it fade. I felt like a thousand tons were lifted off my chest, it was liberating that he finally knew how much he really meant to me. There was a long, painful future ahead of us, precisely because of the impossibility of 'us' but I knew everything was going to be fine as long as I could remember this night.

I didn't know how long we were standing there like that, it could've been minutes or hours, it didn't matter. He was the only one that mattered in that moment, there was no war, no mission, no Innocence, no nothing. For a little bit, we got to be us.

"It is time to go," I said finally and pushed myself away from him. He laid a last kiss on my lips and pressed his forehead to mine. I had never been so happy and in so much pain at the same time. "This will get harder, won't it?"

"No," he answered quietly. "It will get impossible."

The weight of his words was so substantial that I suddenly felt nauseous. This, us, tonight was forbidden, it was no supposed to happen. Lavi let it, however, making me wonder if he only did it for me. Sometimes, it was so hard to remind myself that he wasn't real, and that everything he did and said was planned. Did he plan this? No, I couldn't think like that, I could not ruin this perfect moment thinking that it was a lie. I would not be able to bear it, so I was going to pretend that he meant it even if he didn't. I was going to pretend that he really was true in that moment, that way I would be able to carry on without him for the rest of my life.

We stood in front of the roof door for a couple seconds before he let go of my hand and opened the door for me. I took a deep breath then stepped through the dreaded door frame, ready to bottle up everything as long as I could. We swiftly made our way downstairs to look for the spear without being noticed which was not an easy task with the heightened security in the building. We had to enter from the top because the ground was surrounded by guards but we had no idea where the spear might be once we were inside. Therefore, our only option was to search the rooms one by one and find it before the Akumas or anyone else could interfere. I hoped Allen and Serena were doing fine, although I was sure that Allen had many tricks up his sleeve (and her garter). Worst comes to worse, if we failed to find the spear they could still legitimately win it, but above all, with the help of Allen's eye they could monitor the Akuma's presence in the building.

"This is going to take forever," whispered Lavi while trying to pick the lock on one of the doors. "I didn't think they all would be locked."

"Right, we need to find a master key," I agreed with a nod. "There has to be a floorplan in the stairwell, that will tell us where the control room is."

We rushed towards the stairwell, but unfortunately we weren't the only ones heading that way. There were at least three men approaching from around the corner and it was a matter of seconds that they would find us. Lavi was faster than me, he quickly pulled me into the janitor's closet and locked the door behind us. The room was small and full of cleaning supplies, so I had to stand extremely close to him to not knock anything down the shelves. After the men passed the door and the sound of their footsteps disappeared, he turned around and let out a relieved sigh. It was pitch dark in the room but I could sense every single inch of his being and hear his breathing become heavier as I pressed myself closer to him. His hands immediately found their way to my waist to pull me closer and I felt his warm breath hovering over my lips. In that moment, I wished he would kiss me, hold me, feel me, and make me his. I didn't care what we said on that rooftop anymore, I could not stop thinking about kissing every corner of his body and running my fingers through his hair. However, he stepped away from me and turned around, refusing to face me.

"If we get lucky there is a set of keys on the janitor's cart," Lavi said and started feeling the objects around him. There was not enough space for me to help, so I just remained quiet until he finally found what we needed. I few moments later I hear the sound of keys jingling and he stood up, facing me again. "Let's get out of here before I do something that I really shouldn't."

Lavi grabbed my hand again and pulled me out of the dark room. Did he just imply what I think he did? My body was burning to the thought of him touching me in places no one had ever done before, I felt ashamed by my own animalistic desires. I shook my head vehemently hoping these thoughts would somehow fall out of my mind but they wouldn't leave. I wanted him so bad and that scared and surprised me at the same time. This wasn't me, I wasn't like this. He was driving me crazy.

Using the master key, we were able to open the doors quickly, however there were many rooms and most of them were just normal hotel rooms. It took us forever to look through the top floor and we were definitely running out of time. The tournament had probably already started and we couldn't let the winner be announced before we found the spear.

"Lavi, it isn't going to be in one of these rooms. I have a feeling that it is in the basement," I said after he closed the door of the last room on the floor. "How are we going to get down there without being noticed though?"

"I have an idea," he replied with a self-satisfied smile on his face and pointed to the laundry chute.

"Are you even going to fit?" I asked laughing which he clearly didn't enjoy.

"Won't know until I try. I'll go first and if I get stuck I give you permission to gently kick me down," he said raising his index finger to the word 'gently'. This was going to be fun.

Surprisingly, Lavi actually fit through the laundry chute when he crossed his arms in front of his body. He wasn't a big person but he did have very broad shoulders which was something I had always found very attractive about him. God, I had to stop thinking about him this way, for he was forbidden to me. It was like that secret kiss opened up something inside me and allowed these thoughts to take over my mind. No, everything had to go back to the way it was before, Lavi and I were friends. He was my rock, nothing more, nothing less.

The chute was pretty long, it took us a couple minutes to reach the bottom. As expected, we found ourselves in the laundry room, in the presence of one very frightened maid. Lavi didn't hesitate, he grabbed her quickly and put his hand over her moth so she wouldn't scream.

"He will let you go if you help us," I whispered to the girl, hoping she would trust me more. "We won't hurt you."

"She won't hurt you," Lavi corrected me and I could see the fear settle back into her eyes. We were playing good cop-bad cop. I had to admit it, the redhead's genius sometimes scared me, he always knew what to do in a split second. He would never miss the strategy. "I will kill you if you scream."

"She won't, she's not stupid," I said gently, plying along. "You don't want trouble, do you?" The girl shook her head vehemently and I waved at Lavi to let her go. He hesitated a little bit, for the sake of drama, but then released the girl.

"I'll do anything just please, don't hurt me," she begged desperately. Were we really that terrifying? No, it was him, he really did look dangerous in all black and with his eyepatch. I was just a girl, like always, nothing special.

"Can you tell us what the guards and the servers are wearing? We need a change of clothing," answered Lavi which made the girl nod so hard that I thought she would break her neck. She ran to a pile of clean clothes and pulled out a long, navy blue coat for Lavi and a simple black dress for me. After we received the clothing items, she wanted to leave and we both knew that could not happen. As always, Lavi was quick to pull her back from the door and hit her in the back of the neck. We laid her body on top of the laundry and quickly changed into our new covers. Even though Lavi, the gentleman, turned around so I could put the dress on privately, I knew he was watching me; I noticed myself taking a little longer than I had to which made me feel very embarrassed. I couldn't believe that I was one of those girls that completely lost their mind after a kiss. No, I was an Exorcist, I had to focus.

When we left the laundry room, we decided to go opposite ways to cover more ground. I followed the hallway all the way into the kitchen where one of the employees immediately gave me a tray of champagne and pushed me towards a door telling me to 'do my goddamn job'. Having no choice, I stepped out in the ballroom and decided to go check on Allen and Serena to kill some time before I go back to find Lavi. The tournament had already started, most people were sitting at the poker tables, the women beside their men. It was not hard to spot my friends in the crowd, thanks to Allen's unique white hair color. I almost started going towards them but my legs felt like they were glued to the floor, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Serena was sitting next to Allen who was kissing her neck so passionately that I felt _my_ face turn red. And his hand was in-between her legs! I mean, I knew this is what they were supposed to do, at least something like this, but seeing it was completely different. You could almost touch the sexual tension in the air around those two, it was both erotic and extremely inappropriate at the same time. However, it was also clever: the more scandalous they were, the less likely people were to notice Allen switching out the cards from the garter on her leg. Even though they were only doing their mission, I couldn't help but notice the extra time Allen spent to change those cards. He enjoyed it.

"Waitress, bring me champagne!" The harsh voice yanked me back into reality and I rushed over to their table to serve them. I was handing out the last glass, when suddenly the walls started shaking and I knew that Lavi was in trouble. I threw the tray onto the table and started running towards the source. There was no doubt in my mind that the Akumas made their move for the spear and Lavi was the only one to fend them off. Krory and Bookman were stationed outside, so even if they noticed the demons' attack, it still would take them a few minutes to find where to go.

Activating my Innocence, I ran down the same hallway where we had split up until I reached the storage room. When I busted through the door, I could immediately see Lavi battling with two Level 2 Akumas while he was simultaneously trying to evade the attacks of the Level 1 demons. I quickly summoned Mist Wind to take care of the low level ones and then rushed to join Lavi to help out with the other two. However, I had a feeling that this was not all and more were on the way. I could only hope that Krory and Bookman were on the way and that Allen and Serena realized that the tournament was needless now.

There was a steady income of Akumas, their numbers did not deplete. Thankfully, in the meantime the rest of the team arrived as well and we were slowly working our way through the hordes of demons. The spear was in a glass case in the middle of the room, so far untouched but we needed to end this battle desperately and secure the Innocence. If only we could get it out somehow, except we needed all the Exorcists to hold up the Akumas and protect Serena.

"Allen, where is Serena?" I jumped next Allen who just finished off a Level 2.

"She was behind me," he said, unhelpful. I could not see her anywhere in the room so I went to the hallway hoping that she was observing from there. Even though she couldn't fight, she would always stay close in case someone got hurt. She might have been cold and way too honest, but she did care about our safety. I didn't think she admitted that to even herself, but I knew. Suddenly, however, I heard a scream from the storage room and I got a very bad feeling. The Level 2 was holding Serena up by her hair, her body was hanging down helplessly.

"Let her go!" I yelled angrily and jumped towards her. The Akuma wasn't as stupid, he immediately raised its claws, ready to pierce through her body.

"I wouldn't do that if you don't want this pretty little thing to die," it replied, laughing at us. "Now, you will let us take the Innocence."

"Like hell we will!" Allen was furious, not only at the Akuma but at himself too, he couldn't protect Serena and she was with him tonight. He felt responsible. "Put her down and fight me fair!"

"Humans are always talking about being fair, it is so boring," the Akuma laughed again and dangled Serena's body in front of us. "Have to admit, I will probably kill her regardless."

"Do it," I heard Serena's voice, emotionless as always. "What are you waiting for?"

"Serena, no!" I screamed but it was too late. The Akuma had already pierced her body through with its claws and her painful scream filled the whole room. "Noo! Serena, no!"

Then the Akuma just threw her body aside like she was nothing and if it wasn't for Allen catching her, she would've crashed into the wall. He brought her to the side of the room and lowered her body onto his lap. Seeing her like that made my chest ache, she was so strong and stubborn that being weak and injured was a strange sight. I rushed to her and kneeled on her other side and took her hand in mine. Allen was holding her so tight his fingertips became white but I didn't say anything, I wasn't sure what I was seeing yet. One thing I did know, Allen decided that this girl, despite all of her anger and darkness, was worth our friendship. And I agreed.

"Serena, hold on," I begged her but she just smiled at me. I wanted to hit her in that moment, for her smile was her same old, cheeky grin.

"What are you… idiots doing here?" Her voice was husky and she spit up blood due to the efforts of talking so much. "Have you forgotten… about my Innocence?" As she said those last words her eyes closed and she lost consciousness. She was right though, we lost sight of what was real in the situation. We cared for her, so we didn't think twice to help her when she let herself get stabbed on purpose so she could get out of our way.

"I will stay with her." Bookman showed up next to us, taking the girl from Allen's lap. "She will be awake in a few minutes." I nodded and ran back onto the battle field, she was in good hands.

The fight was long and painful, we all suffered mild injuries but everyone was alive and moving. There were no more Akumas appearing out of nowhere but we still had to hurry just in case more were coming. I turned towards the glass casket that was protecting the Innocence but I couldn't believe what I saw: it was gone.

"Bookman, did you see where the spear went?" I was so worried and angry at myself that I allowed myself to get distracted. "And where is Serena?" I just noticed that she was gone as well but Bookman didn't seem too concerned which confused me a lot.

"She took the spear when she woke up, like I told her," he explained. "She should be back at the inn by now."

We didn't hesitate, we absolutely had to get out of there before the hotel's guards would come in. Surely, we made a lot of noise so the only reason why they haven't come in was because they were scared. I kicked a hole in the wall (sorry) and we ran out in to the night with me leading, I haven't deactivated my boots because I wanted to get back as fast as I could. We all ran through straight to our room once we got back, and as the Bookman predicted, Serena was already there. She was sitting on the bed with the spear on her lap, her eyes closed like she was sleeping. Her clothes were bloody on her stomach where the Akuma pierced her through but I couldn't tell if the blood was still fresh. Did she really heal that fast? I ran to her to check it but when I tried to take the spear from her, her hands stopped me.

"You can't touch it," she said, finally opening her eyes. I just realized how pale she was which wasn't a good sign, she must've lost a lot of blood. "You are not a parasite type."

The Innocence was probably so raw in that spear that it only let another Innocence touch it. Since hers was in her blood, she was pretty much like a walking, breathing Innocence, so it allowed her to come in contact with it without harm. Bookman knew that, that's why he sent Serena to steal it while the Akumas were distracted; it really was genius. I still wondered how she managed to do it so well that absolutely no one noticed. Were we really that distracted?

"Are you alright?" I was really worried about her and I barely even knew her. That was so like me though, caring about people after a short amount of time. I really thought she deserved my friendship though, I knew that there was so much good in her heart. This mission could not have succeeded without her, even though she definitely didn't want to do it. Well, actually, it didn't seem like she minded Allen's hungry touches at all. "Allen, take this spear."

"I will be fine. I know exactly what my body can withstand, they made sure of that," she said and laid down once the spear was gone from her lap. Right, it wasn't surprising that they would want to test the limits of her body's regenerating ability; I couldn't even imagine the torture she had to withstand. I knew what it was like to grow up at the Order too well and I had seen what they were capable of, it is only because of my brother that headquarters stopped experimenting.

"Everyone, get out, she needs rest," I ordered in my strictest voice and they obeyed. When the door closed, I let out a tired sigh and sat down on the side of her bed. She looked at me but didn't say anything, she was waiting for me to spit it out. "How was the poker tournament?"

"Che." She of course knew what I meant, I didn't even try to conceal that I was teasing her. Sometimes she really reminded me of Kanda, I bet they would get along well. So they would probably just ignore each other, that is what getting along would well would mean to them.

"You could have a future…with him," I said but I soon regretted it, her eyes were filled with anger as she looked at me. Of course, she wasn't like me, she wouldn't like Allen but I still couldn't ignore what I saw tonight. There was too much tension not to notice and I had a feeling that I didn't know something about these two.

"None of us have a future," she answered sharply and tuned her back to me. Serena was so sure that things were going to end badly that she kept pushing all of us away. I wondered what she would be like in a world without Innocence, Akumas, and Exorcists. Would she be happy?

* * *

Don't go easy on me. Thanks for reading! :)


	11. Soldiers of God

Welcome back everyone! Thank you again for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing. Special thank you to GatewayToGehenna and M4rcelin4 for their lovely and reassuring reviews to my request for chapter 10, I really appreciate it. :) I don't have classes on Fridays (it's a first but I am not going to complain), so I think I will update the story every Friday from now on. Also, I already have ideas for a sequel for this but I haven't started it so I wouldn't lose focus on this. How would you guys feel about a 21st century reincarnation AU?

Notes on this chapter: The italicized section is a flashback, I thought it would be a good thing to explain how Aina/Serena actually took the Innocence spear. I really hope the name change doesn't confuse you all too much, it was needed. I also very much enjoyed writing the part with Lavi, he is so _hot_ when he is acting all heartless. I try to keep the humor and the angst in balance, but it tends to slip towards the angst and deep conversations. I can't help it, but I will try to be funnier in the future.

Warnings: mild swearing and sexual themes. Sorry, you will have to wait for the truly naughty thing a little bit more.

P.S.: I always write while listening to music, it helps me feel things deeper and so convey my message better, and I have been meaning to post what song I was listening. Most of the time, I put one on repeat so I don't lose 'the feels'. So here it is:

Evanescence - Everybody's fool

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Chapter 11: Soldiers of God

I told myself that I was drunk, I _had to_ be, there could be no other reason why I would react to him like this. Except that it wasn't the alcohol, it was he who made me feel intoxicated. His sweet scent, his strong grip on my thigh, his lips on my neck, his soft but oh so inappropriate whispers in my ear made my body tremble as I was swallowed up by my own desire. Once we were at the poker table it was too easy to play drunk, to deceive those people with our meretricious flirting, to feel his hand between my thighs, and to play the courtesan for him. My mind knew it was just a game but that didn't stop my body from reacting to his hungry attention. I really needed it to stop if I was ever going to be able to separate my own desires from what I let Serena feel, I had to focus on what was more important: winning this goddamn war. If I survived, I would be able to life my life as I wish, without the Order lurking to use me for their own scientific experiments. Using my power during this past mission was so thrilling, I could not help myself going through my memories over and over again to relive that feeling.

 _The first person I saw when I woke up was Bookman, he was sitting next to me and watching the fight. Thank God, he didn't try to pull some shit with his creepy needles, I would rather get pierced through by an Akuma again._

 _"It was time you finally woke up," he said sharply but didn't look at me. "You need to secure the Innocence without being seen. I believe you can do that."_

 _"What if I cannot hold it up for that long?" I asked, he clearly didn't understand that it wasn't as easy anymore._

 _"The side effects of the illusion have probably already worn off, there is nothing that is suppressing your Innocence anymore. Although you lost your physical strength, it is not what keeps your powers in check." I was confused and I didn't like to be lectured about my own power. "You and your Innocence are one, which means that your emotions are just as important in controlling it. You don't lose control because your body is too weak, it is your own fear that is holding you back."_

 _All this time, all those years, I was taught that my Innocence was supposed to be feared because I had no chance of controlling it. However, Bookman was implying something very different, something that made my blood boil on the spot. They made me train all day every day so I wouldn't learn to control it? I wasn't even surprised; they couldn't lock me up because they needed my blood and because they were scared of me, it was safer for them to make me fear my own power and to distract me with physical training. Was Bookman really telling the truth? Was it really my own fear holding me back?_

 _"You really believe that? Even after knowing what happened in the past?" I asked in disbelief and he finally looked at me._

 _"It doesn't matter what I believe," he answered slowly. "What matters is whether you believe that God gave you this power for a reason: to do good, to cleanse the world from the Akumas. You are an Accommodator, Serena, you were born to master your power."_

 _He was right and it made me feel extremely embarrassed. It was one thing that I hid the true power of my Innocence so I would be able to uncover the purpose of the illusion once I find Marian, but deep inside I was grateful that I didn't have to use it anymore. Indeed, I was terrified of myself and of what I might do and that fear was exactly what was causing me to lose control. It was a vicious circle that I had to break if I ever truly wanted to get rid of the darkness in my past. I rose from the ground and let out a deep sigh and tried to clear my head to only focus on the light around me. Here goes nothing._

 _"Do you see me?" I asked and Bookman smiled at me knowingly. I was invisible to his eyes because I bent the light around my body, creating the illusion of invisibility._

 _I didn't know how long I could hold it up, so I quickly rushed to the glass case and opened it from the back. Everyone was fighting on the other side of it, so there was no way they could see it opening. When I touched the spear, I could feel the Innocence's energy interact with mine and for a second I thought it was going to push me back as it did to others. A few seconds later, however, it calmed down and I was able to remove it from the case. I bent the light around it so people wouldn't see the spear flying in the air, and I ran out to the hallway. The hotel's guards were out there but I pushed myself through them, not caring about their surprised screams about a ghost. I ran all the way to the inn but half way through I lost my cover, I didn't have any more energy to hold it up. When I got back to the room, I immediately rushed to the bathroom and collapsed on the toilet seat. My throat burned and I threw up everything that my stomach contained._

I did it. I managed to control my power the whole time and I was able to secure the new Innocence, thus completing the mission. Something was troubling me though: the very first time in my life I actually cared about the outcome and I even worried about the Exorcists that were left behind. Why these feelings? I had to put an end to it, attachments to them would serve me no good. However, somehow I still felt extremely proud of my performance, even though I couldn't ignore my burning hatred towards the Order that was still very much present inside me. I was absolutely torn between my hatred towards them and my growing liking for this small group of Exorcists, who showed me a completely new side of the organization. Even Bookman, the impartial observer, helped me to see the truth so I could truly help them out.

Was I starting to confuse the need to take care of their injuries with actual caring? A pair of silver eyes floated into my consciousness and I felt like throwing up again. No, I wished my nausea was caused by the dislike for the white-haired boy but I would be lying to myself. I was disgusted by myself, by my own lies and hidden desires, and by the fact that I was starting to like being Serena, this pitiful person that I created. The idea of telling them the truth crossed my mind again, but I knew that I could never do that. As Bookman told me, I was now a traitor to the Order, who was believed to be dead, and that should stay that way. I could not live my life that way again, locked up and used as a blood bag anymore, I would rather die. No, I had to meet Marian and hope that his plan for locking me up didn't end with me returning to the Order. In the meantime, I had to make sure that these Exorcists didn't suspect anything and blow my cover before the time was right. I wondered how they would react to the truth, probably not too well. Learning that I was not only a fraud but a traitor too would most definitely not sit well with them since they were truly loyal to the Black Order.

It had been a while since Lenalee's breathing became rhythmical and she was now in deep slumber. I, on the other hand, failed to fall asleep and my fatigue was completely gone, especially after I showered and changed. Sometimes, I really hated how fast my body recovered, not allowing me to escape my thoughts and flee into sleep. I sighed and got up from the bed, I could not stay in this room anymore. Since we didn't eat at the poker venue and I used my Innocence for quite a while, I realized how hungry I really was. It was probably because of the newly healed wounds on my stomach that I didn't notice how famished I felt. I closed the door behind me quietly and I swiftly made my way into the kitchen, hoping that I would find some leftovers from dinner. Unfortunately, that was not what I found.

"You really are everywhere," I said as I stepped into the kitchen which clearly startled Allen, since he dropped the sandwich that was in his hands.

"That was a perfectly good sandwich," he sighed with sadness. "What are you doing here?"

"What might one wish to find in a kitchen?" I asked sarcastically and walked to the pantry. "Is there anything to eat?"

"That sandwich was," he said with a cheeky smile. He was not going let go of the loss of his meal easy.

"I am sure you can make yourself another one," I replied unenthusiastically and he just let out an annoyed sigh. "Are you really going to whine like a little kid?" It was my turn to send him a cheeky smile which made him snort angrily.

"I was hoping you would make me one," he said, coming dangerously close to me. He lifted my head up with two fingers to force me to look into his pleading silver eyes and I couldn't believe that he was trying to flirt a damn sandwich out of me.

"Dream on, beansprout," I answered sharply, ignoring my burning skin where he touched me. I pushed his hand out of the way and looked around the kitchen to find something that didn't require any preparation. I felt a big smile appear on my lips when I noticed a rather large cake hiding in the darkness. I rushed over there excitedly and brought the cake back to the table, trying to hide it by putting my body between Allen and the dessert.

"I know you're hiding something," he accused me angrily which only made me laugh. I stepped aside to find a fork and he immediately appeared next to the cake. "You owe me for my sandwich."

"Fine. Knock yourself out." I threw a fork to him and he didn't hesitate, he immediately dug his utensil into the perfect chocolate icing.

"This is good," he said with his mouth still full which made me laugh again. He was like a little kid who just tasted chocolate for the first time. Not surprisingly, the cake was gone in a few minutes and we both let out a satisfied sigh.

"You have chocolate on your face," I said and I reached for it to wipe it off with my thumb. I was going to clean it with a napkin but he was faster; he caught my hand and his lips locked on my fingers to lick off the sweet cream. Watching him do that made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach, I felt the air escape me and my stomach shrank two sizes. Oh, God, he was sexy. Again. It needed to stop, right there. Despite knowing how dangerous it was, I just stared at him, drinking up the view of him with my thumb in his mouth, and I felt my body burn again. "What are you doing?"

"I am finishing what we have started," he answered simply. Still frozen like an idiot, I didn't even resist when he pulled me closer by my hand and put it around his neck. His warm body was pressed against mine and I could feel his sweet breath on my skin again, and I found myself unable to push him away. My eyes wondered from those silver orbs to his soft lips that I knew too well already, and I felt all common sense leave my mind. In the back of my head I heard it yelling that I should stop now before I go too deep, but I knew I was already drowning in him.

"Don't…" I begged with the last bit of will-power that I could collect. "Allen, we can't."

"Are you worried that I'd get attached? Because I'm so goody-good, as you said?" He retorted, his voice cold as ever. I had never thought he would get attached, no, not to someone like me. Allen was good, he wanted to save me from my own anger, not to love me. I was also an outlet for his dark desires which I was certain he could satisfy somewhere else. Being Marian's apprentice I was sure he didn't pick up his sex skills with an innocent town girl.

"To me? No, not like that," I replied calmly, shaking my head. "You want to make up for what the Black Order did to me. Don't try to pay someone else's debt, Allen."

"I am done paying other people's debts, trust me." His voice was still utterly cold and his eyes showed no emotion. "Are you scared your heart might not be as cold as you thought it was?"

"It is not about hearts, friendships, emotions, or even attachments. It is about human nature and its tendency to empathize with those around you, like you do, even if you don't want to admit it." I stepped back as I spoke until the edge of the table stopped me. His expression was still blank but his eyes softened with guilt. "When that Akuma pierced through my body, you and Lenalee forgot everything and came to my aid. If I had known that was going to happen, I would have never told you about my past. I only did so you would understand why I want to stay hidden. And this between us, doesn't just let you forget about the burden on your shoulders, it makes me useful in your eyes for something other than defeating the Akumas and the Earl. I am a soldier of God, so are you, and you cannot empathize with my past, nor can you see me as a tool other than one for war."

Allen didn't answer me immediately, he just kept staring at me panting from my outburst. His previously blank expression was filled with a multitude of emotions that I didn't want to understand. Even if I tried, however, I still couldn't have ignored the most striking one: pity. After all that I had just said, he pitied me above everything else.

"We are not soldiers or murderers, we are saviors," he said finally and stepped dangerously close to me again. "How could you win the war if you only thought of yourself as a tool?"

"Saviors are not expendable, we are. Are you saving me, Allen?" I hissed at him cruelly but he didn't even flinch. "No, you are only saving yourself because you cannot stand looking at me. You cannot bear the sight of someone who doesn't agree with your idealistic world view, who has accepted the world for the rotten place it is, and who does not want to be saved. I don't need you to pretend that you can fill the void in my heart because it does not exist. Even when you think you are doing something wrong with me, you are still trying to repair what is broken inside me. Why do you fight it? Why do you feel the need to prove that you are not good?"

"You are right," he said quietly and I couldn't hide the shocked expression on my face. A faint smile appeared on his lips as he looked down to me and lifted my face with two of his fingers. "And so wrong at the same time. I could never see you as a tool because no matter what I do to you, you will remain a person in my eyes. That is why you are worth saving, this is why I caught you when the Akuma threw you aside like a piece of trash. I am an Exorcist, a savior for humanity and it is my duty to save you no matter what. Sometimes I forget that it is easy to me to understand this because I am the only one who can see the Akumas' souls. I witness it every time when they break their chains to move on to the afterlife where they belong. That is more than being a soldier, it has to be. But you are right, maybe a part of me does want to save you because you remind me of myself. That's very selfish, isn't it?"

"You are wasting your time," I stated it angrily. "We are nothing alike."

"That all-consuming fury that is inside you is something I can understand. Not being looked at for who I am is another I am very familiar with." Allen slowly caressed my chin, refusing to let go of me and I wasn't sure anymore that I wanted to be let go. For the first time, I felt like he was really showing his true colors despite knowing that I would not like what I hear. I had seen many different sides to him but this was different, this time he really was honest about his place in the world.

"No one, who is as naïve as you are, will ever understand the reality of this world." I would never say it out loud, but it but it was also his naivety that made him fight for all those things that I had lost faith in a long time ago.

"Ever since you came into my life, I feel like the world has been crumbling around me." His voice sounded pained and I found myself wondering what I had done to him. No matter how annoying I found him, I didn't want to see him suffer. "My unshaken belief in so many things has started to weaver and things that I hope would never be true turn out to be more than true. Is the world burning in your eyes?"

I gasped at his unexpected question, not because I didn't know how to answer, but because how well he understood me. As I replied, I could not look at him, instead I started playing with the ends of the ribbon around his neck. "Every single bit of it."

There was silence, I don't know for how long, I was too occupied with his ribbon until he caught my hand and pulled me closer. Even after such a heavy conversation and much disagreement, I still let him slide his arm around my waist and as always, lift my face to meet his gaze. I remained still even when he leaned so close that his lips almost touched mine, and I could feel his sweet breath on my skin. He smelled like chocolate cake and I was sure that was how he would taste, but he didn't move. His mouth hovered over mine for a few everlasting moments but then he pulled away, giving me a tired smile.

"I guess it would mean something if I did that," he said softly and without another word, he simply walked out of the kitchen.

He was right.

* * *

The next morning, I had to stay in the room while the Finders took the spear and Lenalee reported to her brother about our location. It gave me a chance to take a bath before we left to take the next train going to East, so I was more than fine with it. In about a day, we would be in China and hopefully we would find Marian there. I honestly never thought that I would even consider this thought to cross my mind, but I was looking forward to meeting him. My travels with these Exorcist had been quite troublesome and I was ready to let Serena go, I wanted to be myself again. I needed to feel the power surging in my veins and the Akuma crumbling to my feet.

The train we took had actual sleeping cabins which made our ride a lot more comfortable. I spend most of the day on the bed, reading a book that I got from Bookman. It consisted of his recordings from the past ten years and he recommended that I would read it to fill in the gaps of my memory. Of course, him and Lavi hadn't been part of the Order for that long, but it was still interesting to see how much the world had changed. Furthermore, I was never allowed to leave much, so anything about the outside world was fascinating to me. Thankfully, Lenalee spent most of her time out of our small cabin, mostly hanging out with the rest of the group, letting me do my own thing. When I felt like my body was going numb from laying down too much, I decided to go outside a little bit to get some air. Although the train was fairly nice, I still got claustrophobic after too many hours locked in that moving room.

Once outside, I let the wind play with my hair as I leaned over the railing to take a big breath of the fresh air. I was happy everyone left me alone, not only because they irritated me but also because I could not shake the feeling that we were heading towards something really awful. Although we had conquered many obstacles, I had a feeling that the real fight had not started yet. Until now, I had thought of meeting Marian sort of as my destination but in reality, it was just the start.

I stayed out there until I felt like my fingers were going numbs from the cold, then I turned around to return to my book. I ran into Lenalee in the hallway but despite how nicely she asked, I didn't feel like going to the dining cart just yet. I let out a deep sigh when she finally left and continued to the room. What I didn't expect to find was Lavi standing at the other side of the room, holding something that I had long forgotten about.

"Who is Aina Agnarsson?" He demanded angrily and threw the uniform at me. For a few moments, I just stared at the black and gold clothing piece in my hand, I almost forgot what it felt like to wear this. Even though I hated why they made me a General, I always felt powerful wearing the coat. Clearly, I didn't deserve it anymore. I let out a deep sigh and closed the door behind me, mentally preparing myself to another dreaded conversation.

"Did you go through my stuff?" I realized quickly that there was no point in my lying. If he felt the need to search my bag, then he was already suspicious enough that I would not be able to convince him of any lies.

"I needed proof. You have been lying to us this whole time?" Lavi was angry which only frustrated me even more. I threw my General's uniform on the bed and slowly walked up to the redhead who was standing a few feet away from the bed, arms crossed.

"I had my reasons as you might guess," I said calmly, contrary to Lavi who was furious.

"Please enlighten me about the fucked up thought process that made you pretend you are not in fact a goddam General!" He was yelling at me now which was more than risking my cover that had been blown by too many people already.

"Enough," I hissed at him. "Have you forgotten who you are? How ironic, you trying to lecture me about pretending that I am someone else. I have no interest sharing anything with Lavi, but I might make an exception for Bookman Junior."

His expression changed immediately as I said those words: the smile was gone, the playful light from his eye disappeared, and his shoulders straightened. I had no doubt that the future Bookman was staring back at me, cold and impartial as he should be.

"I should have known you were not going to be shaken by 'Lavi's' outburst," he said, grinning the way Lavi would never. It was dark and calculating.

"I think I like this you a lot more," I answered with a not-so-coy smile on my lips as I caressed his face with my hand. "I can see us getting along a lot better like this."

"Seduction will not get you out of this," he replied and caught my hand to emphasize his point.

"Not getting out of this would be the point of seduction." I had to admit, the way he shifted into his real person was quite interesting, not to mention that Bookman Junior was rather hot with his dangerous and cold mannerisms. Sleeping with him would definitely cause no trouble, I bet he liked it rough.

"Be a good girl and I might just let you play a little bit," he said with grin which made me let out a theatrical sigh.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Who the hell are you really?" he replied firmly but without even a hint of anger in his voice. I wouldn't expect anything else from someone who had had so many different personas, he was a master of shifting. Unlike me, he probably had no trouble keeping his fake personality apart from who really was.

"I am indeed General Aina Agnarsson, declared traitor to the Black Order nine years ago," I explained with a smirk on my face. "Pleased to meet you."

"You seem awfully calm about being exposed," he noted which made me laugh.

"Only because it is you, Junior. It is not like you're going to do anything about it. Besides, what I told you about my past is mostly true. Really, I actually was more honest with you all than I should have. See, I am not as good as pretending as you are."

"Clearly. I knew something was up after we found Azrael but I could not yet connect the dots. Of course, the Old Panda did, didn't he? He was writing an awful lot in his personal note book that night." He was talking to himself more than he was to me, so I waited for him to finish his thoughts. "I read about you when we came to the Order. They didn't have much information written down about you, understandably, if the things you told us were true."

"The Black Order could never allow those atrocious acts to be recorded." Did he really think they would ever put those things in writing? They respected no one, dead or alive.

"The one thing that was blinding me, why I could not figure out what was going on, was your age. That was one powerful illusion." He seemed more amused by the idea of me staying this young than he was shocked. I had to admit, it was in a way comical, putting me on ice until the time came.

"When I fled from the Order, they sent Marian after me to bring me back. As you would expect, he beat me mercilessly before he put me under. I don't know why he didn't take me back, he had to have a reason for going through all that trouble just to hide me." I shrugged. "I guess the truth is not very different than what you already know."

"You are a pathetic con artist," he said grinning, making me scowl immediately. "Changing your name and hiding your uniform does not make you a different person. You think you separated your new persona from the real one? Let me burst you bubble, General Aina Agnarsson, Serena never existed, it was you all along. Changing a fragment of yourself doesn't make you a different person, it just makes you a liar."

"How would you possibly know the real me?" I hissed but he just laughed at me, coldly and mercilessly.

"I notice everything, my dear Aina, absolutely everything that is to you. Every flinch, every twitch, every breath, every single expression on your face. You are anger is so true and your despair is so tangible that no one could possibly hide that. It would be a shame anyways, it is beautiful in a way, how intensely you feel everything." He stepped towards me this time, sliding his fingers down my cheek just like I did before, while uttering those words coldly. A shiver ran down my spine and not because of his touch, no, it was because what he said.

Was it the truth? Was Serena just a few lies given a name? Had I really been _me_ this whole time?

It could not be.

Could it?

* * *

Special note: I understand that Serena/Aina's thoughts are not consistent and it is exactly what I want. First person POV is hard to write because it is not an omnipotent view even though I, the author, am. I want her thoughts to be confused and her to feel like a real person. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for reading!


	12. Angel of Death

Welcome back! Thank you for all the views, favorites, follows, and reviews, they mean a lot to me! I really hope you guys are enjoying the story just as much as I enjoy writing it. There is not better encouragement to keep writing than getting those e-mails about follows, favorites, and reviews.

On this chapter: This one was kind of a drag to write because I decided to follow the original story line even though I made some alterations to my OC would fit in there. I gave her another power, however it is not especially powerful (as you might guess since Allen does survive) but it helps with the emotional stuff. I also had to include Tyki, he is one of my favorite characters from the show, so I couldn't resist stirring some trouble with him. Although I don't think it is going to be a love triangle, Tyki is for pleasure not commitment.

Warnings: mild swearing, I think that is about it.

Song for the chapter: Kiiara - Gold

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Chapter 12: Angel of Death

China was beautiful, even I was willing to admit it. I never thought I cared much about beauty but something about this country made me appreciate the exquisiteness of their culture. It was lively, colorful, full of history and art, and it really took my breath away. I was drinking up every sight, every scene, and every smell like a newborn baby, hoping that I would forever remember it. For a few hours, I was able to forget that awful feeling that was lingering inside me, I had a really bad feeling for some reason but I could not yet put my finger on it. Still, it was hard to resist laughing when we found ourselves at a brothel that was owned by one of Marian's lovers, a beautiful woman named Anita. Of course, Marian would be there of all the places in this town.

"I am sorry to inform you, but Cross disappeared at sea eight days ago," she said after we introduced ourselves, tears rolling down her face. I didn't think I could ever understand why someone like her would ever care about scum like Marian. "There were no survivors, just strange debris in a sea of poison."

"There is no way Master died," Allen retorted immediately which made Anita's eyes fill with hope immediately. Would she just take Allen's word like that? That was so stupid. "He would not die, not like that."

That was enough for her, she immediately offered her ship to take us to Edo, Marian's original destination. Damn, she had to really love him if she was willing to risk her and her crew's life just so she could see him again. Is that what love does to you? Make you forget your most basic instinct, to survive? I could not accept that, but maybe I was just not meant to understand it. Either way, I was sure she was out of her damn mind. At least she didn't waste any time, the crew was informed immediately to gather at the docks and she told us to go there. Once there, of course Allen wanted to be polite to the sailors that were not receptive to that kind of interaction, especially from a 'kid'. It was only after an arm wrestling match and a few Akuma attacking us that they realized how valuable we were, since we were the only ones who could really protect them.

"I cannot believe a bunch of kids just saved our lives," the captain sighed deeply. It must have been weird for them, seeing our crew. Besides Bookman and Krory, we really were a bunch of kids that had to grow up way too fast. I could not imagine how I would feel like if I had to be protected by a bunch of 5-year-olds, it was enough that Allen and Lavi always had to save me so I could protect my identity. It took us almost half a day to finally set sail, by that time Allen, Lavi, and Krory were exhausted since they were enlisted to help the crew get the supplies on deck. The redhead and the vampire collapsed immediately but Allen and I decided to climb up the mast to the lookout.

"I had never been on a sailboat before," I said when I noticed that Allen was staring at my hands gripping the railing of the lookout a little too hard. It was a one-person space, but we could fit fine since we were not nearly as big as the average seaman. He was standing closely behind me which made me feel surprisingly calm. "You have that thing about you, Allen. You make people feel safe."

"Do I really?" He was genuinely surprised; I wasn't sure if it was because of what I said or because for a change I wasn't mean to him. For some reason, I felt extremely uneasy and it was not because it was my first time on a sail boat. My bad feeling from before only got worse, I knew we were heading towards something awful. Maybe that is why I wanted to say that to him.

"Only you are stupid enough to do anything and everything to save those around you, even if it cost you your life. Somehow that makes people feel safe around you," I answered sharply but he just smiled at me. "Just don't take it too far, even I cannot bring back the dead."

"Is everything alright, Serena?" He asked softly and turned me around to face him. I thought about fighting his grip for a second but I just let it happen, I didn't have the energy to do anything against it. I was really in a strange mood: my stomach felt heavy and my muscles were twitching, like it did before a battle. It was even harder to breath and I became very aware of my throat, like something was stuck in it.

"I have a really bad feeling." My voice was a lot less steady than it was normally, adding to the symptoms of my uneasiness. "Something really bad is going to happen. Soon."

Allen remained silent for a few moments, but I knew he was just thinking from his strengthening grip on my waist and the distance in his gaze. Suddenly, the bad feeling hit me even harder and I could not shake the feeling that this was one of those 'last times'. I could not resist the urge to touch his snow white hair to memorize how it felt between my fingers.

 _I knew that feeling. Death. Allen was going to die._

"Allen," I whispered weakly and my hand fell from his hair to land motionlessly next to my body. "You are going to die."

He knew that I was not just being rude, he saw the absolute shock in my eyes. It had been a long time since I last had that feeling, and every time it was right. For a long time, I had thought it was useless, being around sick people just made you feel like death all the time. It was not until I met an Exorcist before he was heading out to a mission location that I knew that my ability went beyond that, my Innocence actually was able to connect to death in the near future. Nothing I could do I hated just as much as I hated this ability. I hated to think that those silver eyes were soon to be losing their light and that Allen would be gone from this world. Knowing that someone was going to die created a strange connection to them, making me feel like I was responsible for their predicament.

"I can't die yet, Serena," he replied quietly, breaking the everlasting silence between us. "Not until I see this war through."

"My Innocence is never wrong," I insisted but he just put his hand under my chin and smiled at me warmly. He was going to say something but suddenly his eye activated and his expression turned into horror. "Allen, what is it?"

"There are hundreds of Akuma heading towards us," he yelled, leaning over the railing to warn everyone. Then he turned towards me and grabbed me by my shoulders. "You have to hide downstairs. Lavi, catch!"

Before I could have done anything, he lifted me up over the railing and threw my body over like I was just a sack of potatoes. The next thing I knew was that I was falling down and I had nothing to grab on to anywhere near me. I closed my eyes to brace myself for the impact but two strong arms caught me before I painfully smashed into the deck. When I opened my eyes, it was Lavi's cheeky grin that stared back and me which just made me let out an annoyed snort. I pushed myself out of his arms and grabbed his stupid orange scarf to make him look down at me.

"Lavi, lose that smile. Allen is going to die." I needed him to take me seriously since losing an Exorcist would be detrimental for our mission. Especially Allen, who was one of the strongest, not to mention that his eye was extremely useful. "I can feel it."

"Then we better make sure that your feeling is wrong," he replied firmly and determined. He knew that even I would not joke about his death. I was not that morbid, nor would I waste my energy telling awful jokes like that. "This is a lot of Akuma, none of us might even survive. If it comes to the worst, are you going to fight?"

"No secret is worth the life of an Exorcist," I said fiercely and Lavi just nodded in response. As much I wanted to keep my secret so I can figure out why I was trapped in an illusion while the whole world thought I was dead, there was a limit to how far I could go protecting it. A life was not worth it in exchange. Well, a life of an Exorcist to be exact.

When the Akuma came close to us, the most shocking thing happened: instead of attacking us, they simply flew by our boat like we weren't even there. They were whipping by so fast that we had to brace ourselves for the wind from their motion, but it was clearly not their mission to kill us. Stupid Allen stayed on top of the mast, he might as well have yelled at the demons to come notice us, so of course eventually a couple of them realized that the ship carried a bunch of Exorcists. Thankfully, it was not a lot of them, so we could keep up with them without anyone being injured, even the humans seemed to be holding their own well. I quickly ran below deck to grab my backpack that had my healing supplies, I had a feeling I will need it all.

"If you get wounded, come to me immediately!" I yelled at them as I withdrew into a corner, from where I could watch everyone and interfere if needed.

The Akuma really didn't seem to be targeting us so it was never more than a few we had to deal with at once. Suddenly, however, one of them decided to take the battle elsewhere and grabbed Allen and simply flew away with him.

"Lenalee, go after him!" Bookman ordered the girl who seemed to be more than hesitant to follow it. "Your Dark Boots have a chance to catch up to them. Go!" Lenalee finally listened and flew away with incredible skill. The deadly feeling in my chest returned immediately and I knew it was going to happen soon.

"Lavi, it is going to happen," I screamed at him angrily, the feeling was mutual. He slammed his fist into the mast before he was able to look at me again. "Allen is going to die."

"Lavi, what is she talking about?" Krory asked, shocked and worried at the same time.

"You know you are the only one who can save him," the redhead said. "I can take you there, you don't have to…"

"I do," I interrupted him. "There are two Exorcists in danger right now, it is not a choice anymore."

"Welcome back then, Aina Agnarrson." His voice was emotionless but I knew that it was not Bookman Junior that said that. Lavi wanted me to go and save his friends, he just didn't want the Old Panda know that. I quickly looked at Bookman who just nodded and I let out a deep sigh.

"Who is Aina Agnarsson?" I heard Anita's voice but I didn't have time to explain them anything.

I closed my eyes and took a big breath to concentrate on the power surging in my veins. _Innocence, give me my wings back._ Suddenly, I felt pressure over my scapula and when I opened my eyes there they were: my beautiful wings, feathers made of light. Oh, how much I had missed them! I let a victorious smile appear on my lips as I looked at everyone, they were staring at me with wide eyes and shocked expressions, as much as they were able to open their eyes.

"General of the Black Order, the Angel of Death." I heard Bookman say before I shot up in the air to find Allen and Lenalee. I feared that I might have already been too late.

That was when I saw it, something that I never, ever wanted to see again in my life: A Fallen One. The anger and despair rushed through me with such power that I felt my control slip away and my wings gave out; I crashed into the ground painfully and I felt my collarbone snap on the impact. No, no, no… Why did someone fall here? Even though I was still hundreds of yards away, I could feel the Exorcist's pain so vividly like I was right there, next to him. Just like in my memories, it hurt every single bone in my body. I pushed myself up to my knees but I could not move any more, my whole being was shaking from the fury and horror.

I screamed out as I popped my collarbone back in its place and stood up. The pain of the Fallen One was calling me, drawing me closer despite how weak my knees felt. There was nothing I could do about it, there was no one who could have saved him, but he was still calling my blood. Like it wanted me to witness and live through how utterly useless I was.

I took a big breath to collect my thoughts and cracked my bones to make sure they were all in place. My dress was ripped on the side and I had many grazes and bruises, but I knew I was going to heal soon. I sped up my steps, I had to find Allen and Lenalee, and I had a feeling that they would be with the Fallen One. Allen would probably try to save him and kill himself in the process, of course. It would have to be some stupid, selfless act that would finally end his life. But that is what made him so special, worth of saving. For once, he should be the one being saved, not the savior. Suddenly, in the distance I noticed a small town and I had a hunch that they might be there trying to protect the villagers. It took me about fifteen minutes to reach it and a big part of it was already in shambles.

"Sir, where are you hurt?" I ran to a man whose leg was stuck under a big wooden beam. I quickly cut through it with a ray of light to free him. "Your leg is broken. I will secure it but you will have to get out of here immediately." I didn't wait for his answer, I quickly grabbed a piece of flat wood from the ruins and with some bandage wraps I secured his broken shin. After helping him stand up I pushed him ahead despite him urging me to go with him. I had to make sure that there were no more injured people laying around. I would not hear the end of it if Lenalee figured out that I left some injured humans behind to go save them.

I ran into a side street to go towards the Fallen One where I assumed Allen would be. Knowing Lenalee, she would be somewhere around too, trying to save people from the Innocence. It seemed like everyone evacuated from this part of the city when not too far from me I noticed a man standing in the middle of the street, looking up at the Fallen One. He was very tall and definitely not from here since he was wearing a tuxedo with a top hat, what a ridiculous thing to wear in China. What was he doing standing there like that?

"Sir!" I yelled while I ran towards him but he didn't seem to notice, he was looking at a card in his hand. He was so deeply in thought that he didn't even realize that a beam of energy from the Fallen One was going towards him very fast. Very last second, I managed to launch at him and push him out of the way which resulted in both of us falling to the ground, with him on top of me.

"Being foreign is one thing but you just took being stupid to a whole other level standing there like that," I hissed at the man who was still on top of me. He was very handsome, his olive skin was flawless, except for a tiny mole under his left eye, and matched his dark eyes and hair. Judging by his clothing and his attractiveness, he was definitely a noble. Not surprised why he couldn't take care of himself. His expression was first shocked but then a smirk appeared on his lips, letting me know that he didn't mind laying on top of me that much. "Are you going to get off me? Today, preferably."

He let out a small, deep laugh and finally got off me and pulled me up as well. "Excuse me, Miss, it is not every day I get saved by such a beautiful lady as yourself."

"Smooth," I said sarcastically which made him laugh again. "Why were you standing there?"

"I could ask you the same question, girl," he replied, the smirk not fading from his lips. "What is someone like you doing saving people like me?"

"What kind of person might you be?" I asked cunningly which only made his grin bigger.

"I like you, girl. I will tell you that a lot of people would wish you didn't save me," he said as he stepped closer to me. If he was trying to intimidate me, it wasn't working. "It seems like I am in your debt."

"I like to know the name of those who are indebted to me." There was something about this man that made me not trust him and it was not just the fact that he was too handsome. Never trust a man that calls you beautiful so fast.

His smirk faded for a second but then returned with the same intensity as it was before. "Tyki Mikk, pleased to meet you." I was not sure I shared that sentiment just yet. Especially, when he reached for my hand and laid a kiss on it while slightly bowing down in front of me. "Who do I owe this pleasure, Miss?"

"My name is…Serena," I replied hesitantly, partially because I didn't see a reason telling him my name since I would probably never see him again, but also because I wasn't sure that I trusted his intentions. My feelings only intensified when he reached for my face to tilt it towards him more, pulling me closer at the same time. A part of me was extremely curious about where this was going, however.

"Well, Miss Serena, thank you for saving my life," he said, smirking without a hint of gratefulness in it, and before I could do anything, I felt his lips on mine. He smelled like cigarettes and cologne but surprisingly, it was not a bad mixture at all. Contrary to what I would expect, the kiss was slow and sweet, not hungry and predatory. He tasted my lips with care, gently biting and sucking on them, running his tongue along them softly. It was different, and I found myself not minding it at all.

"What…was that?" I asked when he finally let go of my lips, cursing myself for not pushing him away. Why didn't I push him away? This is hardly an appropriate time to be kissing when a Fallen One is about to destroy this town and I still hadn't found Allen and Lenalee. The white-haired boy's kisses were so different, they were curious and passionate, while Tyki's was salacious but purposeful. I hated how I didn't mind either.

"I apologize, I am a man with a great weakness for such pleasures," he replied without a trace of remorse in his voice. Tyki seemed to like the word 'pleasure' very much, he always emphasized it a little too much which made me slightly uneasy. "I guess I owe you twice, once for my life and once for the kiss. Seems like it is best if we part way now, I would not want you having to save my life again."

"Who said I would save you again? We wouldn't want to add more to that debt of yours now, would we?" I asked with a cheeky smile which made him laugh again.

"I can't say I mind being indebted to pretty ladies," he said and tipped his hat towards me. "Until next time, Serena."

Before I could say anything, he disappeared into a side street. I wanted to run after him and tell him that he should not be walking around alone but I got distracted by a small earthquake. When I looked up, I immediately recognized Allen's Innocence holding back the Fallen One, trying to get it away from the village by pushing it into the mountains. The arm did not take full form for some reason but I didn't have to think about that because suddenly I felt my body fly into the side of the house next to me.

"Look at what I have found, a human!" I heard the unmistakable voice of an Akuma. It looked like a mechanic version of a fox with oversized fangs for teeth that were probably filled with the virus. I did not have time for this.

"I am assuming you won't go away if I ask you very, very nicely?" I asked, trying to win some time for my healing to kick in. My previous grazes were almost done healing but I was sure some of them opened up again.

"You are right," it replied and immediately launched itself towards me. The adrenalin kicked in instantly and something else: the excitement of killing, I hadn't felt it in so long. My Innocence was livid, it wanted to take the Akuma's life, and I found myself itching to spill its cursed blood as well.

The Level 2 was surprisingly fast, and even though I managed to dodge its bite, it still succeeded to graze me with its teeth. It was not much, but the poison still took a toll on me, forcing me to call a shield of light in front of me for protection. Since the Akuma was close range and incredibly fast, I had no choice but to adapt to his fighting style. I jumped backwards to gain some time, leaving the shield between us.

"Daggers of light," I whispered and the light that created the shield suddenly disappeared and wrapped around my forearms, making them into two long, sharp daggers. The demon launched after me immediately and even though I managed to block his attack, I didn't expect it to turn around and scratch me across my abdomen with its leg. Of course, that had the virus in it too, forcing me to turn invisible for the time being which took a lot of energy with the infection spreading in my body. If I hadn't realized how out of shape I was before, it became very clear in that second.

"You are a tricky one, aren't you?" The Akuma did seem to be thrown off by my skill but I knew it would not take him long to figure out where I was since I was reeking of blood and the poison.

When the virus finally started to subside, I knew it was my chance to kill this pathetic Akuma before the fight got even more drawn out. I had to find Allen before it was too late. I gathered all my strength and launched at the Akuma, only to release my invisibility the last second to push more energy into my daggers. It seemed to surprise him but not enough, although I managed to drive my blade into its skull, it still had the energy to sink its teeth into my shoulders before exploding. I collapsed onto the ground painfully, allowing the virus to do its course on me, hoping that no more Akuma would show up while I laid on the floor pretty much offering to be killed. Once I could finally move, I pushed myself up and not caring about my injuries I started running (well, jogging) towards the other side of the village.

As I expected, the further I got, the more people I ran across but I didn't have time to help them anymore. While I was fighting the demon, Allen's arm disappeared and the Fallen One was roaming free again.

"Serena, is that you?" I heard a faint yell from the distance and I knew immediately that it was Lenalee; I somehow felt relieved to see her annoying face again. She was holding a woman in her arms whom she just saved from a collapsing house. I quickened my pace until I reached her and the group of villagers she was standing with.

"What is going on? Why is Allen fighting the Fallen One?" I yelled at her angrily which clearly frightened her but I could care less about that in the moment.

"It is Suman, he is trying to save him!" She exclaimed which made me snort angrily. How the fuck can he be so stupid to think that he can save him?

"Are you fucking kidding me? That is…" I started scolding her but my sentence was cut by her expression turning into horror and I immediately knew that a new beam of Innocence was heading towards us. There were too many villagers for us to save and I knew that Lenalee would try to take all of them. With that many people holding on to her, she would be too slow to get out of the way and I knew I had no choice, I could not let another Exorcist die today.

Last second, I pushed her and the villagers to the side and jumped in front of the beam to shield them with my body. I heard Lenelee screaming behind me but I blocked it out, I knew I would not die from this. The light coming from the ray of energy was enough for me to summon a shield around my body and I braced myself for the impact. Since my body was filled with Innocence as well, I knew it would not kill me but it would put me through immense agony. I still remembered the last time I was hit by such energy when the Order's experiment had gone wrong, putting me through the worst pain of my life. Similarly, the moment the Innocence hit my body I wished I could die instead. I felt like a thousand needles were pushed through me, each burning me from the inside, making my mind hazy, pushing me to the border of unconsciousness. When it was finally over, I realized that I was on the ground with Lenalee and the villagers hovering over me but I was too out of it to understand what they were saying.

"I will live," I said it faintly as I pushed myself up into sitting position. Only then did I realize how much damage I had actually taken. Since I was already injured from my crash and the Akuma, my healing was completely stopped and I was bleeding from multiple wounds. Suman's Innocence did not kill me, but it did render mine completely useless, it took too much out of me. My insides were still burning and my blood felt like acid due to the two Innocences mixing within me.

"What were you thinking, Serena?" Lenalee was extremely worried as she looked over me to inspect my injuries. "You could have died."

"No," I replied tiredly. "I have done this before." The Chinese girl seemed baffled for a moment but then guilt took over her expression. I really didn't have an energy to argue about the Order so I continued before she could say a word. "You have to leave me here. I will heal soon. Get them out of here."

"I cannot leave you here like this!" Lenalee protested but I just pushed her away from me.

"I said I would be fine. Now, go!" I yelled at her angrily. She hesitated for a couple moments but then just slowly nodded and stood up.

"You better not die," she said gently before she ran off with the villagers. I let out a deep sigh but I could not rest for long. When I looked up, the Fallen One suddenly disappeared and I felt immense pain rushing through my body. There was one thing off about it: it was not mine.

I gathered my remaining strength to push myself off the ground and tried really hard to ignore the injuries. Without the healing in my shoulder, I completely lost use of my left arm, it was just hanging by my side while I dragged myself towards the source of the pain. The feeling of immense sorrow that I was sensing almost overpowered my own physical aching, it was the only thing that kept me walking. I didn't know how far it was, nor how long it took me to get there, it didn't matter. What I saw when I reached that clearing in the middle of a bamboo forest was never going to leave the memory.

Allen. No.

Was I too late? I painfully collapsed next to his body and reached to feel his pulse. He was still alive but I had no idea what caused his state. His left arm was missing… His Innocence was destroyed. But who? How? WHY? Desperation and fury rushed through me with so much power that I felt like I was losing my head. Nothing around me registered anymore, all I knew that I could not let him die. Not him. Not now. Not like this.

* * *

The smell of death and blood was powerful, although there was no one there who could be bothered by it. The moon shone down at the clearing in the middle of the forest, only to reveal two bodies, one collapsed on the other. Beautiful crimson covered the boy's body, soaking through his clothing from the girl's wrist. It had been a while but the blood did not seem to stop from the wound, like a fluid blanket it was trying to cover the body of the white-haired Exorcist.

 _Two hearts were beating._

 _One was fading._

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So what do you guys think? Love to hear your thoughts :)


	13. The Ghost of the Past

Welcome back everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews (especially those who have been reviewing my story every chapter), follows, favorites, and views! Nothing makes me happier than seeing those numbers go up and reading your lovely reviews. Sorry, I missed the update last week, I was traveling and I didn't have time to go online at all. But! This chapter is long and it is different, I hope you guys like it!

About this chapter: So, this is my first chapter not first person POV; I thought it would be interesting to get the perspective of other people, not just Aina or Lenalee (especially because she is not around now). I hope it doesn't throw you guys off too much!

Warnings: I guess besides a couple "bad words", nothing special. Naughty things are coming in a couple chapters, though.

Song for the chapter: Lil Wayne (ft. a bunch of other people) - Sucker for Pain

Enjoy! And lemme know what you think :)

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Chapter 13: The ghost of the past

Bak Chang was a man of reason and high intellect which he was very proud of. There were few things that could shock him or confuse him, and even when something did, he found the answer sooner or later. Mostly sooner, which contributed to his quick rise to the top of the Asian Branch of the Black Order. Today was one of those days that he hated, when he was presented with something, multiple somethings actually, that completely blew his mind. He let out a deep sigh as he watched the person laying in a hospital bed through the thick glass, then proceeded to rub his temples.

"Bak." A female voice yanked him back from musing but he didn't look back, his gaze was still fixated on the person on the other side of the glass. "Walker has woken up."

"Oh, really?" He asked, relieved. It had been three days that Allen was unconscious which was quite troubling. It really was time for him to wake up, otherwise he would be declared comatose. "I should go talk to him."

"Yeah, you should." The girl agreed but Bak didn't move. "It is her, Bak."

"Hm?" The blond man was taken by surprise but his expression soon turned dark again. "It does not make sense. And either way, she is a traitor. I am going to talk to Walker now. Go back, Fou."

The other didn't reply, she just let the man brush by her as he turned around to go to check on the newly awakened Exorcist. Fou took a last glance at the person in the room but then decided that she would come back to check on her in a couple of hours. This time she would make sure that she didn't run away.

Allen was indeed awake when Bak walked into his room, however, he didn't seem to be relieved by that fact. His expression was more than troubled, he even looked slightly ridden with guilt.

"Allen Walker, I am Bak Chang the Head of the Asian Branch. I am glad to find you awake," he said as he approached the boy. Allen smiled at him gently but he still seemed distant. "I suppose you have many questions, so do I."

"Nice to meet you," he said softly. "Thank you for saving my life. I don't know…why…how am I alive?"

"Oh, you should be thanking your Innocence, Walker. It saved your life by patching up the hole in your heart." Instead of surprise, Allen seemed to be even more saddened to the degree that Bak felt the need to comfort him somehow, even though he didn't plan to tell the news just yet. "We recovered your Innocence and I, we, believe that it is possible for you to regain control over it, although we are not sure since we have never seen anything like this before. You are still somehow synchronized, it just lost its form."

"Really?" Allen asked with so much hope in his eyes that Bak felt his stomach drop. He knew that recovering the Innocence would be extremely hard, if not impossible.

"Yes," Bak nodded. "Would you mind telling me what happened? Who did this to you?"

Allen took a deep breath and turned away, looking down at his remaining hand before he spoke. "It was Tyki Mikk, the Noah of Pleasure. He killed Suman Dark, the Fallen One, and destroyed my Innocence. I am sorry, I couldn't save him."

"It is not your fault, Walker. I am sure you did your best to save him," Bak assured him softly.

"When can I start reforming my Innocence?" Allen asked, or rather begged the Branch Head. Although he had no physical injuries, the blond man feared that the boy's emotional state was rather fragile at the moment. He really didn't think it was a good idea to start the process yet.

"Soon, maybe tomorrow," he said finally, even though he didn't want to make promises. "Before that though, I must ask you to accompany me somewhere. I have a few more questions."

The white-haired boy just nodded with a smile and hopped out of the bed. After a few seconds of quick stretching he walked up to the branch leader who just waved at him to follow. Their destination was not far away, a few minutes later they arrived at the room with the glass window where Bak spent most of his morning.

"Serena?" Allen seemed to be completely surprised to see the girl. "What is she doing here?"

"We found her collapsed over your body. She almost blead out on you, she had a very deep cut on her wrist," Bak explained, observing the white-haired boy's expression. Allen seemed confused and angry, his fist was clenched as he looked at the unconscious girl through the glass.

"Did she cut her wrist to save me?" It was a rhetoric question, so Bak remained silent to wait for the boy to work through his emotions.

The lack of answer only confirmed Allen's suspicions which made him even more furious. She was always the one saying that he was stupid to be willing to sacrifice himself for other, but look at her now. She did that to save him and almost killed herself in the process. What a hypocrite, Allen thought angrily, even though somewhere deep down, past all his initial guilt, he felt grateful. Even if it wasn't her that saved him at the end, he appreciated the gesture more than the result, he felt valued. Was he important to the girl after all? He suspected he would never get a straight answer to that from her, of course. He knew though, that's all that mattered. Allen's eyes lingered on the girl's calm face for a few moments but then he noticed the big shackles on her wrists, binding her to the bed. Did they think she was suicidal?

"She didn't try to kill herself," Allen said turning towards the older man who looked at him confused. "There is no need for the handcuffs, she won't hurt herself again."

A frown appeared on Bak's face as he looked at the boy's innocent and naïve expression. Clearly, Allen had no idea who the girl really was, well, frankly, Bak didn't either. For who he thought she was, she was dead. The girl that looked like the one laying in that bed died nine years ago, after she betrayed the Order.

"It is protocol," the blonde man said. It was protocol, just not for what the boy asked. "What do you know about this girl? Serena, as you called her."

"Why do you ask?" Allen asked, suspicious and a little protective of the girl. "She's from the North American Branch."

Although the North American Branch tended to be very secretive about their research, Bak knew that there were no Exorcists overseas. Definitely not one that looked exactly like the late General. It was a good lie though, he had to admit it and Aina would definitely know how to say the right things to conceal her true identity. After all, the branch leader had never met anyone who hated, and had the right to hate, the Order as much as she did. However, Aina disappeared nine years ago and those nine years did not seem to show on the girl laying in that hospital bed. Was there a way to stop time for all this time? She could also be her sister, except that in the records there was no mention of any relatives.

"That's interesting," answered Bak flatly, which made Allen very uneasy. He did not understand why the branch leader was asking about her, shouldn't he know all Exorcists? No, the white haired boy was definitely sure that Serena was an Exorcist, there would be no other explanation for her healing gift, however, he got the feeling that older man might not know the girl.

"What's going on, Bak?" He asked suspiciously which made the blond man let out a deep sigh. Allen just woke up and he was most definitely devastated by his current state, so there was no way Bak wanted to add to the sorrow. However, he needed to get to the bottom of this.

"What else do you know about her?" He asked, ignoring the younger boy's question. "How'd you meet her?"

"We found her hidden in a house in the woods. She was under some very powerful illusion but when I touched her she snapped out of it. It was really lucky that we got lost and ended up there, I don't think many people passed through there. She said the illusion lasted about a year, I am sure the Order was concerned about her, I apologize for not telling anyone about her. She made us promise to not alarm headquarters, see, she is not exactly fond of the Order. We figured a month would not make a difference and we could always keep an eye on her. It was not like she was dangerous or fleeing, in fact, she saved us multiple times. Her Innocence is quite extraordinary, how fast it can heal injuries." The white-haired boy's voice was casual, like he was simply talking about the weather which made Bak realize that the girl managed to gain Allen's trust completely. True, that it is easy to trust someone who tends to your wounds, creating a false sense of caring.

The older man was now sure that the girl laying on the other side of the room was in fact who Fou thought she was: Aina Agnarsson. Clearly, the girl lied about how long she had been under that illusion and kept most of her abilities in secret, but there was no one else who was able to heal with their blood. Moreover, the girl had not changed one single bit, making her quite recognizable in fact. Bak was both angry and relieved; he was happy that the girl was not dead but extremely furious about her betrayal. How was he going to tell Allen the truth?

"How serious are her injuries? Why hasn't she woken up?" Allen continued, and the older man let out another sigh. As long as she is unconscious, he might not have to explain to Allen how the girl he knew as Serena didn't exist.

"She will wake up soon, although it is quite remarkable that she is still alive. She was covered in bruises and fractures, there were several wounds filled with Akuma poison which slowed down her healing process, not to mention that she most definitely took a straight hit from the Fallen One. Her Innocence is currently suppressed by it, making the recovery longer and most likely rather painful," he explained. Allen remained silent but he averted his gaze back to the girl, like he was trying to compel her to wake up. He didn't know Bak and he didn't yet feel comfortable to question him, but he had a feeling that there was something wrong. He definitely didn't like the shackles on her, especially when he realized that they were no ordinary handcuffs. There were ancient looking symbols on it which made him think that she was more of a prisoner than a patient here. He was sure if he asked why they were needed, the Chinese man would just say it was protocol. Maybe Serena did have a right to hate the Order, after all, he thought.

The branch leader was confused: this girl was a fugitive, yet she willingly tagged along with Allen's group to find General Cross, a member of the Order. She voiced her hatred towards them, yet she fought as an Exorcist and tended to the others' wounds. That is not something a traitor would do, then why did she flee? He doubted that Allen would know more, she seemed to only share the most important facts with him: her lies and her hatred towards the Order.

"We will know more when we examine her blood further. Then we might be able to make a good guess about how long she will take to wake up. In the meantime, Allen, you should rest and try to eat something. Regaining your Innocence will not be an easy task, you need to be prepared both mentally and physically as well," he warned him and the boy just nodded agreeably.

Allen really didn't want to go back to his room where he would be left alone with his thoughts. He needed to find some sort of distraction and Serena was just that, even though the branch leader did not seem to want to explain anything. Maybe later, he could go eat something first.

"Will you let me know when she wakes up?" He asked the older man. "I will be in the cafeteria or down the hall."

"Of course," the blond-haired man replied and left the boy alone in front of the thick glass.

For a few moments, Allen rested his gaze on the girl's calm face, something he was not used to seeing. She was always so stern and her piercing green eyes made you more uncomfortable than anything, but seeing her like that made Allen realize how young and fragile she really was. It seemed ridiculous that she would need to be restrained by the handcuffs, although he would not want to be in the same room when she discovers where she was. He had a feeling that her fury would be more powerful than he had ever seen before.

It had been three days since Allen woke up and two since he first tried to revoke his Innocence, unsuccessfully. He clenched his fist so hard that his nails painfully dug themselves into his palm but he didn't mind the physical pain at all. It was the only thing that kept me sane in that place.

 _I am a miserable excuse for an Exorcist,_ he thought angrily, snorting into the empty room. The people in the Asian branch were nice enough but they didn't understand anything, no one could possibly understand what losing his Innocence meant to him. I wish he just killed me. The white-haired boy put his hand over his heart and grabbed the shirt over it while taking a painful, deep breath. I don't deserve to live, I couldn't even save Suman.

An extremely loud and horrid scream shook the walls, yanking Allen back into reality. Without hesitation, he jumped out of his bed and ran towards the source of the noise. It was a reflex for him to aid the ones in trouble, he didn't even care that he lost his arm anymore. He got to Serena's room at the same time as Bak and Fou, just before another, more muffled scream reached their ears. Serena was more than awake, she was out for blood. Her legs were wrapped around the nurses neck, holding her hostage. Her expression was bewildered, Allen had never seen her so angry.

"What is going on?" Allen yelled at Bak, following him into the room. When the girl noticed them, she only tightened her grip around the woman who immediately lost consciousness.

"Aina, let her go," Bak pleaded with her but the blonde girl just let out an angry snort.

"You don't tell me what to do! Go, rot in Hell," she screamed at the man and yanked at the heavy chains that were holding her down.

Allen had never been so confused in his entire life. Why did Bak call her Aina? Did they know each other? He had no idea what the hell was going on but he knew that if they kept on angering her, she would snap the neck of the nurse.

"Calm down," said Fou firmly and transformed her arms into blades to emphasize her point. "We are not here to hurt you."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She blurted aggressively and shook her chains. "Because this is too goddamn familiar to me. You could not even wait for me to wake up, you just could not wait to start draining me. When I get out of here, and trust me I will, I will repay you for everything."

The white-haired boy had no doubt anymore that the girl knew the branch head very well. Looking at her face, he finally was able to see past her crazed anger and see the desperation and shock in those flaming green eyes. She was terrified beyond belief, for she found herself in the exact same situation she tried to flee from. Some part of him hoped that everything that the blonde Exorcist was insinuating about the Order was a lie but looking at her, trembling from despair and horror, Allen knew that her fear was real.

"She was trying to take samples for analysis. You took quite some damage, we needed to monitor you. Will you please let her go?" Bak tried to remain as calm as he could in the situation but he could not stop the shaking of his clenched fist next to his body. Of all the times, of course, she had to wake up while someone was trying to take a blood sample. He didn't blame the girl, her reaction was completely fair, he just wished Walker didn't have to witness it, as he would have liked to keep the Order's dark past hidden.

"Let her go, Aina," Fou repeated slowly, raising her blades at the girl.

"Why are you calling her Aina?" Allen finally asked one of his many questions. The girl's gaze shifted to him, tilting her head to look at him since he had been standing behind Bak. Her eyes suddenly widened and her mouth dropped and for a second she seemed to completely forget everything. Fou knew that it was her chance to end this charade, she launched forward quickly and sunk a syringe into the girl's neck, trying to ignore the betrayal in her eyes. The tranquilizer worked fast, a few seconds later the blonde Exorcist lost consciousness and fell into Fou's arms. The nurse's body landed on the floor with a loud thud and Bak immediately ran to her to check if she was alive.

"She's just unconscious," he sighed and motioned to the finders, who arrived just on time, to take the nurse to a room. Then, he turned towards Allen and smiled at the boy softly before he continued. "I think I've got some explaining to do."

"Yeah, that's an understatement. You can start with who Aina is since as far as I know, her name is Serena," Allen replied firmly, letting the man know that he would not leave without answers.

"It is her name, Walker," Bak sighed and motioned to Allen to leave the room. The white-haired boy hesitated for a bit but then followed the man through the door. Fou locked the door behind them and without a word then left the two others behind. She had no interest in discussing the issue at hand, all she cared about what that she managed to get Aina to calm down, even if it was by force.

Allen was tapping his foot impatiently, like that would persuade the older man to spit it out faster. For some reason, he felt an extreme need for answers since there was nothing he hated more than being lied to. He understood when truths were held back and could even relate to white lies, but conscious misleading is something he could not tolerate.

"You are telling me that she has been lying this whole time?" Allen asked slowly and the blonde man let out another sigh. Clearly, he did not want to explain anything to the Exorcist but knew he had no choice, Allen would not rest until he knew the truth.

"Precisely. The girl in there is General Aina Agnarsson, traitor to the Black Order and believed dead for the past nine years," Bak explained as he watched Allen's face turn from frustration to shock and disbelief.

"That is not possible," the younger boy replied, shaking his head vehemently. "You are telling me that she was under that illusion for nine whole years? Why? And what do you mean she is a traitor?"

"Aina disappeared nine years ago after she knocked her teammates unconscious and ran off. We have no idea what she intended to do or where she was going, but she never returned. Marian Cross was sent after her but he reported his efforts to be useless, as the girl was probably dead. We don't know what kind of information she might have sold to the other side." The more Bak talked, the more Allen felt the need to bang his head in the wall.

If it was not enough that he, they, took her in and protected her all this time, she was not only a fraud but a traitor as well? Could she have been working with the Noah? Was everything a lie? Allen thought back at the conversations that he had had with Serena, or Aina, and felt his stomach stir with disgust to the thought of how well she had fooled them. Especially him, she even gave her body to him to entrap him in her lies and blind him to the truth. She manipulated their empathy and kindness, only to further her own agenda. Oh, what a great actress she was, how carefully she had planned every single move and word, it was sickening.

"She is after Cross. Could she be working with the Noah?" Allen asked, frowning. Of course, that would make the most sense, it cannot be a coincidence that her and the Noah both are seeking his master so relentlessly. The white-haired boy felt his mind was going to drown in his thoughts, for nothing made any sense but there was so much he didn't understand.

"I don't know. I have not seen her in nine years but I know that there is no one who hates the Order as much as she does." Bak sighed and for a moment he was taken back to a decade ago, when he first met the girl. She was already so broken, not that the High Generals ever cared. The blonde man wanted to deny how guilty he felt for not being able to do anything for the girl, and over the years his anger managed to suppress the feeling of shame. Looking at Serena now, all he felt was anger for betraying them and to throw away her path as a member of the Order. And his comrade.

"Does she have a reason to hate us?" Allen asked, a part of him hoping that everything that Aina told them before was a lie. The silence from Bak, however, proved his hopes false. "I see. I am going to be with Fou."

For the first time in days, Allen did not seek the guardian deity out to restore his Innocence, he needed to clear his mind and forget about Serena or Aina or whoever she really was. He was furious with her and with himself for being so blind, he really wanted to hate her. However, something deep down, in the corner of his mind was telling him that things might not be as simple. Things just didn't add up and that bothered him too much. He didn't know who or what to trust because words he couldn't anymore.

* * *

It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours that Allen was standing in front of the glass, looking at the prisoner chained to the hospital bed, not knowing whether he wanted to enter the room. It was hard enough to look at her, the person he grew to consider a comrade, a fellow Exorcist, and even a lover in a way. Maybe that is why he couldn't bring himself to talk to her, he didn't want to listen to more lie and twisted words. Because deep down he still lusted for her body, her touch, her taste on his lips, and wanted to listen to her moan while he took her over and over again. That was a lie too, she sunk so deep that she whored herself out shamelessly to him, only to make him comply and keep her existence in secret until she finds Cross. Could she really kill him? If somehow she was working with the Noah and she knew that Cross had the Heart, then it wouldn't matter if she betrayed her Innocence, as long as it gets destroyed with the Heart she wouldn't fall.

"How long are you going to stand there?" Her voice yanked him back into reality, he didn't know how Aina was able to see him since the glass did not allow her to see outside of the room. He could have just walked away but there were too many unanswered questions that he needed the answers for.

The white-haired Exorcist entered the room reluctantly and leaned against the door once it closed behind him. Aina was looking at him cautiously, her gaze lingering over his missing arm. For a second he thought he saw guilt flash over the girl's expression but he ignored it. There was nothing about her he could trust anymore.

"I was wrong," she spoke again, her voice softer than normal. "You lived, after all."

"You cut your wrist." Allen tried really hard to exorcise the blame from his voice but he knew he didn't succeed completely. He hated the idea that she went to such lengths for him, how she almost sacrificed her own life for her. Ironically, there was no need for that since his Innocence had already saved his life. Still, he wondered what made her risk everything for him.

"I did," she answered nonchalantly, her fingers picking at the bandage on her wrist. However, she didn't seem to want to elaborate further.

"Why?" Allen pushed which made the blonde girl let out a deep, tired sigh.

"I don't…" She started but then cut herself off. Her piercing green eyes met his gaze fiercely, as she spoke. "I couldn't just let the 'Destroyer of time' die, could I?"

Allen knew that it was not the truth, at least he had a feeling that it wasn't. The Serena she knew would not care about such ridiculous things as a prophecy, but this girl wasn't the Serena he knew anymore. This blonde person in front of him, whom he thought he shared a bond with, was a stranger now. That bond of deep, dark understanding that he found more precious than he would likely admit was ripped away from him, leaving doubt and anger in its place. And oh Allen was angry, he wanted to make her feel the void of that bond, even if her ice cold heart would never allow that. It was a rather selfish an egocentric feeling, how much he wanted her to miss his presence, to realize his importance in her life, because it had been so long that he felt valuable and wanted by anyone. Ever since Mana passed away, he felt like he was wondering in the shadows, unseen and uncared for by those around him, no matter how many times he stood up for them or protected them.

Then she came into his life with all her familiar anger and grave cynicism, alone in this world, just like him. It made him feel powerful, the reactions he elicited from her, how she trembled under his touch and her eye thundered at his words. He relished in the fact that he could make her whole being respond to him, and only him. It was so wrong because it wasn't about affection but possession, his desire to own her was burning in every molecule of his body. It was a carnal and exciting, he wanted to own her fire that sparked his dimming light into a vibrant flame again.

But it was a lie. She fled from him just like he fled from the Order, pushing him back into the world of shadows. Yet, looking into those piercing green eyes, he still saw that fury that he had grown to admire, the thunders that he envied so much, and the intensity of her soul that he identified with. She hated this person in front of him because she took away what was his.

"Who are you really? The Serena that I know or Aina who betrayed the Order?" Allen asked firmly, demanding answers. A smirk appeared on her lips but it quickly faded, like she was trying on faces for her next words. Was Aina even real? He couldn't know anymore.

"Don't be stupid, Allen. Serena was never real," she answered coolly, but averted her gaze from those silver eyes.

"Everything was a lie then?" He asked, trying to suppress the anger in his voice. It took a lot of power to not yell at her.

"Would you believe me if I said it wasn't?" She asked sharply. "Do you want to know that it was real when I let you fuck me? How I moaned under your touch? Would you believe that, Allen?"

A cold shiver ran down Allen's spine to these words and even though the girl was not looking at him, he could almost see the thundering anger in her green eyes. The boy knew her body and her reactions all too well which confused him even more. Was that why she wasn't looking at him? To hide what she was really feeling?

"I need you to tell me why you betrayed the Order." Allen tried to remain calm but he could already feel his anger seeping through his resistance.

"I will say this to you once," she said slowly and finally looked into his eyes again. "Go to Hell. Take your precious loyalty to this poisonous organization and shove it up your ass. Do you think I need to explain myself to you? Do you think that anything would change? You are one of them and so I have nothing to say to you."

"Serena…"

"That is not my name," she interrupted angrily, her chains jangling loudly as she yanked on them.

"Are you working with the Noah to get Cross' Innocence because you believe it is the Heart?" Allen asked, ignoring the girl's previous statement. In reality, it really didn't matter what her name was.

To Allen's biggest surprise, he saw a number of different emotions flash over Aina's expression, none of which were guilt. First, she frowned like she didn't exactly understand the question, then it turned into confusion like she didn't understand why he would be asking that question. Finally, her eyes widened in realization and hurt settled in her eyes before she turned her head away again.

"Get. Out." She whispered quietly but firmly and Allen complied. Leaving the room, he could not noticed how the girl's shoulders were hanging lower than they were when he first entered the room and her eyes that were full with betrayal was still so vivid in his memory. She felt betrayed by that question, how ironic. At that same time, it did confuse him. The pain in her eyes was too real, Allen knew that his accusation was false. Aina was still an Exorcist, he could feel that, but then why did she betray the Order if it was not for the Noah?

* * *

So, what do you think? I hope you all enjoyed it!


	14. I like 'em crazy

Hi everyone! I hope you have had a wonderful week and everything is going well. Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows, favorites, and views! Not going to lie, every lovely review just makes me want to write more. It is really an amazing feeling knowing that my writing pleases you guys.

About this chapter: For a little bit, I stayed in third person POV and I think for the rest of the story there will be more of that so I can show more perspectives. The last part of the chapter is Aina thinking/talking to herself, trying to sort things out in her head. Originally, it was going to be a short separate chapter but then I decided to just attach it to this one and have a really long chapter instead. I hope you guys like that!

Warning: swearing, rape, mentions of rape and death. Little darker chapter but I'm just trying to keep it real.

Song for the chapter: Halsey - Gasoline (I absolutely LOVE her songs), I think it fits the mood.

Enjoy reading!

* * *

Chapter 14: I like 'em crazy

Allen was panting hard, every single muscle in his body was screaming from exhaustion but he didn't care. He needed to restore his Innocence as soon as possible, he could not let his body hold him back. Every passing day, every failure brought the darkness in his soul closer to the surface, threatening to engulf his soul. He couldn't let that happen, not while his friends are fighting in the frontline, there was no way he could allow himself to fail.

"You are distracted, Walker," Fou chided him as she transformed her arms back from blades. "What's gotten into you this time?"

The white-haired Exorcist was indeed distracted, his mind kept going back to a certain blonde girl that was a mystery to him. Every day, he would pass her room just to see that she was still there, every time changing his mind about confronting her about everything. He wanted answers, but at the same time he could not listen to any more lies. He had enough on his plate as it was, he didn't need her to manipulate him any more.

"You are thinking about Aina, aren't you?" She asked, her voice surprisingly softer than usual. "Don't think I am going soft but I used to know her… before she disappeared."

"You did?" Allen asked, surprised. "Oh, yeah, she did spend some time here. Was she always…like this?"

"She was and wasn't. The Order was different back then," she explained, turning her gaze away from the boy so he couldn't see the guilt on her face. "They were desperate to the point that they forgot what was right and wrong. They did…unforgivable things to undeserving people. She grew up in the hands of people who never saw her as a person, only as a tool."

"Yet she is handcuffed to the bed. Are you going to keep treating her like a tool?" Allen asked sharply. It was all true after all. He suddenly felt pain in his chest, imagining all the torture she had to withstand. Was this Holy War really worth all of that?

"It is not like that anymore, idiot," she hissed. "She is extremely angry which makes her unpredictable and dangerous. I don't think Bak has forgiven her for fleeing the Order, he used to care about her like family. Anyways, it is probably too late to ask for her forgiveness and I highly doubt she has any to give."

"You are wrong, it is never late to ask." With those words still lingering in the air, Allen finally decided that it was time that he paid her a visit and got to the bottom of things. He was still angry at her for misleading him and lying, but he felt like he finally understood a little more about her. Even without the details, he knew that she had to suffer through intense experimentation, and he was not sure if her fleeing was really betrayal anymore. She had no one, just like him.

* * *

Allen decided that it was better if he took a bath before going to talk to Aina, he was drenched in sweat thanks to Fou. He had no idea what exactly he was going to say but he needed to see her. Despite how much he didn't want to, he felt pity for the girl, even though he knew that was the last thing she needed. But what _did_ she need? Once he was ready and changed, he made his way down the hallway towards her room (or rather prison cell), running through different scripts in his head. The hallway was unusually quiet which made him rather uneasy, so he sped up his steps. Unlike any other time, there were no finders in front of the room which was against Bak's orders ever since the girl almost broke the neck of the nurse. Something was not right.

When he finally reached the glass window, he immediately knew what was wrong. Aina's small body was covered by a bigger one, her arm flying around the stranger, trying to hit and scratch him to her best ability. She was kicking hard but the man didn't seem to feel any of that. For a second his mind went blank with confusion but then it hit him, hard.

 _She is getting raped. Right here. Right now._

The white-haired boy burst through the door with such power that the walls shook as the door bounced back from it, but the man didn't seem puzzled the least bit. He just snarled at the boy in disdain.

"Wait your turn, boy," he spitted but Allen was not going to comply. He jumped at the man and grabbed his shoulder to pull him off of her, but he pushed the Exorcist away easily, making him stumble over the small table that was next to the bed. Unfortunately, there were nothing useful on it, Bak made sure of that after the girl threw everything at the nurses who dared to enter the room.

"Get off of her!" Allen yelled angrily and pushed himself off the floor. The man looked at him from top to bottom and burst out laughing.

"What is a freak like you going to do? Maybe if you had your precious Innocence I'd be scared but you are just pathetic now. I can't help it, I like 'em crazy and oh, she is something," he purred and to emphasize his point he reached between her legs. Allen say the girl's eyes widen to the sensation and he felt his mind cloud with fury. He launched himself at the man again and this time he managed to kick him off the bed. Using the opening, the Exorcist ran to the nurse call button to alert them.

"If I were you, I would stay down there," he warned the man, to no end. The elder jumped to his feet with rather surprising speed and lunched himself at the boy who managed to avoid his punch last minute. His sparring sessions with Fou prepared him for much worse than this. "Even without my Innocence, I can beat up a disgusting pedophile like you."

"I'd like to see you try, boy," he hissed and continued to go after the white-haired Exorcist. Allen knew that he could do serious damage to the other one and in that moment that was exactly what he wanted to do. Only one glance at the girl's ripped clothes and shocked expression was enough for him to forget all restraint and go after the man with vicious anger.

It was not just about the fact that he tried to rape her, someone who was so vulnerable and young, but the fact that he showed no remorse for it. What was worse, he seemed to believe that he had the right to take advantage of her like that. For that, Allen believed, he deserved every single kick and punch, and even more. It didn't matter that the man was bigger than him, he was merely a human, a pathetic, fragile creature compared to Allen. Innocence or not, he stood no chance against the boy. His mind was clouded with rage as he pounded the man with his fist until someone yanked his body away.

"It's enough," he heard Fou say and he was ready to tell her to piss off when he noticed the rage on the other's face. She was staring at the man on the ground, her hands shaking from her own anger. "I will take care of him. You go…just make sure she is okay."

Allen didn't answer, there was no need to tell Fou that Aina was most definitely not okay. He turned his back to the guardian and slowly walked to the bed, he feared that if he saw the man again he would not stop until it was too late.

"Aina…" He whispered painfully as he covered the girl's fragile body with the blanket. She was shaking uncontrollably but she still managed to catch Allen's hand and pull herself into a sitting position. Her hand was trembling as she held onto his forearm.

"Allen," he said, her voice so faint that the boy wasn't even sure he heard his name or just read it off her lips. "I cannot… do this…anymore." As she said those words, tears started flowing from her now dull, lightless, green eyes, still holding onto Allen's hand. The boy let out a deep sigh and sat down on the bed and pulled her onto his chest.

She cried there silently, her pain too deep to be able to make a sound, her body too weak to give voice to her sorrow. After all those years, she finally broke, her soul shattered into pieces and Allen finally saw how truly broken she was.

"I am so sorry," the boy said softly, running his hand over the girl's hair. She pushed her face deeper into his chest, her chains jingling quietly as she latched onto Allen's shirt. She needed to feel something real, hold onto something that was safe.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," she mumbled into his chest. "I wish…to die."

"Don't say that!" Allen retorted quickly, grabbing the girl by her shoulder to force her to look into his eyes. "Don't say that." He repeated softly.

"This is not living!" Aina said hoarsely, shaking her handcuffs in front of the white-haired boy's face. "I cannot…I cannot…I would rather die than go through those experiments again."

"No one is going to experiment on you," he answered running his fingers down her cheek to wipe away the remaining tears. "I won't let anyone touch you ever again."

"Allen…I am so tired." Her soul was tired, tired of all that life had put her through.

"Sleep, then," he answered softly and pulled her back onto his chest. She didn't resist his hold, Allen wasn't sure if she could resist anything after what happened.

He could not forget her face when he first saw her after the incident, so broken and lost. How she gave up and was so ready to die. How much did she have to suffer to get to this point? The thought of dying was not foreign to Allen, he himself wished to be dead many times. Even after surviving Tyki's fatal touch, he often wondered why God decided to spare him. That is why he knew what it was like to give up completely, to lose desire to keep on living. Maybe it was because of this understanding that he could not let go of her even when Bak came in with a nurse to take care of Aina.

"Allen, you need to let the nurse examine her," the older man said softly. "I need to talk to you. But not here."

The white-haired Exorcist hesitated before he gently pushed the girl off of his chest and rose from the bed and followed the other man out to the hallway.

"You can say it here," he said firmly, stopping in front of the big glass window.

"I know you probably don't trust me, us, very much after what happened," the blonde man started but then stopped, waiting for Allen to say that he did. However, in that moment, that was the last thing the boy would say to the man. "I can promise you that we won't do anything that would hurt her in any way. That part of the Black Order is history and I do not wish to repeat it. I am deeply sorry for what my predecessors did, I wish I could undo it. Especially, what happened today…that was under my watch. I just never thought someone would attempt to do something as horrible again to her. After what happened in the past…"

Bak seemed to get lost in his thoughts, talking to himself more than he was to Allen.

"Again? What happened in the past?" Allen asked, yanking the man back to reality. As he suspected, he did not mean to share that hint with the Exorcist. "Tell me."

The blonde man hesitated for a few moments but then let out a deep sigh. He knew that he could trust Allen with anything pertaining the girl after seeing the damage he had done to the finder, he just wasn't sure that he trusted him with the dark secrets of the Order. It was clear, however, that the white-haired boy was not going to let it go.

"For a long time we thought Aina's Innocence was in the healing of her blood. It was the most passive Innocence we ever encountered and the most fascinating in a way, it opened up a lot of opportunities for testing. One of our Exorcists took a liking to her, as an apprentice we thought, and he was great at teaching her martial arts and how to defend herself. I was very young at the time and merely an assistant in the science department but I could tell that she grew attached to her master. We were happy for that, she seemed to take the…experimentations a lot better. Until one day we heard screaming from the training room." The branch head had to stop for a second to brace himself from what was coming in the story. For so many years, he tried to forget about it and erase every bit of the memory from his head. Everything came rushing back in that moment.

"She was just lying there," he continued, his voice shaking as he recalled what he saw. "Her clothes were ripped…but we of course didn't see that until we pulled her dead master off of her. That's how her true power resurfaced."

"What do you mean her real power?" Allen asked, confused. "She killed him?"

"I don't think she wanted to kill him, she just wanted…it to stop. Aina is able to manipulate the light around her, make it into any form she wishes. She was never the same after that…Of course, that couldn't get in the way of science. So everything just resumed like nothing had happened." Bak knew that it was wrong, worse than most things they had done back then.

"Are you going to apologize to her?" Allen asked sharply.

"What?" It wasn't that the branch leader did not want to apologize, he just didn't believe that it would mean anything after all these years.

"Or are you going to keep her shackled for the rest of her life when her only crime was to escape your torture?" Bak would normally not allow anyone to talk to him like that (well, besides Fou) but Allen had a point. Was he so blinded by his pride that he made everything even worse? He was no better than his predecessors then, no matter how hard he tried.

"Of course not," he responded quietly. "I'll see to her release, I hope it is not too late."

"You better do a great damn job at apologizing because we cannot afford to lose her," Allen responded firmly and left the man alone ponder what he would say to Aina.

She was in no state to talk at that moment, so he decided to come back in a few days. After nine years of resentment towards the girl and ignorance about his own guilt, he was not ready to face her yet. Because when he finally would, he wanted to mean it. He really did hope that it wasn't already too late.

 _I am so sorry, Aina. I had never meant for all of this to happen._

* * *

"Aina, I need to talk to you," Bak said after a few moments of awkward silence since he entered the room. "If you'll listen."

"Is he here to make sure I do?" She pointed at Allen who just smiled at her softly. At least her wittiness was back. "Nevermind, the chains should be enough."

"I am here to apologize." The blonde man's voice was slightly shaking but Allen didn't know if he noticed at all. "I should have said this to you a long time ago… I am sorry, Aina. I am so sorry for everything that you had to go through, and still do. I think deep down I had always known that you ran away because of what we did to you, not because you abandoned your duty as an Exorcist. I was just a coward and too proud to admit that, so instead I put all my guilt and shame into hating you for being a traitor. So often, I wished you did actually betray us, so you could at least repay all that suffering that we caused you. But you didn't… and I don't know how I could ever make it up to you. I don't know how I could ask for your forgiveness."

"You were my friend Bak," she whispered quietly, averting her gaze from her visitors. "This cannot just be undone. I am so angry… I feel like it is eating me alive."

"Will you let me try?" He asked, stepping closer to the girl. "I cannot erase the past but I can change the future. Your future." With that, he released the shackles binding the girl to the bed. For a few moments, she stared at her wrist but then she turned to the two men in the room, her face lacking any emotion. Allen wasn't sure if it was because she was about to go berserk or because she didn't know what she felt in that moment.

She wanted revenge so bad, but she was furious enough to want to do it the right way. To punish those who truly deserve it. Bak was just a pawn, a young, misguided assistant, a coward that had no power to help her. She hated him for that, for being so weak, but she couldn't blame him. No, her hatred went far beyond this branch. It was the Church, those two-faced maniacs that she really despised, and promised herself to make them feel her wrath.

"Lie to me one more time, and I swear to God, I will kill you," she said firmly, her gaze thundering.

"Aina, I meant it. You are free, free to do anything you want. We have already prepared a room for you just down the hall. I want you to see that the Order is different now, we are here to serve you, Exorcists. I was wrong to handcuff you but I hope you understand why I did it, and forgive me." The Chinese man felt like he had been waiting to say these words for centuries. It felt like a thousand tons were shifted off his chest, all that guilt and shame that was bottled up inside of him finally got released and he felt his conscience clear. Not completely, because what they had done to her could never be corrected, but he made a huge step towards rehabilitation. However, he needed to discuss the situation with Komui soon, he wasn't sure what Central would do if they discovered that the girl lived. That part of the Order had not changed, unfortunately.

"I will show her to her room, Bak," Allen said. He knew that the branch leader would understand why he offered it, he needed to talk to her. Not just about what happened but everything. It was time that she came clean.

Bak looked at the girl agog, but her expression remained emotionless. "Very well, then."

There was no answer from Aina, she barely even looked at the branch leader, but Bak didn't blame her for it. That was what he always liked about her, she never pretended things were fine when they weren't. He always knew where they stood, and in that moment he understood that she was not going to talk to him for a very long time. He could only hope that one day he would be able to regain her trust. The blonde man let out a deep sigh and left the room; he didn't remember the last time he felt that relieved.

There was silence in the room after the door closed, neither of the Exorcists knew what to say. Allen wanted to question her about everything, yet the words didn't seem to formulate.

"I am going," Aina broke the silence finally but didn't move. The boy was standing too close to the door and she want to feel his presence more intensely than she already did.

"You are a General," Allen blurted out suddenly, slightly angrier than he intended it to. "A bloody General."

"So what? It is not like it has any meaning," she retorted, shrugging. "It was a pathetic try to make up for…nevermind."

"For the experiments or for what your master did to you?" It was unfair and cruel to bring it up, to use this knowledge against her but Allen was angry. Something about her just got on his nerves every time and he couldn't help it. And that something was the fact that she pretended to be okay when he could tell how broken she really was. He didn't want her to pretend in front of him anymore.

Her eyes widened with surprise first but her expression soon turned into anger and incredible frustration. "You have no right to talk about that."

"You had no right to lie to us," he responded firmly which made her snort despicably.

"Oh spare me your bullshit, Allen," she hissed. "You think I had no right to lie to you. Did you think we had something special? That I could confide in you and tell you all the horrors of my poor, broken soul? You should know better. You don't care that I lied, nor do you care about that I pretended that I was someone else. It does not matter, Serena or me, it doesn't make a difference. Don't pretend that you care about me when in reality, this is all about your ego."

"Something special?" He snorted sarcastically. "I don't even know who you are anymore. And yes…maybe it was about my ego. You lied to us, your fellow Exorcists, and jeopardized our mission and lives. For what? Only because you were scared to face your past. You can lie to yourself all you want, Aina, but nothing is going to change the fact that you are a coward."

"Jeopardize your lives? How many times have I healed you wounds? Hm?" She was furious. "No secret is more important than the life of an Exorcist. I lied about who I was and what I can do, but my devotion to God's will has always been true. My name and my powers were a lie, but I wasn't. I am a coward for running away from the Order but I only did it to fulfill my true duty as an Exorcist."

Allen didn't answer, he let the tension and the silence linger between them, making every second excruciating. Aina broke the silence again, her whispers faint and hesitant. "I thought you understood."

"I understand why you chose me," he responded, his voice emotionless and sharp. "Because I am so naïve and good that I would never see through your lies. You really gave me everything you've got just to keep your precious façade up. All those things you told me about the Order might be true but that doesn't make you true. Your room is five doors down to the left."

Allen didn't wait for her response, he didn't want to hear any more excuses and lies. He was gone before the girl could even open her mouth to answer, leaving her alone in that dreaded hospital room. She barely even noticed the pain in her knees as she fell to the floor and the light from her eyes faded even more. It was the utter emptiness that shook her soul to its deepest point, the lack of emotions that left her more hollow than ever before.

When the human soul breaks it doesn't hurt, it doesn't ache, there is no sadness, no sorrow, and even that burning, flaming anger is gone. You become an empty shell, a shadow of what you once were, a weak imprint of your former existence. You breathe, your heart still pumps the blood that keeps your body alive, your muscles keep your body moving, but you…you drown in your own darkness.

* * *

I was losing my mind. With every second, every breath, and every heartbeat, I could feel the rage slowly eating up my mind and the panic taking away that little reality that I had left. The weight of my past was crashing down on me, sending shivers of despair through my body and my soul while burning me from the inside with unstoppable fury. My mind was clouded and numb, all reason ceased to exist, it was overtaken by the feeling of complete desolation. I was utterly pathetic, yet too powerless to do anything about it.

 _Your past finally caught up with you, what were you expecting?_

I thought I would have more time. For a just few weeks, I was finally free, I got to experience what it was to really, truly live. Even though I was an Exorcist and I had a duty to fulfill, I still felt like I was free. Even under the crumbling weight of my dark secrets, I felt the most weightless that I had ever been, so untouched by the horrors of my past. It felt so right. It felt like I was given the life I deserved, how being an Exorcist was meant to be. Being Serena was the best thing that had ever happened to me despite it all being a lie. I would have traded the rest of my life for another week of pretending, no matter how shameful that thought was. I wanted to keep on lying so desperately it hurt in every inch of my being.

 _All these lies…Was he one too?_

Allen… Those silver eyes that stirred me inside in places where I had no idea I existed, a part of my consciousness that I kept locked away was ripped open with such force that it scared me. For he was the reason above everything that I wanted to remain free. Everything he was, pure, naïve, and innocent, yet so strong and powerful, enticed me irreversibly; he really was a child of prophecy. Even without knowing the whole ugly truth, he understood how broken I was and never judged me for it. All he ever wanted to do was repair what was broken, to mend my shattered reality. I envied him so much for how he saw the world, his utter and eternal positivity, the colors that he still saw in this world. My world was dull, the colors had died a long time ago. I wanted to see the world through those silver eyes, feel all that it had to offer through his heart and his sweet, intoxicating touch.

 _You yearn for something that was built on pretense. How could he ever forgive you?_

Do I even deserve forgiveness? Does it even mean anything? Nothing mattered anymore since there was no way I could ever leave this place. Just like before, I would be their prisoner and lab rat, so they can torture me until they figure out where my ability's threshold is. Allen didn't mean anything in the grand scale of things. Yet, I felt myself craving even his hateful words, anything to make me feel alive and fill the void inside of me. I would take every bit of poison from those sinfully sweet lips until I drown in his hatred, I'd take anything that is him. I clung onto his being not for affection or love, no, I needed him to keep out of the valley of darkness that I had been edging closer and closer to. He was like air to me, air that I didn't want to breath.

 _Why don't you hate him for his loyalty to the Order?_

He was a victim of the deceit, he had to be. Once again, he naivety overcame his reason and he fell for the Oder's manipulation. I couldn't blame him when the Black Order was playing with our lives in the name of God, whom we all served. He handed us our Innocence and for that we owed him our service and the Order employed that service. They declared themselves the protectors of God's will and such we belonged to them.

 _Then why does it bother you to look into those eyes? Are you scared of what you might find?_

What if I wasn't the only one putting up a mask? Was he another form of torture that the Order came up with just for me? Nothing would make the High Generals happier than to crush my soul into even smaller pieces, to pulverize my existence, and trample my will. Sending his light to me to blind me, make my eyes get used to the light, just to rip it away and toss me back into the darkness. No… I could not possibly be that important to them to come up with such a scheme and that was what made it so much more painful. That now it was his choice to take the light away, from his own free will. I should hate him. I must hate him. Then why did I feel such relief when I realized that he was alive?

 _Don't be stupid. You are drawn to his pain, even now, you are looking for him._

I was drawn to his pain. My blood, my Innocence, relished in his pain. As much as he wanted to fix me, I could not deny the urge to mend his broken soul as well. Maybe it was my Innocence, maybe it was me, but something made me cut my wrist for him and bleed until I almost died just to save his life. That thought scared me more than anything in my entire life. I was a being of survival, yet I was so ready to throw that away just to heal him.

 _You belong to him._

I couldn't. I was toxic, broken, pathetic, and he deserved better. They all deserved better than me. God deserved better. The Order could go to Hell for all I cared, but those few people, who showed me there were more than just suffering to being an Exorcist, they didn't need someone so fucked up as I was. I rewarded their compassion with lies and manipulation, I tricked them shamelessly and there was no excuse for that. And Allen… I did him the worse, for I gave my all to him, body and pretense both, and I relished in burning fire of his touch and kisses, craving more and offering more lies every time.

 _Bullshit. There was nothing pretense about that. You have been lying to yourself the whole time._

I had to, for admitting how he made me feel made it all too real. Nothing about him made sense to me anymore but I was so adamant on fighting whatever was between us, for the sake of my own mental well-being. Yes, I was terrified to live in a world where I cared about anything and anyone, so I wouldn't have to face their loss. It was just easier to walk around alone, to live with my heart closed and never let anyone see break through. For what I had done, I couldn't face that with an open heart.

 _That's right, you are a monster. What would they do if they knew what you had done?_

They would finally stop trying to save me. They would know that I don't deserve it.

 _What are you going to do now?_

There was nothing I could do. The Black Order had claimed my life once again and I was trapped to live out the rest of my life in misery. Why did God give me this path?

 _You already know the answer. You need to suffer, so your blood can empower God's soldiers._

I want to be a soldier. I wanted nothing more than that.

 _Except for him. You want him more._

I couldn't. It wasn't right. I could never let myself admit that.

* * *

So, what do you guys think?


	15. Remedy

Hello, my beautiful readers! Thank you so, so very much for the reviews, they really brightened my day. Thank you also for following, favoriting, and reading my story as well. I am trying to update as fast as possible but school has been pretty hard, so bear with me.

About this chapter: I actually really like this one, I think there is a lot more depth to it than any previous chapter. I am planning on writing another Lenalee chapter soon, I realized that I have been neglecting her lately.

Warnings: Finally some sex. And some cursing.

Song: The Weeknd - Earned it.

Let me know what you think! Seriously, I would love some constructive criticism, especially because I have been experiencing a little bit of a writer's block. I have the major story line figured out but I need to come up with connecting scenes. I need to find some inspiration, I don't want to let you guys down! :)

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Chapter 16: Remedy

I didn't understand how emptiness could hurt, yet it did. It was like being stuck in purgatory, awaiting something that was so out of my reach. Because feeling anything but nothing was unreachable to me. Something broke inside of me, that man broke something inside of me. What it was I didn't know but it didn't matter anymore, it was all just gone. I could still feel his hand on me, in me, no matter how hard I scrubbed, the filth didn't come off of me. I was branded and defiled again, showing me just how worthless I still was. It was God's punishment that I couldn't die, not the way I wanted it, not by my own free will.

"Aina, you need to eat," I heard Bak's voice and felt the mattress sink but I had no energy to react. I kept my eyes glued to the cracks on the ceiling like I had been doing the past…how many days, I didn't know anymore. The branch leader reached under me and pulled me into a sitting position, leaning my body against the headboard. He placed a bowl and a spoon in my hands and watched me as I automatically started emptying the bowl. I wasn't on a strike, no, I was just so tired.

"You cannot continue this." I didn't have to look up from the bowl to know it was Fou standing in the doorway. "Both you and Walker are useless like this."

As much as I tried, I couldn't hold back a sarcastic snort. At the same time, I found myself curious to what troubled the white-haired Exorcist. I didn't like that.

"What happened, Fou?" Bak asked a little too concerned which made me think that something had been going on with Allen. I looked at the guardian, hoping to read something off of her expression, but my eyes met with her defiant gaze.

"He gave up," she said sharply and walked away before Bak could react. The branch leader let out a deep sigh and turned back to me to take the empty bowl away.

"Losing his Innocence was extremely hard on him. You are the only one who could fathom what he is going through. He needs you, Aina," he said softly but I didn't look at him. My gaze was still fixed at the spot where Fou was standing, while my mind was going back and forth between confusion and ignorance.

He needed me…The thought of that possibility made my chest ache, which was the first time in days that the emptiness was somehow filled. Even if it was lie, since he would never truly need someone as damaged as I was, the sorrow of false hope burned through my chest. I didn't know when he became important to me or when I realized that he invaded my mind, but it didn't matter since it was already there. It wasn't love and it wasn't just wants, it was darker and more painful than that, but I didn't want to erase it.

* * *

The next day, somehow I found myself in front of Allen's door with my hand raised to knock. I just watched my hand tremble until my muscles got tired and my arm dropped back down next to my body. He was right… I was a coward again, not even having the courage to look him in the eyes. It was pathetic how scared I was of being rejected. Why would he want to see me? Talk to me? I was nothing to him, nothing but a liar and a fraud. How could I possible convince him to keep going when I, myself, did not want to.

I let out a deep sigh and pushed the door open without knocking, somehow that made it easier. The room, just like mine, was extremely bare, there was only a bed, a dresser, and a small nightstand occupying the space. I thought he wasn't there until I heard a quiet noise coming from the bathroom, followed by a loud bang. Ignoring how inappropriate it might be, I rushed to the door, only to open it to the most unexpected view.

Allen was sitting in the bathtub, fully clothed, then his body submerged in the water completely. I counted to ten in my head and when he didn't come up, I hurried to pull him above the water. The water was ice cold; he must have spent hours in there. His surprised gaze met mine, but his expression soon turned dark.

"Go…away," he said, panting, his voice still weak.

"No," I said firmly and kicked the flats off my feet. I stood up to step over the edge of the tub, only to lower myself across from him. I cursed in my head vehemently as the cold surrounded my body. I reached behind me to pull out the plug, hoping the water would drain out fast. "I am not going anywhere, Allen."

He didn't fight it but neither did he look at me, he kept his gaze down. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Allen…" I started softly but I was interrupted by his fist slamming into the side of the tub.

"Go. Away." He repeated more firmly, his body trembling from the suppressed frustration. He was not angry at me, no, this was not about me. Allen was angry at his own failure as an Exorcist, so he believed.

"No." I was not going to give up as easy even if at the end I wouldn't be able to help him. It didn't matter if he hated me or never wanted to see again, I just couldn't let him be in this state. Not after he saved me so many times. I softly slid my hand on his face and forced him to look at me and he obeyed. Those silver eyes were dull and lifeless, and I could feel my heart sink deeper in my chest. "I am not going anywhere, Allen."

"Why?" He asked, pulling my hand away from his face. "I am not an Exorcist anymore. I am a cripple, a freak, a failure…Lavi, Lenalee, Krory… I failed them, I failed God."

I wasn't like him, I didn't know what to say, how I should react. Allen was the one who understood people, who understood me despite how different we were, who always know the right thing to say. I felt awkward, useless, and stupid, but at the same time I felt like I owed him for keeping me together. I owed him my life, so I had to try.

"Allen," I said and I shifted closer to him. The water was almost drained from the tub, my clothes felt cold and heavy against my skin. Moving from his thighs to his lap, I realized how cold his entire body was, yet he didn't seem to feel it. "You are and will always be an Exorcist as long as you are breathing. Your Innocence has not given up on you, so why have you given up on it? It saved you because you are more than worthy to be saved. Your friends, the Order, and God need you. They need _you_."

I wanted to say that _I_ needed him but it wasn't about me, even if it was true. I wanted to fight it, this feeling of need towards him, but I was too tired.

"I want to believe in God's plan for us. I want to believe that we will come out of this Holy War as winners. I want to believe that we, Exorcists, are changing this poisoned world. But I can't believe in it if you don't, Allen." His eyes widened with surprise and I automatically reached for his wet locks to brush them out of his face. My hand lingered in his hair a little too long before I continued. "It is your faith that keeps us going even if you haven't realized it. So don't give up, Allen. Please, don't give up."

"Aina," he whispered, slowly shaking his head. "That's a lie." Right, why would he believe me after everything?

"I have lied to you Allen, many times," I admitted sharply as I grabbed onto his shirt to make him look at me again. "I distorted truths, I make up false facts, and I manipulated you, for that I will always be guilty and will always deserve your hatred. But that was about me, it was all about my selfish reasons. This is about you…"

Suddenly, I felt the need to laugh and I couldn't hold it back. A hysterical chuckle slipped through my lips, stirring confusion in Allen's eyes.

"You are right," I said quietly and I let go of his shirt. "I am still selfish. You must keep going for the world, your friends, your precious Order, and God, that is true. But it's not the whole truth… _I need you, Allen_."

It felt like my words echoed in the room for ever and the silence felt heavier every second. Then, after long, everlasting seconds, he reached towards my face and slowly ran his finger along my lips.

"Say that again," he whispered and leaned so close to me that I could feel his breath on my skin.

"I…need you," I repeated weakly, already lost in the whirlpool of his silver gaze.

His lips were cold yet so mesmerizing as he claimed mine, slowly caressing them. There was no rush in his kiss, no passion, no wants; for the first time it wasn't about wanting, it was about needing. That is why it was so dangerous. He gently sucked on my lower lip, then ran his tongue along it, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I granted it as I pulled him closer, only to realize how much my body was shaking. I dug my fingers into his chest to feel that he was really there, that he was real.

"Will this mean something?" he asked after he pulled away and I suddenly felt cold again. My memory took me back to that inn, to the night after we found the spear, and our conversation about forbidden feelings. I remembered his lips hovering over mine but never touching them because he couldn't when it wasn't just physical.

But this was not about sex. Yet I wanted it more than ever.

"It has to," I answered quietly. He didn't expect that answer, I knew it, because it was so against everything I had been telling him. I wasn't lying back then, no, I truly didn't want any attachments, especially with him. But this wasn't about what I wanted anymore…I needed this.

I couldn't have it though. He was hurt, sad, and vulnerable…was I taking advantage of him? I was being so selfish again, taking from him when I should be here to help.

"I am sorry," I said suddenly, shaking my head. "I shouldn't be here…"

"Aina," he interrupted me and cupped my face to force me to look at him.

"No, Allen…This…You don't have to…Not for me…" My voice was shaky and I didn't sound like myself again. Somehow, I was never myself around him.

"It is not for you," he whispered and pulled me closer. "I need you."

I didn't have time to react, his mouth caught mine again in the most painful kiss ever. It wasn't physical pain, no, it was filled with sorrow for what he had lost and would lose. It was for everything we wanted but couldn't have, everything we believed but was a lie, and everything that he was that I couldn't have. There were no butterflies in my stomach, my heart didn't throb excitedly, it wasn't like that. It ached and stung, yet I needed more of it.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself onto his lap, pressing our bodies together. He held me so tight it almost hurt and I welcomed that pain, for it was the only thing that distracted me from the aching in my chest.

Everything around me ceased to exist, it was just him, his kisses, and touch that mattered. Our clothes were heavy from the water, they landed on the floor with a loud thud. I knew I was cold but I didn't feel it anymore, I didn't feel anything besides him. His lips didn't let me go for a seconds, not even when I gasped from the pain as I lowered myself on his cock. He was big and I wasn't prepared but that's how I needed it.

There was no rush, no passion, no burning desire, yet it was the most beautiful thing I had ever felt. The rawness of our pain, the aching of our souls was poured into sex, and it was incredible. I moved up and down on him slowly, cherishing the friction inside of me, commemorating every inch of him. His hand dug into my hip, holding onto me like I was going to disappear, his lips never leaving mine. I ran my hands through his hair, gently pulling on the soft strands, evoking sensual groans from him.

I lost all sense of time, I didn't know what time it was or how long I had been with him. All I felt was him, on me, in me, until the orgasm took over my body with such intensity that it made my body tremble. He followed me soon, without a sound, the cries on pleasure died in his throat. When I looked up in those silver eyes, I felt tears roll down my face, and he kissed them all, not letting them fall, not letting them become real. We stayed like that, with him still inside of me, one and united in our sorrow.

* * *

I should have regretted it, I should have known better, I should have stopped it before it happened, I should have never given myself to him like that. What we did was irreversible, I opened a door to something that I never wanted, I made a place for him inside of my heart. He became important like air, I hungered for his closeness like I had never before. I needed him. I didn't want this, I couldn't allow myself to care for him more than a comrade, but I let him in deeper than I had ever let anyone in. It wasn't love we shared, it was the pain, and he became my remedy. After what had happened to me, the fact that I was defiled and humiliated not only once but twice, should have deterred me from his touch. I should have despised his closeness, the intimacy, him inside of me, yet it was the exact opposite. I craved him more than ever.

That was why I avoided him, I needed to flush him out of my system, I needed him gone. I trained when he didn't, I went to the cafeteria when he wasn't there, and I made sure to remain in my room the rest of the time. Sometimes, late at night, I would hear footsteps slow down in front of my door but then they would keep going, never once stopping to knock. He knew it was wrong, yet I found myself wishing that he wouldn't. Often, I would wonder where he was, what he was doing, how he was feeling, and that scared me. We were Exorcists, expendable soldiers with a fate that was rather doomed, and I was hurting enough already to never want to feel the loss of someone I cared about. Would I hurt if he died? I didn't know and I didn't dare to think about it. I was scared that the answer might be yes.

It was late and I knew Allen would already be done with Fou, so I made my way over to the training area. I wished that the guardian would spar with me too, but I understood that Allen's Innocence was more important than anything. I let out a deep sigh as I started stretching, trying to block out everything else. My body still hadn't recovered from being hit by Suman's Innocence, making using my Innocence harder and often even painful. However, I couldn't let that stop me, not when I was so close to reaching that idiot Marian. I knew I could trust Bak but he wasn't omnipotent, he had to obey Central. That was why I had no time to waste, I had to get away from the Asian Branch as soon as I could.

"Forcing it won't do you any good," I heard a familiar voice behind me, sending a shiver down my spine. It was all too familiar.

"What are you doing here?" I asked flatly, not daring to turn around to look at him. Not even when I heard his footsteps slowly approach me. All I could think about was running away, fleeing from his closeness, fighting the urge to look in those silver eyes.

"You have been avoiding me," he stated coldly. "I was hoping you would spar with me."

"Because that went so well last time," I snorted sarcastically but I still didn't look at him as I stretched my arms. "Let me guess, Bak asked you to do this."

"He did," Allen admitted softly. He stopped moving and I knew if I turned around he would only be a few inches away. Suddenly, my heart started racing and my breathing became like I had just run a mile. I hated how my body reacted around him. "But I also wanted to talk to you."

"What about?" I grimaced as I slowly turned around, taking a step back to put more space in-between us. I really hoped it was not about what happened between us in that bathtub, there was too much there that should never be said.

"About what happened, Aina, with that finder." His voice was calm but in his eyes I saw the pity. Immediately, I felt my blood boils and my chest start throbbing painfully. I didn't want his pity, I loathed how he saw me. After all, he too could only see the things that were done to me, the filth that I could never wash off my body. "I understand if…"

"You understand nothing," I interrupted angrily. "I do not want your sorry or your sympathy. How bad can you really feel about what happened to me if that didn't stop you from fucking me?"

His eyes suddenly widened with surprise and confusion which was not the reaction that I had expected but I was too angry to care. I tried to deny it but I was disappointed because somewhere deep down I had hoped that he would understand me. After everything, I thought that he would be able to see through my façade despite how hard I used to fight his attempts to figure me out. The Allen that took me in that bathtub understood, he knew how to make me feel alive, how to burn me with pleasured pain from the inside out.

"I didn't mean t…" He started but I cut him off immediately.

"To make it mean something? I get it, Allen, and I don't need it to be real," I continued, my voice softer this time. "But I cannot go back where we were before unless you decide to. And I am tired of pretending that it doesn't terrify me."

"What is it?" He asked, frowning.

"That you are no longer expendable to me," I said quietly and I could see her eyes soften a fill with guilt. That was another look I didn't want to see and I suddenly felt like the walls were closing on me even though it was the most open space in the entire branch. I needed to get away. "Forget it."

* * *

Fou watched the girl disappear into the distance; she wanted to tell her to stop, she wanted to say something, anything because she knew she messed up. She fucked up big time. The guardian deity changed her form back to her own and let out a deep sigh. All she wanted was to make sure Aina was okay, as Bak asked her to, she never expected to discover what had been going on between her and Walker and ruin it. If it was anyone else, she probably wouldn't have cared about it, but considering all the shit that the two Exorcists had been through, Fou knew she had to fix this. The Order had messed with their lives enough, she couldn't take the little happiness away that they found in each other.

Even if it would never work out. During her time at the Black Order, Fou learnt that Exorcists are always the one who pay for the sins of humanity. Allen and Aina didn't have a future, but that didn't mean that they didn't deserve the present.

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I hope you enjoyed reading!


	16. New Year, Old War

Welcome back, I hope you guys had a happy new year and are enjoying the holiday break!

Or maybe welcome back me because it has been so long since the last time I posted, for which I apologize. School has been kinda crazy, trying to get my degree finally done, so I had been putting this story off. Also, this is kinda of the point until which I planned everything out, so after this I am going to have to come up with stuff as I go. But if anything I have learned in college is that I am very good at just winging things. Anyways, thank you for returning to this story and I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

About this chapter: I know this story was a slow burn but we are making progress! Allen and Aina's relationship advances a lot further, although there is no mention of the L-word just yet. I hope it's not confusing that I keep changing whose point of you I am narrating from, I like trying out new things. There is going to be a lot more action in the following chapters, I know it's been kinda slow. I think the whole story will have about 20-25 chapters.

Warnings: nothing crazy, just some angst and romantic stuff.

I would really appreciate it if you guys could take a couple minutes and leave a review for the story, I aim to please my readers so I'd like to know if you guys like the direction I am going with the story!

Song for the chapter: See - Potions

Enjoy!

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Chapter 16: New Year, Old War

The Holy War. Except there was nothing holy about it. It was the most despicable oxymoron, yet somehow it captured all the pain, suffering, and the hopeless yearning for its end when it had barely even started. Each day, each moment, in each smile and tear, the members of the Black Order were reminded of their impending fate and the ultimate question: Am I going to be next?

Fou had seen much more than humans would in their short lives, generations of Order members suffering through the loss of their lovers, friends, family, and comrades, and it never seemed to get any easier. The tears and the pain always seemed the same, even when it was anticipated. She realized soon that humans desperately needed to fight for and cherish each second they could spend with their loved ones because their lives were so fleeting and riddled with uncertainty.

She would have never thought that Walker and Aina were involved like that, but in hindsight it made all the sense in the world. They were both too young and damaged for this life, and the only way to find solace was in each other. The guardian deity couldn't erase Aina's eyes from her mind, the amount of sorrow and hurt that was sitting in them when she said those words. The words that were meant for Allen. The words that he would never hear because she ruined it.

That didn't mean that she wasn't going to try to fix what she had broken.

"It has been years, Bak, I know," she insisted, trying to ignore the branch head's surprised expression to her proposal. "The war takes a toll on you, humans, I see that every day. You need a distraction."

"It's in two days, there is no way we can organize it that fast. I agree with you that we could use a good distraction but we have not done a large-scale celebration in years. After what happened…" Bak resisted but Fou was relentless.

"That was a very long time ago, you need to get over it." The guardian deity knew it was harsh but it was true. Not many knew the real reason why Bak refused to celebrate the New Year, most just assumed that it was because they were too busy. In reality, many years ago, it was New Year's Eve when Alma Karma murdered his parents and ever since then the branch head could not bring himself to celebrate. "New Year's is about new beginnings, yet you seem so reluctant to let go of the past and start anew. You are the head of this branch, you need to show people that there is a future to believe in. Otherwise, you don't deserve to be their leader."

* * *

Rohfa really tried to not like Aina. She was rude, sour, and had no interest in pretending that she cared for anyone or anything. Except for Allen, no matter how hard she was trying to hide it. For Rohfa that was the most annoying thing about her, watching the two Exorcists yearn for each other from afar, knowing that Allen will never notice her as long as Aina is around. Yet, she couldn't completely hate her. There was softness under the icy surface and caring behind those harsh words that she couldn't hide from Rohfa's critical eyes. Even when the young scientist was supposed to be working, she found herself thinking about Aina, analyzing her every move. She was always fascinated by the Exorcists and their world like they were some superior species, and often she felt that her fascination was borderline obsessive. Yet, she could not stop herself.

Rohfa also knew that she was one of the few people at the branch who even bothered to notice the good in the Exorcist girl, others only remained civil in public because they feared losing their jobs. Oh, if the branch head heard the things they were whispering about her, the things they wanted to do to her. The young scientist didn't understand how people could be so cruel and ignorant, saying how she was a traitor and deserved to be raped for her sins. The finders were quick to make up stories about her treason, it was almost like a competition about who could come up with the most ridiculous tale. Rohfa knew her story, she listened in on Bak and Allen's conversation, she knew all the pain the blonde girl had to go through, which made her admire Aina even more. Above all though she was jealous, because despite all the hate towards her she had Allen. In her eyes that was worth more than the acceptance of pathetic and jealous finders.

The New Year's Eve celebration could have been her chance to finally get Allen to notice her, but weirdly the thought made her feel extremely guilty. It felt like she was trying to steal the last piece of happiness that God allowed Aina to have, even if she wasn't ready to take it yet. Aina put a lot of effort into avoiding Allen and he let her, never once asking her why. To most it would seem like he simply just didn't care, but Rohfa suspected that in their case, it was exactly how Allen showed that he did in fact care.

Despite knowing that her love dreams would not come true that night, she was still excited. She really liked her dress, the bright purple material and the hand sewn gold detailing, she finally felt pretty. There was another dress carefully laid out on her bed that she got last minute. The day before she overheard two female finders in the dining hall laughing and proudly telling their third friend how they switched out Aina's dress for something "more appropriate" for her. Although she didn't hear what the dress looked like, Rohfa had a feeling that the finders' goal was to humiliate her in public. It really baffled her how ungrateful and hateful the finders were towards her, someone who sacrificed their life to fight for their world. She just couldn't let her be humiliated when she was doing so much for the Black Order despite what they had put her through.

She let out a deep sigh before she picked the dress up from the bed and headed towards Aina's room. After a few moments of hesitation, she knocked on the door and barely waiting for the answer, she entered the room. Honestly, she didn't expect the girl to answer the door at all, Aina simply did not care to do so. The blonde girl was standing in front of her mirror, deep in thought, holding a rather drab looking dress in her hands.

"You don't have to wear that," Rohfa said quietly after she closed the door behind her.

"I am not familiar with traditional Chinese attire," Aina answered and threw the dress on her bed. "You look different."

Rohfa couldn't help but smile over that statement, she had a feeling that it was as big of a compliment as it got from Aina.

"Why are you here?" She continued, turning towards the young scientist finally. "The celebration is starting soon."

"I brought you this." Rohfa held the dress out in front of her but Aina did not move to take it. "You should not wear that other one. It is what peasants wear and…"

"That's exactly how the people here regard me," she interrupted her sharply and shook her head. There was something off about the Exorcist girl, even more than usual. Her voice was cold but there was something else in her eyes, some sort of dreaded anticipation. "I'll ask again, why are you here?"

"I cannot explain what goes through their minds… but-but it shouldn't matter," Rohfa said quietly. She didn't know why she got the dress for Aina and why she felt so protective of her, she just felt like she owed it to her for some reason. "You should not listen to them, they are just jealous."

"Of what?" Aina snorted in disbelief. "What is there to be jealous of?"

"You are strong, you have the power to make a difference in the world. To protect people," Rohfa insisted but the blonde girl slowly shook her head. "You are the ones that really matter to the higher-ups, not us. It is like you are some untouchable, magical creature that we can only admire from far away."

Rohfa saw the girl's shoulders stiffen for a moment but then she let out a deep sigh. Although Aina didn't look at her, the scientist knew that it was because she didn't want her to see the emotions that her eyes could never hide. Because everything that the blonde girl felt was in those striking green eyes, a mirror to her tortured soul. Often she wondered if Aina knew how expressive her eyes were and how suffocating the intensity of her gaze could be.

There was a few moments of silence before Aina spoke again.

"Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if wasn't born as an Exorcist. Would I be happier or would I feel like something is missing? Would that go against my destiny? But then I realize that no matter the path, misery was fated to me. And I'd rather go down fighting." There was a couple seconds of silence in the room, only with Aina's words still lingering in the air. The words were heavy and Rohfa felt useless in that moment. She could not find the right words to lighten the burden. Then the Exorcist continued. "They are jealous of this power…this God-given magic…when in reality there is nothing wondrous about it. It's a target on our back, a parasite that slowly sucks away our life force. Life, as most people know it, is impossible for us…so is death by my own will."

"You can't think that way!" The young scientist exclaimed, a little louder than she intended to. Aina didn't scold her, instead she just looked at her curiously. Rohfa did not talk to the girl much but she knew that it was hard to win her full attention, she didn't want to mess it up. "No one is fated to misery. I understand the burden you carry even if I cannot share in it, and I know about the things you've had to endure. Yet, you are still standing, still fighting, still alive. It takes extraordinary strength to do that, to be you. And because of this strength, I trust you with the fate of the world."

"I am the wrong Exorcist to trust with that. I don't know if I truly believe that the world can be saved anymore. That's what makes him so different from me, his belief in the future has never wavered. You can feel it, when you are around him…isn't that why you love him?" She asked it so nonchalantly, yet her eyes were glowing with unusual sadness.

The scientist never really thought about why she liked Allen so much. He was sweet but strong, polite but honest, nice but earnest… but from the first moment she laid eyes on him, she knew that there was something more to him. She was drawn to him because of that hidden power inside of him and the feeling that he would change the world.

"I can give him nothing. I am nothing. But you… you are being selfish! He lost his Innocence, he is broken and lost, and you are the only one who could possibly understand him. But you still avoid him, why?" Rohfa had no idea where she found the courage to talk to the Exorcist girl like this but she felt like it was a now or never moment. She didn't think there would ever be an opportunity to speak her mind to Aina like this.

"You all keep repeating that I am the only one who can really understand him, yet you keep telling me what to do." Aina said quietly but with such intensity that Rohfa felt the need to step back. "Like I could give his Innocence back or do anything for him, like a couple encouraging words will make it all better and everything will go back to normal. You are all so full of yourself…so full of shit. I am just a reminder of what he had lost. Did it never occur to you that maybe I am doing what is best for him? There is no science that will make him synchronize, the only one standing in his way is himself. I do not want to be another obstacle."

"I…I am sorry…" Rohfa whispered quietly, bowing her head. "It is just so hard to watch him being so miserable and not being able to do anything. We were hoping that tonight will help distract him a little bit and remind him that there is hope in the New Year. You need that too."

"I will think about it," Aina said with absolutely no excitement in her voice which made Rohfa sure that it was a no. It was also a goodbye.

She still left the dress on Aina's bed, hoping that she would change her mind. A part of her still wished that she wouldn't come so she could spend some time with Allen, but a growing part of her hope for the opposite, for the sake of their world.

* * *

I didn't really know why I came to this party. A part of me was angry and petty, I wanted to show those pathetic finders that their childish pranks to humiliate me would not work. Another part of me, no matter how much I was trying to deny it, wanted to see him. I told Rohfa the truth, there was no way for me to help Allen get his Innocence to synchronize with him and I really did not want to be a constant reminder of what he had lost. At the same time, that was not the whole truth. Too many things happened between us that were left unexplained and I knew that next time I saw him we would have to talk about it. I was angry at myself for letting it get to this point but the most infuriating thing was that I absolutely regretted nothing. That if I could go back, I would get in the ice-cold water with him again, would repeat the exact same words, and let him take me over and over again to ease his pain. I was drowning, drowning in him, running out of air to fight his dark pull.

The dining hall was cleared out and the tables were pushed to the walls to create a dance floor. There room was slowly filling up with people, everyone dressed in traditional Chinese attire. The whole hall was decorated with lights, lanterns, and various other traditional decorations. It was colorful and extravagant, beautiful in a very foreign way. Despite the intensity of the colors and the richness of the decorations, somehow everything felt grey to me. The impending doom of the future sucked all the life out of the world for me and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. Before anyone could have noticed me, I turned around and rushed out of the room onto a small side hallway.

The cold wall felt refreshing as I leaned onto it and I let out a deep sigh. There was a pressure in my chest that just did not want to go away and suddenly breathing seemed unusually hard. It had been a while since I felt this way, so panicked. However, I did not have time to think about it much, my peace was soon interrupted by a deep, raspy voice.

"Look who I found alone, must be my lucky day," a stranger's face was looking down to me, not exactly amicably.

"How so?" I asked dryly and stepped to the side to put some distance between us.

"There is a little rumor going around and I've been dying to ask if it is true," he said and stepped closer to me again. I had a bad feeling about this even though the finders' animosity was not news to me.

"I doubt it is," I replied sharply. "If you excuse me…"

I tried to get around him but he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me too close to his body.

"Let me go," I said slowly, trying to force as much calmness in my voice as I could. He did not obey, however, and even though I knew that violence was the worst way to go about it, my hand automatically went for his stomach once I heard his gloating laugh. I ripped my arm out of his hold and tried to step away when my back hit something solid. Suddenly, I felt strong hands lock onto my arms and bag being put over my head despite how vigorously I was trying to get out their hold.

"Sorry, princess but we cannot let you use your Innocence against us," I heard a woman's voice from behind me but I was sure that I didn't know her. "Rumors spread fast about what you can do, what the real power of your Innocence is, but even you cannot manipulate something that you can't see."

"What do you want? Why are you doing this?" I demanded but my voice came out much weaker than I was hoping it would. I couldn't deny how betrayed I felt in that moment, being harassed, and attacked by these finders. The Black Order was rotten on all levels and it made me disgusted and unbelievably sad at the same time.

"Maybe the head of the branch took you back, a whore and a spy to the Noahs, but we are not going to give out lives for the likes of you." Her voice was venomous and even though I could not see her, I felt her dark intent. "Now, now… how do we take care of someone like you that can heal so fast?"

"Idiots!" I screamed at them angrily, not caring about the cold edge of the dagger that I felt being pushed onto my neck. "We have lost too many Exorcists and you threaten to take my life as well? You must be insane. There is no bigger favor you could do for the Noahs than killing me. Go ahead if you even got it in you, go ahead, bleed me out. You know that is the only way to take my life."

"Look at her, she is asking for it," I heard a man's voice again and I felt a warm stream of my blood run down the side of my neck. Then, cold fingers wiped the blood away from the already healed wound and a victorious laugh filled the room. "You are already healed, how impressive. Maybe after we bleed you out, we can sell your blood for a good price. It is a shame though, you really are a pretty one. God gave you more gifts than just your Innocence."

"I find it amusing how you all are so envious of us, of our power, and the freedom of not having to live in fear of the Akumas, yet there is no one who deserves the Innocence less than you do. You are pathetic idiots that are really are only good to be sacrificed for our sake. If the fate of the world was in your hands, we would all be dead!"

"Shut your mouth, whore," the woman screamed at me as her fist painfully collided with my jaw. She didn't stop there, many more hits followed until I was bent over on the ground but I didn't give them the pleasure of hearing me beg for them to stop. No, these pathetic finders did not deserve an ounce of me pleading.

"Pick her up, we need to get out of here. We cannot let anyone see us," the man said again and I felt the grips on my arm again, yanking me up from the floor.

"You are too late." That voice. I could recognize it over a thousand others, like I had known it my whole life. "Let her go."

"She is a traitor! You should be thankful that we would take care of her, this way you won't fall!" The woman yelled and I felt the knife being pushed against my neck again.

"You are wrong, so wrong. The real traitors are you and not only that, but you plan to become murderers too. Who is the real villain here, I wonder. Release her." His voice seemed calm but I could feel the air becoming denser around us.

"How sweet, coming to save your, I would say fellow Exorcist, but you are no longer one. You do not scare us, Allen Walker." She spoke with confidence but the men's grip on my arms have loosened. Clearly, her confidence was not contagious.

"He never stopped being an Exorcist, you are no match no matter what the shape of his Innocence is. I assume you have heard what happened to the last guy…" I said and let out a small giggle. As expected, my captors' hold loosened even further.

"Except this time, we have the numbers," the man retorted. "Just knock him out, so we can get past him. He is no target, just an obstacle."

After a few seconds of hesitation, I heard footsteps and felt people rush by towards Allen. I immediately started struggling in the arms of my captors, hoping that I could get away if I wiggle just hard enough to tire their arms out. I could not bear the thought that Allen was risking himself for my sake again and I could not even see what those monsters were doing to him. Suddenly, I felt the hands disappear of my arms and my knees hit the floor hard, but I could not care. I immediately reached for the bag on my head to remove it.

Allen was on the floor, held down by four huge guys, barely able to move while one of them was even grabbing his throat. I could feel my anger slowly clouding my mind, I did not understand why these finders were so cruel but I knew it was all my fault.

"Let him go!" I yelled, my voice raspy from anger.

"Or what? You are going to kill us?" The woman laughed cruelly and slowly started walking towards me. "Would you become a Fallen One for him? We both know that you are too selfish to care about him or anyone, that's why you sided with the Noahs. What did they promise you, power?"

"Do you even hear yourself? If you know that I'd fall for killing you, don't you think being a spy for the Noahs would also make me fall?" I wanted to scream at her so bad but my body felt weak from all the anger that I was holding inside.

"Stupid girl, you think no one saw you?" She basically spat at me then started laughing when she saw the confusion on my face. "That day when the Exorcist Suman became a Fallen One, I saw you…hmm, how should I phrase it? Oh yes, fraternizing with the Noah of Pleasure."

"I don't know what you are talking about." I answered angrily but in the back of my mind, I suspected exactly who she was talking about. It could only have been only one person from that day.

"Don't think me stupid, girl, I have been a finder for a long time now. I recognize Tyki Mikk in his human form any time."

She kept talking but I could not hear anything beyond that.

 _Tyki Mikk in his human form._

Tyki Mikk who almost killed Allen.

Tyki Mikk whom I saved from the Fallen One's hit.

Tyki Mikk who kissed me.

Tyki Mikk who was a Noah.

Suddenly, I felt extremely nauseous and dizzy, and I had to hold onto the wall to avoid falling to the ground. It was my fault, what happened to Allen was entirely my fault.

"Aina, what is she talking about?" I heard Allen's faint voice but I could not bear to look at him.

"I am so sorry, Allen," I whispered quietly which made the woman laugh again.

"Good, don't even try to deny it, we all know that you are traitor!" She was victorious, her whole presence was glowing with dark, cruel satisfaction.

"Did you…Was it you? Was this your plan?" Allen was furious and I could not blame him, it really was my fault that he lost his Innocence. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, to apologize, and explain that I had no idea that that man was Tyki Mikk but it didn't feel right to make excuses to him again. "Answer me, for God's sake!"

When I didn't speak, the woman waved her hand and Allen was released. Then she spoke, "This was not my plan originally, but either way you will pay. I think my job is done here, I'll inform the branch head about this _fortunate_ turn of events."

It felt like an eternity until the sound of their footsteps disappeared in the distance and in that moment I wished they would come back and torture me. Anything so I wouldn't have to face Allen. Anything would have been better than seeing his pain that I alone caused him.

"Answer me!" He ordered me again and I felt his hand grab my shoulder to push me against the wall. My shoulder blades painfully collided with the wall but I welcomed the pain with open arms, I deserved all of it.

"I saved his life on that day from the beam of Suman's Innocence," I whispered quietly and slowly raised my head to look at him. His pain was so deep that I could not stop the tears starting to fall from my eyes and my knees suddenly stopped supporting my weight. He didn't try to hold me up, just let me fall onto my knees. "I didn't know who he was, I swear. If I had known it was him…I would have never…If I had known, Allen, I would never…"

He remained silent but lowered himself to the floor and reached for my hand. "I know, Aina."

"No!" I yelled at him and ripped my hand out of his hold. "Don't you understand? It is my fault that you lost your Innocence! It doesn't matter that I didn't know that he was a Noah, it is still my fault that you almost died. He almost killed you because of me, God damn it! You have every reason to hate me, Allen, to be mad, to exile me, to do anything you want to me."

"You did not know, how could it be your fault? How could I hate you for saving someone's life? I do not blame you for what happened to me, I blame Tyki Mikk and him alone." His voice was genuine and that is why is hurt so much more. He was so pure and he almost died because of me, I didn't know how I was supposed to process that.

"I want you to be mad at me, Allen. I need you to hate me, to give me a reason to feel all this anger or I will go crazy. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for saving him, for not realizing who he was, and for being the reason you lost your Innocence." I pleaded with him but he only smiled at me and placed his hand gently on my face.

"Stop looking for a reason to run away from this," he said and I suddenly felt my heart sink. "We are Exorcists which means that our days are already numbered. Every moment is uncertain, there is no knowing when our lives will end. I don't want to spend the any of my remaining life being angry with you for something like this. I don't blame you for what happened, if it was anyone's fault, it was mine for being too weak. I couldn't even save myself, let alone Suman…There is no way I could be angry with anyone but myself."

It was me this time who reached to entwine our fingers and pulled him closer so he could rest his head on my shoulder. We sat like that quietly for a while and in that moment, nothing felt more right.

"I am scared, Allen," I spoke finally and he raised his head to look at me. There was no pity, only understanding in his eyes. "I am scared of the future, of losing the war and the others, and of this…because if I let this between us become real, I don't know how I will survive losing it."

"You, this, and everything has been real to me. Even when I figured out that you weren't Serena, I couldn't really be angry with you. Even though you don't see it, Aina, your light shines bright in the darkness of this war. It is a light made of determination, strength, fear, and anger and that is exactly what makes it so powerful. Because everything you are is so real and fierce…You embody life with such intensity that I can't help but to be drawn towards you and crave your light." His words made my chest hurt and fill with warmth at the same time, and for a second I forgot everything. There was just him, his warmth and I somehow felt complete. I thought there would be no peace until the war was over but I was wrong. I had arrived. To him.

"I want this, so bad. But it is dangerous and wrong because it makes me wish we weren't Exorcists," I said as I ran my hand down his face. I wanted to remember this moment and everything that he was. "It makes me want to abandon God and the war and to have a normal life with you where we don't have to worry about what tomorrow brings."

"I'm going to get stronger, Aina," he whispered as he pulled me closer. I didn't resist, couldn't even if I wanted to, there was no denying how much I craved him. "We will create our own tomorrow."

A lone tear rolled down my face as his lips touched mine and I melted into his arms. I thought I had long lost the reason why I was fighting but in that moment I knew that this was something I would never let go of.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter! I will try to update asap :) Lemme know what you thought!


	17. No Salvation

Hi guys! Thank you for all your lovely reviews and for reading, following, and favoriting me or my story, it makes me really happy that you guys appreciate my writing. It is crazy to see that I haven't updated the story in so long but somehow you guys still find it.

I am nose deep in school work which is probably an excuse that you can all understand for taking so long with the chapter. I would promise that I am going to update faster in the future but I really don't think frequency will increase until I graduate. But I promise that I will try my hardest, like today, since I wrote this whole chapter today because I finally had a few free hours. I haven't forgotten you guys!

About the chapter: Some of you might find it boring and very cheesy but I think this is an important chapter. I have realized that I have been getting very analytical and deep about what it means to be an Exorcist and I actually quite enjoy writing those long monologues. I put a lot of thought in it so I hope some of you will find it interesting and will get you thinking.

There's a lot of talking in this chapter and I think it does a good job at explaining character emotional development and tie past events to the present. Also, since I am following the anime timeline pretty closely, I have to insert some original material as well. Well, uhh, yea I guess I have been doing that a lot. I hope you guys like it!

Warnings: couple F-bombs, nothing major

I would really appreciate it if you guys could send a couple quick thoughts on the chapter and how everything is so far. I love to hear your opinions and I am curious whether everything has been making sense so far.

Song for the chapter: Bea Miller - i can't breathe

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 17: No Salvation

The moment was lost when we heard heavy steps rushing towards us, reminding me that my mistake could not be forgiven so easily. As the woman promised, she was back soon with Bak and Fou behind her and accompanied by a small army of Finders. At least that's what it seemed in the narrow hallway. Allen let me go for a second but only to stand in front of me and block me from the woman who was heading to capture me.

"Do not dare touching her," Allen whispered in a low voice, yet it was still very clear and oh so threatening.

"It is okay, Allen," I said as I rose from the floor. I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and I felt it sink slightly under my touch, although he remained quite tense. "She is no one. I am not afraid of some pitiful human who cannot understand who we are and why we are on this Earth."

"You will pay for your sins, girl. I see you managed to seduce him too, but you cannot foul everyone." She was menacing and poisonous, and a part of me was afraid that she would get her way. Why would Bak believe me? He had no reason and he just forgave me for everything that had happened in the past. His trust in me was weak and fragile and this might be just the thing that would break it again.

"I am tired of you, Finder. Get back or I might do something that, well, I probably won't regret," I said nonchalantly even though I knew it was not exactly helping my case. I was tired of her and I was furious because I really did not want to deal with this. I was an Exorcist for God's sake, my only problem should be the Akuma not to keep having to prove my innocence to an organization that had only caused me pain and suffering.

"Enough, Aina," Bak finally spoke and stepped towards me. I could tell that he was torn, he didn't know what to believe. But what hurt was that he didn't know who to believe. "I need you to tell me if it is true."

"Would you believe me, Bak? Does it even matter what I say?" I asked sharply which made him sigh deeply.

"I want to believe you, I promised that I wouldn't shut you out like I did when you got here. I was wrong before for not giving you a chance to explain yourself and I do not want to repeat that mistake. But I also know that you are angry and always have been angry at the Order for the experiments and for everything that we had done to you. I think a part of me would understand if you betrayed us that is why I cannot reject this accusation." It was clear that he had no idea what to do but the fact that he didn't outright arrest me was a good sign. He hadn't lost all faith in me even after everything.

"Bak, I…" I started but Allen suddenly interrupted me.

"You really don't get it, do you? You say a part of you would understand if she betrayed the Order but what makes you think that you and her are the same? What makes you think that you can understand anything that we do, who we are? We are Exorcists, we give our lives for the one sole purpose to free the souls trapped inside the Akumas and to put an end the mindless killing that they are forced to commit." Allen was furious, I could tell, yet he never sounded so calm and passionate. He understood it before I did why they could not fathom why I would never betray the Order. They were different, they could never truly understand what it meant to be Exorcists.

"We see no sides, no war, the only thing we are able to see is a vision of the world where the dead can stay dead and don't have to suffer through killing their loved ones and wearing their skin only to commit more heinous murders. Siding with the Noahs means betraying who we are, the one purpose that we have. God chose us not to ascend humanity but to be the sacrifice that will sustain humankind's existence. We are His soldiers, we answer only to Him, and I am so tired of proving my loyalty to the Order because you are unable to understand the true reason I fight in this 'Holy War'. You are a foul if you think that the Order means anything to me; how could I betray something that is so utterly meaningless in my eyes? Did you even wonder why I came back despite what was done to me? Because in the grand scheme of things all of that means absolutely nothing to me. As long as I live, as long as I have my Innocence rushing through my veins, I will not stop fighting for that vision of a world free from the Akumas no matter the pain I have to endure. What for you is betraying your beloved Order is the worst sin that I could ever possibly commit as an Exorcist, far worse than anything you could ever imagine. My only sin is that I saved the life of someone that I thought was an innocent civilian. I did not know that it was the person that was going to cause Allen so much pain and I will forever carry that burden with me. Anyone who falls by his hands, their blood will be on my hands. Is that not enough punishment for saving a life?" I was panting hard by the time I finished and I could feel my whole body tremble from the frustration and anger.

Once I collected myself, I noticed Allen's hand firmly placed on my shoulder and his silver eyes looking at me worryingly. Confusion took over me but then I saw the lights flickering in the hallway and my hands starting to glow which also explained the scared expression on the Finders' faces as well. My Innocence was still affected by Suman's, making it hard to control and extremely reactive to my emotions.

"Can't you tell how dangerous she is?" The woman exclaimed, pointing at me accusingly. "Feeding you lies, fooling everyone, you are no savior. Do not believe her!"

"Quiet!" Bak's voice was sharp and cold, and his expression made me worried. I wanted to trust his judgement and hoped that he understood what I was saying before.

"Bak…" Allen's voice was both alarming and pleading but Bak shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Allen. Arrest her," he ordered. I could not believe my ears.

Before I could react to protest, Fou launched towards me and shackled my hands together. I didn't have to look, I knew it was the handcuffs tailored just for me. I immediately felt my power subside and my body felt extremely heavy.

"If you arrest her, you're going to have to arrest me too!" Allen tried to block me with his body but the Finders just pushed him aside.

"Allen, you can't do that. They need you, remember?" I could not let him sacrifice his freedom for my sake, especially after losing his Innocence because of my mistake. Ever since I came into his life, I'd brought him nothing but suffering. He was better off without me.

"Actually, he has no choice," the woman said with a devious smile. "By protecting a traitor, he himself became one."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I blurted out as I tried to yank my arms out of the Finders' grip. "Bak…"

"She is technically right," Bak replied slowly and again, I could not believe my ears. Even though I thought he could understand me, a part of me was not surprised that he didn't. But I didn't, not in a million years, think that he would arrest Allen. It just didn't make any sense but my mind was too clouded with anger to try to figure out what was going on. All I could think about was those men holding Allen captive because of me.

"The Order is better off without you treacherous, selfish Exorcists! We don't need your kind to fight the Millenium Earl, your tyranny is over. You will meet the destiny you deserve: rotting away in a cell." She was victorious and utterly crazy which only angered me further. I hated to be framed and defeated by the likes of her.

"I think I've heard enough," the branch head continued calmly. "Take her."

For a second I became even more confused, especially when the men released me and took the crazy Finder lady in custody instead. Fou quickly undid my shackles and the men let Allen go as well.

"What is this? Take them, not me, idiots! Release me!" The woman yelled but the men didn't listen. There was no mistake, she was the one getting arrested, not us.

"What is going on?" I asked, completely baffled.

"Aina, Allen, go back to the party. I'll explain everything later. I am sorry," Bak said quickly, then waved to his men to follow him.

There was a long silence after they left, we were both just staring in the darkness trying to make sense of what just happened.

"What a start to the New Year," Allen finally broke the silence and to my greatest surprise, I couldn't hold back my laugh. I felt all the tension leave my body, like it had all been locked up inside of me and I was finally able to get rid of it all. I was light again, and breathing didn't seem like a such a hard task anymore.

"Thank you, beansprout." It felt like it had been a lifetime ago since I last teased him with that name. Then again, I was living a different life back then. Being Serena seemed like a bittersweet, distant memory, and I wished I could go back there so badly.

"And here I thought you were actually grateful for my efforts to save you, sour lady. I so hoped Aina would forget that nickname," he said smiling. I felt like I hadn't seen that smile in so long, I almost forgot how warm it made me on the inside. I just realized how much seeing him happy meant to me, and that scared me.

"I am grateful," I answered quietly and I stepped closer to him. "But I cannot let you be reckless like that because of some stupid idea of chivalry you have in that head of yours." Despite being scolded, he let out a loud, carefree laugh.

"Is it chivalry to try to stop injustice? They were wrong to blame you and I couldn't just sit by and let them take you. It's simple as that, even though I probably couldn't have done anything if Bak was serious about arresting you. It's the thought that counts though, right?" His eyes suddenly softened and he reached to tuck a wild lock of my hair behind my ear. I couldn't help but notice that his hand lingered for a little too long and he let out a deep sigh as he withdrew his hand.

"There's nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it," I said quietly. He didn't have to say, I knew that the thought of losing his Innocence was constantly in the back of his mind, haunting him like a dark demon. "Let's go check out what this whole New Years celebration is about. You need a distraction and I don't take no for an answer."

Fuck, I was starting to sound like Lenalee.

As soon as we walked in, all eyes were on us and the room definitely got a little quieter. I had no doubt that the rumors of us getting arrested spread faster than the truth but I couldn't be bothered with the Finders anymore. We headed towards the drinks where we were joined by Rohfa and her scientist friends, Rikei and Shifu.

"Were you guys really arrested by the branch leader?" Asked Rikei before even saying hello which made me annoyed but Allen just laughed.

"Just for a little bit but it's all cleared up now," he said smiling but clearly signaling that he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I'm glad you guys came tonight," Rohfa changed the subject quickly. "Red suits you well Aina, fiery just like your personality."

"I'm not sure that's a compliment," I responded with a sarcastic smile which immediately made the girl panic.

"No, I'm sorry, I mean that you look great!" She started apologizing immediately which made me laugh.

"I was only joking. Thank you, Rohfa. For the dress as well," I said with a small smile. "It's hard to find people in this branch who actually believe that I am not evil. I can't wait to get back out there to kick some Akuma ass."

"How are you feeling? I'm sure you will be back in top shape in no time," said Rikei encouragingly. "Or are you going to wait for Allen to recover?"

"She won't," Allen answered instead of me before I could've said anything. Even though I knew I couldn't wait for him, somehow it still bothered me that he was making that decision for me. "Our friends are on the way to Edo and they need all the help they can get. I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to them because she was waiting for me. She is too valuable on the battlefield to stay back and who knows if I can ever synchronize again."

"You will, Allen, don't talk like that!" Rohfa blurted out but then quickly put her hand over her mouth, ashamed of her outburst.

"Don't feel embarrassed for speaking your mind," I said quietly. "Or for telling someone to quit saying idiotic things."

"Guys, would you excuse us for a second?" Allen turned to the young scientists who quickly said bye then disappeared into the crowd. In that moment, I really regretted speaking my mind because I really didn't want to have the conversation that was about to happen. "Is everything okay?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?" I asked with a raid eyebrow which made him let out an annoyed sigh. I guess he really didn't want to talk about this either. "Allen, do you believe that you can ever synchronize with your Innocence again?"

He took a deep breath then slowly shook his head before he spoke.

"Can we go somewhere else? I don't feel like celebrating anymore."

I quickly nodded, then followed him out of the event hall until we stopped in front of his room. He hesitated a little bit before he opened the door and I needed to take a deep breath before I entered the room as well. Last time I was here, I found him in the bathtub, broken and devastated, and I didn't think I could bear looking at him in such pain again.

"I think it was that night," I spoke after I sat down on the bed next to him. "That for the first time I saw that look in someone else's eyes other than my own. I never realized how terrifying it was to see someone wanting to die so badly."

"You weren't supposed to be there." His voice was quiet yet he didn't sound regretful. "But I don't know where I would be right now if you hadn't shown up. Maybe I would have come up for air… But even above water it feels like I am still drowning."

"Sometimes the pain is so much that we cannot come up to the surface anymore. But over time, we learn how to live underwater. We adapt and we fight, not so we can breathe air again but to make sure that those around us don't drown." I used to think that he and I were nothing alike, that he could never understand the pain I had to endure. However, I was slowly realizing that he had been hurting far worse than I could ever imagine.

"Back there, in the forest, I was ready to die. Losing my life in a battle has always felt natural to me, what Exorcist hasn't made their peace with that? But this is different, it is cold and dark and it is slowly consuming me. I feel like I am disrespecting Suman's memory who wanted to live so bad that he became a Fallen One because of it. The mornings are the worst, especially since my cursed eye doesn't let me sleep, it is constantly looking for Akumas. It is ironic that that's the only thing reminding me that I need to keep going forward." His honesty, the rawness of his feelings and the heaviness of the moment made my heart sink deep into my chest and I was lost for words. He opened his heart and let me in to share in his pain and I had never felt more terrified.

"When I first met you, I thought you were a spoiled brat who has seen nothing and lost nothing in his life. Little did I know that you were exceptional at putting up a happy and carefree front. But then again, I was too busy licking my own wounds and feeling sorry for myself. Over time, however, your mask started to break and I tried so hard to not see your pain because I didn't want to give you the chance to understand me. The more you tried, the more I resisted, until that night in the forest. I had that feeling all day but it didn't hit me until I saw you laying there…" Suddenly, my voice became raspy and I had to look away.

"Aina…" He started but I shook my head.

"I felt like I had lost my mind. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't even scream. I didn't only just realize that you were important to me, I realized that the pain that you have been carrying for so many years, the pain that made you turn your father into an Akuma, is nothing compared to anything I had to endure. But you kept walking, never stopping, never asking anyone to share in your burden. Yet, you are always there for others, always helping, always strong for everyone around you. I have seen your true strength, that is why I know that if anyone, you can get your Innocence back. You already learned how to strive without air Allen, and the deeper you get pushed, the more resistant you become. It is okay to want to die, as long as the reason is worth dying for." The words were just flowing out of me, and for the first time I did not care if I was saying too much.

"I want it back so bad, I had never felt this broken and empty before. I know that I am the only person standing in my way, and every time I feel like I'm close it slips away. It is so close, yet so far, but at least I know that it is possible. Thank you, Aina," he said as he reached for my hand. "For everything."

"Why do you believe in me, Allen? After everything…why?" I asked quietly. I had always wondered why he never gave up on me, no matter how hard I tried to push him away.

"You are an Exorcist, if I don't believe in you, it's like I don't believe in God. I never hated or even disliked you, not even in the beginning. You were so angry and hurt that I couldn't help but be drawn to you. While I hide behind a mask, you channel your emotions through everything you do with such power that when I was around you I felt like I was able to be angry and hurt again. Through you, I got feel like that again. You were like a drug, and despite knowing how wrong and selfish it was of me, I needed to fuel your anger to let out my own. You thought I wanted to be with you because I got to feel like I was doing something bad for once, which was true, but not because I thought you were a bad person. It was wrong of me to be with you just so I can feel again. But the more time I spent with you, the more I saw what was behind all that anger and suddenly you weren't just an outlet. I remember when I saw you chained to that bed, I felt so angry. Even when Bak told me who you really were, all I could still think about is that they are holding you captive and I couldn't bear that thought. But in that moment, I finally saw you as you were, so raw and beautiful, and I knew that the anger and pain were real. I knew that you were real all along." Every word was both so sweet and painful that it made me dizzy. I was a cavalcade of emotions, none of which made sense to me. I was utterly helpless.

Allen didn't say anything, he just sat next to me quietly, holding my hand while I tried to sort out everything that I had just heard.

"I thought being Serena was a new start for me, a blank slate. I wanted to run away from my past, to forget everything that had happened. But I am an Exorcist and I can never erase that, which means that I can never truly start a new life. I let Serena have things that I couldn't, I let her be with you and I thought I would be able to walk away from that once it was time. I thought it didn't mean anything because it wasn't me, it was her. And when you figured out the truth, I hoped that you wouldn't be able to forgive me because I knew that I couldn't simply walk away from you anymore, I needed you to give me a reason. But all you did was give me more reasons to stay and I don't know what to do anymore," I explained and let out a deep sigh. Allen didn't answer, there was nothing else to be said anymore. He let go of my hand just to reach around my shoulder and pull me close. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, I wanted to stay like that for as long as I could.

Unfortunately, a loud knock on the door interrupted us and a few moments later Bak entered the room with Fou behind him. I tried to ignore the worried look that they exchanged with each other when they saw me sitting next to Allen but it gave be a bad feeling about what was about to come.

"Good that you are here Aina, we wanted to talk to both of you," Bak started to speak and pulled a chair closer to us.

"Is it about what happened earlier?" I asked suspiciously which made Bak's expression darken.

"That too. I'll start with that. I suspected that there was a hidden agenda behind her story right after she told me. Finders are supposed to report to me right after they get back but for some reason she waited days to tell me what she saw. I looked into her story and discovered that she applied to be a Finder after her husband and son were murdered during an Akuma attack. Turns out there were Exorcists in town during that time who prioritized securing the Innocence over first getting rid of all the Akuma. Although that is the protocol Exorcists are supposed to follow, she still blamed them for her family's death. So, she joined the Order to bring the Exorcists down one by one. She knew that Allen was with Fou or with me at all times and you cannot be simply killed because of your healing powers, so she needed to find another way to take you out. She had leverage over you Aina, since she saw you with Tyki Mikk, which was enough to try to turn the Order against you, a seemingly easy task after the past allegations of treason against you. She told me Allen was dealing with you and I feared that he might lose control and seriously injure you. Not going to lie, I hoped that learning the truth would help him recover his Innocence through his anger towards you. But when that didn't happen, I knew that Allen forgave you. After that, I had no reason to believe that you were guilty of knowingly aiding the enemy. I orchestrated that plan to make her show her true colors and once she did, I made my real arrest. I am sorry that I made you two believe that you did anything wrong." There was a short silence in the room once Bak finished his explanation, I could not believe that that woman would go that far to punish the Exorcists for something that wasn't really our fault.

"I suppose it is still better than if she had turned them into Akuma," Allen said with slight sadness in his voice. Typical Allen, always able to find the positive side of every story. "You don't need to apologize Bak, you did what you had to do."

"There is another, umm, more sensitive matter that we need to talk about. I am dreading to bring this up but I am afraid I have no choice." His voice suddenly became more quiet and I could tell he was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't even imagine what he was going to say. "It became clear during that altercation that what is between you two is more than just friendship, isn't it?"

"How does that have anything to do with anything?" I asked sharply before I realized that I should have straight up denied everything. So I tried, "There is nothing between us."

"Aina, don't. We know," Fou said, a lot softer than she usually does.

"What is going on?" Allen asked as well and reached for my hand. "I don't think it is any of your business."

"It is when it interferes with your Exorcist performance," Bak said with a sigh. "Allen, your utmost priority is to re-synchronize with your Innocence again but you have not been a 100% focused ever since you started. I know there has been a lot going on with Aina and you want to be there for her but it is distracting you from your real goal."

"You are wrong," Allen protested. "Without her, I don't know if I would have hope at all. She reminded me of why I am fighting."

"I am glad and thankful for that, but from now on I'll have to ask you to stop seeing each other. You both need to recover and I believe it is the best for you if you stay focused on that only. I wouldn't be doing this unless I thought it was necessary, I am sorry." I knew Bak was sorry and I didn't blame him. He was right; I have been a distraction and Allen needed to focus on getting his Innocence back, not me. Whatever was going on between us was not worth losing the war over for.

"I respect your authority, Bak, but I don't believe that you can tell me who I spend my time with," Allen retorted but I pulled my hand out of his grasp and stood up from the bed.

"You don't have time, Allen," I said quietly but I couldn't bear to look in his eyes. "If it is even a little bit true that I distract you and slow you down, then I cannot see you anymore. I cannot be the reason for you both losing your Innocence and not being able to get it back. Please, understand."

"I do," he answered sharply, trying to cover his frustration. "It isn't your fault, Aina."

"Yet I can't seem to be able to stop thinking that it is."

As I walked away from him, I felt like a thousand needles were stabbed into my heart and I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until I closed the door behind me and finally gasped for air again. It hurt and ached but I knew it had to be done. We are Exorcists, our future is only filled with blood and death. We were doomed from the start, destined to die alone on the battlefield.

Those were things that I was telling myself, all sorts of cliché crap about destiny and the future. But in reality, deep down I knew that I was relieved that Bak made that decision for us. There was too much risk, too much danger in being an Exorcist and I knew that if I fell for him ever more, I would not survive losing him. It was absolutely selfish but I couldn't help it, the thought of him gone terrified me to my bones and being scared was something I couldn't not afford on the battlefield.

Or maybe it was all crap. Maybe I was already too deep and there was no salvation for my tortured heart.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading!


	18. Expelled

Hi, everyone, I am BACK! I apologize for not posting a new chapter for so long, and I would tell you guys a good reason for that but it's just life. But I am really going to try to update more often and I promise that I will finish this story (which unfortunately would be a first for me). I really do like this story though, and although I am not always satisfied with the writing, I think it is worth finishing. At some point, I will probably rewrite it, too. Also, I already have some ideas for a sequel but I need to finish this first.

About this chapter: I guess it is kind of slow, more of a bridge to the next chapter, which will have some more action in it. I am trying to follow the storyline, so you guys can probably guess what's coming. Character development is very important to me, so I want to make sure that it's not only the events that progress but the characters as well.

Warnings: Aina's potty mouth, as always.

Song for the chapter: Halestorm - Unapologetic

As always, cannot wait for your guys' feedback! I hope you enjoy reading the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 18: Expelled

For as long as I can remember, I never got the chance to truly trust anyone. People close to me either died or betrayed me, or both; no one really ever stuck around. I became exceptional at walking away, a master of letting things go without a second thought. Even those who never wronged me, I told myself that it was just a matter of time until they would, so I walked away from them too. I thought it made me strong and powerful because it was up to me, it was my decision whether I needed them or not. In reality though, it was the only decision I could ever make under the control of the Order, and I felt almost compelled to do so. Yet that power, that feeling of perverse control was born out of fear. I was terrified of the pain of losing someone who truly mattered to me. I was afraid of my heart shattering beyond repair.

Honestly, I do believe that I was wise back then: wise for not relying on anyone but myself and being extremely careful about who I put my trust in. Yet, I was also foolish for thinking that I had control over anything at all. I could not control death and I did not foresee betrayal, I simply pretended that it didn't exist. Of course, it was easy to walk away from something that was not real to me, something that I erased from my memory forever.

I didn't know how, when, and why, but along the way I started trusting Allen. Walking away from him, erasing his existence from my mind seemed like the natural thing to do, after all, I was formidable at it. Yet, walking out of that room and abandoning everything that had happened between us were two very different things. I left knowing that he was still there, alive, breathing, fighting for this abomination between us, still there if I needed him again. He was not gone, the only thing separating us was my choice to give him space. To give him a chance to recover from my mistakes.

So, I did what I did before: trained, ate, and slept when he didn't and I never went looking for him. Most of the time, I just sat on the balcony railing in the main hall, staring at the gate where Fou lived. Those patterns, the openness of that place, and the emptiness had always calmed me, even during my non-existent childhood here at the Asian Branch. Yet, despite everything that has happened, I still did not mind returning here, and a part of me was glad that it had not changed a bit.

"I never really understood why you liked sitting up here, staring at the gate," I heard a very familiar voice behind me, belonging to Fou. She sat across from me, leaning to the stone pillar behind her.

"I would imagine the world beyond your gate. I would imagine breathing the fresh spring air without guards watching my every move, the smell of fresh air without being tainted with the stench of blood and death, and walking away from this place without looking back. I would imagine a better life for myself, outside of the Order's reach." I sighed deeply but I didn't look at her. I did not want to see the guilt in her eyes.

"I am sorry I never tried to save you. Any of you," she said quietly but I shook my head.

"It was not your job to save us. You made me stronger, you trained me, so one day I could save myself. Ironic that I ended up back here… I don't even know what I was thinking. All I knew was that I needed to get away from here. I didn't even have a plan. I was so selfish." I said quietly, tilting my head back to rest it on the pillar behind me.

"You were. You are." Fou answered which made me laugh. If there was one thing that hadn't changed, it was her. Her bitter honesty infuriated me and liberated me at the same time; it was like a cold slap of reality. I could not deny how similar our attitudes were, after all, she practically raised me.

She taught me that it was okay to be angry, to feel hatred, and to be in pain. To never accept things that hurt me, to never let others beat me down, to stand up for what I believe in, and to never, ever give up fighting for what matters. She was a guardian; hell, she was not even a human, yet she was the closest I ever had to a sister.

"I wish I could argue with that," I smiled faintly. "I saw the opportunity and I ran. I was never going to stop being an Exorcist or give up on saving this world from the Akuma. The Order has a lot of supporters, so I figured that I would find one and convince them to help me. To do what? Not sure."

"You are lying. You weren't going to just let it go, Aina. You have always wanted to start a rebellion against the Order, you just never had the means." She retorted sharply which surprised me. I knew she knew me better than most, but I had no idea that she saw through me so easily and never said a word.

"It was a fantasy of revenge. A dream of saving the Exorcists of the future. But the costs… the costs would have been too great on our side. It would have been a favor for the Millennium Earl, destroying the Order. What if this is what God wanted? The tests and the experiments, and taking children away from their homes to become soldiers in this war without giving them a choice. What if stopping the cruelty of the Order would have made me fall? I hate everything they did to me but I cannot ignore all the lives they saved with my blood. All those lives that spawned from my sacrifice. I did become stronger because I suffered, so should I be angry or should I be thankful?" I was conflicted because I, myself, could not explain my own actions. I could barely even remember what was going through my head, and not because it was a long time ago, but because it was like a desperate craze that took over me, urging to run, flee, escape at all costs.

"Be whatever you want to be. Be a rebel, be a follower, be a hero, an Exorcist, it is all up to you. Choose what matters to you and what does not. Choose your path, your cause, your fight, and the people you want to protect. No matter what you chose, you won't be alone. There are people who would fight for you, more than you'd think." She looked at me knowingly and although she kept it vague, I knew what she was trying to get at.

"No one would have followed me back then, when it mattered. I was nobody, barely even considered a human. And now… I'm not the one to be followed. Things seem different, at least for now. But if the day ever comes for my fight, I cannot and will not ask for anyone to follow me. None of these Exorcists know what it was like back then; it would be selfish to ask them to fight an enemy that never caused them harm, that doesn't even exist in their world." I answered and let out a deep sigh. "It's strange, really. I don't know how I fit into this new world. You are here, Bak is here, but everything and everyone else is gone."

"He got old, didn't he?" She asked with a mischievous smile which made me laugh aloud again.

"And we didn't age a day." I responded, laughing carelessly. "I'd be lying if I said that I hated Marian for putting me under that illusion. It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Oh, speaking of great things happening, what did you do with that crazy woman?"

"I don't know, some finders took her away. I am sure Bak has to follow some protocol for this." Fou answered, although the end of her sentence was barely understandable due to an enormous yawn that took over her whole body. "Man, I am exhausted."

"Wouldn't wanna keep you up, you are a pain in the ass when you are tired." I said, followed by wink. Fou simply just rolled her eyes at me and hopped down from the balcony railing.

"Hey, Aina." She turned back to me before she disappeared in her gate. "You never gave a fuck about orders, don't start now. Be whoever you want to be, or be what you are the best at. Be a rebel."

Before I could have answered, she had disappeared, her words still lingering in the air.

I hated rules, that was true. They suffocated me, left me feeling vulnerable and confined, and stripped my freedom away from me. The Order was built on rules, carefully, each little piece planned out meticulously, making sure that once they got a hold of someone, it was over. Their grip was strong and their reach was infinite, I learned that the hard way.

Not seeing Allen was the first rule I followed without hesitation, without a single question. Just like I did before so many times, I tried to erase his existence from my memory, rid my skin of his intoxicating touch, and eliminate every thought of him from my consciousness.

Except that I knew that he was there. Every corner I turned, every room entered, every shadow I caught a glimpse of reminded me of his very real presence. I desperately needed to leave.

* * *

Rohfa was happy at first that Bak asked her to help Aina train, saying it made sense since they had become such great friends. She never thought that it meant getting a glimpse into the Order's dark, forgotten past. It was different than just hearing about it from rumors and stories because she couldn't imagine the details. It was like a dark fairy tale or some ancient folklore that was probably rooted in a true story but got out of hand over time.

The young scientist had never been in this part of their hideout, she did not even know it existed. The room that was full of scientists, all standing in front of a large window, none of them turning around to see who the newcomer was. Rohfa held her clipboard closer to her chest as she quickly walked over to Bak. She was just about to address the leader but the words got lost in her throat when she looked through the window.

Aina was standing in the middle of the room, her arms chained to the walls and hooked up to multiple machines. There were strange symbols drawn on her body that the scientist girl had never seen before. It reminded her of the symbols that bound Fou to the gate, but she was not sure about their purpose. Then suddenly, the Exorcist girl's eye popped wide open and a painful scream erupted from her throat, as the symbols started shining on her body so brightly that Rohfa had to squint. When the light died down Aina was kneeling on the floor, panting hard, and her body covered in sweat.

"Rohfa." Bak's voice was more stern than usual, despite knowing that the girl was still processing what she just saw. There was a layer of warning in his voice as he continued. "Thank you for coming."

"I…I…This…I thought…I thought she was training," the girl stuttered, her eyes glued on her own shoes. Bak was not so sure anyone that involving the girl was a good idea, regardless of how smart she was.

"I know that it looks unconventional, but Aina is not like others. Her biology is completely different because her Innocence is fully merged with her body. It makes her very powerful but it also takes an insane toll on her life force. I am assuming you have read her file, so you know that this is not the first time that she has foreign Innocence in her blood. It is like an illness, like a virus that is making her weak, but there is no antidote for it. She needs to expel it." Bak explained it while not taking her eyes off the Exorcist girl on the other side of the window.

"She is in so much pain," Rohfa noted quietly, still not looking at the girl. Her screams were enough for her to know. "Does…she want this?"

"She knows this is the only way," a sharp voice sounded from behind her. Fou was leaning on the doorframe with Allen standing beside her, which quite surprised the girl. The Exorcist's face hardened slightly as her eyes focused on Aina on the other side of the glass but he remained quiet. "How is she doing?"

"She is recovering but her numbers are not quite like they used to be. Her synchronization rate is only 75% which is extremely low for her. Her Innocence is quite unstable right now," he explained as he opened the door to the other side of the glass wall. "Allen, I am not sure you should come in. I know I asked you here but it might be best if I talk to you separately."

"I remember what you said Bak, but she is on my team. I need to know if she is going to be a liability," the boy said sternly. The branch leader hesitated for a few seconds but then slowly nodded. Rohfa had noticed that there was something going on with Allen and Aina again because she did not seem them together at all. In fact, after some investigation, she realized that the two were avoiding each other at will. Like clockwork, they kept the exact same schedule the past few weeks, perfectly avoiding each other. She suspected that something happened after they left the New Year's Eve party.

"What is her synchronization rate supposed to be?" Rohfa asked curiously to change the topic, as they walked into the room.

"How do you think I became a General so young? I was born to be one. My Innocence and I are one, fully synchronized, after all it is what is keeping me alive." Aina answered before Bak could have said anything. Her voice was faint and she was having a hard time breathing, but her gaze was as powerful as ever.

The Exorcist girl had never before looked so small and vulnerable in front of Rohfa, a sight that made her surprisingly uncomfortable. She felt like an intruder, someone that did not belong there to witness her in such a state. Aina grew up in this branch, she had known Bak and Fou her entire life, they were practically family. Similarly, although their relationship was rather complicated, Allen was also an Exorcist that understood her on levels that Rohfa would never be able to. She felt wrong. She did not know why she was there, but at the same time, she was not going to let this opportunity go to waste. There was nothing that she wanted more than get closer to the Exorcists.

"But that means…that… that…" Rohfa started but did not know how to finish her sentence. Aina let out a weak laugh before she interrupted her.

"That I am dying, yes." She said nonchalantly.

"She wouldn't be this calm about it if this was the first time she was going through this, so don't be impressed by her attitude," Fou stated sharply while throwing a towel at the kneeling girl.

"Why are you here? I didn't think I was done yet," Aina stated, wiping the sweat off her face. She tried to push herself up but her legs were still too weak, and if it was not for Allen, she would have painfully landed on the ground again. However, she was not that happy to find herself in those familiar arms, to feel his skin against her own, and to breath in his sweet scent. She pushed him away immediately, even though she barely managed to stay on her feet after the boy let her go. "I can stand on my own."

"Didn't seem that way to me," he retorted sharply, with all the warmth gone from his voice. Rohfa hadn't seen the boy like this before: cold, quiet, and tense, even while holding Aina in his arms. All the kindness was gone from those silver eyes, like he shut it all out. She imagined him like this during battle, but this was far from that. It was too obvious that something had happened between them again.

"I asked Allen here because I think you might be able to help each other." Although Bak sounded confident, there was a hint of caution in his voice.

"Oh, now we are allowed to see each other? Fucking fantastic." Aina was furious and if it was not for the chains, she might've jumped at Bak. "You say that you are different from the old regime, yet you keep fucking with me. Was it just a social experiment to see how we react? Did it please you?"

Rohfa had heard about the girl's temper and it did not take a genius to notice all that anger that she held inside, but this was the first time she actually witnessed it. In the past, others' anger terrified her but this was different. There was so much pain and hurt in her anger that it made her chest heavy and her heart fill with guilt.

"Aina, stop," Bak commanded harshly. "I am trying to protect you. Do you know what it takes to keep your existence from Central? Things might be different here but not everyone is as progressive, especially up there. You have no idea about the risk I am taking to hide you here. I asked you to not see each other not only because I believe that it is the best for your recovery but also because it is forbidden."

"What do you mean forbidden?" Allen asked with a hint of doubt in his voice.

"You are Exorcists, Allen. Central believes that winning this war should be your utmost priority and any relationship with your fellow members, be even a close friendship, is a distraction. They believe that it is dangerous because it would cloud your judgment and lead to faulty decision-making on the battlefield. I didn't want to recite this rule unless necessary, because I don't believe it is right. But it is not up to me." There was a moment of silence in the room before Bak sighed deeply and continued. "But you are on the same team, fighting for the same cause, it'd be stupid to keep you apart completely and for good. Besides, I think you could help each other in the recovery."

"How?" Aina asked, with her emotions tamed this time. Rohfa didn't blame her for her anger, in fact, she quite understood it. Allen seemed to be the only good thing in her life and it turned out to be forbidden. She was not even sure that that's where they were heading, that they would ever actually love each other, but it was clear that they had something special. But now it was ripped away from them before they could have even figured it out if they wanted it.

"You have both interacted with Suman's Innocence to different degrees but essentially you are both familiar with its frequency. It means that your own Innocence are receptive to it and are able to bind to it. At the same time, as we see from Aina's example, it is still toxic to you, which compels your body to fight it. In other words, we can use Allen's dispersed Innocence to lock onto Suman's and pull it away from Aina and at the same time potentially activate it to materialize to fight its intrusion into Allen's body. It is, however, quite dangerous to both of you." The branch leader explained, but he knew his warning was a moot point. He knew exactly what the Exorcists' answer was going to be.

"Sounds like a plan to me, unless beansprout over there is too scared." Aina said, trying to provoke Allen.

"I have no objection to it. Even if I don't get my Innocence back anytime soon, the others need her in Edo. She is just a liability like this," he answered, his voice cold as ever. Bak was not sure if it was his lack of reaction or his actual words that pissed Aina off more. However, before she could have retorted, he clapped his hands together and pointed at the door.

"Alright, then. Allen, those symbols on Aina's body help her release her energy, and with it, Suman's Innocence. You will need to concentrate on that energy and grab onto it with your Innocence by materializing it. Aina, don't hold back, we might only get one chance. That said though, be careful, you can very easily hurt each other. This is no child's play." He warned them before he waved at everyone to follow him out of the room.

"If you die, I will kill you," Aina said while undoing her chains. She massaged her wrists for a few seconds before she stepped closer to the boy.

"What were those for?" Allen asked, pointing to the chains, and ignoring her previous statement.

"They were helping me control my Innocence. It is all you now." Her gaze softened for a second as she looked into his silver eyes but then she quickly looked away. A small sigh left her lips before she walked to the nearest table a picked up a knife. "If I lose control, you need to stab me. You need to draw my blood to stop me, otherwise I might lose synchronization and I…"

"It is not going to happen," he said sternly, taking the knife away from her and throwing it on the floor.

"Don't be an idiot, Allen! You don't know…" She started but he didn't let her finish again.

"I do know you, Aina. This is not how you go down." He said simply, and kicked the knife further from them to emphasize his point. She let out a deep sigh but did not argue further.

"If you say so." She shrugged then waved to him to step a little farther from her to give him enough space to react but not too far that he would have a hard time covering the energy coming from the girl. "I hope I get to right this wrong. Get ready, shit is about to go down."

Allen knew that Innocence were extremely powerful, especially in such a raw form as Aina's was, but the sheer power still took him a little by surprise. In a split second he realized that he really underestimated the task at hand and it would take him every ounce of his strength to not only withstand her energy, but to latch onto Suman's Innocence, all while ignoring the girl's painful screams.

The Exorcist boy's knees collided with the ground painfully but he didn't notice, it was only Rohfa who gasped worryingly. The scientist girl knew that Exorcists were strong but this was the first time she actually witnessed just how incredible they were. The whole room was shaking and she could feel the air becoming denser, yet Allen was standing in the middle of it, controlling it all. His Innocence materialized around Aina's body, hugging her fragile figure completely, until her screams subsided and all the light disappeared.

Rohfa saw a small smile appear on the girl's lips when she opened her eyes to see Allen's Innocence, but soon after her expression went blank and all strength left her body. Almost like on command, she collapsed immediately after. Allen tried to reach after her but in the same second, his Innocence lost its form again and Aina's body met the ground with a loud thud.

"Aina!" He ran to the girl's unconscious body and pulled her onto his lap. "Bak!"

He didn't have to call out for the branch leader though, he was already rushing towards them with Fou and Rohfa behind her. Bak kneeled down next to the girl as well and put his finger on her neck to feel her pulse.

"Rohfa, go get those machines," he pointed to the devices that were hooked up to Aina before.

"Is she alright? What happened?" Rohfa asked as she quickly sprinted to gather what Bak was asking for. The branch leader let out a deep sigh before she answered.

"She is, just exhausted. Aina's Innocence is powerful, not any more than the others, but it is unique because it lives inside of her in a completely raw form. You all know why we shape Innocence into weapons: to aid control and decrease its toll on the body. We cannot do that with hers, so every time she uses her Innocence, her pushes her body to its limits. She is an incredible Exorcist but she is not strong enough to truly take advantage of her Innocence. Unfortunately, her power can be more of a burden than a blessing, making her fighting prowess much more limiting that you would expect from someone who can draw power from a raw source." He explained. Rohfa had to admit that she was quite staggered; Aina always seemed so strong and invincible to her, it was very surprising to hear the huge drawbacks of her Innocence.

"Central knew this, so they thought it was better to use her for her blood than to waste her on the battlefield where she cannot perform according to their expectations. They couldn't risk losing her precious biology like that. Isn't that right?" Allen asked sharply, unable to hide his discontent with that realization.

"I am not going to deny the blame… but it was difficult times." Bak shrugged, then carefully lifted Aina's unconscious body off the floor. "Desperate times, desperate measures. But it's all over now, she's safe with me. I would never forgive myself if anything bad ever happened to her again on my watch. Or any of you. Please, Rohfa, bring those with you. We need to check if Suman's Innocence is gone from her system. Allen, come with, I need to examine you as well."

"I am fine," he said with a slight edge in his voice which made Bak sigh deeply. "I really am, Bak."

"I am sorry, Allen, that it didn't work. I didn't mean to get your hopes up," he said but the Exorcist boy shook his head.

"I never thought it would be this easy." Although he was smiling, he could not hide the disappointment in his voice. "And I would rather not be there when she wakes up. She is not going to be happy."

"She has not been happy in a very long time," the branch leader responded and Allen could not ignore the slight resentment in his voice. He suspected that there was a good reason behind it, given their rather dark past together. So he just nodded at the older man and without a further word, he left the room.

Bak was tired of making excuses, tired of everyone blaming him, and tired of being reminded of the past. He knew, more than anyone, that the Black Order was far from perfect and innocent despite being operated by the Church. But no one cared to remember that he, too, lost everything because of the Order's desperate attempts and failed experiments. His family and even his friends, including Aina, whom he practically grew up with. She was so preoccupied with the past, and in his opinion selfish too, for failing to realize that she was not the only one to get hurt. She was just the only one who could not let go of it. That hurt him, too.

* * *

What did you think?


	19. Frailty of sanity

Hi all, it is me again! Are you proud of me that it did not take my lazy ass 6 months to upload a new chapter? I think I am experiencing a surge of inspiration, as well as eagerness to finish this story. I am planning on writing a sequel and I really wanna start it already, but I know I won't finish this one if I do that. Don't worry, I am not going to rush this and publish low quality work, that's not who I am. I will most definitely rewrite all the chapters because I think I kind of rushed though the story in the beginning and there is a lack of good character development there. Anyways,

About this chapter: It is pretty long but you get to get a look into Aina and Bak's relationship, and I also play with more people's perspectives. I know the end is a little confusing, but it is on purpose, I promise I will elaborate on it in the next chapter. You are also getting some sexy scenes in that one, so get ready!

Warnings: Nothing particularly in this chapter.

Song: Dorothy - Down to the bottom

I hope you guys enjoy it, and as always, please take a few minutes of your time to review my humble story! It would mean the world to me!

* * *

Chapter 19: Frailty of sanity

Every single part of my body was aching, like someone set a fire inside of me and it was slowly burning me from within. I tried to move my hand but it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, and even moving my fingers felt like someone sent a shockwave through my entire body.

"Aina?" I heard a voice, full of concern, coming from next to me, then I felt something cold on my forehead. I only realized it was a wet cloth, once the water drops started gliding down my face. Then, there was pain again and no matter how hard I tried, I could not hold back a painful groan.

"Don't… touch… me," I whispered and attempted to open my eyes to see who the idiot bothering me was. "Rohfa…Leave me."

"I asked her to take care of you." A different voice this time. "None of the nurses want to be near you after what happened last time," Bak's voice sounded from the far end of the room. "Now I ask you to stay calm."

For a second, I got very confused, since I had no reason to really hurt Rohfa. Well, as long as she left me alone and did not attach any stupid machines to my body. Something told me that was not why Bak had asked me to stay calm. He had bad news to tell me. I had a very bad feeling.

"Bak…Did I…" I started and I could feel my body trembling. I feared the worst.

"You didn't, don't worry, he is fine." He answered. It felt like a thousand pounds just got lifted off of my body and I could finally breathe again. I hated how I reacted to everything about him, so naturally and so instinctively.

"He… didn't get his Innocence back…Did he?" I asked but I didn't need to wait for the answer, I knew. It was all for nothing. After all, I could not right this wrong, I failed again.

"He didn't, but Suman's Innocence is gone from your body, so it was not a complete failure," the branch leader answer which just made me snort angrily. Although I was in pain, I was not the kind of person that just swallowed failure easy.

"It wouldn't have taken me…much longer to recover… We both know that… It's not my first time." I said sharply and tried to push myself up from the bed despite it feeling like I was stabbed at a thousand places. "The whole point shouldn't have been… for me."

"Rohfa, would you mind giving us a few minutes?" Bak turned to the scientist girl who quickly nodded then hurried out of the room. I didn't understand in the first place why back wanted her to be around me so much. Once the door closed behind Rohfa, Bak came closer and sat down at the end of my bed. "There is no need to pretend, Aina. You must have noticed it, too. Your numbers are not as good as they were before."

"What does it…matter?" I asked angrily, despite my body refusing to subdue the pain. "My numbers never really mattered, did they? They were just… new entries in those formulas and theories. Why should… you care now?"

"Aina, stop. I get it, you are hurt, and you will always be hurt because of what happened in the past." He retorted angrily which caught me off guard. I had never seen him lost his temper before. "Do you think you are the only one who lost everything? Did you ever bother to think why everything is so different? Where everyone went? They are dead, Aina, all of them. My parents died and I could do nothing to prevent it. You weren't here to stop it, you fled, you left me behind. You left all of us behind."

"Bak…" Words could not express the guilt I felt in that moment. In all honestly, I tried to erase everything that happened in this place, to block it out, but it was impossible. Bak was just another reminder of the past, so I tried to avoid him, never bothering to ask what happened to him. Caring about him again would have hurt too much, and I was too selfish to realize all the pain I caused him with my ignorance. I wanted to ask what happened but it was better for both of us if that was left unspoken.

"I blamed you for years… I told myself that you deserved to die for what happened to my parents. I resented you more than anything in this world." He sighed deeply and I could see the hurt so clearly on his face that it made my heart ache. His words were like knives making my wounds deeper and deeper with every word.

"Do you still resent me?" I asked cautiously. I hoped with all my being that he would say no.

"It's been nine years, Aina, I grew up. I thought you were dead…and it felt wrong to blame the dead. But when I saw you again… I thought I would be angry or confused, but all I felt was joy. I have always considered you like my little sister, and that's why I could never truly hate you. A part of me, too, always understood why you ran away. I am not going to lie though; your return was not easy for me. What happened to me nine long years ago, happened to you so recently. You are Aina from the past, but I am not the same man anymore. I have moved on and your anger reminds me of that angry, hateful person I left behind." His voice was full of sorrow, guilt, and residual anger of the past. He did not look in my eyes, he couldn't, for all his hatred of me was seeping back into his consciousness.

"I am so sorry, Bak…I truly am. I realize how selfish I was, am, but I… just can't let it go." I said and I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Everything that happened… is like yesterday to me. You all live in the presence, your presence, but I am still a prisoner of the past. Being here, around you, is just as much of a reminder to me as it is for you, and I wish I could change that."

It was hard to force every word out of my body but I needed him to understand. I needed him to know that I never meant to hurt him.

"It probably doesn't mean anything to you anymore," I continued, as I tried to sit up more to lean against the headboard. "But I was going to come back for you. For all of you. I didn't just leave to disappear and abandon everything, and although I didn't have plan and just took the first opportunity to escape this hellhole, it was never my intention to leave you all in the hands of the Order. Your parents did their best to protect us, and they loved us as much as they could, but it was not enough to restrain the Order. I needed to find another way, and I knew I couldn't do that from here… I still have that urge, to fight, fight, fight… I still wake up every morning fearing that a CROW would be looking back at me when I open my eyes."

"Your fight isn't over, Aina. I will keep your existence in secret as long as I can, but it won't last forever. Sooner or later, Central will figure it out, and I won't be able to do anything about it. They won't be forgiving, you know that." He said, slowly shaking his head.

"I will accept my punishment when the day comes. That won't happen until I see this war through, until I make them pay for all the pain they have caused in the name of God." I reached for Bak's hand and squeezed it slightly to emphasize my words. For a second, I feared that he would pull away, but he just started at our hands quietly. "I have messed up a lot of things in my life and I have and will hurt a lot of people. But I promise you…If there will be one thing that I do right, that's making the Church pay for all that they did. We can't win this war, unless we do it right, for all the people whose lives were lost too soon."

"Aina…" Bak started, but suddenly the sounds of an explosion calling our attention, followed by the walls shaking vigorously. I tried to get out of the bed but Bak pushed me down swiftly. "You need to stay here. It is probably just an experiment gone wrong, I will go check it out. You rest."

"Bak!" I yelled after him, but he simply ignored me and just rushed out of the room. It was an understatement to say that I had a really bad feeling about that explosion, my whole body filled with a sense of dread and anticipation that I only feel before battle. My Innocence was pulsating in my vein and suddenly, all the pain in my body seemed to dwindle to almost nothing. Fight or flight is what it was, and I was ready to choose the first option.

Rohfa entered instead, with a clipboard in her hands and without looking at me, she hurried to the monitors next to my bed. She was incredibly nervous about something and was acting rather suspiciously, which made me quite uneasy. However, the realization downed on my only after she turned up the morphine levels, her intention to knock me out before I could leave this room. Damned Bak, knew me way too well.

I immediately reached for the IV in my arm, faster that Rohfa could react, ripping it out without hesitation. Some of the pain killer definitely had entered the system which meant that I had to get out of the room before I passed out. Once I am outside, she would need help getting me back to the room, allowing me more time to wake up. The scientist girl lunged towards me, trying to hold me down but I was not about to let her or Bak get their way. Not when I knew we were under attack and I was the only Exorcist capable of defending the branch.

"Let me go, Rohfa! I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have to," I screamed at her threateningly, while trying to push her off of me. She was surprisingly heavy for her size. "You have to let me go, I am the only Exorcist here!"

I finally managed to pull my legs up to my chest and kick her off me, throwing my blanket on her too, in order to slow her down even more. My body was protesting it all, but my Innocence was pushing me beyond my physical limits.

"You are far too weak to fight right now!" She retorted, grabbing me by the arm once she freed herself from the blanked. "Please, Aina, don't do this, whatever is out there. We cannot lose you!"

I yanked my arm out of her grasp angrily and looked at her with all the rage I could gather in that moment. Fear appeared in her eyes and she stepped back from me quickly when she understood that I was not going to comply with her request. How could I? What kind of person would I be if I, the only Exorcist synchronized with Innocence, just hid like a coward? To let everyone in this damn place die while I sit back and watch? There was absolutely no way I would do that, not even if it meant sacrificing my own life.

"If you don't let me go, you will lose everyone else, too. You and I both know that," I said sharply and watched her expression turn from concern into guilt. Bak's orders or not, she knew very well that the branch did not stand a fighting chance against an Akuma without an Exorcist. They could hold it back, capture it, but they won't be able to kill it. It was only a matter of time until it destroyed everything in sight, people included. "Bak, Allen, and Fou are out there, but they cannot do anything, it'd be a suicide. Don't follow me, Rohfa, for your own good."

Without waiting for her answer, I rushed out of the room the way I was, in a hospital gown, barefoot. I could feel the morphine slowly clouding my mind, my muscles becoming weaker and weaker every second, and my vision blurring.

"Aina?" I heard a familiar voice that I could not place, yet I knew he didn't mean harm. Then strong arms wrapped around my body, holding me tight, so I wouldn't collapse. Normally, I would push him away and give him a piece of my mind, but I had no time to waste.

"Take me to the Akuma, please," I pleaded with him, whoever it was. The darkness was reaching my mind, but I was fighting it with every inch of my strength.

"You don't seem well," he answered, unsure whether he should really obey my request, I could tell.

"It's just a little morphine…I won't be out for a long time," I said, my voice getting weaker every word. "Please…I need to stop the Akuma. I will be fine by the time we get there…I promise…"

I was not sure if my last words were heard before the darkness claimed me, and I could only hope that whoever was holding my unconscious body would make the right choice. There was not much I cared about in this world, not many people I wished to truly protect, but two of those were in grave danger in that moment, and I could never forgive myself if anything happened to them.

* * *

Rikei knew that he was going to be yelled at, really hard and by multiple people. He knew that he was supposed to bring the girl back into the ward and ensure that she stayed there until the threat was gone.

But he saw the Akuma…and Aina was the only Exorcist in the branch that even stood a chance against that thing. The only person who would have saved them all. And he wanted to live so badly; he had so many plans for the future, some of which included that young Exorcist girl in his arms. What could he say, he had always had thing for difficult women.

As idiotic he felt in that moment for going against all the orders, he knew that Aina was their only hope. Although fulfilling her wish would definitely score a point with her, it was not the reason why he started running away from the nursing quarters. The Order could not sustain losing one of their biggest hideouts.

The ward was exactly on the other side of the Asian headquarters, which meant that it would take Rikei approximately fifteen minutes, calculating with a much slower speed due to the girl in his arms, to get to the main hall. He was hoping that by that time, the girl would be awake and ready to fight, otherwise they were in big, big shit. And that might have been an understatement.

They were almost three quarters of the way there when Aina finally opened her eyes. She still seemed disoriented and groggy, but she was at least awake. The scientist stopped to allow the girl to realize where she was before they continued.

"Rikei?" She asked weakly, pushing herself away from the boy's chest, demanding to be put down. Rikei complied but didn't let her go completely, which was a good choice, since she still had not regained her alertness and balance completely.

"Hey, take it easy, the morphine is still wearing off," he explained and softly pushed a few rogue locks of hair behind her ear. Confusion appeared on her face at first, but it soon turned into determination, as the life returned into her striking green eyes.

"I don't have any time to waste," she said, about to turn around, but Rikei held her body tight. "What…"

"Get on my back," the scientist boy cut in, offering his back to her. "It will give you more time to recover from the drugs. And I am faster than you."

"Thank you," she said unusually quietly, as she wrapped her arms around the boy's neck. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

Rikei had a very good idea how much this meant to her, after all not everyone would try to run at an Akuma in a hospital gown while high on morphine. Besides, he had been listening – forced to listen, to be exact – to Rohfa gossip about Aina and Allen hours at a time. The scientist boy often pretended that it annoyed him, but he couldn't deny the fact that the Exorcists were, in fact, fascinating. Having all that power, being able to protect those who mattered to him, and to be able to save the world…those were the things Rikei envied. At the same time, when he looked into their eyes, all he saw was pain, and that scared him.

The scientist almost didn't notice they were nearing, until a large explosion demanded his attention. Before he could react, however, Aina had already gotten off his back and was looking up at him with determination. He wasn't sure if there was a single person on Earth who could have stopped her in that moment.

"Rikei, go find Rohfa, make sure she is okay, alright?" She asked, but he knew it was more of an order. One that he did not want to follow, yet he still nodded.

At the end, however, there was no order to follow. The sounds of quick steps filled the narrow hallway, and soon Rohfa appeared around the corner, stopping in front of them, gasping for air.

"Didn't I tell you to stay back, idiot? Why do you all have a death wish?" Aina cursed loudly, then some more to herself, before she turned her back to the scientists. "I guess there is no point of me telling you to get lost, is there…"

Before Rohfa or Rikei could have answered, Aina bolted towards the entrance of the northern hall, following the sounds of destruction. She did not know what was waiting for her, but she had a feeling that Allen was exactly in the middle of it. After a few more quiet curses to herself, she took a deep before she hurried through the entrance of the hall. With her fist glowing and her heart in her throat, she burst through the debris, only to find her world crumbling around her.

* * *

"Bak! Fou!" I heard myself scream, as I rushed towards the two battered figures among all the rocks and water. It was like I had tunnel vision, all I could see and think about was protecting them. I could tell that back was absolutely furious with me but I could not care less, the only thing that registered in that moment was that they were still alive, that was all that mattered. Bak was covered in bruises and blood, and I could tell that he was struggling to stand, let alone hold Fou in his arms. But I knew that he would never let her go, as she was the only person who has stood by him through all these years. The years while I was gone, the years we can never get back.

"Aina…" Fou whispered weakly, almost inaudible. Her body was broken, injured like I had never seen it before, but the fire was still there in her eyes. She held her and out to me, I thought, but soon I realized she was pointing behind me. "Allen...he got hit by…dark matter."

The realization downed on me so hard that I felt the wind knocked out of me: if Fou was not fighting the Akuma, that could only mean one thing…that stupid, senseless, imbecile, retarded, idiot Allen was trying to be a hero again. But why?

Images of that night – that fateful night in the bathtub – flashed through my mind, and I could see his broken, dull eyes in front of me like it was yesterday. The picture of him wanting to die so bad, his cold skin against mine, and the words of final desperation… Was this just an excuse to die? Some honorable escape from reality?

I looked down at them with thousand questions in my eyes, frantically, absolutely clueless about what I was supposed to do. It was not the Akuma that I feared, it was those silver eyes and what I might find looking into them.

"I won't tell you to turn around, Aina. I know you wouldn't listen," Bak said with strange calmness in his voice. "Allen is torn and desperate, but not ready to give up. It is time that he needs, that he doesn't have, to figure out what he wants. What his Innocence wants, before his body breaks down. Before he gives up."

"He is not going to give up," I said, determined. I was going to kill him if he ever thought about giving up again. "He is the child of prophecy, "the Destroyer of Time", this is not the end of his story. If someone going down today, that won't be him, Bak."

Before he could have answered, I activated my Innocence, and my wings appeared immediately, ripping through the back of the hospital gown. Although the reason for their existence was a bit childish, those wings had become my staple during the years. I had always liked angels; not only because they were God's harbingers, but because they were strong, majestic, and above all, free. I, we, Exorcists, were supposed to be angels serving God, and ridding the world of Akuma. Yet, I spent most of my life dreaming only about spreading my wings and flying far, far away from the Order.

Shooting up in the air, my eyes were looking for him, hoping that he was still alive, that I was not late. The space was big but empty, so I didn't have to look for too long; his faint body was almost glowing on the other side of the hall, staring right at the Akuma. I could not hear what they were talking about, but as long as there were only words, I knew I had a chance. I had to make it there before his body breaks down for good.

And with that thought, I saw the Akuma continue his attacks on Allen, a sign that I really needed to hurry the hell up. I had a really bad feeling that I could not shake, no matter how hard I was trying to ignore it.

Summoning a lance made of light and a shield to protect myself, and hopefully those behind me, from the dark matter, I headed for the demon. It would have taken me a few seconds to reach them, but before I could have even sped up, the Akuma managed to grab Allen by the leg and plunge his fragile body in the ground. Once. Twice. Too many times.

My heart skipped a beat and suddenly, there was no air to breathe in anymore. My body, my mind, and my soul froze, yet at the same time, intense fury shook every inch of my being.

He was not gone. He could not be gone. He is the child of prophecy. He cannot leave me.

Without thinking, without a word or notice, I let myself be guided by my rage, as I attacked the Akuma with all there was to me. I wanted to make him pay for taking everything from me. Their existence is the very reason why I had to suffer through so much in life, why the Order exists, and why I could not have a normal life. And now… they took him from me too. I didn't know who he was to me yet and what I wanted him to be, all I knew was that I needed him.

Someone had to pay.

* * *

Without hesitation, Aina gave into her rage and let it guide her actions. She had no logic, no plan, and no system of attack, yet it seemed so expected of her. After all, it was her anger, the power of her feelings that defined her so much, and so it was only natural that she would channel all of that in her fights. That was what gave her the strength to fight with a battered body and soul to protect what little she had in life.

Bak watched her with worry, as her small body slammed into the ground or the walls of the hall over and over again, but she got up after each time, not ready to give up yet. She did manage to land a few hits on the Akuma, but it was clear her power in her condition was not enough to defeat the demon.

"Damnit," the branch leader whispered angrily, unable to think of a way out. "I wonder if Walker…" He did not even want to think of the possibility that the boy was dead, he could not be. There had not been a single sign of life from the spot where Allen submerged, however.

Aina fought fiercely but she knew her limits well, despite all of her judgement being overruled by her anger. There was only so much power rage could give her.

"Now, now, when are you going to give up?" The Akuma questioned her, as he landed another hit. "I am starting to get really bored of you. I might just cut this short, I cannot make Master Noah wait too long."

"You are not leaving this place alive, Akuma," she retorted, panting from the exhaustion. Aina summed her lance one more time, and shot up in the air to prepare for her next attack. "This is it."

"Annoying," the demon sighed lightly, almost mockingly and transformed his arm into a blade made of dark matter. It did not seem the least bit worried by the furious Exorcist girl heading towards him. "I guess you are right… this really is it."

The Akuma was laughing as he launched himself towards the girl, readying its sword to strike her down for good. The Exorcist girl managed to block the first attack, but she did not expect the demon to transform its leg into a blade as well, stabbing the girl right through her stomach and with that force to the wall.

"This… won't stop me," she said, coughing up blood. She held her arm out, and a thousand light blades appeared in the air, all aimed at the Akuma. The demon just laughed again, and swept the blades away like they were just annoying flies.

"I am afraid that it would, girl," he said, and with a quick wave of his arms, he pinned the girl's hands to the wall. "I hope you appreciate the irony in your death, pinned to the wall like your pitiful Messiah."

Aina tried to move or speak, but the dark matter piercing through her body made it very difficult to even summon her Innocence. Her mind was racing to find a way out this but she was feeling more and more tired every second.

"Don't worry girl, your turn will come, but first, I will allow you to watch as I finish your precious friends. Ain't that fun?" The demon continued to laugh, as he faced Bak and Fou again, reading himself for his final blow.

"No!" Aina tried to yell, but there was only blood in her throat. She tried to free her body but the dark matter was holding her down too strong, rendering her useless. All she could do was watch and pray, if she were the praying type but she wasn't. God stopped listening to her a long time ago, so she did not bother to ask anymore.

Suddenly, however, a strange light filled the room, and something bright shielded Bak and Fou from the Akuma.

 _My mind is just playing tricks on me, it must be the dark matter. Am I dying? Is this the end?_

Aina was certain that her consciousness was slipping away, and her mind was filling the gaps with an alternate truth that she desired. She was becoming more and more sure of that, as the light hovered over where Allen disappeared, and became even brighter, so much so that she had to close her eyes.

When she looked again, she again, did not want to believe her eyes. Allen was standing there, in the flesh, breathing, alive. A thousand thoughts and feelings rushed through her mind in that moment, unable to separate any of them, but it did not matter in that moment, because he was alive. Allen was live and that was the only thought she cared about.

The Exorcist boy did not hesitate to free the tortured soul from the Akuma's body, and when it disappeared, so did the dark matter that was pinning Aina to the wall. Before her body collided with the ground, she had felt a soft, warm touch around her body that lowered her to the ground. When she opened her eyes, two silver orbs were looking down at her worryingly.

"You found what you were looking for," Aina said quietly, stating the facts. Since the dark matter was gone, her body was again healing rapidly, and it was only a matter of minutes until all her wounds were closed.

Allen just nodded quietly but did not answer. There was just too much that had happened, too many things that he, himself, had not sorted out yet, and he was lost for words. He did not know what to say to the girl, let alone how he felt. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he helped her up on her feet, but was not ready to let her go just yet. Aina looked up in his eyes that were filled with sadness and uncertainty, and she understood. Without a word, he turned around and walked away, leaving the boy alone with his crazed thoughts.

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Thoughts, questions, concerns?


	20. Answers

**Welcome back!**

Although I am hoping that you all would be welcoming me back with open arms since I have been away for so long. One advice: Stay in school, kids! Because work sucks. Like a lot. I honestly was planning on finishing writing this story within a year, but I think it has been about a year and a half and I am not anywhere close to the end. Fear not, I still love this story and will be finishing it. I guess I have also lost confidence in my writing, especially after reading some stories on this site. There are so many incredible writers, it is hard to not feel competitive. It humbles me that so many of you even read my story, and thank you all for favoriting, following, and taking the time to write a review! It really, truly means a lot to me!

About this chapter: Gotta be honest, I feel a little mean for disappearing and coming back with a teaser with a cliff hanger, but at least you guys know that there is something juicy waiting for you next time.

Warnings: Nudity and suggestive themes

Song for the chapter: lostboycrow - Stay a little longer (Check him out, his awesome! Also wicked good live)

 **Have fun reading, and as always, don't forget to let me know what you think!**

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Chapter 20: Answers

As expected, the Asian branch was emerged in an organized chaos following the attack. There were people running around everywhere; some lifting the fragments and remains of the fight, while others were examining the Exorcists to make sure that they were ready to go back to the battlefield.

Aina sighed deeply as she laid on the examination table with a bunch of machines hooked up to her body. She used to hate being on that table, but this time, she was strangely indifferent about it, just like about everything else. Despite all that had happened, all she could feel was a deep, dark void in her chest that swallowed any semblance of emotions. Maybe it was denial, repression, or just wishful thinking, it didn't matter. For the first time in a very long time, her flaming anger was no longer torching her soul and fear was no longer pulling her mind into darkness. Yet, there was something even more alarming about that void, the cold that took over her chest, slowly freezing every inch of her numbing heart.

"Your body is recovering quite remarkably, as expected, Aina," Rohfa explained, looking at the monitors. The blond Exorcist knew that the scientist girl would have been much happier if she had been tasked with examining Allen, but she understood that her duty was to take care of Aina since there were not many female scientists in the branch, and Bak thought that it would be best if she got examined by a woman. Aina snorted internally to the thought, she never liked other women; they always talked too much. Just like now, Rohfa seemed to be oblivious, or maybe she just didn't care that Aina was not listening at all. Her eyes were fixated on the cracks above her, eyes unmoving. "Even though you entered battle right after Suman's Innocence was expelled from your body and got pierced through multiple times, it seems like your synchronization rate is back to normal, your fatigue is almost gone, and your wounds have healed nicely."

Aina decided that she would ignore the fact that Rohfa's report sounded a lot more like scolding than a summary of her health status. She had enough of people reprimanding her for everything she did and all that she ever stood for. If there was ever even anything to stand for… The Order seemed to have changed over the years, or at least they got better at keeping the dark, ugly truths hidden. But where did that leave her? She came back, armed with all her rage and fury just to unleash it on the Order and burn it down with all the dark, horrendous truths that it was built on. The pain, blood, and death it was breathing was supposed to be extinguished by her, and free those who were unfortunate enough to be chosen by the Innocence from the grasp of this abomination of an organization.

Aina looked over to Rohfa to finally meet her gaze, looking, searching to find a hint of pain or torture in them. Her heart sunk with disappointment when all she could see and sense was deep, unrelenting care and determination. Not being able to bear such warmth radiating towards her, the Exorcist shifted her gaze back to the cracks on the ceiling.

 _There is nothing for me to do… No one to save. Am I too late?_

"Does that mean that I can leave this place soon?" She asked with unmasked hope in her voice. Despite knowing that Bak would never lock her up again, she still knew that there were higher, more powerful players in this game. The only way to be certain that the Order had change was to force those powerful hands to act and to reveal themselves along with their true intentions. The only thing left was to figure out how to draw their attention without risking being locked up again. It was a very delicate game that required careful thinking and patience, which was something that Aina knew she didn't excel at, to say the least. This time, she could not barge in head first destroying everything in her way, no matter how much she wanted to. This time, if she was going to do this right, she needed help from someone who was able to see all and think a hundred steps ahead… Lavi.

To be able to get out of here meant that she could meet up with the rest of the group, including the young Bookman trainee. She didn't know how she would convince him to help her, with all his impartiality and other crap, but she had to try. She needed to lure Central out soon before the Noah pushed this war too far.

"If my calculations are correct, you will be absolutely recovered within the next 32 hours. So, yes, you may go join the fight once again." The young scientist was surprised when Aina did not even try to hide her smile, a sight that was so new to Rohfa. "Just make sure you eat enough."

"Now, that you don't need to worry about," she responded lightly, as she put her clothes back on. Quickly, she slipped off the table and soon she entered the observation room as well. "May I?" She asked, looking at the monitor in front of the girl. After a few moments she pointed to her synchronization rate, and this time, her voice sounded much less joyful. "Isn't it crazy that I am a General and I can't even take down a Level 3?"

It was a rhetorical question, yet Rohfa felt compelled to answer. "You were not ready to fight yet!"

"But I did. If it had been just me there, we would all be dead," she said coolly, and without waiting for the girl's answer, she simply walked out of the room. She knew that Rohfa would make up excuses for her failure and for her weakness, that's just how the young scientist girl was. So naïve and optimistic…Aina wished she could see the world through her eyes; maybe then, she would see the colors of life again.

However, only after leaving the examination room she realized that she had nowhere to go and nothing to do. All her health-related checkups were done, and she didn't particularly feel hungry yet, and besides, she really did not want to run into anyone. Not Bak, not even Fou, and definitely not Allen. For the first time in a very long time, she was free to relax and rest, if only she could remember what it really felt like to just stop. Stop her body, her mind, and the chaos in her heart…But was she really free to relax?

The strange void in her chest was still there, prompting her to look for explanations. To find what was so painful to make her shut down and block all that was hidden in her heart. The fight with the Akuma seemed like a dream, hazy and intangible, yet every time she tried to think back, she felt like she was going to drown from the cavalcade of emotions that rushed through her. Although Rohfa didn't see any evidence of a concussion, Aina was certain that she hit her head really hard, otherwise she was not able to find an explanation for her unruly thoughts. She blamed it on the place, after all, she did not have many memories that she was fond of from her time growing up at the Asian branch.

With every passing minute, she wanted to leave more and more; she was drowning in the darkness of her past and she was not sure if she was going to be able to find the light if she stayed any longer. The scientists were still working on determining whether the Ark was safe to use, and until then, she would not be leaving the branch. She had to admit to herself that she was extremely relieved that her time at the Asian headquarters was nearing its end. This place reminded her too much of the past and was extremely draining to constantly be revisiting all those horrible memories, even if she purposefully avoided all the places that triggered her flashbacks the most. Nothing angered her more than those images flashing through her mind, rendering her body and mind frozen and useless, making even breathing hard. As long as she stayed away from those places, the cruel images were less frequent, mostly confined in her dreams.

Lacking a better idea, she headed back towards her room to take a long bath to clear her mind. Although her scars have healed completely overnight and there were no signs of her encounter with the Akuma just the day before, she felt constantly exhausted and sore, both mentally and physically. The promise of hot water and hours of free relaxation sounded too good to be true.

And apparently, it was.

When she turned the corner, she felt her palms become sweaty immediately, and she wished to be anywhere but in that hallway. All this time, she had not once run into him there, despite their rooms being so close to each other, but ever since the attack, she could no longer guess the white-haired boy's schedule. In a way, their run-in was doomed to happen. Yet, she was not the kind of person to bow down to fear, so she continued her way until she reached her door, exactly at the same time Allen did.

The two of them stared at each other for a long minute, neither willing to break the silence nor the intense eye contact. Aina slowly felt the void in her chest disappear and turn into something she did not fully understand, nor did she want to understand. The feeling of entrapment sprung onto her with renewed force and she felt like she was drowning once again.

Her instinct to flee won over all her desires to yell at the white-haired Exorcist, and breaking off the eye contact, she turned to unlock her door.

"That's it?" The boy asked casually, too much so in Aina's opinion, which only made her sigh deeply. It was clear that if she turned around and answered the boy, she would have to answer to herself too, all those questions that she had been trying to banish from her mind.

"Is there something I am supposed to say?" Aina asked quietly but she did not turn around. She wasn't ready to look into those silver eyes. "Allen, there is no need to make excuses."

"It's complicated," the boy answered gently, and reached for Aina's arm to turn her towards himself. He hated not seeing her eyes because without them, he could not decipher her true feelings. She didn't resist his hold, and this time, there was no anger in her eyes, both very unlike her. There was only sadness in her green eyes, and Allen found himself with more questions than answers. "Aina…"

The girl shook her head vigorously before she answered. "Stop, Allen. You don't owe me anything. You did it, you found your path, be proud."

"Will you hear me out at least?" Allen pushed, but the girl only stepped further from him. She was now leaning onto the door, avoiding eye contact at all cost, making the boy even more confused. Aina was not like this, she did not back down easy, especially when it came to him.

"What is there to hear, Allen?" She asked, much sharper than before, finally meeting his eyes. "Why do you always feel the need to make excuses for everyone? You might be a raging idiot who has a death wish but that doesn't mean that you don't get to choose sometimes. Follow your own path, Allen. We all do."

Allen started at her for a long moment with wide eyes but kept their gazes locked until Aina broke the eye contact to return her gaze somewhere past him. It was classic Aina, never admitting defeat by lowering her gaze, yet always being the one to waver under the intensity of his gaze.

"To _choose_?" He echoed with disbelief in his voice. Aina opened her mouth to answer but then two finders appeared around the corner making her seal her lips shut. It was also enough time to change her mind about entertaining Allen with an answer, especially seeing the finder's dark, scrutinizing glance at her.

The Exorcist girl closed her eyes for a moment, almost like as if she was trying to hide from those finders and let out a deep sigh. When she opened her eyes again, they were empty again, mirroring the void that took hold of her heart once more.

"Aina…" Allen called to her, but she only shook her head and turned towards her door again, resting her hand on the door handle, but never pushing it down.

"Don't." The girl's voice was quiet, yet Allen could hear the edge in it, like always, ready to cut into him. She had to; his closeness, even though he was standing several feet away, affected her in way that she didn't want to admit. Every word he uttered and every look he gave her, she felt the void in her heart fill just a little bit but enough to want to make her run far, far away. "Keep walking."

It was low, she knew it, to use a phrase with so much meaning against him like that, to hurt him without a real cause, only because she was not capable to stand under his gaze. Even worse, she couldn't even face him after uttering those words, rather she finally pushed that handle down to disappear in her room, hide, and shield the void in her chest.

Only when she entered the room did she realize that she was holding her breath, making her chest hurt as she took a deep breath once she heard the door click behind her.

"Keep walking, just like you, huh?" She suddenly heard Allen's voice behind her, making her spun around on her heels so quickly, she almost lost her balance. Her eyes again betrayed her, wide with shock and confusion. She didn't expect him to follow, not anymore, not after she walked away from him without looking back.

"What are you doing?" She asked sharply, once she regained her composure. The cold emptiness had returned into her emerald eyes, shutting the doors to her heart once more. He passed through one door already, but this door she could not allow to be opened by him anymore. Allen cocked his head a little bit, almost like waiting for her to lash out just to avoid the silence. This time, however, she remained silent, not giving anything away.

"I don't know. I guess I am being selfish," he answered softly, slowly closing the distance between them.

"If you came here to explain yourself or to make excuses, youre wasting your breath. There is no need for that." Aina held his gaze this time, strong, but she stepped back to create more space between them. It was safer that way.

"I know." The low, husky voice rang a thousand alarms in Aina's head, compelling her to step back until her back hit the wall. Anger and frustration shot through her eyes with the aim to deter the approaching Exorcist to move any further. It angered her that he was not saying anything, like he was waiting for her to speak for him.

"What do you want from me?" She pressed angrily, hoping to give more weight to her glare. Yet, Allen didn't seem to be affected the least bit, which only angered her further. "To tell you that you are wrong? That there's another way that you just can't see? I am not going to lie to you, Allen."

"I don't need you to lie."

She took a deep breath before she continued, her eyes softer this time. "We are fighting a war in the darkness, hoping to shine so bright that all the shadows disappear. It is not a war of humankind; it is not fought to satisfy greed or hunger for wordly pleasures but for survival. Our enemy is powerful with terrifying resources, but we scrambling to find enough Exorcists to even hold our ground. So those of us who are standing at any moment, we need to focus at the only thing that matters: to survive, for humankind. We are weapons for God to wield, and there is no place or time for us to waver. You were lost, distracted, but you see it now… One hand to save humankind, and one for the Akuma. You have no more hands left, Allen, to give to us."

"We are human." He answered, the softness suddenly disappearing from his voice. Standing right in front of the girl, she could almost feel the warmth radiating from his body, but it was nothing compared to the fire burning in those silver orbs.

"Are we?" She looked up at him defiantly, holding up her palms in front of her, fingers glowing in soft light. "What is human about this?"

Allen didn't answer, only slowly reached for her hands, entwining their fingers together, not letting her pull away. "You are not your Innocence. You are just as human as the rest of us."

Her eyes widened in surprise, not expecting that answer with such power. Allen always knew what to say to rile her, to rip her out of her stoic state, and to shatter the void in her chest. With each word, he filled the emptiness in her, no matter how hard she was fighting it. Every time when she finally locks it all away, he comes back and swings the door to her heart wide open, reminding her of her weakness.

 _Him_.

"We might be made of flesh and blood, but we are simple hosts, shells for our Innocence." She exclaimed suddenly, trying to push the boy away from her, but it only resulted in him pulling her closer. He placed her hands over his chest, making her feel the throbbing organ.

"Does that feel like a shell to you?" Allen's voice was quiet, but Aina could feel the tension in it, making his silver gaze all the more powerful. She wanted to turn away, run, as far as she could, but her pride commanded her to stand her ground as always. It was her pride, she was telling herself. It could not be him, those silver orbs and the closeness of his being that kept her feet glued to the ground and her gaze a prisoner. No, it had to be her pride.

"You are being selfish and an idiot if you think you can have it all!"

Suddenly, Allen let her hands go and stepped back, turning his back towards the girl. There was a long silence before Allen finally spoke again. As much as the silver orbs tortured her, not seeing them was a different kind of torture all together. Their absence left her wondering the wound she left on his heart.

"Selfish…" He repeated, his voice suddenly low and…sad? Aina stared at his back, confused, lost to his inner battle. Despite telling herself that she didn't care what made him back off so suddenly, she couldn't ignore the small twinge in her chest.

"Allen…" She breathed out quietly, almost inaudible, not intending to be heard. Maybe Allen heard it, maybe not, but when he turned around and met her gaze again, that twinge in Aina's heart became a painful pang. The deep, dark sadness in his eye was heavy and thick, making Aina want to run away again, to flee from those eyes reaching her and stirring something in her heart that she never, ever wanted to allow to surface. Yet, the glue on her feet was still strong, holding her in one place, forcing her to face Allen's despair.

 _When did I become so weak?_

"It is selfish, isn't it?" He whispered quietly, closing the distance between them once more. Long fingers softly reached for the girl's cheek, almost expecting her to pull away, but she didn't move. "Needing this."

Those words were like a punch in her chest, pushing all the air out of her lunch. A gasp escaped her lips, trying to find the air that wasn't his when all she wanted to do what drink up his breath. It was insane how a single touch and a handful of words could turn her world upside down and send her mind into chaos.

"Stop…" She breathed out quietly, placing her hand over Allen's but unable to guide it away. "Only so many times I can walk away, Allen."

"Stay." He said softly, brushing his lips over the girl's, eliciting another soft gasp from her, making her lips burn with yearning. He repeated, "Stay, Aina."

"Allen…" Whatever she was going to say was suddenly silenced by a pair of familiar lips, crashing onto hers violently. Where words couldn't reach Aina, actions could, and in that kiss, she felt everything that his words couldn't convey.

 _Need. Desire. Fire._

Overwhelmed by his rawness, she let him in, answering the call of his tongue for a wild dance. Aina answered all that he was asking with deepening their kiss, drawing him closer to press their bodies together. A warm shiver ran down her spine when Allen's fingers appeared on her lower back, slowly tracing her spine up and down, sending her body aflame.

 _Resist._ The command came from her brain suddenly, trying to override the urge to feel, to touch, and to taste what should be forbidden to her. To obey logic and deny temptation, no matter how sweet it was.

Aina pushed him away so vehemently that Allen almost stumbled over his own feet before he regained his balance. Aina expected him to question her, to be angry for her resistance, but all she could see in those silver eyes was deep, dark sadness. Another painful pang in her heart that seemed to linger longer than the one before.

"You are so… so cruel," she exclaimed, her voice trembling, no matter how hard she tried to take control over her vocal cords.

Was it logic, her brain that gave him enough power to resist him? Or was it fear of that terrifying and dark, yet utterly sweet force that put the distance between them? Aina wanted to believe that her brain was finally operating normally, not throwing all common sense out of the window in Allen's vicinity. At the same time, looking down at her trembling hands, she suspected fear might have a hand in it.

"I don't want to _want_ this. I don't want to _need_ this. I don't want to keep _taking_ from you," Allen retorted but there was no malice in his voice. "And I know I am selfish to keep asking more from you and weak for not being able to stop… And I know there is no happy ending to this, I know it only adds to the burden we already carry. I don't even have the right to ask you for any of this…I am drowning, Aina… But I am too selfish to walk away because your air is the only thing I can seem to breathe."

These words, again. Each syllable like a needle, stabbing into her heart, torturing, murdering all her resistance if there ever was any. In reality, she would never push him away if she knew he was going to leave, yet, each time she gave him the chance to correct this mistake and to erase this abomination between them.

 _Why is this wrong? Why do I resist?_

All reasons seemed to disappear in those silver pools, and the only thing left was need. She was a liar, she knew it, only because she was scared that if she didn't push him away and didn't resist, then there would be no excuse she could make to protect her breaking heart if he ever really did walk away. Not tonight, not any other night, not ever, did she want to push him away for good. Oh, how many times she wished she could, but each time her will dissipated, and she simply let herself drown in him.

Aina could feel Allen's gaze locked on her, as she reached behind her back and slowly pulled the zipper on her dress down. There was no playfulness or seduction in her action, or any expectations, it was an offering, an invite. The dress fell to the floor quietly, followed by her lingerie, until she was standing in front of him completely naked and exposed. At the same time, there was no shame or guilt sitting in her eyes, they were glowing with in all their fierceness, powerful, raw, yet vulnerable. For the first time, there was no acting, no façade, no games, no rules, no lies, no nothing, just her.

"You don't have to _want_ it. You don't have to _need_ it. You don't have to _take_ it. I am _giving_ it to you."

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I hope you all enjoyed it!


	21. Burn with me

Good evening, my lovely readers! Thank you all for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following my story. As always, I was deeply humbled by your attention. I saw other people doing this, so I decided that I will also be answering reviews at the bottom of each next chapter. I hope you guys didn't think me rude for the lack of personalized answers before, but I am trying to make it up to you all in the future.

About this chapter: **18+!** If you are not okay with that kind of content, please do not read it. For everyone else, I hope you guys enjoy it.

I really tried to challenge myself here, and wrote it mostly from Allen's perspective. I probably made him pretty OOC in this story but that has probably been pretty clear from the beginning. I hope you guys don't mind it too much!

As always, I appreciate any feedback from you guys, but above all I just hope I can brighten your days with my writing. (Well, there is a lot of angst so maybe not "brighten", but at least entertain you in some way.)

Song for the chapter: Godsmack - Love Hate Sex Pain

Enjoy!

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Chapter 21: Burn with me

 _"You don't have to want it. You don't have to need it. You don't have to take it. I am giving it to you."_

The words echoed in the silence of the room, but they barely registered in Allen's mind. He was captivated by the sheer power of Aina's voice and her gaze as she stood in front of him exposed, raw, yet more powerful than ever. Allen's chest tightened painfully, despite the heat rising inside of him, stirring something wild and carnal in him. There was a chasm in his mind, a sharp divide in his reaction, and the two sides were fighting for control ruthlessly. A part of him was overwhelmed by a raw, animalistic desire to possess the girl in front of him, offering herself to be taken by _him_ , to be devoured. This need was primal, making his blood rush to his cock in an instant, making the pants he was wearing suddenly feel extremely tight. His muscles tensed in anticipation, waiting to be called upon to cross the distance between their bodies, and to unite them in fervor.

 _No. It's not right. This is so much more._

The other part of him was aching, in deep sharp twists of his soul, dragging his consciousness into a dark, dangerous place. They were both far from innocent, yet he felt wrong and undeserving of what she was offering. It wasn't just her body anymore, it wasn't just fleeting pleasure and a few stolen moments of wild, mindless desire. No, for the first time, she was letting him take all, everything that she was, everything she had left. Never in his life, not even on the brink of death, had he ever felt so weak and undeserving. Standing in front of him was someone who has been through hell and back, experienced more darkness than most people see in ten lifetimes, and was broken over a thousand times just to be mended back together by her sheer willpower, and after all of that she still found the courage to offer her trust to him.

There was no pleading in her eyes, she was not begging for his affections or love. It was Aina's way of opening up to him and showing him all that she was. In that moment, there was no walls between them, she tore them all down, letting him see every little complexity of her soul through those piercing green eyes.

Allen was torn. There was no denying that he wanted her, so much that his entire body was aching from the resistance, and not only because he was a man. No, this all-devouring need stemmed from much deeper in his soul that had been building since the first moment they met, and was growing with each interaction, gaze, and stolen moment of passion. They understood each other on a different level, connected through their pain and suffering, and that is exactly why he found his body unmoving. Allen knew just exactly how broken he was and how deep the damage ran. He was in pieces and there was darkness inside of him that he was not ready to part with yet.

 _She deserves better than me._

Aina's gaze suddenly wavered, and Allen realized that she must have sensed his hesitation, interpreting it as denial. In an instant, shame and guilt appeared on her expression, and she moved to cover up her breast with her arms.

"God, you are so beautiful," Allen breathed out almost instinctively that made her snap her gaze up at him again. He could see the confusion in her eyes, but she stopped reaching for her clothes. Her hand trembled in the air and Allen had to fight back the urge to reach out to her. "Don't think that I don't…"

The words died in his throat as Aina walked closer to him and placed her hand softly on his chest, just over his heart. The strength of the pounding felt even more intense under her fingertips, but Allen did not move. His silver orbs were drowning in emerald, a look of knowing. Aina knew what he was offering, and she still wanted it. Still wanted _him_.

"You are not as broken as you think," she said softly as she removed her hand from his chest to reach for his, entwining their fingers together. "You can always mend it all together as long as you have all the pieces."

"You deserve better." Allen finally said it, but the girl only smiled at him and pulled him to the bed. "Aina…"

"I don't want better," she retorted as climbed onto the bed. Resting on her knees and looking up at him, Allen felt his resolve disappear and his hands reached for her as he bent down to her. Aina's eyes fluttered closed as she felt the boy's lips brush against hers, goosebumps running up on her skin.

It was electric, how the faintest touch caused his lips to burn and thunder, pulling him in in an instant. She slowly rose, never breaking the touch of their lips that was not yet a kiss, just a simple promise. Now, level with him, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body that she had yet to dare to touch. It wasn't a fear of rejection or uncertainty that made them keep their distance, no. It was the intensity of the force between them, making their mind hazy with want that was so utterly terrifying that it froze them in one place.

Allen had never felt such insanity in the presence of someone, no matter how much he wanted them. She wasn't the first one and maybe she wouldn't be the last, but Allen knew that this intensity only belonged to her. It wasn't just infatuation with the promise of her body, a simple play of his hormones; he yearned for every little detail about her. The soft curves of her body, the faint freckles on her shoulders, the scar on her abdomen, the long, muscular legs, the warmness of her touch, and all the pain the petite body held locked inside.

Allen let out a glow growl when he felt Aina's lips lock on the sensitive skin of his neck, leaving a burning trail down to his collarbone, while swift fingers unbuttoned his shirt. The air felt cold on his skin, drawing more attention to the warm lips encircling his nipple and the wicked tongue that played ruthlessly around it. Long fingers slid into her long, blonde tresses automatically, his head tipping back slightly, although her eyes never left the girl in front of him. Allen wanted to see her, drink up the view of her pleasuring him, etching the sight into his memories.

Aina continued to trail down on his body, her ands following her mouth but taking their time to explore every inch of his body. Her fingers and palm barely connected with Allen's skin, yet it felt like a thunderstorm between their skin: wild and untamable. A low hiss escaped from his mouth when he felt her tongue swirl in is belly button, leaving a cold sensation behind as moved lower and lower until she reached his pants. Allen's eyes darkened with lust as he watched her unbutton him, freeing his already weeping erection. Part of him expected her to look at his cock dutifully, like others had before, just a chore to be done to pleasure him. Allen almost came right there when he saw the sheer lust in her eyes as she slid her hand up on his member almost reverently, and nuzzled her nose to the head to breathe him in.

"You smell good,", she breathed out in a low, velvety voice that made Allen harder that he had ever been in his life before. It took him every inch of his will to hold back.

"Don't say things like that or I…" Allen tried to warn her, but the words died in his throat when lips locked on his cock and took him in all the way. "Holy fuck," he breathed out, eyes half mast with lust, as he felt his head hit the back of her throat. Aina didn't let him revel in that, slowly starting to bob her head while her tongue played a dangerous game on the sensitive skin.

It was not the most skillful blowjob he ever received, and if he wanted to be completely honest with himself, he never much liked getting them, anyways. They always felt good, of course, but if he was going to have sex with a stranger, he would much rather just cut to the chase. Besides, with the nameless girls and women, it was always the feeling of control, being submitted to, was what really turned him on. However, seeing Aina on her knees in front of him, with his dick emerged in her mouth, he knew that none of that was true anymore.

He was not the one in control, and he fucking _loved_ every second of it.

Even though Aina's hands were on his hips, she didn't stop him from thrusting into her mouth violently. "Fuck, Aina…I'm gonna…"

Allen wanted to pull away but that's when Aina's hands held him tight, and she took him deep in her mouth again. The thought of her swallowing him down was enough to send him over the edge and she took all of it, sucking and taking every drop that he had. The power of his orgasm caused a temporary blackout in his brain and made his knees shake, almost failing to hold him up. It was absolutely ecstatic, and he wanted more.

When he finally regained his composure, he expected to see Aina's disgusted expression, but there was none of it. Allen felt his body heat with desire again as she licked her lips slowly, eyes hazy with lust. Never in his life before he wanted to possess another human being as much as he did in that moment. His lips came down on hers in a bruising kiss, not caring about his own taste on his tongue, because in that moment all that mattered was tasting her. His hands wondered to her most sensitive spot, and to his greatest surprise, she was already extremely wet. Aina must have noticed the surprise in his eyes, because she pulled him down on the bed and whispered hotly in Allen's ears, "You have no idea how hot it was to have you fuck my mouth like that."

Those words… It only took Allen to hear those words for a loud growl to sound deep in his throat and to crash their mouth together again in a painful, bruising kiss. He bit and tore into her lips, drawing blood, breaking the thin skin, but she rewarded him with the most erotic moans and whimpers that only further fueled his frenzy. The intensity of their contact blinded him completely, taking over his mind, and the only thing he knew in that moment was that he wanted to absolutely devour and break that sinful body in front of him. Allen wanted to speak, but all words died in his throat, so he channeled everything he felt into his lips and his hands, to worship the girl in his arms.

Tasting, feeling, holding, breathing everything that she was, Allen slowly trailed down on the girl's body, only stopping for a few minutes to pay his respects to the already-hard nipples. He reveled in each moment when her body arched into his touch and she threw her head back to let out a soft, low, moan.

"Allen," Aina breathed out, voice husky from pleasure, when the white-haired exorcist sucked on her skin on her inner thigh. Allen could smell her desire for him, and he oh so wanted to taste it, but not before he commanded more of those pleading moans out of her. So, he continued to nibble on the sensitive flesh, only slowly inching closer to her most sensitive spot, which made her plead desperately, "Please… Allen…"

Before he even tasted her, Allen was already rock hard, his balls aching for release, but he wanted to take his time with her. That look on her face, drowning in pleasure and the intensity of her reactions to his touch were just too fucking hot for him to deny. Allen wanted her to scream from pleasure, to plead and beg for him, and to scream his name over and over again.

The first time he tasted her was out of curiosity and to rile her, but he still remembered that sweet taste on his tongue, and he wanted more of it. With one hand, Allen held the girl's hips in place, while he parted the sensitive flesh and slid his tongue along as a slick digit entered her. Aina instinctively tried to lift her hips into his touch, but he held her firmly, continuing his sinful play with his tongue, licking, swirling, twirling around her clitoris, and sucking every drop of her wetness. A second finger slid into her hot cavern and moved skillfully, never parting his lips from her. Oh, how much he enjoyed the sounds and noises she was making, he didn't even care that anyone could hear it passing the door. No, he was not going to deny himself those moans and whimpers even if it was against the rules. The fact that the door was not even locked only aroused him even more, if the sight of Aina lost in pleasure was not enough to almost send him over the edge again.

When her body began to shake and convulse even more, Allen knew that she was close. He slid another finger in and sucked harder on her clitoris while rubbing his tongue under it, immediately causing an orgasm ripple through her body. Allen wanted to watch her so bad but he could no longer hold himself back. With a swift move, he pushed his cock deep into the girl, earning a scream of pleasure from her throat. She was still riding out her orgasm when Allen entered her and started moving, not letting her pleasure fade. Aina writhed and screamed his name again, sharp nails digging into his back.

"Fuck, Aina…You are so fucking hot," Allen pressed through his teeth. He did not want to finish too quickly, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. Being inside Aina was cathartic alone but seeing her react to him in such a deep, sensual way was making him lose his restraint completely. But there was so much he wanted to do to her, so many ways he wanted to possess her, it just wasn't enough.

With a quick move, he pulled out and flipped her around, but stopped at her entrance uncertainly. He sure was dying to do her from behind, but he wasn't sure if that's how she wanted it. Allen thought he saw stars when he felt Aina push backwards, sheathing him inside of her with fluid grace.

"Fuck," Allen breathed out when the girl proceeded to move, fucking herself with him kneeling behind her. It was just too much; his fingers dug deep in her hips as he latched on, violently picking up the pace and slamming into her over and over again.

When he felt himself getting dangerously close to release, he pulled Aina up by her shoulders, pressing her body to his front. She looked at him with eyes filled with such desire it almost knocked him back, as she rested her head on his shoulder. Not wasting time, one hand latched onto one of her breast while the other one found its way to her clitoris, rubbing them to the rhythm of his continuous pounding.

The orgasm rippled through him as Aina reached hers, and he was certain he blacked out for a few second. Never in his life before had he experienced an orgasm of this magnitude, ecstasy to this height. All of his muscles were shaking, and he could barely hold up the girl collapsing into his arms. He slowly pulled out, and reality only started to hit him when he felt his cum trailing down on the inside of her thighs. Again, she must have noticed his worry, because she turned around and smiled at him sweetly.

"You weren't worried about that the last two times," she teased him and pulled him down to the bed, draping the cover over them.

"Confirms that I was in a very questionable mental state both time," he laughed, his gaze running over the girl's form that was only covered by a thin sheet. A part of him thought that he could get her out of his system after this, but he found himself completely insatiable. His hand reached out to her almost automatically, pulling her close to their naked skin would touch again, immediately causing Allen's blood to rush south.

"How about now?" Aina asked in a low, velvety voice, as she slowly started to stroke Allen's member. Only a low growl sounded from the white-haired Exorcist's throat, as he tried to roll on top of her again, but this time she resisted. "It's my turn now."

Aina placed herself over his lap, dragging her wetness over his growing cock, making it burn with anticipation. Allen would have thought that he needed more time to get ready, but the aching need between his legs begged to differ. His fingers dug deep into the other Exorcist's thighs when she started to tease him by dragging his head along her, teasing the entrance but never allowing him to enter. Continuing her little game, she bent down, crashing their lips together again and deepening it in an instant. Allen didn't hesitate to explore every inch of her mouth, calling her tongue for a wild dance while exploring her body once again with his hands. Even though he wanted nothing more than being inside of her, every touch not matter how faint and fleeting had an incredible effect on him. If he was not sure before, now he was absolutely certain that he would never let anyone else touch her while he was on this Earth. She was his, and his only.

The sudden possessiveness flared inside of Allen so powerfully, he couldn't restrain himself from letting out a low, violent growl as his hand latched onto the girl's breasts. The white-haired Exorcist saw a smirk appear in the corner of the girl's mouth, but the next moment caused him to almost forget his own name as Aina fully lowered herself onto his cock. It took all of Allen's strength to stop his eyes rolling back from the sudden burst of pleasure; he wanted to see the blonde girl's reaction of taking all of him. Her head was tilted back, but he could still see the faint blush on her face, her back was arched back, making her breasts look rounder and perkier than ever, while her hips looked sinfully inviting.

"God, Aina, you drive me so mad," he whispered roughly as he sat up, only to look his lips onto her nipple. The girl let out a deep moan, and rewarded him with a buckle of her hips, sending a wave of pleasure of the boy.

Then she did it again and again, riding Allen into nirvana and joining him in blissful pleasure one more time. They rode out the aftershock of their orgasms laced together in silence until their breaths finally steadied. Aina was ready to pull away but Allen held her tight, lifting her chin up to lock their gazes together.

"Running away again?" He whispered into her lips, sending goosebumps down her skin.

She glanced away for a second, almost ashamed, but then looked at him with a small, sad smile. "It's what I do best."

"No more running," he pleaded with her, which made anger flare up in her eyes. Allen knew her better now to think it was directed at him, but he still let her pull away for him.

"It makes no different whether I run with you or without you. The Order will keep on chasing until they take away everything. If they knew this, they would take you away too." She almost sounded defeated which was very unlike her, making her words all the more powerful.

Allen had not seen the dark side of the Order, but he didn't doubt that it was there or the depths of it. Aina was not a liar and he had spent enough time with her to know the extent of her pain. No matter how hard she was trying to hide, it was clear as day that she was suffering from PTSD, triggering panic attacks when she comes close to situations that trigger memories from her past. Allen knew that she had a particularly hard time at the Asian Branch since it was where she grew up, with every hallway reminding her of her torment. At the same time, the Order was still the lesser of two evils, and they needed their resources if they wanted to stand a chance against the Millennium Earl. Allen knew that was the only reason why Aina was still sticking around, even though he was hoping that maybe now she had one more reason to.

"I know." Allen responded quietly, taking the girl's hands into his. "I am not going to pretend that I am strong enough to fight the Order while the Noahs are still out there hurting innocent people and murdering out comrades, and I know you are not asking me to. But I'll be damned if I let them hurt those close to me."

"I know," she sighed and pulled her hand out of his embrace, so she can lay back down on the bed. Allen laid next to her silently, watching the girl's inner battle play out in her eyes. "What now, Allen?"

"Does it matter what I say?" He asked sharper than normal, although there was still softness in his voice. "We both know I can't stop you from walking away again."

"It's not as simple!" Aina exclaimed as she set up abruptly, and covered her face in her hands, like she was embarrassed of the intensity of her feelings. Allen didn't push her, simply set up on his knees and softly ran his fingers through the girl's long, blonde tresses.

"I know. I can take down all the Level 3 Akuma, but I am not sure I could walk away from you after this." His voice was rough with emotion he did not want to hold back anymore.

"Please, Allen. Don't say these words out loud. Just don't. I can't…" She pleaded but she could not finish her sentence due to the lips that captured hers again, further bruising the sensitive flesh.

This time, their kiss was different. All the words that were held back, everything that they didn't dare to say was poured into it, the bitterness and hopelessness mixing with the saltiness of Aina's tears. Strong arms held her close, kissing her slowly and softly until the shaking of her body subsided, sharing in her pain quietly.

Allen wondered how he ended up here, tangled with the other Exorcist, but he realized that he wouldn't have changed it for anything. It was almost perverse how he found her darkness so magnetic, pulling him in with such intensity. During his travels, he met plenty of girls, and some of them were more attractive than the girl in his arms, only considering looks. However, they all lacked her rawness and her complexity. Would he feel the same way if she was a normal, happy girl? He knew he wouldn't, and that made him sick to his stomach.

 _Am I so fucked in the head that I need her to be broken for me to want her?_

Maybe, it wasn't that he needed her to be damaged goods, because that's certainly not how he really saw her. Yes, she had experienced a lot of pain in her life, but that is not what made Aina, Aina. It was how she never gave up, never let anyone beat her down, and never stopped to fight for what she believed it.

 _She always keeps walking._

In a way, deep down, Allen always knew that the magnetic pull between them stemmed from a bond formed through a mutual journey of pain and loneliness. A thread of desperation connecting their hearts together in an unbreakable connection. But denial was a much easier route, even though it was slowly eating him alive from within. He still ached, and his sorrow still ran deep, but the ability to share it with someone made it just a tiny bit easier to carry. Allen wasn't stupid to think that it would last forever and that there would be no more pain that they had to endure, but for now, he was okay. Maybe, it was all that pain that made their relationship so volatile, pouring into every interaction between them, intensifying it into the maximum. It was also what made it so incredibly addicting. Whether they were fighting or fucking it didn't matter, both were equally intoxicating, and Allen needed more of it. He just needed to feel something other than deep, dark sorrow.

Sliding a rogue lock of hair out the of the girl's face, he found himself lost in the pool of deep green eyes that gleamed with understanding. He never needed words for her to understand, and she never asked him to say it out loud. Aina laid a chaste kiss on his lips before she pulled them back onto the pillows and draped the thin cover over their bodies.

"We will keep walking," Allen murmured before he drifted into sleep.

Aina waited for his breathing to stop before she quietly sat up in the bed and let out a deep sigh. She had every intention to leave the room, but looking down at Allen's sleeping form, she could no longer deny herself his warmth. Not after what just happened between them.

"We will keep walking… because I can no longer walk away from you, Allen."

* * *

Well, I hope you all head a pleasant time reading this chapter! Please leave me a quick comment if you have a minute! And now onto my responses to all the lovely reviews that I received since the previous chapter was posted.

Emilia Lozano El: Thank you so so much for your continued support and your lovely reviews! I also very much appreciate that you really think about Aina and Allen's relationship and appreciate it for what it is. And still have hope left for them. I hope this chapter will help you understand them a little more and add to their complexity without making it too confusing. It was very new for them to experience this much emotion at once and I really hope I didn't butcher it by making it too cheesy and unrealistic. I still want them to feel real, especially when working with an OC. Anyways, I'm rambling, and all I really need to say is THANK YOU for sticking it out with me!

Roberta Lozano: Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your lovely reviews over and over again and sticking it out with me and my ridiculous roller coasters in this story! I can't put it in words how much it humbles me that you give so much thought to my little story and appreciate Aina and Allen's journey. I bet they can be very annoying sometimes, but I hope that it still makes sense. I think she somehow turned out to be a lot like myself, a little bratty and messed up in the head, but still trying to be a good person. Thank you for always leaving such a thoughtful comment, it really helps me understand how my writing comes through and build on it in the next chapters. I hope you will keep on reading! Good luck with university and I hope my story can give you a little bit of a mental break from the stress!

[P.s. Are you and Emilia Lozano El related? (FF for some reason doesn't let me write out the real username...) Just curious about the similarity in the names. And that both of you are awesomeee.]

crownclown25: Not sure if you will ever get to this chapter, but I hope I managed to keep up the spiciness, haha. And as for my OC, thank you so much for your lovely review about her. Honestly, I think she somehow just turned out to be like me because I think I would probably fail to write a character that is so different. I do want to challenge myself in later chapters though and see if I can take on Lenalee well, since I wasn't satisfied with her in earlier chapters. I guess my advice with writing an OC would be to take your time. She/He is probably awesome in your head but if you rush their personality in actual writing, they can come out flat. You in your head fill out the details and make them truly who they are, but if you are inpatient to get to the good parts with them, you will miss out on explaining important things about them. I know I have also rushed Aina in the beginning, that's why I plan to rewrite the story and improve on her personality. I hope that makes sense! Thank you so much again for your support, it means the world to me!

See you all next time:)


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